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I really screwed myself this time.

#122
placedesjardins said:
Your story is much, much better than the OP's. Totally crazy. Awful ending.
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Meh. I'm a lot happier then I was with her. I've got a crazy hot fiance, baby on the way in January. I've got a girl who has proven to me time and time again that she not only loves me with everything she has, but will be faithful to me when tons of dudes hit on her. It's not always easy (she had 4 kids when we got together, and she's in school, and works) but I'd take really good over easy every time.
 
#124
Munjibunga said:
It's clear you don't get it. The OP wasn't looking out for the company (you know - the one that cuts his paycheck). The absence of a formal policy is irrelevant. He apparently knew it was a no-no before the event.

If it had been me, I'd've fired him. When managers "date" employees, it opens the company up to huge multi-million-dollar liability if anything goes wrong in the relationship and the employee cries, "sexual harassment." It's practically mandatory to discipline managers who cross the line. In the event that the employee ultimately brings a harassment complaint, the company's only defense is that they either fired or disciplined the manager.

In my own case, I had to fire not only an employee who was sexually harassing another, but also the harassed employee's supervisor, who knew about it for two weeks and did nothing. She said "I didn't think it was a big deal." I had to discuss my actions with the harrassed employee to see if the actions I took were satisfactory.

In the case of managers in relationships with employees, I had an office manager who was dating an employee. He continued to date the employee after I told him to stop, so I removed him from the manager's position and demoted him to staff (interstaff relationships are not encouraged, but not prohibited). He didn't like this and resigned about a month later.

And those are two of the simpler cases I've had to deal with. The more convoluted ones would consume too much precious internet bandwidth.
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Not only this, but, as someone who's been hired by an ex girlfriend, it makes for an awkward work environment sometimes. We were friends after we broke up, but still, having had sex with your boss makes things awkward.
 
#127
Strat-Mangler said:
Personally, I don't think you'll end up having a job. Firstly, in an incredibly judicious country like the US, having you staffed opens them up for lawsuits. Then, even if you'd stay staffed, everybody in the office would know anyway and would either not feel comfortable working for you or have respect for you. And then, there's the chance a female employee will take advantage and say that you decided to get fresh with her too which management would believe due to this behavior being reported in the past... at which point you'd end up jobless either way.

The damage is done and nothing can undo it. I'd tell your girlfriend that she doesn't deserve you but that if she even thinks of giving you a 2nd chance, that she should scram the moment things even begin to smell fishy in the least. Some girls will say that a cheater's a cheater and he'll do it again, so your chances are slim to none that she'll take you back... just so you're aware. And personally, if I were in your shoes, I don't think I'd be able to face her friends and family whom would all know that she had been cheated on... by you!

I'll relay a quick anecdote that sort of ties in. When I was a kid, I desperately wanted to win at anything, by any means. Once, when I was 14, I was playing a game of Monopoly with a good friend of mine (at the time) and I took a couple of 500$ bills from the "bank" because I was running low. He caught me, said he was disappointed in me, and that he'd never play games like that with me again. He then asked me to leave, politely, calmly, but firmly. He was way ahead of his age in maturity and composure. He kept his word and we never played those games again.

I learned a valuable lesson then and have never cheated in so much as a game of cards since then. Obviously, emotions are part of the equation when one cheats within a relationship, but the concept is the same ; seeing an opportunity for doing something wrong that would benefit you in the short run by circumventing your ethics/morals.

If you take anything from this experience, remember to take this as a lesson learned and to apply it to your life. Takes courage to post it in the 1st place, regardless of the fact that it's (mostly) anonymous on this site. You seem to express remorse and willing to take what's coming. Don't fall into self-pity or self-loathing. You played with fire and are paying the consequences. If you're willing to work things out with your g/f, you might be looking at months or even a couple of years straight of uncertainty, underlying stress, lots of doubt (i.e. that after-work "meeting," what does it really mean?), etc.

Good luck to you either way.
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For some reason, I find the Monopoly story to be one of the most interesting reads I've had on TB. Those small moments can shape your life even at a young age.

An honest man gets far in life, even if the fruits of his conduct are not immediately apparent.
 
#128
boristhespider9 said:
For some reason, I find the Monopoly story to be one of the most interesting reads I've had on TB. Those small moments can shape your life even at a young age.

An honest man gets far in life, even if the fruits of his conduct are not immediately apparent.
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for some reason, I found the monopoly story absolutely hilarious.
Image+%253D+Trump+You%2527re+fired+To+Bishop+Nowotnik+Of+Rye+Town.png
 
#129
dj150888 said:
Who says its an assumption? Perhaps he's been in a situation/situations which have tested his resolve?

