Dumb CL Ad's pt 5, Dumbester and Dumberest

[Kustom_Thunder]

This is my new favorite thred

 

[Kustom_Thunder]

reply

x prohibited[?]
Posted: 7 days ago

.... . . . . it's only rock and roll . . . .... need dedicated ppl..


"
https://www.soundcloud.com/slywhiteboy

I would like to find band mates interested in playing my songs

If interested please respond with links

My hope is that I find people who are gracious, kins, supportive, nice, extremely good looking , capable, aren't allergic to my cats and dog, can also drive a van, are super chill and fun to hang with, have relatives that own major record labels, who's moms are excellent cooks and like to invite me over, who don't repeat the same story every jam, who have a bunch of hot sisters they don't mind me dating, have a bunch of great connections for well paying gigs,

• do NOT contact me with unsolicited services or offers

post id: 4561294787


posted: 7 days ago


updated: 2 hours ago


[Invalid or Expired Link Removed]


♥ best of [?]

 

[Howlin' Hanson]

Reminder, you CL followers: don't simply link CL posts--copy and paste (then edit out profanity). CL pulls items faster than TBers can go look for them. See post 1006, the original link was in 1002. It's that fast. We ALL want to laugh, so please paste! I remain,

Eternally grateful,

Hanson (not the band)

 

[2.6kHz]

Here's a post from someone who knows the boston "metal guitar player"

[Invalid or Expired Link Removed]

That guy has apparently been looking for bandmates for a few years now. He just doesn't get it.

 

[kcole4001]

I am hungery, any of youse too?

You can be hungery, I'll be rumanya. Now we need somebody to be belgeria.

 

[Remyd]

I'm not sure what genres of music he's even talking about. Is it for drug-pals or musicians?

[Invalid or Expired Link Removed]

is there such a thing as post-drone/no-wave crossover? (under the river)

It's ok to have no sense of humor
As long as you have a really good dead-eyed stare
Inverse ascetics and mushroom cultists encouraged to apply.

I play a few instruments and I have an organ and some drums in my space. I sometimes play guitar with a much better drummer than I, maybe he will come jam too

 

[SanDiegoHarry]

more gems from the IE, my peeps


I could not even finish reading a few lines...and it goes on... and on.....

[Invalid or Expired Link Removed]


I am looking for one or two hungry hustlers.... and I don't care if your homeless

if you broke, relocating, down on luck or just looking for freedom from mom and dad...

I don't care but you better be hungry...

over the next few weeks I will find and rent a room or location to work / live in

it would be nice to have you chip in for rent, food, utilities , etc... but if your doing sooo bad that you just can not.... I can understand!

I have been homeless before, I have been broke and I now what it is like to start over...

so if you need to start over.... then you need to understand that I can and will help if your committed to helping me in return

I have a few business plan I am unfolding and putting into play this year and I want to build a staff to take my company and ideas to the next level

I will teach you everything you need to know
you just have to be able to listen, learn and be loyal

we will basically be roomates and co workers

so our interviews need to be more than just one 5 minute Skype session or phone call

I am a musican, artist, producer and more..
I have the patience to teach but if your skilled or creative.... knowing so may influence my decision

I don't care if your a male or female , 18 or 42 ... we need to be compatible ( for the record , I am straight male , thats love rap, rock, gambling, 420, sports, lakers, ufc , ) so if we don't click.. no hard feelings... but I am putting together "MY" dynasty and for many... my dreams, idea, and movement just might not be interesting or motivating enough to put forth the effort....

so we will talk in detail as much as possible


I have to stay in Riverside. I work in the city during the week and I need to be able to clock out, grab a bite to eat and head to my new office so I can build a company worth bragging about.

if your in need of a place to rent and rebuild
or if your just interested in the business opportunity...
please contact me




so here is the game plan

I am starting a brand new record label, music studio and audio production company, media marketing... plus I already have a internet radio station.

