Making Female Singer Feel Safer

[Marc DLarosa]

Have you read Chrissy Hynde's autobiography? She was knocked around pretty badly by biker gangs before making the transition from music fan to musician. It's pretty much why the Pretenders formed in London rather than Ohio - she was on the run to find someplace safe.

Can't speak for the other two.



I wouldn't assume that being 50-something automatically makes anyone safe, and of course if she joins the band, then there's a new crew of acquaintances she knows.



Regarding this entire fest between you and @lfmn16 vs. @mapleglo - y'all are going for classic #notallmen, which misses the point.

The point is not that all men or even most men are assailants. The point is that assaults on women are so common, and can come from such unexpected quarters (the friends and acquaintances that @RichardW cited), that all sensible women have to live in a state of ongoing threat assessment where the most dangerous thing is to assume any given man is automatically "safe." It isn't that every man is a rapist - it's that if you get raped, it's likely to be by someone you didn't expect to do it. You can't tell what's going on beneath the surface and the seeming nice guy can turn out to be the one who gets you.



Great illustration, thank you. My wife and I were just talking about this yesterday - how a woman has to go through her day constantly on guard. It's depressing.



There are lots of different ways to define terms and analyze data, but no study shows more than 10% of rape/sexual assault reports or accusations being falsely made, and some are as low as 2% - and those percentages out of 1.1-1.3 reports per thousand population per year. In other words, each year in the US, 11 to 13 people out of 10,000 will report suffering sexual assault or rape, and one of them, at most, will be lying.

Meanwhile less than half (probably around 35-40%) of rapes and perhaps 80-95% of assaults go unreported altogether, let alone reaching a point that their perpetrators do any jail time. It does happen from time to time, but the risk of a man suffering a false accusation of a sexual assault is miniscule compared to the risk of a woman suffering an actual attack.

Link Removed

(incidentally, this was an article fact-checking a popular internet meme claiming MORE extreme statistics and challenging the way the meme calculated them).

Biker Gangs, not Bandmates...

 

[Joe Nerve]

Easy - keep your hands to yourself.

Not specifically challenging your statement, but using it as a spring board. I actually agree, BUT...

I have to admit that things are getting incredibly scary for some of us.

I work in a public HS. Do you know that now in NYC anything that hurts a kids feeling can be filed as an abuse charge? ANYTHING!!!

A good friend of mine who has been an excellent and well respected teacher for over 25 years got transferred out of our school and is on administrative duty until a trial is held. Please trust me that I'm not exaggerating a thing here. I know this guy well, and know he would NEVER hurt a student, nor do anything inappropriate. I'm not giving only "one side," of this story, or leaving out important details. What he's guilty of, and I saw the written charges - humiliating a hearing impaired student because he asked her in front of the class to please put her hearing apparatus on, and questioning another student who wasn't on his attendance sheet. He asked her what classes she previously had, and she didn't have the prerequisites. He told her she had to go work it out with her advisor. She started crying and went to the assistant principle instead. Verbal abuse on his part, 2nd time. There was one more allegation that was an even lesser offense than those 2, that I forgot. They were 3 things that were beyond being absolutely ridiculous.

Yesterday, another well respected retired teacher who now subs (I know her 20 years and she's total salt of the earth, and an excellent teacher) threw an envelope in front of me. I opened and read as she looked me with a smile and disbelief. She has to bring a union rep with her on Tues for a meeting with the principal because she too, has been accused of verbal abuse. This woman is saint like. She never EVER had a single complaint made against her, by anybody. Staff or students.

There were 89 allegations of abuse in my school last year. I'm pretty sure there were maybe 10, in the past decade before this.

And the students are catching on. You hear them saying now, "I'm gonna get that teacher."

I now have to make sure all the kids like and respect me. A kid arriving late threw an assignment in my face yesterday. Not something that typically happens, but it did. In the past, he'd have gone to the deans office, or been reprimanded or responded to in one way or another. I'd usually ask a kid to step outside and ask nicely why they felt that had to do that. This time, I had to calmly say, "It's my job to give you the assignment and tell you it's being graded. If you don't want to do it, I can't make make you. Your responsibility, not mine.," and then let it go. He ignored me, sat down and started playing on his phone.

