LMAO!!! That is PRICELESS!!! Not to mention it sounds like a Goth band name!!!
HAHAHAHA! Gotta love the female point of view!LHbassist said:
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Farting during a show
- Thread starter jive1
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lonotes
A place for everything, & everything out of place
I believe it might be.
And with this quote, it was well worth it. Gold Jerry, comedy gold!
LMAO!!! That is PRICELESS!!! Not to mention it sounds like a Goth band name!!!
Funny, I was just thinking the same thing.
This is not even close to being the longest thread on
TB. Show your basses is probably it. Ban War has 3 or 4 thousand posts
(they split them at 1000 posts and this only has 800 or so.
Had my 5 yr old daughter "pull my finger" this morning. Literally made the poor kid wretch and throw up.
Bad Dad, Bad Dad....
Bad Dad, Bad Dad....
lonotes
A place for everything, & everything out of place
That I would agree with. This and the chicks at shows thread
definitely deliver. The Lobby's 'Female Bassists' thread is pretty good, and the old band pics always delivers. The Qintar thread seems to have died down, and the TB photoshop thread was pretty hilarious.
definitely deliver. The Lobby's 'Female Bassists' thread is pretty good, and the old band pics always delivers. The Qintar thread seems to have died down, and the TB photoshop thread was pretty hilarious.
I was stationed in Australia in the late 80's when Dick Cheney was the Secretary of Defense and he came for a visit to our little remote facility.
I was walking down the hall when the Commander asked if I would guard the briefing room since there was US only Classified material on the briefing table. Apparently the vehicles had just pulled in and all the important people were going out to meet him.
Standing guard by the door I could feel this whopper gut-bomb building like a volcano. You know, the gut starts churning and rumbling and it's gonna be a REAL GOOD ONE! But damn...I couldn't let it rip right then and there because I was the only one standing in the area at the time and didn't know when the entourage was coming inside. Pressure was building, IT wasn't gonna wait and I spotted the only thing that would work!!
There was one fabric-covered chair in the whole room to provide the "absorbtion factor" I needed. Unfortunately it was at the head of the conference table...you guessed it...where Mr. Cheney was gonna be sittin' in just a few moments!!!! But what the hell...I was still in the room and "guarding" the info that was on the table. I plop down in the chair, wiggle myself as deep into the cushion as I possibly could and let this killer fart just rip into it. I swear I don't know why it didn't cut the material!! After about 15 seconds of sitting there letting it absorb, I got up, went back to the door, and all was fine with my insides.
No kidding...less than a minute later here comes the entourage and I get to shake hands and all's going well. Everybody gets to their respective chairs in the room and is waiting on him to sit. Well let's just say that at that time, he was more of a "plopper" than a "gradual sitter" and a few seconds after he plopped in the chair, his eyes got as big as saucers and I about busted a nut from trying not to laugh.
I was walking down the hall when the Commander asked if I would guard the briefing room since there was US only Classified material on the briefing table. Apparently the vehicles had just pulled in and all the important people were going out to meet him.
Standing guard by the door I could feel this whopper gut-bomb building like a volcano. You know, the gut starts churning and rumbling and it's gonna be a REAL GOOD ONE! But damn...I couldn't let it rip right then and there because I was the only one standing in the area at the time and didn't know when the entourage was coming inside. Pressure was building, IT wasn't gonna wait and I spotted the only thing that would work!!
There was one fabric-covered chair in the whole room to provide the "absorbtion factor" I needed. Unfortunately it was at the head of the conference table...you guessed it...where Mr. Cheney was gonna be sittin' in just a few moments!!!! But what the hell...I was still in the room and "guarding" the info that was on the table. I plop down in the chair, wiggle myself as deep into the cushion as I possibly could and let this killer fart just rip into it. I swear I don't know why it didn't cut the material!! After about 15 seconds of sitting there letting it absorb, I got up, went back to the door, and all was fine with my insides.
No kidding...less than a minute later here comes the entourage and I get to shake hands and all's going well. Everybody gets to their respective chairs in the room and is waiting on him to sit. Well let's just say that at that time, he was more of a "plopper" than a "gradual sitter" and a few seconds after he plopped in the chair, his eyes got as big as saucers and I about busted a nut from trying not to laugh.
Well this fine morning I had reason to remember this thread. I have been dealing with a stomach bug for a few days. Needles to say some interesting things have exited my body.
So it was a usual Sunday with sound check and rehearsal before service. We have a new drummer and a few sounds bugs so things were but not as bad as what was coming. We played our opening songs and the left stage during the sermon.
Sitting in the pews I started having that gurgling and bubbling sensation. The tummy rumbling was loud enough at times to be heard by others close by. I, of course acted like I was wondering where the sound was coming from. Now it was time to get back up and play during the offering. We were playing "The River is Here" which is a fun little moving number.
Sometimes moving around while gurgling is not a good thing. This morning is was not a good thing! The bubbling brew finally found an escape hatch and took a 16 bar blast. It was a good thing we use an in ear monitors because I do not think anyone heard or knew were the odor came from. Butt the drummer and guitar players got a tasty treat as the stink waffle floated by!
