1. Please take 30 seconds to register your free account to remove most ads, post topics, make friends, earn reward points at our store, and more!  
  2. Welcome Back!  Please see this thread for more info about the site outage.  Thank you for your patience as we work out bugs and tweak server configs.

Dumb CL Ad's pt 5, Dumbester and Dumberest

Discussion in 'Bass Humor & Gig Stories [BG]' started by Thor, Mar 22, 2013.

  1. stacker

    stacker Inactive

    Feb 24, 2010
    Some of these remind me of that infamous drummer-seeks-band advert. Or the bassist who only played 'in the pocket' in G.
  2. DblG


    Apr 27, 2005
    Buffalo, NY
    Kustom_Thunder and stacker like this.
  3. Perhaps dumb isn't the correct term; I'd just call this one LAME.

    Need for practice (Seattle)

    Looking for a guitar cord for band practice. Let me know, thank you.
  4. Really

    But I really want to jam bro.
    stacker likes this.
  5. Holdsg

    Holdsg Talkbass > Work Gold Supporting Member

    Sep 10, 2009
    Alta Loma, CA
    I may have found my next band, but only if I was female and could look like one of the guys, I suppose then I'd be in like Flynn


    © craigslist - Map data © OpenStreetMap
    (google map)

    *STRYPER TRIBUTE ROCK BAND IN SEARCH OF CHRISTIAN MEMBERS* - Are you a Stryper fanatic? Do you play Stryper music all the time? Do you find yourself singing Stryper songs at the top of your lungs, riding in your car, while people in other cars look at you like your wierd? If given the opportunity, would you do whatever it took to be in a band like Stryper? Well here's your chance!!! Men, Women, boys and girls, I am putting together the ultimate Stryper tribute band and I am "CALLING ON YOU" to pray about joining a ministry that will change and impact many people to serve JESUS CHRIST. This is not a joke. I am very serious about what God has put in my heart to form this band. This is what I am looking for. There will be (4) main positions in this ministry. The positions are as follows; a person serving as Michael Sweet (Lead vocals & electric guitar), Robert Sweet (Visual timekeeper) - although I have someone that I believe will work with me on this, Timothy Gaines (Bass player & back up vocals) and the position of Keyboard/sound effects & backup vocals. I will serve the position as Oz Fox (electric guitar & backup vocals). There will also be opportunities for anyone who wants to be involved or help out for various things. This will be a completely professional band and ministry as if representing Stryper and the Lord Himself. THIS WILL BE A TRIBUTE BAND THAT WILL PLAY SONGS FROM THE FIRST THREE ALBUMS; THE YELLOW AND BLACK ATTACK, SOLDIERS UNDER COMMAND & TO HELL WITH THE DEVIL (ONLY). We will re-create what it was like to be at a Stryper concert in the first three years of the band. Everything from look alike members, costumes, equipment, guitars, stage setup, stage presence, note for note music and most importantly the ministry aspect of it. Now, before you all get scared away or intimidated, telling yourself that you couldn't possibly be good enough to be a part of something like that, think again. The first and most important thing I am looking for is (#1) Someone who loves the Lord, is committed to and accountable to a church. (#2) Someone who either looks like, can look like or is willing to do what it takes to "BECOME" one of the positions available. And; (#3) Can play or with time can learn all musical parts required. Even if at the present time you do not even "PLAY" an instrument, if the other two requirements are covered, you will be considered for the position. EVEN IF YOU ARE A FEMALE AND YOU CAN LOOK LIKE ONE OF THE GUYS, YOU WILL ALSO BE CONSIDERED. Howz that for allowing God to use you in a mighty way? Age is also not an issue. If you are within the ages of 15 to 50 you will be considered because I am trying to let God be glorified anyway He wants to. Equipment and a current job is also not required. I have everything for what we need from the guitars, basses, amps, drums etc to get started with practice sessions. God will provide for everything we will need in the future. (PAYMENT) As far as payment goes, to be honest, there isn't much to be promised in the Christian scene. Although there will be some payment some of the time, the main goal here is to be ministers for the gospel and to bring others to know and serve Jesus as their Lord and Savior. My main goal is to play Jr. high schools and High schools like Stryper did in the early days. That way kids can get excited about rock music with a positive message before the world's music and message gets a hold of them. There will be paying shows like clubs, tribute band events and even some churches, but still, ministry as being the main focus. So if your heart is for the lost, you want to make a difference in the world and you love rock music, this might be an opportunity God is calling you to. All positions listed here or any other areas that you might want to help with regardless of age, gender, size, shape, or color, please respond by email to [email protected](dot)com Please keep all responses positive and helpful. I look forward to hearing from anyone interested in helping in this ministry in any way whether it be physically, prayerfully or financially. May God bless you and perfect you as you serve as "Soldiers Under God's Command".

    I know these guys are serious, and I appreciate the effort, I just can't believe anyone wants to hear them play their music.
    Ballin'bass and catcauphonic like this.
  6. Ballin'bass

    Ballin'bass Supporting Member

    Jun 16, 2014
    Madison, WI
    Wow:wideyed:. That is spectacularly terrible sounding. Lmao.

