Not enough stench in my wind has never been a problem with me. I guess my bowels are populated with just the right amounts of funk that I can stay away from the Activa.
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Farting during a show
- Thread starter jive1
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I used to hang out in Mt. Greenwood, and I think I know of the Whiteys you are talking about.
Having grown up with White Castles nearby, it's sad that I have to come up with a concoction to make a paint peeler. Just a sack of those, and I'm deadly for days.
Now I'm using Activa, brocolli, GoLean crunch, eggs, chili and other experimental chemicals in order to do the job of a slider.
I may have you beat; in college I ate pickled eggs, borscht and liverwurst for a couple of days and I could'nt even stand myself.
When I was a young Lieutenant stationed at Fort Hood, TX, I lived with a fellow Lieutenant and college pal named Scott F. We rented a three bedroom place with a garage that adjoined the kitchen.
Anyway, in those days, I used to like Knorr's Onion Soup, which came in a mix in which one added water to to make the soup. Suffice to say it turned my insides into one gastric barn burner. The farts were so bad even I couldn't take it, nor could Scott. Problem was I really loved this stuff. It got so bad that when we went grocery shopping, Scott took to removing the offending soup mix from the cart (which I snuck back in anyway). He even tried to make me fart in the garage, to no avail.
Anyway, one night, Scott has staff duty, which means he has to stay at his unit all night, and do things like check the motor pool, arms room, etc. to make sure they're locked up. That night, I made a nice bowl of Knorr's, and punctuated it with swiss cheese. Needless to say, the odors emanating from my nether regions were none too pleasant. I saved some and deposited them on his pillow.
He came home early the next morning - I heard the garage door open. I could hear him walk into his room, only to hear momentarily after "Jesus Christ this $hit stinks in here!" after he'd apparently laid down to sleep. He knew immediately I was the culprit as I began laughing my ass off. He's been trying to get even ever since in the years we've seen each other on and off as our military career paths have crossed. However, I still have the upper hand as of today.
Alan
Anyway, in those days, I used to like Knorr's Onion Soup, which came in a mix in which one added water to to make the soup. Suffice to say it turned my insides into one gastric barn burner. The farts were so bad even I couldn't take it, nor could Scott. Problem was I really loved this stuff. It got so bad that when we went grocery shopping, Scott took to removing the offending soup mix from the cart (which I snuck back in anyway). He even tried to make me fart in the garage, to no avail.
Anyway, one night, Scott has staff duty, which means he has to stay at his unit all night, and do things like check the motor pool, arms room, etc. to make sure they're locked up. That night, I made a nice bowl of Knorr's, and punctuated it with swiss cheese. Needless to say, the odors emanating from my nether regions were none too pleasant. I saved some and deposited them on his pillow.
He came home early the next morning - I heard the garage door open. I could hear him walk into his room, only to hear momentarily after "Jesus Christ this $hit stinks in here!" after he'd apparently laid down to sleep. He knew immediately I was the culprit as I began laughing my ass off. He's been trying to get even ever since in the years we've seen each other on and off as our military career paths have crossed. However, I still have the upper hand as of today.
Alan
Alan
If your funk was so bad it permeated his pillow then you have me beat. When I wasi n the Navy on submarines I farted into an empty Pringles can, capped it and ran up to the control room and uncapped it in the helmsmans face. He fell on the floor.
If your funk was so bad it permeated his pillow then you have me beat. When I wasi n the Navy on submarines I farted into an empty Pringles can, capped it and ran up to the control room and uncapped it in the helmsmans face. He fell on the floor.
I just got off the phone with my guitar player.
We had a great jam back in Oct, after a local football game
at a owned by our drummer.
Tonight my Gtrd mentioned the new singer we have had blown a
monster acc to our drummer, that he complained about after the fact.
We both start laughing hysterically, as gtrd said 'that's what
happens when you are in the back of the bus''
LOL! We start laughing uncontrollably, I tell him about this
thread and the hour he needs to read it, and vow to blow off
many more in his direction.
I love my guitar players!
I actually I am nor sure who blew it, but on that
side of the room, it killed. Fortunately the windows were on that side.
[Invalid or Expired Link Removed]
We had a great jam back in Oct, after a local football game
at a owned by our drummer.
Tonight my Gtrd mentioned the new singer we have had blown a
monster acc to our drummer, that he complained about after the fact.
We both start laughing hysterically, as gtrd said 'that's what
happens when you are in the back of the bus''
LOL! We start laughing uncontrollably, I tell him about this
thread and the hour he needs to read it, and vow to blow off
many more in his direction.
I love my guitar players!
I actually I am nor sure who blew it, but on that
side of the room, it killed. Fortunately the windows were on that side.
[Invalid or Expired Link Removed]
No white castle in the entire country where I live 
But we do have Burger King
I tried a nice "pot pourri" the other day.
Quaker Cruesli and 2 slices of FullWheat Bread with Peanut Butter for breakfast
Scrambled Eggs with Garlic on 2 slices of fullwheat bread with cheese in the afternoon
Spaghetti with my homemade sauce of minced meat, tomato sauce, garlic, tomatobits, paprikabits and various herbs (by the gods no pre-fab sauce could be this vile afterwards)
Followed by a bit of Activia yogurt (damn that stuff is gross)
During rehearsal I seriously thought of recommending "fly me to the moon" because I was halfway getting there. I damn near made myself puke and they just kept on comming.