That's not the way I used to operate. That's not the way the school ever operated. These are some scary times.

Only once, a long time ago, I was having an issue with a female student. I don't remember what it was about, probably about putting a phone or music player away. When I threatened to send her to the dean, she said loudly and clearly, "Mister, I could destroy your life if I want, in 2 seconds flat. Leave me alone." I welcomed her to try and do that, which was crazy, but worked for that time. Truth is, she could have. I would never respond like that today. I wouldn't even ever get to the point where something like that could happen.

Interesting world.

Interesting topic.

Bottom line: Women have to be fearful of men sexually abusing them, and now men have to be fearful of women ruining their lives with just a few words. Because they can.

 

[Axstar]

I think some of your commentary is bordering on what the mod earlier cautioned the participants in this thread about.

This thread has turned predictably toxic; no more and no less. I didn't see the mod's post earlier. Posters on here should not be able to post opinions that basically boil down to 'It is current year, and women now have a voice and their complaints are taken seriously, ergo I'm never going to work with them again', without being questioned. That sounds like somebody with wandering hands, worried that they're going to finally get caught.

If not that, the notion must be that women are all pernicious liars, who want nothing better than to see good men (lol!) getting binned. Any woman making a claim about recent or historic abuse is simply committing a character assassination, apparently. I work in a fairly gender balanced workplace. I can't imagine going to work every day imagining that 50% of my colleagues will make up some spurious claims about me to try and step over me on the way up the ladder. I would, rightly, be classed as a paranoid wonk if I did!

I see a lot of local bands advertising for musicians, and the adverts with three dudes looking for a female bassist or guitarist always come across as thirsty. I don't blame women for perhaps not wanting to go to random rehearsal spaces in this instance, and the notion that the women would be the dangerous party in the band is risible.


The answer to OP's question should be pretty simple: Ask the woman what she is comfortable with.

 

[sean_on_bass]

This thread has me thinking more about the male/female dynamic and what the end game of it all really is, and how we get there as a society. The root of the problem seems to be two fold - men are more often than not physically stronger than women, and society has projected weakness and certain societal roles on women to essentially double down on widening the gap between the sexes. I have to wonder how we ultimately reconcile the difference between the sexes in society to level the playing field.

Civility and self control on the behalf of men is obviously one prong of it(although to me, it can become a war of what society says a man should do and what their body/hormones are telling them to do). Are we essentially expecting men to change biologically? I don't know the answer to that, just ruminating.

I would also think that women rising up and becoming stronger in the eyes of men is another important prong(probably the most important). The catch there is that in a world ruled by men, women have to be given the chance to enter those power roles. Or do women have to essentially take what they want? Does it really just boil down to survival of the fittest? I believe if women began to vehemently denounce the traditionally weak roles society wants to give them, the difference can slowly be reconciled. On the flip side, i think men that believe in sexual equality need to do the exact same thing and abandon those male centered roles. This is already happening on both sides. We now have female CEO's and stay at home Dad's. If we keep on in this direction, maybe we can finally attain the dream.

Too much coffee, lol.

 

[MtManiac]

Not specifically challenging your statement, but using it as a spring board. I actually agree, BUT...

I have to admit that things are getting incredibly scary for some of us.

I work in a public HS. Do you know that now in NYC anything that hurts a kids feeling can be filed as an abuse charge? ANYTHING!!!

A good friend of mine who has been an excellent and well respected teacher for over 25 years got transferred out of our school and is on administrative duty until a trial is held. Please trust me that I'm not exaggerating a thing here. I know this guy well, and know he would NEVER hurt a student, nor do anything inappropriate. I'm not giving only "one side," of this story, or leaving out important details. What he's guilty of, and I saw the written charges - humiliating a hearing impaired student because he asked her in front of the class to please put her hearing apparatus on, and questioning another student who wasn't on his attendance sheet. He asked her what classes she previously had, and she didn't have the prerequisites. He told her she had to go work it out with her advisor. She started crying and went to the assistant principle instead. Verbal abuse on his part, 2nd time. There was one more allegation that was an even lesser offense than those 2, that I forgot. They were 3 things that were beyond being absolutely ridiculous.