    Good luck to him, though... Or maybe not. :blackeye:
    Holdsg likes this.
  7. INTP


    Nov 28, 2003
    Dallas, TX
    Not sure if this is funny or just sad

    Open Mic/Jam Nights..Wanna be a star?

    Open Mic/Jam Nights..Wanna be a star? (DFW)


    We want all musicians to come on out on a week night to play for free.
    Tell your neighbors, friends, and anyone else that will buy some drinks
    that the club is going to actually let you play on stage.... for free.... maybe.
    (depends on how much beer you buy)

    Why in the world would a Club pay musicians... when plenty of them will
    gladly play for free.
    Our club will guarantee you will get seen by at least a couple of other musicians.

    Hey, you can't lose, and we get to sell beer. It's a Win Win for our club!
    Kustom_Thunder and Bassammich like this.
  8. Remyd


    Apr 2, 2014
    St. Louis, MO
    Neither? I mean, that's a fairly accurate description of many/most open mic nights that I've played.
  9. Gaolee

    Gaolee Official leathers tester and crash dummy

    I have never played an open mic and probably never will.
  10. Remyd


    Apr 2, 2014
    St. Louis, MO
    Great venue for testing out originals that might be either sh*t or genius. I've also used them to audition sit-ins/subs for paying gigs and to get new performers used to being in front of a mic.
    Fat Steve likes this.
  11. :bored:

  12. catcauphonic

    catcauphonic High Freak of the Low Frequencies Supporting Member

    Mar 30, 2012
    Seattle WA
    Buy 4, get 1 free!
    Gravedigger Dav and Bugeyed Earl like this.
  13. Remyd


    Apr 2, 2014
    St. Louis, MO
    I want one of those anyway. I wouldn't even haggle over price if they'd just remove that extra string.
  14. Warpeg


    Jun 20, 2005
    Well, ummm, okay? :eyebrow:

    Singer Needed - $$$ Paying Gigs $$$ - Need ASAP

    Singer Needed - $$$ Paying Gigs $$$ - Need ASAP

    "An iPad replacing a warm body is not innovation, it's just a different way to make formula." - Albert Einstein

    Albert may have been right, but imposing your innovations on others is still a great way to make money. For instance, our new innovative project mixes three beloved styles of music: Hip Hop, Shoe Gazer, and Doom Metal. We call the genre, Shoe Hop Core, and have named our band as such. SHC is already booked in 60+ clubs over the next 16 weeks. The clubs do not necessarily know what the music sounds like, but they feel that our enhanced description sounds like a money-maker that will fill seats.

    This brings us to you....our singer. We need a singer meeting the following criteria:
    - Wants to make a lot of $$$
    - Sings with a polite, wholesome southern drawl
    - Screams with a passion for hate and breaking things
    - Whispers with a solemn, introverted dissonance
    - Has own equipment: microphone, cables, soapboxes, tambourine
    - Is willing to stay out on the road for at least 16 weeks at a time (VW Golf)
    - Drug and disease free

    Does this sound like you and you like lots of money? Send us an email and tell us about yourself. If we click, then we can set up an audition at our first gig. 2LegitYo!
    Holdsg likes this.
  15. Sounds like wining
  16. Gaolee

    Gaolee Official leathers tester and crash dummy

    Oh, yeah! Sign me up. Wait, what? Shoe Hop Core? But, hey, 16 weeks at a time in a VW Golf with all equipment and the rest of the band sounds like a rockin' good time.
    Bassammich likes this.
  17. Warpeg


    Jun 20, 2005
    I'm still trying to figure out the Albert Einstein "quote".
  18. Holdsg

    Holdsg Talkbass > Work Gold Supporting Member

    Sep 10, 2009
    Alta Loma, CA
    I don't think the auto-correct function is going to help this guy:

    Latin band forming looking for musicians (Los Angeles/San Fernando Valley) hide this posting

    Hello follow musicians in the greater Los Angeles area and San Fernando Valley Latin Band forming looking For the following Musicians who can read sheet music looking for the following: Bass Player / Also looking for Timables / Bongos Player

    We have the following: front singer and Back up singer/ conga/ Horns session Sax/ Trumpet/Key broad piano

    We have gig's we can book the singer name is Vicky Shell, doing her song and cover's you can find her on You Tube if intersected please email Me back. We all pitch in for rehearsal room I can usually i can get a redoes cost on rehearsal room. Los Angeles. in Atwater Village or in the Fernando Valley In Reseda CA. two places rehearsal out of.

    Please leave your email address and phone and name so i can call you. Thank you have a bless day.
  19. elgecko


    Apr 30, 2007
    Anasleim, CA
    I'm guessing English is his/her second language.
  20. Holdsg

    Holdsg Talkbass > Work Gold Supporting Member

    Sep 10, 2009
    Alta Loma, CA
    good guess
  21. Primary

    Primary TB Assistant

    Here are some related products that TB members are talking about. Clicking on a product will take you to TB’s partner, Primary, where you can find links to TB discussions about these products.

    Apr 11, 2021

Share This Page

  1. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.