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I really screwed myself this time.

#102
Jazz Ad said:
Don't assume that you are stronger than your emotions. You could be surprised.
On a related note, been cheated on may mean the end of your relationship when you're in college.
In a long time married couple that built a lot together, things may work very differently.
My motto is "sleep with who you want but if it's not me I want to take pictures".
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It's not a point being stonger than me emotions for me, it's the ability to separate my emotions from my choices. Once I decide I'm in, I'm all in. All other possibilities simply don't exist. I can appreciate the beauty in another woman but know that my heart is with the one I have chosen to love.

I have always operated this way and while I have been on the receiving end of cheating more than once I can say in all honesty and with a clear conscience that I have never been the one to stray. When I've wanted to be free, I have stuck to that choice and when I've wanted to be faithful I have stood by that choice. For me, it's always been a matter of knowing where I stand and sticking with it.
 
#103
MatticusMania said:
I know absolute statements arent the best to make, but I can safely say that I would never cheat on my partner. If I felt compelled to sleep with another woman Id ask my girl what she thought about the situation.
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I did this and my lady said she doesn't care if I sleep with other gals as long as I don't catch anything. I quickly told her I don't care if she sleeps with other guys as long as she doesn't catch anything, and if its a lady into guys and gals then she better bring her home ;)
 
#106
blendermassacre said:
I think I can speak a bit to whether it's better or not to know. I found out a few months ago that my ex wife (she's been gone for 2 years) slept with a person who was once a friend but had since stopped being so.

Considering she left out of the blue and gave me no real reason except being unhappy, until moving in with her girlfriend (:eyeroll:) that we were splitting up and it was devastating to me both financially (I had put her through school, so she was doing the same. I was working part time and had a hell of a time finding a job, and I'm still trying to deal with the debt incurred during that time, as well as having to drop out of Engineering School) and emotionally.

A few months after the ordeal she called me to confess about some things (really, really big ****ing things) that she had either lied to me about or committed a lie of omition. I was super pissed at her for a day or two, but got over it, and asked her if there was anything else she wanted to tell me, to which she did not.

Then, as I said, it came to light that she was boning my ex friend in the weeks leading up to her departure. During this time, according to her, she just needed to "work some things out in her mind" and that "we would be okay". Obviously, not the truth.

Once I found out about the infidelity, I was particularly infuriated because she had spent the first 6 or so months of us being apart saying that we could be good friends and that we just didn't work out, which I sort of bought into for a while. That being said, once I found out the truth ( I had my suspicions, but still), I lost my mind. I was super hurt and mad, albeit for a day or two, mainly because she had multiple times to come clean and didn't. At this point, our relationship was obviously over, but it was nice to feel some closure on at least part of the reason why things ended. Despite being initially mad, it was better to know than to not know.
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Your story is much, much better than the OP's. Totally crazy. Awful ending.
 
#107
bassinplace said:
If your company doesn't have an established policy against it, why are they reprimanding you? :confused: Talk about big brother...
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It's clear you don't get it. The OP wasn't looking out for the company (you know - the one that cuts his paycheck). The absence of a formal policy is irrelevant. He apparently knew it was a no-no before the event.

If it had been me, I'd've fired him. When managers "date" employees, it opens the company up to huge multi-million-dollar liability if anything goes wrong in the relationship and the employee cries, "sexual harassment." It's practically mandatory to discipline managers who cross the line. In the event that the employee ultimately brings a harassment complaint, the company's only defense is that they either fired or disciplined the manager.

In my own case, I had to fire not only an employee who was sexually harassing another, but also the harassed employee's supervisor, who knew about it for two weeks and did nothing. She said "I didn't think it was a big deal." I had to discuss my actions with the harrassed employee to see if the actions I took were satisfactory.

In the case of managers in relationships with employees, I had an office manager who was dating an employee. He continued to date the employee after I told him to stop, so I removed him from the manager's position and demoted him to staff (interstaff relationships are not encouraged, but not prohibited). He didn't like this and resigned about a month later.

And those are two of the simpler cases I've had to deal with. The more convoluted ones would consume too much precious internet bandwidth.
 
#108
hdracer said:
Well, that isn't to bad.




I just have to ask,


Was it good?
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if he's sharing this information with an internet forum, what do you think is the most likely answer?

this thread and the idea that you can get away with cheating if you apologize before being found out nullifies the whole ****ing idea of a good relationship because if she leaves he's successfully ****ed over her chances of meeting someone else she can trust easily.
 
