OK, fine … since I can’t C&P the post I’ll screenshot it.
It ain’t nonsense … it’s reality, and it’s a reality that you clearly have chosen not to be aware of.
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Making Female Singer Feel Safer
- Thread starter KevInDaBassment
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It ain’t nonsense … it’s reality, and it’s a reality that you clearly have chosen not to be aware of.
The band I was in roughly 4-5 years ago had to do the meet and greets beforehand, but that's because our singer was a very...lets say "abrasive" person, and if they didn't click with him it was going to be WW3 every rehearsal. It's a good suggestion, but like I said to another user this will depend on if the BL thinks it's a solid idea as well. Hopefully all goes well, your input is appreciated!
Are you joking? You didn’t read my post, did you?! The nonsense is directed to the statement that because men were silent and women weren’t that somehow shows that only women have to worry about being assaulted.
You can’t find one word in my response that indicates that women aren’t assaulted or don’t have to worry about being assaulted.
I call to account the specious argument that men’s silence in some audience somehow shows that they are not sexually assaulted or don’t have fear of being sexually assaulted. That IS nonsense.
Women are sexually assaulted, and I don’t doubt in far higher numbers. But, do you REALLY think that men are somehow discounted because they are silent about “daily” concerns? Women have their concerns that they consider in greater frequency than men, and men have their concerns that they consider in greater frequency than women.
Move it off the sexual assault to just plain murder. Women don’t typically get murdered in bar fights, and I guarantee you that’s a concern many men have about getting shot or stabbed to death by some drunken fool.
So, should I think that somehow because women may not have to concern themselves weekly with how to protect themselves against getting stabbed or shot in a bar fight that it is somehow less than a man who does because it is far more likely to get killed that way? Of course not.
The audience questioning argument IS nonsense. I hope that made it clear.
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The list of things (carrying your keys as a weapon, and so on) are things I was advised as a young man to do in case of a violent attack, so men have been made aware of those things at times, if for a different reason or mode of potential attack, and maybe that's a way of bridging any gaps in mutual understanding.
As a man I probably wouldn't be concerned about assault going to an audition, but then most male musicians I have met have also been gentle people, and about half the bands I've been in have been mixed anyway, and those that have had women in have been about 50% women. What does seem unusual is a man joining an otherwise all-female band (Early Throwing Muses is the only example I can think of off the top of my head).
I'll ask a couple of the female musicians I've been in bands in how they felt about it, although to be fair one of those who I am in touch with auditioned me...
I was about to write it's an exaggeration because I never, ever felt in danger in meeting strangers to buy or sell gear, or for auditions, at home or at the practice space or anywhere else.
But maybe I can't connect with the OP because I haven't lived in that context. Italy has a sexual assault rate not nearly as high as USA so what feels almost "ridiculous" damsel-in-distress-like mindset (meaning no offense, mate
) to me, may be not so exaggerated in more concretely dangerous context.
But maybe I can't connect with the OP because I haven't lived in that context. Italy has a sexual assault rate not nearly as high as USA so what feels almost "ridiculous" damsel-in-distress-like mindset (meaning no offense, mate
) to me, may be not so exaggerated in more concretely dangerous context.
It's 2018. I wouldn't work with a female in the band for any amount of money. Accusations seem to amount to convicti
Great advice. It’s 2018, I wouldn’t work in a band with a female for any amount of $$$$. I have a great 31 year marriage, and I wouldn’t take a chance with that for anything. I wish the OP all the best. But it’s not for me..
Yeah.
I read it as ‘asked to bring a person so that there would be an additional person there, making her feel more comfort’.
I don’t view my bandmates’ families as tickets.
I don’t audition vocalists to try and add husbands, one by one, to the fan club.
Can you imagine. . .
Surely adding husbands to the fan club is bonus, though
A bonus, sure. But one fan is only one fan.
Any person I audition is there on their own merit, not as some chance for me to impress their husband or wife and gain one fan.
I see the incels have appeared on cue!
You sound.... nervous! I do wonder what percentage of sanctimonious, sexist Billy-Graham-rule types have something to hide, versus baseless paranoia.
Get out the manosphere and try being a good human being.
Have you read Chrissy Hynde's autobiography? She was knocked around pretty badly by biker gangs before making the transition from music fan to musician. It's pretty much why the Pretenders formed in London rather than Ohio - she was on the run to find someplace safe.