Yesterday, another well respected retired teacher who now subs (I know her 20 years and she's total salt of the earth, and an excellent teacher) threw an envelope in front of me. I opened and read as she looked me with a smile and disbelief. She has to bring a union rep with her on Tues for a meeting with the principal because she too, has been accused of verbal abuse. This woman is saint like. She never EVER had a single complaint made against her, by anybody. Staff or students.

There were 89 allegations of abuse in my school last year. I'm pretty sure there were maybe 10, in the past decade before this.

And the students are catching on. You hear them saying now, "I'm gonna get that teacher."

I now have to make sure all the kids like and respect me. A kid arriving late threw an assignment in my face yesterday. Not something that typically happens, but it did. In the past, he'd have gone to the deans office, or been reprimanded or responded to in one way or another. I'd usually ask a kid to step outside and ask nicely why they felt that had to do that. This time, I had to calmly say, "It's my job to give you the assignment and tell you it's being graded. If you don't want to do it, I can't make make you. Your responsibility, not mine.," and then let it go. He ignored me, sat down and started playing on his phone.

That's not the way I used to operate. That's not the way the school ever operated. These are some scary times.

Only once, a long time ago, I was having an issue with a female student. I don't remember what it was about, probably about putting a phone or music player away. When I threatened to send her to the dean, she said loudly and clearly, "Mister, I could destroy your life if I want, in 2 seconds flat. Leave me alone." I welcomed her to try and do that, which was crazy, but worked for that time. Truth is, she could have. I would never respond like that today. I wouldn't even ever get to the point where something like that could happen.

Interesting world.

Interesting topic.

Bottom line: Women have to be fearful of men sexually abusing them, and now men have to be fearful of women ruining their lives with just a few words. Because they can.

I completely agree that some women-dominated fields like teaching and nursing can be hostile to men too, but that’s not the topic here.

 

[MtManiac]

This thread has me thinking more about the male/female dynamic and what the end game of it all really is, and how we get there as a society. The root of the problem seems to be two fold - men are more often than not physically stronger than women, and society has projected weakness and certain societal roles on women to essentially double down on widening the gap between the sexes. I have to wonder how we ultimately reconcile the difference between the sexes in society to level the playing field.

Civility and self control on the behalf of men is obviously one prong of it(although to me, it can become a war of what society says a man should do and what their body/hormones are telling them to do). Are we essentially expecting men to change biologically? I don't know the answer to that, just ruminating.

I would also think that women rising up and becoming stronger in the eyes of men is another important prong(probably the most important). The catch there is that in a world ruled by men, women have to be given the chance to enter those power roles. Or do women have to essentially take what they want? Does it really just boil down to survival of the fittest? I believe if women began to vehemently denounce the traditionally weak roles society wants to give them, the difference can slowly be reconciled. On the flip side, i think men that believe in sexual equality need to do the exact same thing and abandon those male centered roles. This is already happening on both sides. We now have female CEO's and stay at home Dad's. If we keep on in this direction, maybe we can finally attain the dream.

Too much coffee, lol.

Men are not biologically driven to rape or sexual assault. I’ve been a man my entire adult life, and have never even come close to sexually assaulting or raping anyone. Your hormones are just that: *your* hormones. Nobody is entitled to sex just because they have hormonal peaks.

EDIT: or ever has been entitled to it.

 

[sean_on_bass]

Men are not biologically driven to rape or sexual assault. I’ve been a man my entire adult life, and have never even come close to sexually assaulting or raping anyone. Your hormones are just that: *your* hormones. Nobody is entitled to sex just because they have hormonal peaks.

EDIT: or ever has been entitled to it.

