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Farting during a show
- Thread starter jive1
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Jive, if your farts aren't stinky, you most likely have too clean a bowel. Meaning, you need to repopulate your digestive tract with "good flora"...try some Activia yogurt for a few days. That'll restore the funk. Whenever I get to the point where my farts aren't as "entertaining" as they once were, a week of Activia usually helps. That, and protein. Meat, eggs, and beans. Add veggies for propellant only after you get the stank back. I think that is your mistake. All propellant and no warhead, or as they say here in Texas, "all hat, no cattle". Please give it a try.
Ale (or any other malt-heavy beer) - I don't know if alcohol is taboo for you, but Ale (Shlafly Pale Ale, Pete's Wicked, Bass, Harp) will add plenty 'o' mojo to your jojo. Drink a few of 'em the night before - or much earlier that day so it has time to process and become the blooming cloud of paint-peeling funk.
Otherwise, I would have thought the Whities would have done it... I can't imagine a system full of belly bombers and NOT having funky farts... You should see a doctor.
O man I have the worst farts today (was sick with a stomach flu yesterday, and that usually produces some gastrointestinal chaos later).
There's this lady in the office next to me who is one of the loudest talkers I've ever had the displeasure to hear. I can even hear the b**** over the music I'm playing on my computer.
Today will be the day I 'voice' my displeasure.
Yes, today I will have my revenge!
The next time I see her walk past my office door (i.e., leaving her office) I'm gonna go over there and drop a nasty SBD in there and close the door!
There's this lady in the office next to me who is one of the loudest talkers I've ever had the displeasure to hear. I can even hear the b**** over the music I'm playing on my computer.
Today will be the day I 'voice' my displeasure.
Yes, today I will have my revenge!
The next time I see her walk past my office door (i.e., leaving her office) I'm gonna go over there and drop a nasty SBD in there and close the door!
ever go to fart and throw a deuce?
I guess you'd just have to finish the set (keep smiling) and slowly exit the stage while facing the audience.
I guess you'd just have to finish the set (keep smiling) and slowly exit the stage while facing the audience.
O man I have the worst farts today (was sick with a stomach flu yesterday, and that usually produces some gastrointestinal chaos later).
There's this lady in the office next to me who is one of the loudest talkers I've ever had the displeasure to hear. I can even hear the b**** over the music I'm playing on my computer.
Today will be the day I 'voice' my displeasure.
Yes, today I will have my revenge!
The next time I see her walk past my office door (i.e., leaving her office) I'm gonna go over there and drop a nasty SBD in there and close the door!
HAHAHAHA!
I did it!
When she came back to her office, I heard through the wall, "Oh, Jeeezus!!"
I did that a few months ago (I posted earlier in the thread about it). It is such a great feeling to leave a pungent package for someone.
In my younger days I could actually hurl farts if I cupped them in my hand, not far but I could normally nail someone if they were within a few feet, it was kinda like Namor the Submariner.
Looks like a potent fart cocktail. FYI, kim chee cannot become more fetid; it pretty much smells the same going in as coming out.
That's right!! That stuff will give you a foul case of colon blow, not just gas.
My band recently played a CD release party for our bandleader (folk-rock type stuff). For fun, the bandleader got us a limo for the ride between his house & our local watering hole where we were playing. Something fun to pretend we were rockstars. So we all grab a beer & hop in. Of course, I was afraid to leave my bass unattended, so I was hauling my Pedulla Thunderbass in a gig bag. The guitar player let one rip on the way over - it was positively awful.
To make the situation even more bizarre was that the bandleader teaches at a local middle school, and he had some former students there to videotape the performance. Nothing like pulling up in a limo in which the guitar player has offended the dead, to a bunch of 15 year old kids with video cameras shouting "Mr C___, Mr. C___". Truly an experience.
Bandstand farts are the best. The best are when it is not possible to leave, and acting disgusted is out of the question!
imp
To make the situation even more bizarre was that the bandleader teaches at a local middle school, and he had some former students there to videotape the performance. Nothing like pulling up in a limo in which the guitar player has offended the dead, to a bunch of 15 year old kids with video cameras shouting "Mr C___, Mr. C___". Truly an experience.
Bandstand farts are the best. The best are when it is not possible to leave, and acting disgusted is out of the question!
imp
Whew
That's one of those nights where it's so bad the old lady makes you sleep on the couch!
I have been concerned with my lack of stench when farting, so I've decided to try some Activa. Dairy products in general seem to help my bowels make "healthy" stenches. So I'll try yogurt. I have another gig coming up soon, and need to get back into form. If anything, I can practice my dutch oven technique with my wife.
I would have thought so too. But, the microwaveable ones do not have the same gas capacity as one fresh off the grill. Something about freezing them and reheating them that reduces the stench potential.
If I still lived near a Whiteys, a sack of them would be all I need to peel paint.
LOL - I know there's some doctor out there who is very relieved not to have to look into this matter further.
"Ah, Mr. Jive... Yes, could you, ah, go into the other room and, ah, let one rip? I'll be in shortly to evaluate the results."
"Ah, Mr. Jive... Yes, could you, ah, go into the other room and, ah, let one rip? I'll be in shortly to evaluate the results."
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