I am looking for a home to build the office in and be able to work when needed

I will not be throwing any parties or disturbing any piece
.... and I wont be recording a full live band at any point
when we do record it will be piece by piece, voice by voice

but 70% of the work is very quiet online or on the general computer

nothing to heavy

I do plan on working late nights and weekends since I work during the weekDAYS

I don't mind a test week or month... but I will need a contract and I will need to file a insurance policy so I can claim renters insurance to protect me against any theft or damage.


I prefer a legit office but I doubt I will find a great one for under $350 per month

so my staff and I am prepared to rent a room, studio, backhouse.. etc...

if it is something I can live in... or sleep in on late work nights... then I don't mind paying a little extra.
plus one of my staff members is in a delimema , her family is moving to Montana and she does not want to, .... so If she could actually live in the office it would help her and I would feel more comfortable bringing more office equipment,..

I own a 2 bedroom near the train tracks but even if I insolated the house... the kids never would let me get a break to get real work done....

we have clients.... work and we are expanding... we all need a one stop work shop where we can focus and make money.

if you have a location please contact me...

ps... we do:
graphics
logos
marketing
design
audio engineering
mobile dj service
and more

Wow. Just Wow.

 

[Gaolee]

I like this guy's attitude:

[Invalid or Expired Link Removed]

Open minded bass player (Everywhere)

Bass player here willing to play for a lot of money but will accept less ($500 minimum.) Willing to play just about any style as long as it's with in the scope of Math Rock, Grindcore, Screamo, Trip-hop, Acid Jazz, Shoe Gaze, Industrial , techno-pop.
I'm really looking for musicians who are 55 or older (you were around when talented music was being played, you are now old enough and sophisticated enough to appriciate the newer music from a unique perspective, I have little patience and do not want to teach music to the 20/30 year old snot nosed kids!) All applicants should be hight weight proportionate, look like they are in their late 30's to early 40s and absolutly no one with red or blonde hair and no Asians or blacks either. ( unless you are mixed race and look kind of like me.) Native American and Hispanic ok since most are of mix race and will blend in pretty easy. Band members should be over 5'8 (no midgets) and under 6'1 (I don't want to be the shortest guy in the band.) Transvestites are OK as long as you are manly but no one can be gay.

This next one is a deal breaker, absolutely no one from the Washington Blues Society allowed. You get enough attention already, if we find out you are, and we will, you will be immediately terminated, we have ways of finding out too. Also and this is another deal breaker, absolutely no flag waving Republicans or Bible Thumpers either. No bigots or racists either.


If you are a female singer I will make acceptations to the above rules however, you must be between 21 and 23 years old, extremely beautiful, and have a strong back ground in either mowtown/R&B or be classicly Operatically trained (please provide video samples of operas you have been in) and not too short and not too tall. All interested applicants should have audio samples on mp7 format or a full production video in 3D format. If you are a full band in need of a bass player please provide links to your record companies site, the name of your management company, and the bios of all band members envolved. This will be extremely helpful for me in making a decision on which band to work with.


Also no replies from spelling or grammer Nazis. I have dyslexia, ADD, OCD, and OMG and little patience for criticism!

Please reply promptly as my time is valuable. I have a lot of bands to check out and I need you to respect my time.

 

[buldog5151bass]

He's putting an ad on Craigslist hoping to find a band with a record deal (never mind all the other provisos)?

If only it were that easy...

 

[Remyd]

Ah, the smell of musicality is nigh overwhelming. So prosaic, so melodious, so spoon-a-riffic. I MUST HAVE A DIDGE PLAYER IMMEDIATELY!

[Invalid or Expired Link Removed]

Hello my name is Corey I am a practicing musician looking to find people to jam with. I can play the spoons, and didgeridoo pretty well, and I have a keyboard and a guitar that I have just started to pick up. I have my own mic and amp. I would eventually like to record and make a living with my music. hit me up at *snip*

 

[INTP]

I like this guy's attitude:

[Invalid or Expired Link Removed]

"No bigots or racists either."

Perfect.

 

[awilkie84]

"No bigots or racists either."

Perfect.

