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I really screwed myself this time.

#61
DwaynieAD said:
posts have to relevant now? oh man.... i'm outta here. :hiding:
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Oh, they dont have to be at all. I just assumed you were furthering a particular conversation :p


Darth Handsome said:
I used to say the same things you're saying. Then I went around the block a few more times. It's a big, bad world out there, and it's nothing if it isn't complicated. See how you feel after going around the block yourself a few more times. You may not be trumpeting your ideals quite so loudly.
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Though I may be younger than you Ive been around the block a few times as it is, possibly more than some others.
Ive experienced a hell of a lot in a short time and Ive formed my ideals from such. Im not saying that everyone needs to share my views, but I dont see a reason for not providing another perspective to comtemplate.
It certainly is a big bad world out there, and I'll take no part in adding to that.

However you want to handle issues in your own life is up to you and yours, and Im by no means telling others how they should.
But to tell me that my ideals will change over time is kind of pointless, of course they will, but certainly not in this regard.
 
#63
MatticusMania said:
Though I may be younger than you Ive been around the block a few times as it is, possibly more than some others.
Ive experienced a hell of a lot in a short time and Ive formed my ideals from such. Im not saying that everyone needs to share my views, but I dont see a reason for not providing another perspective to comtemplate.
It certainly is a big bad world out there, and I'll take no part in adding to that.
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I know you just went through this, and you seem to have pulled through it fairly well, but a time may come when you would rather not know about something like this then have to leave your comfortable life & start over. That's the perspective I'm providing for you to contemplate, if you wish to.
 
#65
Darth Handsome said:
I know you just went through this, and you seem to have pulled through it fairly well, but a time may come when you would rather not know about something like this then have to leave your comfortable life & start over. That's the perspective I'm providing for you to contemplate, if you wish to.
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Thanks. Ive gone through that one, too. After careful contemplation I made the call to leave my comfortable life and start over.
I get that not everyone will be quite willing to do so in such a situation, but for me the choice between leaving my comfort zone and starting over, or staying with someone who betrayed my trust and not make the effort to regain it was an easy one.

Darth Handsome said:
I'm not saying they will in this regard, I'm saying they might. They did for me, and I was as adament about it as you are.
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Anything is possible, sure, but I doubt they will. I have no room in my life for those who wish to deceive me, least of all the person I should be able to trust second only to myself.
 
#66
i can see the point of "you shouldn't say anything" in only one type of situation...

If you have a family that is stable and kids are involved....

while i may not agree ... i can see where this comes from...

just cause you have a lapse in judgment ... doesn't mean you shold rock the boat with the family you would be turning everyone's life upside down ... if you feel guilty use it as a reminder of what not to do faced with the same situation again.


sometimes the right thing isn't as cut and dry as some think.

some like the "First, do no harm" mantra ...
 
#67
MatticusMania said:
Thanks. Ive gone through that one, too. After careful contemplation I made the call to leave my comfortable life and start over.
I get that not everyone will be quite willing to do so in such a situation, but for me the choice between leaving my comfort zone and starting over, or staying with someone who betrayed my trust and not make the effort to regain it was an easy one.

Anything is possible, sure, but I doubt they will. I have no room in my life for those who wish to deceive me.
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I think the point Darth is making is, you wouldn't KNOW they'd betrayed your trust, so you'd just carry on none the wiser.
 
#68
MatticusMania said:
Thanks. Ive gone through that one, too. After careful contemplation I made the call to leave my comfortable life and start over.
I get that not everyone will be quite willing to do so in such a situation, but for me the choice between leaving my comfort zone and starting over, or staying with someone who betrayed my trust and not make the effort to regain it was an easy one.



Anything is possible, sure, but I doubt they will. I have no room in my life for those who wish to deceive me.
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That's the thing though. I'm not saying I wouldn't start over.....if it came down to it, chances are just as good that I would.....but I don't want to have to. I like things the way they are, and I don't want to face that choice. That's why I wouldn't want to know about it. Like I said, what I don't know won't hurt me.
 
#70
Tituscrow said:
I think the point Darth is making is, you wouldn't KNOW they'd betrayed your trust, so you'd just carry on none the wiser.
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I can get that. I dont know, though, Im saying Id rather know and be able to deal with the situation.
Not knowing that your trust is being betrayed doesnt remove the occurence of betrayal, it just leaves one person ignorant of the truth.
It gets even worse if/when people you know start to figure things out before you do, or if/when years later you find out for yourself and realize that youve been living a life based on a lie.
 
#71
MatticusMania said:
Thanks. Ive gone through that one, too. After careful contemplation I made the call to leave my comfortable life and start over.
I get that not everyone will be quite willing to do so in such a situation, but for me the choice between leaving my comfort zone and starting over, or staying with someone who betrayed my trust and not make the effort to regain it was an easy one.



Anything is possible, sure, but I doubt they will. I have no room in my life for those who wish to deceive me, least of all the person I should be able to trust second only to myself.
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Just curious Matt, if you were with someone say for a decade and had children would that change the picture for you?
 
#72
MatticusMania said:
I can get that. I dont know, though, Im saying Id rather know and be able to deal with the situation.
Not knowing that your trust is being betrayed doesnt remove the occurence of betrayal, it just leaves one person ignorant of the truth.
It gets even worse if/when people you know start to figure things out before you do, or if/when years later you find out for yourself and realize that youve been living a life based on a lie.
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but now you're getting into recurring incidents, which I thought I stated pretty clearly means it is time to end it. I was speaking of an isolated incident. two very distinct things in my eyes.
 
#73
Gaius46 said:
Just curious Matt, if you were with someone say for a decade and had children would that change the picture for you?
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Not at all. The resentent & conflict in the relationship that this would cause would be far more damaging, IMO, than raising a child between two homes.

That might not apply to everyone, but it would if I were in such a situation.

DwaynieAD said:
but now you're getting into recurring incidents, which I thought I stated pretty clearly means it is time to end it. I was speaking of an isolated incident. two very distinct things in my eyes.
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I dont see anywhere in that statement where I said anything about recurring incidents. It applies equally had it been only one time or a recurring thing.
 
#74
MatticusMania said:
It gets even worse if/when people you know start to figure things out before you do, or if/when years later you find out for yourself and realize that youve been living a life based on a lie.
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Oh dont be so melodramatic. A mmarriage of several years doesn't turn into a lie because of a mistake. It's a horrible mistake, yes, but that doesn't automatically negate your time together.
 
#75
Darth Handsome said:
Oh dont be so melodramatic. A mmarriage of several years doesn't turn into a lie because of a mistake. It's a horrible mistake, yes, but that doesn't automatically negate your time together.
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Maybe it doesnt for you, and maybe not in every instance, but it surely can in others.
Melodramatic or not, the point still stands. I can tolerate mistakes being made, but cheating, even if only one time, is not a mistake. Its a conscious decision to do something wrong with plenty of time to choose to do the right thing.
 
#77
So just for clarification I did t violate a specific policy, but nonetheless. I decided to voluntary transfer, as that was the best option to save some face.
My salary is reduction is 30% for the next 6 months in addition to a dicplinary notice and 3 days leave and 30 days probation . The company is going to make sure I remember this.
 
#78
MadMan118 said:
So just for clarification I did t violate a specific policy, but nonetheless. I decided to voluntary transfer, as that was the best option to save some face.
My salary is reduction is 30% for the next 6 months in addition to a dicplinary notice and 3 days leave and 30 days probation . The company is going to make sure I remember this.
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It could definitely be worse. All the best wishes that everything works out for the greater good.
 

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