I don't doubt your personal experience, but how can you make that sort of scientific proclamation as fact? Biology might be the only thing driving anyone to do much of anything. But rape is the extreme side of this misbehavior. There's a whole slew of other activities that women also perceive as abuse, sometimes just a man trying to start an unsolicited conversation, so i am not just talking about rape here but the whole spectrum. I think everyone in this thread would agree that rape is an outlier behavior and not a good one.

 

[MtManiac]

Ok...? There are all kinds of things outside of “normal” human biology that can drive a person to inappropriate comments, or behavior, to anyone. Asperger’s, autism, sociopathy, head injury, etc. can result in comments or behavior that a person can’t really be held responsible for. Is that what we are talking about here? With humans who are not diagnosed with such conditions, it is appropriately summed up as poor manners, lack of consideration, boorishness, rudeness, etc. In those cases, you *are* responsible, and as an adult deserve to be held accountable. To which are you referring?

Someone isn’t required to speak to you just because you think they’re pretty. They’re not impolite if they tell you to leave them alone; just leave them alone.

EDIT: if you’re really unclear on where the lines are or whether there’s any gray area, you should probably just stay away from people in general until you get it figured out. Not just women, but everybody.

 

[mapleglo]

Not specifically challenging your statement, but using it as a spring board. I actually agree, BUT...

I have to admit that things are getting incredibly scary for some of us.

I work in a public HS. Do you know that now in NYC anything that hurts a kids feeling can be filed as an abuse charge? ANYTHING!!!

A good friend of mine who has been an excellent and well respected teacher for over 25 years got transferred out of our school and is on administrative duty until a trial is held. Please trust me that I'm not exaggerating a thing here. I know this guy well, and know he would NEVER hurt a student, nor do anything inappropriate. I'm not giving only "one side," of this story, or leaving out important details. What he's guilty of, and I saw the written charges - humiliating a hearing impaired student because he asked her in front of the class to please put her hearing apparatus on, and questioning another student who wasn't on his attendance sheet. He asked her what classes she previously had, and she didn't have the prerequisites. He told her she had to go work it out with her advisor. She started crying and went to the assistant principle instead. Verbal abuse on his part, 2nd time. There was one more allegation that was an even lesser offense than those 2, that I forgot. They were 3 things that were beyond being absolutely ridiculous.

Yesterday, another well respected retired teacher who now subs (I know her 20 years and she's total salt of the earth, and an excellent teacher) threw an envelope in front of me. I opened and read as she looked me with a smile and disbelief. She has to bring a union rep with her on Tues for a meeting with the principal because she too, has been accused of verbal abuse. This woman is saint like. She never EVER had a single complaint made against her, by anybody. Staff or students.

There were 89 allegations of abuse in my school last year. I'm pretty sure there were maybe 10, in the past decade before this.

And the students are catching on. You hear them saying now, "I'm gonna get that teacher."

I now have to make sure all the kids like and respect me. A kid arriving late threw an assignment in my face yesterday. Not something that typically happens, but it did. In the past, he'd have gone to the deans office, or been reprimanded or responded to in one way or another. I'd usually ask a kid to step outside and ask nicely why they felt that had to do that. This time, I had to calmly say, "It's my job to give you the assignment and tell you it's being graded. If you don't want to do it, I can't make make you. Your responsibility, not mine.," and then let it go. He ignored me, sat down and started playing on his phone.

That's not the way I used to operate. That's not the way the school ever operated. These are some scary times.

Only once, a long time ago, I was having an issue with a female student. I don't remember what it was about, probably about putting a phone or music player away. When I threatened to send her to the dean, she said loudly and clearly, "Mister, I could destroy your life if I want, in 2 seconds flat. Leave me alone." I welcomed her to try and do that, which was crazy, but worked for that time. Truth is, she could have. I would never respond like that today. I wouldn't even ever get to the point where something like that could happen.

Interesting world.

Interesting topic.

Bottom line: Women have to be fearful of men sexually abusing them, and now men have to be fearful of women ruining their lives with just a few words. Because they can.

Stating the obvious here, perhaps, but this is a different, but easily as horrifying, issue than the topic at hand. I don't want to derail the thread.

