I missed the part about the total chaos, I thought the OP was complaining about the drummer not knowing the songs as well as he would like for him to at the first rehearsal. Listen I'm more like you than you think, as a matter of fact I'm known as a hard ass around here. Some say I expect too much from band mates but in reality I only expect them to pull their weight without being baby sat. I expect them to be on time and sober, know their parts, bring a positive attitude and put the band in front of the trivial things in life. Some guys can't handle that. But at the same time I also know that early in a project it might take a little while for some guys to get with the program. The scarcity of players at that position dictates how long it should be tolerated.