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Farting during a show
- Thread starter jive1
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The other day I was at the gym doing leg press and I was lifting
heavy, doing reps with about 600lbs or so, and as I was pushing the weight up I involuntarily let loose with a really loud fart, now mind you this is in the middle of a crowded gym! So I just kept going to try and play it off... turned out it was eye watering acidic death, and now I was trapped under the weights and couldn't get away. Moral to story? Fart before you work out I guess. Well anyway that is my fart story for the week.
heavy, doing reps with about 600lbs or so, and as I was pushing the weight up I involuntarily let loose with a really loud fart, now mind you this is in the middle of a crowded gym! So I just kept going to try and play it off... turned out it was eye watering acidic death, and now I was trapped under the weights and couldn't get away. Moral to story? Fart before you work out I guess. Well anyway that is my fart story for the week.
Was that a refined enough response for you?
This had all the subtlety of a brick!
What I really should have put was 'This has all the subtlety of being hit over the head with a brick'. That any clearer?
As for men and fart humour, is it any coincidence most men are bassists??? Ergo it must be more be a bassist thing than a male thing. My logic stinks....
Also, I DIDN'T say that I didn't find fart humour funny. It can be.......
I don't know if it's the law. The same thing that makes us do these things also makes us laugh at them. It's in men's DNA! That's why we can't help it.
It's a blessing (a stinking one at that) for men and some kind of cruel and perverse curse on women.
Blasting gas is a blast. Funny as **** too!
I'm really wanting to cut one into a live mic, the first chace that I get. Not my mic of course. Who's ever I get ahold of is going to have to be quarantined for several months in an airtight locker fully sprayed with Lysol every other hour. I might even have to buy a replacement mic for the poor chap.
Money well spent!
I'm really wanting to cut one into a live mic, the first chace that I get. Not my mic of course. Who's ever I get ahold of is going to have to be quarantined for several months in an airtight locker fully sprayed with Lysol every other hour. I might even have to buy a replacement mic for the poor chap.
Money well spent!
Chocolate Hobnobs can me me fart a whole lot.
No sound, but one horrible stench
I do them as I walk passed my mum just to annoy her, good job she sees the funny side
No sound, but one horrible stench
I do them as I walk passed my mum just to annoy her, good job she sees the funny side
The other day playing at the small little jam place here in town relates to this thread QUITE well 
Well of course alot of drummers sometimes play with fans ponting at them(as you can see where this is going) I just had to walk up let one go right in it. Well turns out mexican food isnt the best food a couple hours before a show. We had to stop the song because my drummer threw up on his snare, I died laughing but everyone else was looking at me like "WTH is so funny?" apparently they didnt know until a few minutes later 
My 2 cents, or stench.
Well of course alot of drummers sometimes play with fans ponting at them(as you can see where this is going) I just had to walk up let one go right in it. Well turns out mexican food isnt the best food a couple hours before a show. We had to stop the song because my drummer threw up on his snare, I died laughing but everyone else was looking at me like "WTH is so funny?" apparently they didnt know until a few minutes later My 2 cents, or stench.
I ate a bunch of tabbouleh the other day, and my bowels seemed to really enjoy themselves...in fact, they were singing in a loud, clear voice (baritone). I thought all was well until after I went to bed.
About an hour and a half after I slipped into a peaceful, deep, relaxing sleep, I was awakened by a bright flash and streaks of light! I was completely disoriented. The flash came to me again, this time accompanied by a sharp pain on my right forehead. Stars were wheeling about my head as I struggled to find an upright position...not an easy task when you generally sleep face-down on your belly and are not sure why your head is hurting and where those flashes of light are coming from...
Turns out I woke up my girlfriend with a mighty wind- a real train horn blast! The pain and flashes of light were from her beating on me to wake me up! Apparently, when I first "tooted my horn", she was very much out as well, and thought someone was trying to break into the house! When my intestinal overpressure situation sought equilibrium a second time, she realized it was me, and attempted to alert me to the situation. She did this with open-handed slaps to my face, which was pointed away from her!
On came the light, out came her vitriol...she was totally pissed, couldn't go back to sleep, and thought it fitting that I endure an hour of her bitching me out about my farting! When she was done, just as we were both slipping back into unconsciousness, I told her that her little tirade was precisely why she couldn't fart- she was so busy talking, she couldn't build up enough backpressure!
She didn't find that funny, and needless to say, did not have any compunction about keeping me awake the rest of the night until the alarm went off at 5am...
About an hour and a half after I slipped into a peaceful, deep, relaxing sleep, I was awakened by a bright flash and streaks of light! I was completely disoriented. The flash came to me again, this time accompanied by a sharp pain on my right forehead. Stars were wheeling about my head as I struggled to find an upright position...not an easy task when you generally sleep face-down on your belly and are not sure why your head is hurting and where those flashes of light are coming from...
Turns out I woke up my girlfriend with a mighty wind- a real train horn blast! The pain and flashes of light were from her beating on me to wake me up! Apparently, when I first "tooted my horn", she was very much out as well, and thought someone was trying to break into the house! When my intestinal overpressure situation sought equilibrium a second time, she realized it was me, and attempted to alert me to the situation. She did this with open-handed slaps to my face, which was pointed away from her!
On came the light, out came her vitriol...she was totally pissed, couldn't go back to sleep, and thought it fitting that I endure an hour of her bitching me out about my farting! When she was done, just as we were both slipping back into unconsciousness, I told her that her little tirade was precisely why she couldn't fart- she was so busy talking, she couldn't build up enough backpressure!
She didn't find that funny, and needless to say, did not have any compunction about keeping me awake the rest of the night until the alarm went off at 5am...
Oh my....
I tried reading this whole thread....I laughed, I cried...I felt your pain.....then I walked into the next office, let one fly and walked back to mine....the boss just walked into his office and has a peculiar look on his face....
I tried reading this whole thread....I laughed, I cried...I felt your pain.....then I walked into the next office, let one fly and walked back to mine....the boss just walked into his office and has a peculiar look on his face....
Noooooooo this can't be the last page 
!!!! I was reading this from page one, taking for granted the enormous amount of pages of toilet humour to read for my pleasure, only to come to a premature end of it 
lol it took 4 nights of intensive reading to get through, but it was worth it 
Oh well, might as well share one of my stories...
Although this can't compare to some of the feats in dispersing Carbone Dioxide many of you have boasted, it was pretty funny when it happened.
When I was a kid, my grandparents had (still have actually) a condominium in florida where we would go in the winter (snow birds
montreal winters are harsh!!!!). Anyways, this is a VERY snobby condo complex, the people here all drive very nice vehicules, mercedes lexus etc etc... and are very old and uptight. So, I'm down south with my cousin and if i recall correctly we had indulged in some tasty (and greasy) pizza, chicken wings and ice cream for desert...and were spending the afternoon trying to out-fart the other inside the condo while watching some television. At one point we decide to go down to the pool and as we call the elevator, i feel it in me, this was a big one. I decide to wait for us to be inside the closed elevator to inflict maximum damage. Sure enough, it was horrible: loud and very, very smelly; the summit of the day's battles. But then, to my horror, the elevator stops 2 floors below, and the doors opens and this very well dressed, well to do woman steps in greeting us with a very formal smile...the change in her expression as she stepped in was priceless. Never had it been so hard to hold back a laugh in my life. I glanced at my cousin and saw that he was red in the face from holding back his laugh...ahh good old days, nice memories 
In my band, the singer is the guy who fogs the rest of the band. He likes to eat White Castles before the gig.
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