Not only stinky but lots and LONG. And trying to keep the next one in just made me cramp up so it was a yardsale... everything had to go...
But we do have Burger King
I tried a nice "pot pourri" the other day.
Quaker Cruesli and 2 slices of FullWheat Bread with Peanut Butter for breakfast
Scrambled Eggs with Garlic on 2 slices of fullwheat bread with cheese in the afternoon
Spaghetti with my homemade sauce of minced meat, tomato sauce, garlic, tomatobits, paprikabits and various herbs (by the gods no pre-fab sauce could be this vile afterwards)
Followed by a bit of Activia yogurt (damn that stuff is gross)
During rehearsal I seriously thought of recommending "fly me to the moon" because I was halfway getting there. I damn near made myself puke and they just kept on comming.
Not only stinky but lots and LONG. And trying to keep the next one in just made me cramp up so it was a yardsale... everything had to go...
Jesus - this one still has me laughing! I can only hope the sub stayed on course. The things one will do to to remain amused aboard a U.S. Navy ship. Speaking of which ...
I was aboard USS Peleliu in November, 2001, and I was the lone Army person on that ship. Anyway, it just so happened that Army played Navy while I was aboard, and they of course showed the game in the wardroom (where officers eat their meals). I'm not a US Military Academy graduate, but felt I had to uphold the honor of the Army during the game. Anyway, Army was beating Navy (and they won the game) while we were watching, and every time Army scored, I hooted and hollared. Needless to say every Navy person in the room looked at me like I had two thumbs growing out of my forehead ...
The next morning, I went down to the space where we worked and did up a powerpoint slide. It read: "Go Army, We Beat Navy," and then listed the score on it. I took it down to the wardroom first thing in the morning, and hung it on the board where they listed the day's bord of fare on the line. I got my breakfast, ate, and then went up to the space I was working in and went to work.
I came back for lunch, and the slide was still up, only someone had written on it, on opposite sides the following ...
"GET OFF .... OUR BOAT."
I still laugh about that one today.
Alan
Alan
I didn't sink the ship but the Chief of the Watch and the Duty Officer gave me hell for stinkin up the control room. They were simultaneously yelling at me, trying hard not to laugh and gagging all at once. It was a proud moment for me. You must be nuts to even watch that game with them under those circumstances.
I never own up to farting on stage. I like to let it rip on the down low, then casually walk to a different part of the stage and watch my bandmates faces as they stroll into my funk.
This isn't my story, but it happened to my boyfriend.
He was practicing with his death metal band. The lead singer was right in the middle of a song where he had to scream with his "death metal" face. All of a sudden in mid-scream the singer got a funny look on his face. He continued for a moment or two and then threw down the mic and ran out the the room yelling "oops, i just **** my pants!"
Everyone collapsed in laughter.
He was practicing with his death metal band. The lead singer was right in the middle of a song where he had to scream with his "death metal" face. All of a sudden in mid-scream the singer got a funny look on his face. He continued for a moment or two and then threw down the mic and ran out the the room yelling "oops, i just **** my pants!"
Everyone collapsed in laughter.
it seems like every time i rip one, my band leader/guitarist walks over to me to let me know the next song or to ask if i saw the jugs on the girl in the front row...needless to say he wobbles back to his position on the stage, gasping for a fresh breath...
This isn't my story, but it happened to my boyfriend.
He was practicing with his death metal band. The lead singer was right in the middle of a song where he had to scream with his "death metal" face. All of a sudden in mid-scream the singer got a funny look on his face. He continued for a moment or two and then threw down the mic and ran out the the room yelling "oops, i just **** my pants!"
Everyone collapsed in laughter.
Never trust a fart!
I have a friend/guitarist who is a living well of flatulence, a Methane Jesus, turning water into wafts. I call him the nervous colon. Anyway, a particularly legendary fart within our circle was one he ripped in one of our college dorm rooms. He was sitting on the floor, and in typical fashion, rolled back and raised his legs, unleashing hell. The truly amazing part of it all was that he discolored the carpet in a large, cone-shaped pattern.
It seems this thread might be the longest one here on Talk bass...hmmm.. farting seems to be a VERY interesting topic! I know it fASSinates me! O.K., here's my story... I was playing upright in a Western Swing band up at center stage Harrah's Lake Tahoe, Nevada. We played sometimes quite late, to sparse audiences. One evening, my girlfriend bought a turkey breast for dinner. It was great. I forgot that turkey always gives me ridiculous toxic waste gas. In addition, I was having some stress related stomach problems due to a situation at my then day job. So, cauldron like turkey stew brewing in the pit of my colon, I'm off to the gig after dinner. During the set, in between tunes, a polterfart wafted- Genie-like from my ass. It seemed to be an entity. I also recollect that it was hotter than my body temperature. The poor guitarist, first in the line of fire, did something that can only be described as a quadruple take. The drummer, behind me on a high riser, grinned from ear to ear, as he was a practical joker fond of setting off stink bombs. The pedal steel player looked straight down, and shook his head from left-to-right. The female vocalist, stepped back from the mike, and said, "You know, I've got brothers, but that was unbelievable!" I then became the official record holder of cutting the worst fart in the history of that band.
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