Enjoy the benefits of a premium membership!
Upgrade Account
-
TalkBass has been independent since 1998. Add your voice.
Create a free account to reply to discussions, view embedded media, and browse with fewer display ads.
Join free Log in
Want zero display ads or expanded classifieds tools? Compare plans.
I really screwed myself this time.
- Thread starter MadMan118
- Start date
Yes. Read back the last 7 pages and you'll see that you are the only one who perceived things that way. He said in the OP that he told his girlfriend, and then his company found out. This is why I question your reading comprehension.
I don't disagree with your point about the absence of a formal policy. In my early employment with my company, it was small, and we had no policy manual. I left the company for 11 years and, by the time I returned, it had grown to the point where we needed a policy manual. I liked it when we were small and flew by the seat of the pants. But when you have (in our case) hundreds of employees, you're going to get more people with issues, and the policy manual helps deal with them. But even before we had the manual, we sat in the owners' meeting and the boss said, "Anyone who ****s an employee is fired." That was the policy, and remained so after he retired.
D
Can't recall who said it, but I agree with the person who said they'd rather know so that they had a reason to leave the relationship instead of being lied to for who knows how long.
...and such a lack of conscience itself is likely to have deleterious effect on the relationship.
But only the willfully ignorant get to choose what they know.
Sometimes information comes to light, whether we like it or not.
Really? You think in the history of humankind there hasn't been a single instance where one partner slipped (pardon the euphemism), their spouse never knew anything about it, and they had a long & happy life together?
Oy vey. Okay, read this carefully:
the information never comes to light.
That would be my preference.
Clear as mud?
I think the common thought is that it could happen, but that isn't what anyone would bet on. We live in reality, not dream land.
I'm with yahh brother, just don't feel like arguing the point. it all reminds me of people who catch their s/o with someone else, break up with them then badger them for details about what all happened.. do you really want to know?
lets say i slipped up nd cheated but it made me realize how much i cared for my fiance. how would telling her i cheated make our relationship better?
i didnt want anymore argument but i have a feeling this is going to invite more.
Again, I'm not arguing its likelihood (none of us should, as our knowledge of every detail of every relationship the world has ever seen is relatively limited). I'm stating what my preference would be.
Maybe this is just how my brain works, but I think that she deserves the right to make the call on whether or not she's willing to be with someone who will slip up like that.
Secondly, as I said earlier, relationships are based on trust and honesty, to me at least. Breaking that, even without the knowledge of the other side, is going to cause stress, either because of guilt or because of fear of getting caught or some other factor.
I get what youre saying, because youve said it again and again.
What Im saying is that you dont always have the option of keeping that information in the dark.
This isnt a conversation about preferences, because Im sure we'd all prefer not to be cheated on in the first place, and then the whole discussion would be moot.
yea, he said he told his girlfriend after he cheated with the girl and then the company found out. Therefore considering how quick that must've happened, it was probably a pretty short break between the cheating event and confession. I'd assume (since is the clearest way in my mind that it could come out) that the girl he banged started making a fuss publicly, he said "I'm out" because he told his gf, and then the company, hearing what went on, found out themselves.
So my logic would be, if he came out that quickly, what was his first concern? That his girl would find out? or that his company would find out? Observe that the co-worker he banged is in the closest proximity to his job, and that his girl would probably be the last to find out (gossip, potentially being fired and then her finding he's not bringing home checks anymore).
Considering he cut the relationship with the co-worker off so quickly by telling his girlfriend first, I'd say the focus was that his company would find out.
So maybe my reading comprehension shouldn't be of your concern if you're not willing to connect the dots.
