Regardless if there is disagreement between telling the SO or not, im sure everyone can agree that the actual cheating was wrong and unethical. I hope atleast.
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I really screwed myself this time.
- Thread starter MadMan118
- Start date
If your company doesn't have an established policy against it, why are they reprimanding you? 
Talk about big brother...
Talk about big brother...
I think I can speak a bit to whether it's better or not to know. I found out a few months ago that my ex wife (she's been gone for 2 years) slept with a person who was once a friend but had since stopped being so.
Considering she left out of the blue and gave me no real reason except being unhappy, until moving in with her girlfriend
eyeroll that we were splitting up and it was devastating to me both financially (I had put her through school, so she was doing the same. I was working part time and had a hell of a time finding a job, and I'm still trying to deal with the debt incurred during that time, as well as having to drop out of Engineering School) and emotionally.
A few months after the ordeal she called me to confess about some things (really, really big ****ing things) that she had either lied to me about or committed a lie of omition. I was super pissed at her for a day or two, but got over it, and asked her if there was anything else she wanted to tell me, to which she did not.
Then, as I said, it came to light that she was boning my ex friend in the weeks leading up to her departure. During this time, according to her, she just needed to "work some things out in her mind" and that "we would be okay". Obviously, not the truth.
Once I found out about the infidelity, I was particularly infuriated because she had spent the first 6 or so months of us being apart saying that we could be good friends and that we just didn't work out, which I sort of bought into for a while. That being said, once I found out the truth ( I had my suspicions, but still), I lost my mind. I was super hurt and mad, albeit for a day or two, mainly because she had multiple times to come clean and didn't. At this point, our relationship was obviously over, but it was nice to feel some closure on at least part of the reason why things ended. Despite being initially mad, it was better to know than to not know.
Considering she left out of the blue and gave me no real reason except being unhappy, until moving in with her girlfriend
eyeroll that we were splitting up and it was devastating to me both financially (I had put her through school, so she was doing the same. I was working part time and had a hell of a time finding a job, and I'm still trying to deal with the debt incurred during that time, as well as having to drop out of Engineering School) and emotionally. A few months after the ordeal she called me to confess about some things (really, really big ****ing things) that she had either lied to me about or committed a lie of omition. I was super pissed at her for a day or two, but got over it, and asked her if there was anything else she wanted to tell me, to which she did not.
Then, as I said, it came to light that she was boning my ex friend in the weeks leading up to her departure. During this time, according to her, she just needed to "work some things out in her mind" and that "we would be okay". Obviously, not the truth.
Once I found out about the infidelity, I was particularly infuriated because she had spent the first 6 or so months of us being apart saying that we could be good friends and that we just didn't work out, which I sort of bought into for a while. That being said, once I found out the truth ( I had my suspicions, but still), I lost my mind. I was super hurt and mad, albeit for a day or two, mainly because she had multiple times to come clean and didn't. At this point, our relationship was obviously over, but it was nice to feel some closure on at least part of the reason why things ended. Despite being initially mad, it was better to know than to not know.
Yep, if I'm being cheated on I certainly want to know about it. Otherwise I'm being played for a fool while she's out getting her kicks. I for one want to be made aware of when it's time for me to go.
While I respect that not everyone may feel the same way, I didnt think this was such a hard concept to grasp.
So for the people who prefer not to know, would you tell your partner if you cheated on them?
-Mike
-Mike
I think that's what they're saying that they would rather not know and never tell. I understand why, I guess, but my brain hurts thinking of me trying to hide it. I'd explode.
Im going to presume that they'd not cheat on their significant other in the first place.
Well, I didnt say "they would never..." Im just guessing that that might be the stance that theyre speaking from. However, I cant know for sure, I was just providing a possibility until the question is answered.
I know absolute statements arent the best to make, but I can safely say that I would never cheat on my partner. If I felt compelled to sleep with another woman Id ask my girl what she thought about the situation.
Lets see who jumps on me for that one.
Is it? Guess I'm bizarre then. Whenever I've been single, I've been single and whenever I've been faithful, I've been faithful. Trying to mix the two is like oil and water. It can't be done and all you end up with is a big mess.
scenario-1
i meet an exotic hottie and we spend the night,...
that's my secret and i'm not going to hurt anyone or anything by confessing. most people can't handle the truth! especially if it's a long chain of hearts to be broken.
scenario-2,
that hottie and i are separable!
i'm telling everyone that is affected, bar none!
"one nighters" and "short flings" need NEVER be discussed, IMO/E
if my girl experiences either above scenario, i would appreciate similar protocal.
i meet an exotic hottie and we spend the night,...
that's my secret and i'm not going to hurt anyone or anything by confessing. most people can't handle the truth! especially if it's a long chain of hearts to be broken.
scenario-2,
that hottie and i are separable!
i'm telling everyone that is affected, bar none!
"one nighters" and "short flings" need NEVER be discussed, IMO/E
if my girl experiences either above scenario, i would appreciate similar protocal.
I think I'm operating off of these two sets of truths: Life is unpredictable and humans are easily swayed by temptation.
I would say that I'm very highly unlikely to cheat on my fiance, but never is a bit too absolute for me.
I also think this is in view of my life, which in some aspects is a proof of Murphy's Law.
scenario-1
i meet an exotic hottie and we spend the night,...
that's my secret and i'm not going to hurt anyone or anything by confessing. most people can't handle the truth! especially if it's a long chain of hearts to be broken.
scenario-2,
that hottie and i are separable!
i'm telling everyone that is affected, bar none!
"one nighters" and "short flings" need NEVER be discussed, IMO/E
if my girl experiences either above scenario, i would appreciate similar protocal.
You're a stronger man than I am.
Don't assume that you are stronger than your emotions. You could be surprised.
On a related note, been cheated on may mean the end of your relationship when you're in college.
In a long time married couple that built a lot together, things may work very differently.
My motto is "sleep with who you want but if it's not me I want to take pictures".
MatticusMania said:
The concept is not hard to grasp. But I would rather be "played for a fool" than deal with a broken heart. I know which one hurts more.
As for Mike's question, no, I dont think i would say nothing if I was the cheater. But, that's just an assumption, as I haven't done it and have no desire to.
And again, im not condoning any of this behavior & I am not suggesting it's "best" to stay once the cat is out of the bag. Im saying if my lady is going to be selfish enough to do this, she can at least have the courtesy to protect me from the heartache and make sure that cat never gets out of the bag. And if she lets it out to ease her own guilt, to me that is inexcusable.
If you're with a cheater and you care about the person then the broken heart is coming. It's just a matter of when. I can't imagine feeling better knowing it's been going on for some length of time. The cleaner the break can be, the better, imo.