When I was growing up, kids (both girls and boys) were typically disbelieved when they reported abuse by an elder. Adults were trusted. Especially adults in position of authority. In far too many cases, adults abused that authority. Look at what's happened in religious circles especially. Of course, now the tables have turned, and gone too far in the other direction. I don't know what the answer is in these situations.

 

[Stranger Danger]

This thread has me thinking more about the male/female dynamic and what the end game of it all really is, and how we get there as a society. The root of the problem seems to be two fold - men are more often than not physically stronger than women, and society has projected weakness and certain societal roles on women to essentially double down on widening the gap between the sexes. I have to wonder how we ultimately reconcile the difference between the sexes in society to level the playing field.

Civility and self control on the behalf of men is obviously one prong of it(although to me, it can become a war of what society says a man should do and what their body/hormones are telling them to do). Are we essentially expecting men to change biologically? I don't know the answer to that, just ruminating.

I would also think that women rising up and becoming stronger in the eyes of men is another important prong(probably the most important). The catch there is that in a world ruled by men, women have to be given the chance to enter those power roles. Or do women have to essentially take what they want? Does it really just boil down to survival of the fittest? I believe if women began to vehemently denounce the traditionally weak roles society wants to give them, the difference can slowly be reconciled. On the flip side, i think men that believe in sexual equality need to do the exact same thing and abandon those male centered roles. This is already happening on both sides. We now have female CEO's and stay at home Dad's. If we keep on in this direction, maybe we can finally attain the dream.

Too much coffee, lol.

I agree with some of this. Your thought regarding men and their biological impulses in my mind is one thing that I have a major problem with. We have all kinds of biological impulses that are criminal if we act on them. This notion of men’s biological imperatives is the “boys will be boys” cop out that perpetuates the rape culture we live in. I might have agreed with you at one point in my life but as father of a daughter and as a fully grown 43 year old man, the concept disgusts me. No one’s needs, fantasies or desires trumps another person’s right to autonomy over their bodies. Even suggesting that perpetuates a rape culture and that is unacceptable.

 

[Stranger Danger]

Stating the obvious here, perhaps, but this is a different, but easily as horrifying, issue than the topic at hand. I don't want to derail the thread.

When I was growing up, kids (both girls and boys) were typically disbelieved when they reported abuse by an elder. Adults were trusted. Especially adults in position of authority. In far too many cases, adults abused that authority. Look at what's happened in religious circles especially. Of course, now the tables have turned, and gone too far in the other direction. I don't know what the answer is in these situations.

Have they gone too far? I don’t know. I think equality feels like oppression to the oppressors.

 

[Joe Nerve]

Have they gone too far? I don’t know. I think equality feels like oppression to the oppressors.

I think if you were in my situation, you would think they've gone too far. But maybe this is what's needed before we find a balance.

 

[2muchcoffeeman]

Civility and self control on the behalf of men is obviously one prong of it(although to me, it can become a war of what society says a man should do and what their body/hormones are telling them to do). Are we essentially expecting men to change biologically? I don't know the answer to that, just ruminating.

Basic self-control is not a new concept. All it requires is a little self-discipline, and that’s not at all difficult for a normal human being. Men are not hormone-crazed slaves to their Y chromosomes, despite some really sad recent public statements by people who should know better.

I believe if women began to vehemently denounce the traditionally weak roles society wants to give them, the difference can slowly be reconciled.

“Begin to”? That’s been an ongoing process for at least the last 100 years, with things ratcheting up 50 years ago, and a few people — mostly men — who don’t like it are fairly upset about the fact.

 

[sean_on_bass]

I agree with some of this. Your thought regarding men and their biological impulses in my mind is one thing that I have a major problem with. We have all kinds of biological impulses that are criminal if we act on them. This notion of men’s biological imperatives is the “boys will be boys” cop out that perpetuates the rape culture we live in. I might have agreed with you at one point in my life but as father of a daughter and as a fully grown 43 year old man, the concept disgusts me. No one’s needs, fantasies or desires trumps another person’s right to autonomy over their bodies. Even suggesting that perpetuates a rape culture and that is unacceptable.

