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Drummers - ugh
- Thread starter Biggbass
- Start date
Man I am sooo glad that those days are over for me. Not just drummers, guitar players too, cancelling booked gig on a whim. Damn that used to piss me off so much. I think I've missed two gigs since 1970 or so. One was when my mother died and the other was booked while I was out of state.
I voted to give him another chance, but I'd do so on the condition that he apologizes and that he's honest with you in the future when he's made a mistake. The most disappointing thing is that he couldn't tell you about the schedule conflict up front, apologize, try to find a sub, or whatever.
A 4 piece band I was in back-in-the-day had our lead guitarist bail on a fairly big (for us) booking with similar short notice. He had forgotten that his wife was graduating from professional school that Saturday, and he wrote "I have chosen to remain married, so I must miss our gig" in an apologetic email. We scrambled, found a sub, and stumbled through. No one was happy about it, but I appreciated his honesty and also had goosebumps of the there-but-by-the-grace-of-Google-Calendar-go-I variety. Mistakes happen, life happens, but the adult thing to do is to own it when you screw up, apologize, and try not to do that again.
Maybe this will be an opportunity to build a better working relationship with your drummer... and/or find a solid backup drummer ... or find someone new who is more reliable. Good luck!
This, ftw, imo. A good employee of long-standing gets some slack.
But, still... a talk is in order.
But, still... a talk is in order.
Sorry, this doesn’t have anything to do with drummers. It has to do with morons.
I’m sorry, I’m too old to sugar coat it.
Someone drops me like that?
You bet he's out.
He can go cook every evening from then on.
This, ftw, imo. A good employee of long-standing gets some slack.
But, still... a talk is in order.
I don't think so.
There are things that even a good employee with a good track record can do to get him fired.
If an employee has a presentation with a client, and calls three days earlier "I'm not going to be there, it's too hot"... how would it go? Then you also find out that he was actually having a bbq instead and that's why he wanted the day off.
Nah.
Hi Biggbass 
Your poll needs a "carrots" option!
Give him a second chance!
Invite him to a cookout!
may the bass be with you
Wise(b)ass
Your poll needs a "carrots" option!
Give him a second chance!
Invite him to a cookout!
may the bass be with you
Wise(b)ass
From what you've mentioned, I can't help thinking there is more to it than a cookout. I totally can't buy the too hot scenario. Surely he knows what is involved with this gig, yet he felt the cookout too important to reschedule, so he at least came clean with the "too hot" reason but replaced it with the cookout reason. I, myself, wonder what made the cookout so important to him.
I get the feeling he doesn't know how to approach the band as a unit. Two or more against one. Maybe he doesn't have a close enough connection with any one person in the band either. He can't bring himself to mentioning what it is, exactly, that is the cause of his discontentment.
I'd let it go, for the time being, to see how it pans out. Whatever it was may have now passed by, and all will be good again. He may feel like he got away with it. Maybe it was an embarrassing, or even life threatening medical condition. Really, it could have been anything he deemed warranted this behaviour.
After a few rehearsals bring it up again. He may feel more comfortable and explain the real reasons or situation. After how good you have all been, for so long, he may not know how to break up with the band. Who knows? There's no way of knowing. Until he comes clean it's all supposition and guesswork. I think he at least deserves the benefit of the doubt. It's the first time in how long? What if it were you?
Going the "warning shot" route seems pretty threatening to me. Like an ultimatum. Make it as easy as you can on him to make it feel like there's still a problem that he needs to fix, he's not off the hook yet, and no matter what the reason, you guys can still be friends. No one's going to react badly and he needn't feel defensive, and that you guys just need his reassurance to be as thick as thieves, like it was and can be again.
Maybe it's you and the rest of the bands fault. Is he introverted? Are you including him with decisions, musical ideas, direction etc. Does he get a word in edgewise? Do you treat him like a kickboard, so he's kicking back? I vote second chance.
I get the feeling he doesn't know how to approach the band as a unit. Two or more against one. Maybe he doesn't have a close enough connection with any one person in the band either. He can't bring himself to mentioning what it is, exactly, that is the cause of his discontentment.
I'd let it go, for the time being, to see how it pans out. Whatever it was may have now passed by, and all will be good again. He may feel like he got away with it. Maybe it was an embarrassing, or even life threatening medical condition. Really, it could have been anything he deemed warranted this behaviour.
After a few rehearsals bring it up again. He may feel more comfortable and explain the real reasons or situation. After how good you have all been, for so long, he may not know how to break up with the band. Who knows? There's no way of knowing. Until he comes clean it's all supposition and guesswork. I think he at least deserves the benefit of the doubt. It's the first time in how long? What if it were you?
Going the "warning shot" route seems pretty threatening to me. Like an ultimatum. Make it as easy as you can on him to make it feel like there's still a problem that he needs to fix, he's not off the hook yet, and no matter what the reason, you guys can still be friends. No one's going to react badly and he needn't feel defensive, and that you guys just need his reassurance to be as thick as thieves, like it was and can be again.
Maybe it's you and the rest of the bands fault. Is he introverted? Are you including him with decisions, musical ideas, direction etc. Does he get a word in edgewise? Do you treat him like a kickboard, so he's kicking back? I vote second chance.
i'm not usually into "FTD" but talking with the cat about the situation (e.g., "why now --- after years of playing together?) might reveal some 'updated' attitude/thought/feeling he has about the band and its direction.
bottom line: talk with him! good luck being as honest with him as you have been with us!
Yeah this. I mean, if he just feels that what he did is OK, he should be gone anyway. So whataya got to lose by talking it out first?
When he told you, 3 days before, did you have a “no, pal, you’re showing up otherwise you’re screwing us” speech followed by a “look show up or we’ll replace you” talk?
If so ftd. Otherwise, as mentioned by others, just ftd as usual.
If so ftd. Otherwise, as mentioned by others, just ftd as usual.
He sounds like dead weight to me and I have very low tolerance for flakes : I'd fire him and start looking for another drummer. Until then, Mr. Kickboard gets the gig.
Maybe you keep him, maybe not. I am absolutely certain that he would never get a third chance for a similar stunt.
Not only that but he's at an outdoor BBQ that is apparently NOT too hot.
I'm reasonably lenient person - as much as we may try to act like pros, this really is essentially a hobby for most of us and stuff does come up in life. However, this is not tolerable behavior. Avoidable double book and three days notice for an originals gig? Easy FTD. That might even com to a "him or me" deal if the rest of the band is willing to tolerate that.
The best drummer you've ever played with can be replaced by a piece of wood?