Can't speak for the other two.
I wouldn't assume that being 50-something automatically makes anyone safe, and of course if she joins the band, then there's a new crew of acquaintances she knows.
Regarding this entire fest between you and @lfmn16 vs. @mapleglo - y'all are going for classic #notallmen, which misses the point.
The point is not that all men or even most men are assailants. The point is that assaults on women are so common, and can come from such unexpected quarters (the friends and acquaintances that @RichardW cited), that all sensible women have to live in a state of ongoing threat assessment where the most dangerous thing is to assume any given man is automatically "safe." It isn't that every man is a rapist - it's that if you get raped, it's likely to be by someone you didn't expect to do it. You can't tell what's going on beneath the surface and the seeming nice guy can turn out to be the one who gets you.
Great illustration, thank you. My wife and I were just talking about this yesterday - how a woman has to go through her day constantly on guard. It's depressing.
There are lots of different ways to define terms and analyze data, but no study shows more than 10% of rape/sexual assault reports or accusations being falsely made, and some are as low as 2% - and those percentages out of 1.1-1.3 reports per thousand population per year. In other words, each year in the US, 11 to 13 people out of 10,000 will report suffering sexual assault or rape, and one of them, at most, will be lying.
Meanwhile less than half (probably around 35-40%) of rapes and perhaps 80-95% of assaults go unreported altogether, let alone reaching a point that their perpetrators do any jail time. It does happen from time to time, but the risk of a man suffering a false accusation of a sexual assault is miniscule compared to the risk of a woman suffering an actual attack.
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(incidentally, this was an article fact-checking a popular internet meme claiming MORE extreme statistics and challenging the way the meme calculated them).
I'm a male. 6'5, about 220.
I do many/most of the things on this list for my safety on a daily basis. To me, most of the things listed are sensible common sense things. No matter who you are, preparedness and situational awareness are good traits to develop.
I would think you'd want the best singer you could get and hope it's a female. ... Make the Craigslist ad 'Singer Wanted, Male or Female." ... That would make her feel saver. ... Also hit the street and ask everyone you meet. There are great singers that never leave the house or admit they'd like to get into a band. ... But, someone knows someone just find that someone.
Didn’t you know chivalry is dead? Worry about the music and let her do what she is most comfortable with... As an old fart, I’m amazed that we have to even consider these things now. It’s a sad state of affairs.
Worry about the music and let her do what she is most comfortable with... As an old fart, I’m amazed that we have to even consider these things now. It’s a sad state of affairs.
I think some of your commentary is bordering on what the mod earlier cautioned the participants in this thread about.
If you don’t want to see this discussion locked you might want to avoid using made up words like “incels” with it’s white supremacist overtones or backhanding noted former religious personalities regardless of whatever merit you may feel there is by doing so. Blatant name calling accomplishes nothing. Lets stick to the issue hand, which needs and should be discussed among the musicians here, and avoid dragging personalities and ‘dog whistles’ into the conversation.
OP asks for advice on making a woman feel comfortable at an audition and the level of righteous indignation flies through the roof. I’m sorry I even clicked on this thread.
FWIW I almost always want at least a female vocal in any band I’m in. If this person also plays an instrument (as a great many good vocalists of either gender do) it’s even better. The range and flexibility the combination female and male voices provides is a valuable band resource which IMO is worth whatever initial hassles you need to go through to make it happen.
Look at the Moody Blues. When Ray Thomas retired for medical reasons the flautist they hired to fill Ray’s chair was Norda Mullin. And while they got the world class flute player they wanted, they also got a guitarist and a second backup vocalist (joining Julie Ragins) with enough stage presence and that “Moody Blues Look” to last for days.
Not a bad package deal.
Huge amount of ignored, neglected, and underutilized female talent of all stripes out there. Don’t waste an opportunity to tap into that resource.
Look at the Moody Blues. When Ray Thomas retired for medical reasons the flautist they hired to fill Ray’s chair was Norda Mullin. And while they got the world class flute player they wanted, they also got a guitarist and a second backup vocalist (joining Julie Ragins) with enough stage presence and that “Moody Blues Look” to last for days.
Not a bad package deal.
Huge amount of ignored, neglected, and underutilized female talent of all stripes out there. Don’t waste an opportunity to tap into that resource.
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