At some pint, though, don't forget that on the high road you can occasionally pass out from lack of oxygen. Every now and again there is a reason to take a route with less altitude.
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I lost my cool with a bandmate.
- Thread starter consectaneus
- Start date
At some pint, though, don't forget that on the high road you can occasionally pass out from lack of oxygen. Every now and again there is a reason to take a route with less altitude.
Oh - hey....Go see my post on "Finding someone on Craig's List"
There is a lot of good 'get on the same page' information there.
There is a lot of good 'get on the same page' information there.
Love your avatar! Remember ALTA gents:
A - always
L - listen
T - to
A - Ace
I saw a video of one of KISS' latest shows, Ace looks like a whole different guy.
A 'nice' way of getting rid of a player who isn't working out is to tell them they 'won'
third prize. Third prize is you're fired.
At today's practice I had the perfect opportunity to talk alone with him so I apologized. I'm not certain I would have brought it up again if the time wasn't right, but there it was...like a sign. I'm glad I did because he was so quick to open up that it was obvious to me that he had been thinking about it. That surprised me a little and now I'm sure it was the right thing to do. Some resentment might have festered, and this hobby band is absolutely not worth it.
He ended up saying he was more upset that he worked on it as much as he did, only to be told it wasn't right because it felt like he wasted his time. He was more frustrated at that than anything else. I said I would try to handle it differently and that I was too blunt and I embarrassed him. He kind of shrugged it off and said we need to be able to work this stuff (music) out as a group. So I invited him to tell me if something isn't right about my playing too. I joked that if he feels like I stepped on his toes again, he can tell me to stick it, and that kind of lightened things up and he smiled.
Anyway, just thought I should update this thread and tie a bow on this little drama in case anyone was wondering. I'm pretty overwhelmed by all of you who decided to weigh in. It gave me the benefit of a whole lot of collective experience and helped a bunch.
He ended up saying he was more upset that he worked on it as much as he did, only to be told it wasn't right because it felt like he wasted his time. He was more frustrated at that than anything else. I said I would try to handle it differently and that I was too blunt and I embarrassed him. He kind of shrugged it off and said we need to be able to work this stuff (music) out as a group. So I invited him to tell me if something isn't right about my playing too. I joked that if he feels like I stepped on his toes again, he can tell me to stick it, and that kind of lightened things up and he smiled.
Anyway, just thought I should update this thread and tie a bow on this little drama in case anyone was wondering. I'm pretty overwhelmed by all of you who decided to weigh in. It gave me the benefit of a whole lot of collective experience and helped a bunch.
You did the right thing bass brother!
Even if he had not had that reaction it was still the right thing to do.
Thank you for the update. I'm glad you got to a place where you both feel better about it. But I think it would worry me that he was more upset about wasting his own time than wasting yours. Two hours spent hurriedly at the last minute isn't a waste of time, it's trying to make up for procrastinating and when you cram you're going to get some things wrong. He probably needed three hours of work to get the thing right. Why doesn't he recognize that?
Still think you guys need a sit down over expectations and if he needs help figuring things out then maybe you can spend a little time with him online making sure he's getting things right.
One of the guys I work with hasn't got a good ear but he has a degree in music. He's figured out that I'll call him out when he plays a lick incorrectly so now he will transcribe the notes in anything we're working on together, like a lick we're playing together, and send it to me to verify that we're both playing it the same way. Often I have to send him corrections, which I do by telling him how I hear it, then finding videos of people playing the lick and transcriptions and sending those so he understands that I am hearing it well. We work together to make sure we're both on the same page before rehearsal day, and that way nobody is wasting their time learning it wrong.
WE NEED VIDEO !!!
HAAA!
Just kidding,
A little suggestion, since he considers himself a beginner, Instead of saying""that isn't right...you're messing everything up""" You need to say, lets work on this section, lets try is slow.
How I know ? i was filling in & playing a song I struggled on during practice.. I knew it, others knew it. The lead guy said lets go over this section slow, not embarrassing me, we went over it a couple of times, he actually played the bass notes on his guitar to help me. After a few times I had it correct. A quick wink from the lead guy I knew I was ok.
HAAA!
Just kidding,
A little suggestion, since he considers himself a beginner, Instead of saying""that isn't right...you're messing everything up""" You need to say, lets work on this section, lets try is slow.
How I know ? i was filling in & playing a song I struggled on during practice.. I knew it, others knew it. The lead guy said lets go over this section slow, not embarrassing me, we went over it a couple of times, he actually played the bass notes on his guitar to help me. After a few times I had it correct. A quick wink from the lead guy I knew I was ok.
jdthebassman
play to live live to play
I have been in situations that you dont learn your parts, your replacement is at the door even in casual sessions.
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I agree with the suggestions above, and would only add one bit of advice.
For something like that first line, try, "I'm sorry. I was too harsh. I'll try not to do that again." If the goal is to mend bridges, take the blame all on yourself, and it will allow the other person to come to your defense, or at least see that you understand what bothered them.
Best of luck!
This seems to be the way things are going. When I left practice, he was working with our lead player on a part. It may get to the point where I'm not having any fun (as someone here suggested). So far I'm taking a wait and see approach. I'm enjoying the diversion and novelty of trying to play with real people again after so long. I'm learning some new songs and new things--like how important the rhythm guitar is. I've just never played with someone with such an interest in music yet so little natural ability or feel. Too bad, because otherwise there is some nice talent in the group.
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why would you want to play with someone who describes themselves as a "beginner" in terms of guitar? It won't get better. I only play with people who not only have a good work ethic but are skilled at their instruments. a band is only as good as its weakest link
Perhaps that was the kick in the pants he will need to improve his playing?
When I was in high school, me and a couple guys formed a band. I wasn't really "FRIENDS" with these guys, more like aquaintances, but they needed a rhythm guitarist. We had our first rehearsal, and I thought I was already a good guitar player. These guys were good, had previously played together, and I was clearly the weak link. I was struggling to keep up, and they weren't impressed. I thought there's no way they're going to ask me to come back... but they did. So over that week I practiced like I've never practiced before. I learned more about guitar playing in that week than I did at any other point in my musical career. I showed up to that next rehearsal and blew them away. They were quite impressed, and they even ended up letting me play lead guitar and sing lead vocals on a few songs. We had a couple gigs at parties and the school talent show. Good times, I learned a lot during that time.
When I was in high school, me and a couple guys formed a band. I wasn't really "FRIENDS" with these guys, more like aquaintances, but they needed a rhythm guitarist. We had our first rehearsal, and I thought I was already a good guitar player. These guys were good, had previously played together, and I was clearly the weak link. I was struggling to keep up, and they weren't impressed. I thought there's no way they're going to ask me to come back... but they did. So over that week I practiced like I've never practiced before. I learned more about guitar playing in that week than I did at any other point in my musical career. I showed up to that next rehearsal and blew them away. They were quite impressed, and they even ended up letting me play lead guitar and sing lead vocals on a few songs. We had a couple gigs at parties and the school talent show. Good times, I learned a lot during that time.
Yeah bands are hard that way when you get various skill levels. You have empathy that's good, and I been there too. Even of a band is for fun butchering a song isn't fun you still want to play good. He told you he was a beginner you listened and encouraged.
You owned it and made it right reality is music in any capacity requires some thick skin. You have to take criticism, if you cant music wont very fun. He will be fine.
You owned it and made it right reality is music in any capacity requires some thick skin. You have to take criticism, if you cant music wont very fun. He will be fine.
Depends on the reason for the band. Not all are in it just to play with people who are of the same skill level. Some of us also like the social interaction.
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