BUT no asians or blacks...or blonds or red heads. lol

 

[Gaolee]

Here's another one I thought was amusing: [Invalid or Expired Link Removed]

WE'RE ALL AMETUERS HERE ( wash)

This should go without being said, but I dont have a record deal, and a headlining tour, there fore I'm not a pro, just like every one else on here. theres a minor league and a major league in music that people are overlooking. I'm not trying to sound like a S O B, but the Seahawks are pro football, the Mariners are pro baseball, the cooks at Burger King are not pro chefs, my bowling league isnt a bunch of pro bowlers, its minor league, or ametuer... Playing bars and night clubs are for people to get experience to get to bigger things, sorry but that isnt pro status... I guess I cant find any musicians because I dont put PRO in my title, and I dont say I have a bunch of Gibsons and a couple stacks of Marshals, and anyway if I was that rich I sure as hell wouldnt be saying what kind of equipment I have laying around. What I do have is mine and sounds good as hell. It has nothing to do with ego either. Its every post on here that isnt really about the music. I've seen quite a few of the rock pop ads saying to send a picture, what the hell is that? this aint a dating site, and for people posting ads saying to send a link to get an audition, how are people suppose to know if they want to audition if you dont have links posted? how can anyone take you serious? good music doesnt have a look, its all about the sound, and sounds dont have an age limit. record labels want a One Direction type pretty boy look because theyre aiming it at the little girls...well I'm a country boy, and country music is suppose to be about the music and thats it, I'm 27 for who ever thinks that matters. Anyway, enough ranting. I like old and newer, and have a bunch of originals. I'm trying to find like minded people who want to go somewhere with their music. I have a youtube account critter convoy, the sound isnt the best quality because I dont have a good cam, I found some backing tracks online to play with, and a few of the songs are kinda out of my comfort zone, I'll ad more later

 

[Remyd]

Here's another one I thought was amusing...WE'RE ALL AMETUERS HERE (wash)

What instrument does this guy play?

 

[Gaolee]

Beats me. I never went to his YouTube channel. I couldn't quite make head or tail of his ad, but I still thought it was pretty funny, in a rambling, disjointed way.

 

[2.6kHz]

wonder what this one is all about....

dear deadbeat band members (USA)

lot of deadbeat bar flys on here - if you got kids your band days of hanging out drinking bud light is over - quit sell your gear and start saving for college or im calling dhs.

you know who you are.

 

[Robroy]

Call me crazy, but I think a lot of those lame ads are sarcasm. Maybe most of 'em.

 

[GSMBass]

Guys, if only you knew Serbian/Croatian... You would laugh your asses off if you read some of the ads I regularly see here. I'll translate just a few gems:

Invalid Link Removed Price: 200$
(See pictures)

60's bass in perfect condition. .. .short scale. .. .Vintage, Retro

Invalid Link Removed Price: 470 US DOLLARS

Unbelieveable bass, extraordinary light and good for playing, sound neck to neck with original Fender USA, worth a shot...

Just to mention, I am getting the same Vester Stage Series jazz, only left-handed (which are usually pricier) for 160$. It is still a bit much, but whatever.

This is very lightweight, because it is a bass section. Guitar section is so filled with overpriced junk that it is impossible to point to just one...

 

[LiquidMidnight]

Beats me. I never went to his YouTube channel. I couldn't quite make head or tail of his ad, but I still thought it was pretty funny, in a rambling, disjointed way.

As a rule, I always avoid responding to ads where the person spends more time rambling about their philosophy on life and music.

 

[LiquidMidnight]

Found this one today.

Seeking bass, drums and eventually another guitar to start up a new band in the ****** area. We would like to play mostly modern country or blues country with female vocals already in place. We don't have practice space and we would like to not get in a hurry trying to get things started. It will happen as quickly as it happens. We just don't like the high pressure of trying to put songs together in a hurry. We are open to weekly practice but with the right people an every other week practice is just fine as well. We are looking for a very relaxed situation and hope that you are too.

So you want to put a band together, but you really don't want to put one together?