Remember, my remark on biology was just asking the question. I don't have a hard opinion on it or know the answer to the question and was really just fishing for opinions and presenting an idea. And i'm probably over analyzing it. I am willing to edit that out if it presents too much controversy.

 

[40Hz]

q

This thread has turned predictably toxic; no more and no less. I didn't see the mod's post earlier. Posters on here should not be able to post opinions that basically boil down to 'It is current year, and women now have a voice and their complaints are taken seriously, ergo I'm never going to work with them again', without being questioned. That sounds like somebody with wandering hands, worried that they're going to finally get caught.

Huge assumption, an argument for censorship, and a rush to judgement all at once.. Heady word cocktail you're serving up there. You cover a lot of ground in four sentences don't you? For somebody ostensibly claiming the moral high ground I'm a little surprised and quite frankly disappointed. It's interesting how our ethics and sense of fairness goes right out the window once we become convinced we are right under all circumstances and our sense of righteousness clouds our vision in much the same way you took issue with certain religious types who you claim have done the exact same thing. The lack of moral and ethical consistency is unfortunately widespread these days. It's something we all need to be on guard for. BTW...There's a technical term for that. It's called being a hypocrite.

If not that, the notion must be that women are all pernicious liars, who want nothing better than to see good men (lol!) getting binned. Any woman making a claim about recent or historic abuse is simply committing a character assassination, apparently. I work in a fairly gender balanced workplace. I can't imagine going to work every day imagining that 50% of my colleagues will make up some spurious claims about me to try and step over me on the way up the ladder. I would, rightly, be classed as a paranoid wonk if I did!

You're using a straw man argument, begging the question, and tossing in a non-relevant bit of speculation there. (I assume you were born after they stopped teaching rhetoric in schools.)

I've worked as an IT consultant for the last 30 years and have seen it happen in six different cases at as many clients. In three of those cases there were issues (legitimate in that I had to identify where the problems were occurring) with job performance and two of those three told me if their job came into jeopardy they were going to claim "hostile workplace" and "harassment" because they were being written up for not doing their jobs. Should I conclude from that that the other three women were also being disingenuous? (I'll save you the effort of putting words in my mouth like you have with some others here by saying that I didn't assume they were lying or exaggerating since I have no personal knowledge of the specifics in the other three cases. Nor what the outcome of those three complaints were.)

I see a lot of local bands advertising for musicians, and the adverts with three dudes looking for a female bassist or guitarist always come across as thirsty. I don't blame women for perhaps not wanting to go to random rehearsal spaces in this instance, and the notion that the women would be the dangerous party in the band is risible.

You made my S.O. (female) who is reading over my shoulder roll her eyes with that one. Her comment was that no woman cares very much whether you blame them for anything or not. They're not seeking your (or any man's) approval for their actions. They've dealt with being unfairly blamed throughout history. And they've dealt with it on their own. Any woman over the age of six and in her right mind would not herself in a situation such as you're postulating in the above. And while she finds it laudable that you wish to self-appoint yourself to speak on behalf of women, as well as nominate yourself to be their sovereign protector at large, she'd like to respectfully point that women are not as stupid or gullible or helpless as you seem to imagine. And furthermore they don't need you presuming to speak for or defend them unless specifically asked by them to do so. Because much of what masquerades as "pro women" on the part of many morally righteous males is just the old patriarchal "step aside little lady and let a man handle this" mindset in drag. That or it's the old "I'm gonna play feminist in order to impress women and get them to like me." She's not accusing you of being toadying or mackin'. But you are showing some of the warning signs.

The answer to OP's question should be pretty simple: Ask the woman what she is comfortable with.

