• TalkBass has been independent since 1998. Add your voice.
    Create a free account to reply to discussions, view embedded media, and browse with fewer display ads.
    Join free Log in
    Want zero display ads or expanded classifieds tools? Compare plans.

Farting during a show

Status
Not open for further replies.
#261
Barfly said:
1. Light a bum cigar
2. Drop the kids off at the pool
3. Big brown dog barking at the back door
4. Cut a cable
5. Give birth to a guitarist
6. Pinch a loaf
7.Open Your Lunch
8.
9.
Click to expand...

9. Cut out a mudshark


HEY! This is a thread about farting on stage. If you wanna talk about taking a dump on stage, start a different thread! :D
 
#264
DryWater'Bass said:
Well...I've got a few comments here, lmao...I've read this whole thread like 4 times...The "fart-a-caber"...We always called them PiGGs(Primitive Gas Grenades)...I've got a nice Blue Angel story...

About 4 years ago, I had my guitarist and my Drummer over at my house, chillin out and watchin TV...When my drummer jumps up and yells "Holy Crap...I gotta pi$$!" and before he gets out of the door, my guts rumble like an F# through a 21....And I say "Dude, Hold up....Chris, gimme a light." I proceed to light this window rattling THICK raunch-filled ass bubble...Which shoots a nice fireball...like a fire eater...And because of the thickness...It sticks to my thin boxers...and they're burning...Whilst I'm slapping the fire(much to the chagrin of my technicals, which throbbed badly for about 25 minutes)...He laughs hard enough that his bladder releases its contents...and he pisses his pants...starts with a dot, and then turns the entire left leg dark.... Needless to say...anytime I'm around him and I decide to light one up, I ask if he would like to head to the piss-pot...LMAO

This is the BEST THREAD EVER!!

LMFAO



DWB
Click to expand...
So let me get this straight. Your guitarist had to pee, but before he went you borrowed his lighter, to light your incoming butt toxins on fire. After doing this the flame proceeded to envelope your groin and boxers. Whilst slapping at this raging ass inferno, your guitarist proceeds to soil himself.

I don't think there has ever been anything more inspirational than this message here. You are a god.

This is a good one too:

_dusty_ said:
In my Classical Mechanics class, the professor was fond of giving very long tests, and usually one class period (90 minutes) wasnt long enough to finish them. So, he always scheduled a 3 hour period from 7-10pm on Monday nights when we took our tests, to give everyone enough time to finish. Usually the building was deserted at this time.

One such Monday, about 2 hours into the test, we overhear a conversation from an adjoining (empty) office through the AC vents in the roof. It went something like this:

Guy: "How about in here, I dont think anyone uses this office"
Girl: "Ummm, I dont know.....what if a cleaning lady finds us or something"
Guy: "Everyone went home hours ago, dont worrry about it"
Girl: "Ok, I guess this is alright"

The test is interrupted by snickers from the class (probably 8 guys and 2 girls). But we soon resume working on the test, regardless of the hookup occuring next door. After a few more minutes it starts to get hot and heavy, and they are both moaning and groaning pretty loud. Everyone stops working on their tests and starts to chuckle.

30 seconds later the guy rips an enormous fart. So loud we could hear it through the wall, above all the panting and grunting. The girl's yell of "OH MY GOD YOU JUST FARTED ON ME" are nearly drown out by 10 students and 1 teacher simultaneously falling on the floor laughing in tears.

Needless to say, we got a 30 minute extension on the test because of violent fits of laughter. Definately one of the funniest moments of my entire life.
Click to expand...

Genius. Bass players truly are the best.
 
#265
jive1 said:
9. Cut out a mudshark


HEY! This is a thread about farting on stage. If you wanna talk about taking a dump on stage, start a different thread! :D
Click to expand...

10. Prarie Doggin'

Jive that suishi story where the mudshark was first introduced about made me pee myself. I'm tempted to make that my sig.

Lately I've found quite the bit of entertainment at the gym farting. After my workout when me and my buddies from work are on the treadmills doing our cardio I've developed the habit of positioning the fan so it gives them a force fed dose of gas when we're all running. Now the funny thing is every time they speed the treadmill up. I guess subconciously they think they can get away from the black fog.
 
#266
There was this time, our last gig infact, and we were playing one of our originals which is quite heavy, and there's a screaming part that I sing and on the last scream I let the biggest roar out and so very almost **** myself. I wouldn't have had a clue what to do if I did...I mean, do i carry on or run to the toilet?
 
#268
Rich600 said:
There was this time, our last gig infact, and we were playing one of our originals which is quite heavy, and there's a screaming part that I sing and on the last scream I let the biggest roar out and so very almost **** myself. I wouldn't have had a clue what to do if I did...I mean, do i carry on or run to the toilet?
Click to expand...


Carry on, Man!

....then walk like a penguin to the terlit.

Hey, what about farting AFTER a show - like the next morning. We played last night, had a few draft beers then we all shared a huge platter of wings, ribs, onion rings, etc.

Right about now, my funk-soul brothers, I am public enemy #1 or at least my arse is. Droppin' the hot and heavy's all over the casa. :ninja:

The dog won't even come near me and we are having the inlaws/parents over for a BBQ this afternoon. Things could get ugly...
 
#270
If you want to prepare for a gig, ensuring you will have gas, eat a bowl of uncooked oatmeal. Just pour milk and add sugar and eat it for breakfast. Gauranteed wide open farting. Bets to time it, though, because the gas will arrive about six hours after eating.
 
#271
If you want to prepare for a gig, ensuring you will have gas, eat a bowl of uncooked oatmeal. Just pour milk and add sugar and eat it for breakfast. Gauranteed wide open farting. Bets to time it, though, because the gas will arrive about six hours after eating.

One possible downside: they may not smell bad.
 
#274
My drummer knew a guy (another drummer for a different band) that got hit with the squirts in the middle of a gig. He ended up crapping himself (while wearing leather pants, by the way...not that it makes a difference), and just kept on playing the gig.


Priceless. :D
 
Status
Not open for further replies.

Latest posts

Top Bottom
Back