#109
Munjibunga said:
It's clear you don't get it. The OP wasn't looking out for the company (you know - the one that cuts his paycheck). The absence of a formal policy is irrelevant. He apparently knew it was a no-no before the event.

If it had been me, I'd've fired him. When managers "date" employees, it opens the company up to huge multi-million-dollar liability if anything goes wrong in the relationship and the employee cries, "sexual harassment." It's practically mandatory to discipline managers who cross the line. In the event that the employee ultimately brings a harassment complaint, the company's only defense is that they either fired or disciplined the manager.

In my own case, I had to fire not only an employee who was sexually harassing another, but also the harassed employee's supervisor, who knew about it for two weeks and did nothing. She said "I didn't think it was a big deal." I had to discuss my actions with the harrassed employee to see if the actions I took were satisfactory.

In the case of managers in relationships with employees, I had an office manager who was dating an employee. He continued to date the employee after I told him to stop, so I removed him from the manager's position and demoted him to staff (interstaff relationships are not encouraged, but not prohibited). He didn't like this and resigned about a month later.

And those are two of the simpler cases I've had to deal with. The more convoluted ones would consume too much precious internet bandwidth.
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While I agree with everything you said absence of a formal policy is pure stupidity. First depending on the labor laws of the state involved disciplining an employee for a romantic relationship absent an explicit policy against it can open the firm to potential legal liability.

Second employees dating each other is going to happen. A huge number of people date people at work. Better to recognize that and have policies in place that allow people to have lives while protecting the firm from liability.
 
#110
Jazz Ad said:
Don't assume that you are stronger than your emotions. You could be surprised.
On a related note, been cheated on may mean the end of your relationship when you're in college.
In a long time married couple that built a lot together, things may work very differently.
My motto is "sleep with who you want but if it's not me I want to take pictures".
Click to expand...

Who says its an assumption? Perhaps he's been in a situation/situations which have tested his resolve?

I KNOW that, given the opportunity, I wont cheat. I've had my resolve tested countless times. I've had situations in which no one but me would know, several weeks of sexual frustration into a tour with women throwing themselves at me. (Thats not said as a boast, you guys all know that when you've been on stage, women way out of our league throw themselves at musicians). Despite my twenty-something year old hormones, several weeks without getting any because I'd been on the road and the sure knowledge that word of it would never get back home, I still repeatedly turned down any advances.

In a past relationship of mine that lasted five years, the opportunity to cheat came up lots of times. Towards the end, I really wasn't happy, nor was she, we just didn't realise what the problem was. This had a knock on effect on our private life. During this time, on a night out, a lady I had a thing for for YEARS gave me a stone cold opportunity to do whatever I wanted. I was tempted, REALLY tempted. Thats what made me man up and have the conversation with my s/o that led to me leaving her. That particular temptation was what made me realise that I didn't want to be with her any more, but I wanted to do things right. Cheating would have had absolutely no real ramifications, apart from when I had to deal with my own conscience. That was enough motivation for me.

I don't buy any of the "It just happened" mentality around cheating. If it happened, it happened for a reason.

Either
a) Theres a problem in your relationship, some of your needs are not being met. This should have been resolved before getting to this stage, but some people aren't so good at talking. Even if its already happened, that conversation NEEDS to happen, because sleeping with one person wont make that problem go away
or
b) You have no impulse control or willpower and you cant keep it in your pants. In this case, you're probably best avoiding a relationship until you have self control.
 
#111
I think those of you that would stay with a cheating woman just lack self esteem and confidence. I have a few friends that let their wives walk all over them and control them because deep down they fear they could never find another women....thats what you guys remind me of!
 
#113
jarrydee said:
I think those of you that would stay with a cheating woman just lack self esteem and confidence. I have a few friends that let their wives walk all over them and control them because deep down they fear they could never find another women....thats what you guys remind me of!
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That's the system. When you see news reports about "the snuggery", you know that amidst some population that people are experiencing social issues.

When men are criminalized for their junk and portrayed as morons in every TV commercial, you know misandry is at an all time high.

Feminism=modern day reversed sexism.
 
#120
DwaynieAD said:
arghh.. this is like saying reverse racism.. its just racism

or in this case feminism = sexism
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eh i didn't want to say just plain sexism, because most sexism is focused on the idea it's against women to start off with, but I guess you're right.

Anyone to dispute the above posts can youtube "misandry in the media" for some entertainment.

But this is most of what is happening that JarryDee observes the after effects of.
 

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