I KNOW that, given the opportunity, I wont cheat. I've had my resolve tested countless times. I've had situations in which no one but me would know, several weeks of sexual frustration into a tour with women throwing themselves at me. (Thats not said as a boast, you guys all know that when you've been on stage, women way out of our league throw themselves at musicians). Despite my twenty-something year old hormones, several weeks without getting any because I'd been on the road and the sure knowledge that word of it would never get back home, I still repeatedly turned down any advances.

In a past relationship of mine that lasted five years, the opportunity to cheat came up lots of times. Towards the end, I really wasn't happy, nor was she, we just didn't realise what the problem was. This had a knock on effect on our private life. During this time, on a night out, a lady I had a thing for for YEARS gave me a stone cold opportunity to do whatever I wanted. I was tempted, REALLY tempted. Thats what made me man up and have the conversation with my s/o that led to me leaving her. That particular temptation was what made me realise that I didn't want to be with her any more, but I wanted to do things right. Cheating would have had absolutely no real ramifications, apart from when I had to deal with my own conscience. That was enough motivation for me.

I don't buy any of the "It just happened" mentality around cheating. If it happened, it happened for a reason.

Either
a) Theres a problem in your relationship, some of your needs are not being met. This should have been resolved before getting to this stage, but some people aren't so good at talking. Even if its already happened, that conversation NEEDS to happen, because sleeping with one person wont make that problem go away
or
b) You have no impulse control or willpower and you cant keep it in your pants. In this case, you're probably best avoiding a relationship until you have self control.
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Agree with everything here. Testing your character and commitment when you KNOW that nobody will find out is truly the test. You could have used a million excuses during all of those siren song situations, but you realized that all of them simply show weakness. In the end, if you want to be with someone else, break off the non-working relationship first. If you always want to be with someone else because you like the adventure and excitement, then don't get in a relationship to begin with.

Remember, that there will almost always be temptation. You can either stand tall or wither. I guess it depends on what you want to see in the mirror the next day.

By the way, shouldn't Jason Aldean be chiming in soon? Didn't the married father of two country superstar just get caught smooching another woman on the Sunset Strip while on tour? First time or first time caught?
 
#131
scorpionldr said:
this thread and the idea that you can get away with cheating if you apologize before being found out nullifies the whole ****ing idea of a good relationship because if she leaves he's successfully ****ed over her chances of meeting someone else she can trust easily.
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Who is saying "you can get away with cheating if you apologize before being found out"? No one here has said that.

dj150888 said:
Who says its an assumption? Perhaps he's been in a situation/situations which have tested his resolve?

I KNOW that, given the opportunity, I wont cheat. I've had my resolve tested countless times.
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Exactly.

aborgman said:
You never need to know for it to have a deleterious effect on the relationship, only she does.
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This is true. Not to say that it always will, but if she has any semblance of a conscience, the guilt will manifest itself in ugly ways.

boristhespider9 said:
Testing your character and commitment when you KNOW that nobody will find out is truly the test.
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The true definition of character is how we act when we know that no one is looking.
 
#132
MatticusMania said:
Who is saying "you can get away with cheating if you apologize before being found out"? No one here has said that.
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it sounded like he just did it because he thought he'd get fired/demoted (which he did, in getting punished and put on probation for a while) and wanted to save face in his explanation to his SO of why his wage was suddenly plummeting, while getting the one that he got a one-time in on out of his face.
 
#136
MJ5150 said:
In the digital age we live in now, it's probably not a good idea to operate under this assumption anymore.

-Mike
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Possibly true, but given the circumstances, I can say that with very high confidence. Its irrelevant anyway, I choose not to conduct myself in such a way that, if anyone heard about it, it would cause me trouble.

I'm not immune to temptation, but the times when I don't stay strong are, without exception, silly things that I would have no problem with people knowing. Staying for an extra few beers when I know I have to be up early the next day, putting off repairs or chores around the house by procrastinating etc.

When it comes to serious temptation, I'm strong, stubborn and principled enough to conduct myself in a way I can be proud of.
 
#138
scorpionldr said:
it sounded like he just did it because he thought he'd get fired/demoted (which he did, in getting punished and put on probation for a while) and wanted to save face in his explanation to his SO of why his wage was suddenly plummeting, while getting the one that he got a one-time in on out of his face.
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I think it may have sounded like that only to you.
 

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