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Farting during a show

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#801
jive1 said:
Tonights the gig, and this is what you guys came up with as the magic mix:

Broccoli
Cabbage
Red Beans and Rice
GoLean crunch
Kim-Chee
Three or four hard boiled eggs
Pabst Blue Ribbon

I had the GoLean for breakfast, and it better provide propulsion because it's not as good as Cap'n Crunch.

I'm gonna have Kim Chee, and some other lovely spicy Korean foods for lunch, and some cheap Mexican food for dinner (extra beans please).

I'll have a couple of boiled eggs in the gigbag for before the gig. I'm not a drinker, but I'll have a cheap beer to continue the good times after the first set, and have a some eggs and broccolli.

Back in the day it used to be that we'd take a break in the parking lot during sets to "load up". Now I'm loading up in a different way, but the effect will be the same - bloodshot eyes and lots of coughing.
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Man, if you poop your pants on stage, o gawd, will I ever find that funny....;)
 
#805
I just had a couple of boiled eggs as snacks, and a stalk of brocolli. I'm gonna make a run to Wendy's and get some chili, and then load up on some cole slaw. I also bought some microwave White Castles to add to the effect.

I've decided to eat Korean food for dinner, so that the spices will kick in prior to the show.

The first step is to get all the expulsion materials together (beans, cabbage, high fiber cereal) and then add the stuff to make it stink (kim chee, spicy pork ,eggs)

With this being the first gig with this band, I have to make a good "impression".
 
#806
jive1 said:
I just had a couple of boiled eggs as snacks, and a stalk of brocolli. I'm gonna make a run to Wendy's and get some chili, and then load up on some cole slaw. I also bought some microwave White Castles to add to the effect.

I've decided to eat Korean food for dinner, so that the spices will kick in prior to the show.

The first step is to get all the expulsion materials together (beans, cabbage, high fiber cereal) and then add the stuff to make it stink (kim chee, spicy pork ,eggs)

With this being the first gig with this band, I have to make a good "impression".
Click to expand...

Microwave White Castle's don't compare to the real deal. If you'd happen to eat a dozen prior to a show, and not manage to make a mess out of your pants, the smell alone would probably melt the paint off of the walls. The aftermath is lucky not to eat through the bottom of the toilet.
 
#807
lobey said:
Microwave White Castle's don't compare to the real deal. If you'd happen to eat a dozen prior to a show, and not manage to make a mess out of your pants, the smell alone would probably melt the paint off of the walls. The aftermath is lucky not to eat through the bottom of the toilet.
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I know they don't compare to the real deal, but I was hoping to get a placebo effect from them.

If there was one near by, I'd just eat 10 the day before the show, and 10 the day of and call it done. Unfortunately, I have to go through the trouble of creating this recipe. Just goes to show how awesome White Castles is.
 
#811
Thor said:
We are going to need a full report.
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Here's a preliminary.

The GoLean Crunch did nothing for me. Maybe it works better on Nordic digestive systems, but for me it did nothing. It's a shame because not only did I buy that cereal for it's noted effect, but I skipped on the beloved Capn Crunch this morning. 4 hours afterward not even a peep or a billowing of the belly.

Just finished a couple of boiled eggs, and I'll have a couple more prior to the show. As I type, I am finishing my 6th frozen White Castles with a side of brocolli and washing it down with a Pepsi.

Didn't have enough time to make it to Wendy's to get some chili, but instead I just bought a can of baked beans. Had to skip the cole slaw too. Too bad because cabbage works as a great expulsory agent.
 
#815
Shart assumes that there is a halfway point between s**t & fart. There isn't. It's simply a way to convince ourselves that we didn't just s**t our pants. It eases our mind, but it's untrue. Like the Tooth Fairy. Or the Poot Fairy.
 
#816
lonotes said:
Shart assumes that there is a halfway point between s**t & fart. There isn't. It's simply a way to convince ourselves that we didn't just s**t our pants. It eases our mind, but it's untrue. Like the Tooth Fairy. Or the Poot Fairy.
Click to expand...

That is officially the funniest thing I've seen all week :D

I have band practice tomorrow, I think I'm gonna take some of my newfound inspiration from this thread and really make it count.
 
#817
Thor said:
We are going to need a full report.
Click to expand...

Yeah. There has been time now, for the emergency rooms to get back to their normal, overcrowded status. And time for the blisters to begin to heal. We must know! Did you experience the most awesome case of Explod-O-Butt in the history of mankind? Or was it a non-starter? Enquiring minds want to know. For science. And the kids. Won't somebody think of the kids?
 
#820
Jive

Be careful man! I know you want to impress the new band..but you may spend half the set in the can. We both know you can't go check you shorts during one of those questionable farts to see if it was shart...your playing with fire my friend!
 
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