Sad to say I think some suspect the new drummer. I am not sure because no one spoke of this event after service. Let's hope the drummer comes back.
So it was a usual Sunday with sound check and rehearsal before service. We have a new drummer and a few sounds bugs so things were but not as bad as what was coming. We played our opening songs and the left stage during the sermon.
Sitting in the pews I started having that gurgling and bubbling sensation. The tummy rumbling was loud enough at times to be heard by others close by. I, of course acted like I was wondering where the sound was coming from. Now it was time to get back up and play during the offering. We were playing "The River is Here" which is a fun little moving number.
Sometimes moving around while gurgling is not a good thing. This morning is was not a good thing! The bubbling brew finally found an escape hatch and took a 16 bar blast. It was a good thing we use an in ear monitors because I do not think anyone heard or knew were the odor came from. Butt the drummer and guitar players got a tasty treat as the stink waffle floated by!
Sad to say I think some suspect the new drummer. I am not sure because no one spoke of this event after service. Let's hope the drummer comes back.
a few weeks ago our guitarist bought a huge limited edition marshall stack and head.... it was his baby he'd get the duster out on it every practice and cover it up before we left
a few practices later i'd just eaten a chille kebab the night after polishing off a full portion of beef sproganof i waltzed over to his speaker cab before he arived and dropped the motherload of gas into his speaker cab (seriously it was a motherload it lasted 12 seconds and changed note 4 times!)
he turns up 5 min later walks over to his amp plugs in and starts rocking out for about 5 seconds before stopping and saying "uh guys why does my amp smell of eggs?" he then leant over and sniffed one of the cones.... i've never seen the colour drain out of someone so quick!!
he still doesnt know it was me
a few practices later i'd just eaten a chille kebab the night after polishing off a full portion of beef sproganof i waltzed over to his speaker cab before he arived and dropped the motherload of gas into his speaker cab (seriously it was a motherload it lasted 12 seconds and changed note 4 times!)
he turns up 5 min later walks over to his amp plugs in and starts rocking out for about 5 seconds before stopping and saying "uh guys why does my amp smell of eggs?" he then leant over and sniffed one of the cones.... i've never seen the colour drain out of someone so quick!!
he still doesnt know it was me
dreadhead, that is GREAT!
I had one on Friday. We were hosting District Band at my school, which means my classroom was taken over by 41 high school band directors. One of whom is good friends with my band director, and I usually get along with him, though he was being a total prick this week. Apparently he thought my office was his personal dining room, as he comes barging in with a plate full of food, sets it on my desk between me and my computer monitor and tells me not to even think about touching it, then heads over to the band room for something (there are 2 doors in my office, one goes to my classroom, the other goes to the band room via my music tech lab)
I complied with his request and didn't touch it. I just lifted the napkin off the top, and after positioning myself at the proper angle about an inch from the food, ripped a rather nice eggy fart into the chili and apple fritters. Replacing the napkin, I locked the computer and headed into the classroom to clue in the music store rep who was there. Apparently he didn't feel too well after his lunch. Those who saw him come running out of my office were quite amused at how fast he bolted to the trash can to dump the food in then run to the rest room.
I had one on Friday. We were hosting District Band at my school, which means my classroom was taken over by 41 high school band directors. One of whom is good friends with my band director, and I usually get along with him, though he was being a total prick this week. Apparently he thought my office was his personal dining room, as he comes barging in with a plate full of food, sets it on my desk between me and my computer monitor and tells me not to even think about touching it, then heads over to the band room for something (there are 2 doors in my office, one goes to my classroom, the other goes to the band room via my music tech lab)
I complied with his request and didn't touch it. I just lifted the napkin off the top, and after positioning myself at the proper angle about an inch from the food, ripped a rather nice eggy fart into the chili and apple fritters. Replacing the napkin, I locked the computer and headed into the classroom to clue in the music store rep who was there. Apparently he didn't feel too well after his lunch. Those who saw him come running out of my office were quite amused at how fast he bolted to the trash can to dump the food in then run to the rest room.
a few weeks ago our guitarist bought a huge limited edition marshall stack and head.... it was his baby he'd get the duster out on it every practice and cover it up before we left
a few practices later i'd just eaten a chille kebab the night after polishing off a full portion of beef sproganof i waltzed over to his speaker cab before he arived and dropped the motherload of gas into his speaker cab (seriously it was a motherload it lasted 12 seconds and changed note 4 times!)
he turns up 5 min later walks over to his amp plugs in and starts rocking out for about 5 seconds before stopping and saying "uh guys why does my amp smell of eggs?" he then leant over and sniffed one of the cones.... i've never seen the colour drain out of someone so quick!!
he still doesnt know it was me
Nothing like "defiling" other people's gear
Nothing like "defiling" other people's gear
nope he always saying "my amp is the $hit!" and i'f i'd had cabbage the night before it would of been literaly!!
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