Funny thing...every time I've been in a band where we were auditioning a potential new member, we always met first on public/neutral ground. We made it clear the first meeting was purely social to get to know each other before we went to the next step which was the skills assessment stage and a formal audition. Because when you're doing originals like we were, the personal chemistry was at least as important as the skills. Meeting over pizza was our usual modus operandi. When someone would occasionally ask if it were ok to bring a friend or spouse (most times the women just showed up with someone in tow without asking) we encouraged them to bring whoever they wished since it was a social gathering rather than a work session. Some of us often brought our S.O.s along as well. (Prudent caution cuts both ways.) I always asked my S.O. to come along since her ability to assess a person's character and suitability for a task borders on psychic. She's also good company, a musician, and has a gift for putting people at ease in nearly any situation.

So looking over your comment above about it being "pretty simple", I'm not quite sure why you have somehow managed to see all this as such a big issue that you've felt justified in making unsubstantiated accusations like you are with the above. With every band I've been in we've automatically and unthinkingly accommodating concerning whatever the person under consideration asked for as far as any reasonable conditions for a first meeting went. And I think most people here have done the same with their bands.

 

[sean_on_bass]

Basic self-control is not a new concept. All it requires is a little self-discipline, and that’s not at all difficult for a normal human being. Men are not hormone-crazed slaves to their Y chromosomes, despite some really sad recent public statements by people who should know better.



“Begin to”? That’s been an ongoing process for at least the last 100 years, with things ratcheting up 50 years ago, and a few people — mostly men — who don’t like it are fairly upset about the fact.

I can definitely agree with your first point. Hormonal urges should generally not be strong enough to override self discipline. That's been my personal experience as well. I was curious of other's thoughts on that, hence posing the idea.

For your second point, read the rest of my post. I fully realize its begun and suggest we keep going. Also, 50-100 years is a drop in the bucket in human history. We've only just begun.

 

[2muchcoffeeman]

I see a lot of local bands advertising for musicians, and the adverts with three dudes looking for a female bassist or guitarist always come across as thirsty.

I liked everything in your post … except this statement. Why can’t they be looking for a female vocalist so they can play a wider variety of songs than they could if they hired a male vocalist? That’s not “thirsty” (a bogus concept at best), that’s just trying to be a better band.

 

[MtManiac]

I honestly don’t understand why all men aren’t seriously offended by the idea that we are slaves to our hormones and can’t somehow resist sexually assaulting somebody. “Boys will be boys” is complete and utter BS.

 

[Pops OB]

Statistics. I’d LOVE to know how they get these statistics. These statistics don’t mean a damned thing except what any particular researcher happens to come up with. How the hell can anybody state with any certainty the percentage of people who don’t report sexual assaults when they don’t report them? They can’t know what percentage reports them years later.

Statistics mean nothing, when pretending to assign percentages to groups that they can’t possibly know how many are in the assigned group.

But, here’s what I know... statistics don’t matter to anybody who is a victim of a sexual assault, FEMALE or MALE. Statistics also don’t matter to somebody falsely accused of sexual assault, FEMALE or MALE.

Not everybody lies and not everybody tells the truth, but to state that one side is guilty just because the other side says so, (absent any evidence but the accuser’s word) leaves making a rational judgment as to guilt or innocence impossible.

 

[MtManiac]

Statistics. I’d LOVE to know how they get these statistics. These statistics don’t mean a damned thing except what any particular researcher happens to come up with. How the hell can anybody state with any certainty the percentage of people who don’t report sexual assaults when they don’t report them? They can’t know what percentage reports them years later.

Statistics mean nothing, when pretending to assign percentages to groups that they can’t possibly know how many are in the assigned group.

But, here’s what I know... statistics don’t matter to anybody who is a victim of a sexual assault, FEMALE or MALE. Statistics also don’t matter to somebody falsely accused of sexual assault, FEMALE or MALE.

Not everybody lies and not everybody tells the truth, but to state that one side is guilty just because the other side says so, (absent any evidence but the accuser’s word) leaves making a rational judgment as to guilt or innocence impossible.

Nobody said you were guilty of anything, but if you want to understand statistics better, there are lots of free resources on the internet. Statistics do mean things, and there are lots of ways to understand unreported crimes - eg asking a group of 200 women anonymously if they were ever sexually assaulted and did not report it.