• TalkBass has been independent since 1998. Add your voice.
    Create a free account to reply to discussions, view embedded media, and browse with fewer display ads.
    Join free Log in
    Want zero display ads or expanded classifieds tools? Compare plans.

my girlfriend rudely surpised me

Status
Not open for further replies.
#101
Oh and here's an idea.

Tell her it hurt your feelings and ask her please not to do it again, even if it was a joke. Some things are just sore spots with people, and ask if she would have appreciated (even jokingly) you berating her for one of her hobbies in the middle of public.

Then, to show you're not being snide, invite her to become a bassist with you and show her the ropes. Or show her a great bassist on Youtube, etc. Who knows, maybe she'd dig that.
 
#102
Sijjvra said:
Oh and here's an idea.

Tell her it hurt your feelings and ask her please not to do it again, even if it was a joke.
Click to expand...

Yeah, a little whimpering and begging will get her to respect him.

This ain't baseball; one strike like that and yer out.

BUT (big but), there's a strong probability that the OP unknowingly asks for such treatment. The crux of the issue is there, and to the OP, in all seriousness, people treat you how you ask them (intentionally or unintentionally). Think about it, after you dump her.
 
#103
wow a lot of comments for one day...
that was realy rude of her. no flowers for her the next time... :scowl:

your girlfriend should look at (and commend ;) ) the rythm guitar, it is imo extremly boring. its basicly only chords with a little bit of rythm. everybody can play that. also, most of the guitar"heroes" are only able to play scales and some apreggios... you can do both on bass too, plus you have to hear what the drums are playing.


btw, its always good to be able to play some stuff like that. most guitar players are not really able to do stuff like that... and most bassist too


i played about 15years guitar (most of the time classical stuff). bass is a lot more fun to me.
 
#105
i have been married for 24 years and my wife totally respects my love for music and the bass. do we get into fights and have disagreements? of course all relationships have there ups and downs. Divorce rates rise ever year it seems so this might be where all the dump her attitude is coming from. think to yourself why am i with her? what is it about her that i love? Truly any and all advise has to be taken with a grain of salt as you are the only one that has to live with your decisions. staying with someone because it is better than being alone isnt the best idea but nor is leaving after a fight unless this is a pattern and she has shown you on numerous occasions she doesnt respect you. my motto is be excellent to each other, i know it is from a corny movie but it really says alot. i would talk to her and depending on the conversation goes you should be able to make a much better decision than any advise you get from total strangers. just my opinion and like the saying goes opinions are like a**holes, we all have one and think ours doesnt stink.

Peace,
Dave
 
#106
Totally disrespectful and embarrasssing to you. Very ignorant comment, she obviously has no idea what she's talking about. I'd be angry. Whatever you do, if it doesn't end in a legitimate apology from her, you have a bad relationship and should consider the pros and cons of continuing it.

P.S. I don't know ANYBODY that "failed" at guitar and went on to bass. Guitar is just as easy to pick up as anything musically. Either someone learns to play guitar, or they never put in the time to learn anything. I have no idea where this rumor of bass being a fallback came from.
 
#107
Gord_oh said:
a friend of ours is a senior in high school and wanted me to play some upbeat song from the show glee for their talent show. fine. thats cool. listening to the song, it really doesnt have a bass part. i mentioned that i could make somthing up, and she said that would be fine since its more a guitar/piano/drum oriented song anyway. my girlfriend yells out,

"its too bad he doesnt have enough brain capacity to play guitar!"

i defend myself saying that bass isnt easy, and its a lot different than guitar. she went on to explain alot of people who cant learn guitar go to bass. maybe, but i basically (no pun intended) told her that bass players are not failed guitarists.

cmon tb, back me up here.

ps- i love her just the same but her comment bothered me.
Click to expand...

So my wife used to do the whole "you should play guitar because you can play the bass" thing, and basically telling me she likes the perceived sound of the guitar better than the bass. This really pissed me off so I sat my wife down and basically went through music theory on the bass and helped explain how chord structure. I confused her to the point that I think she thinks I am now a genius.
 
#108
Gord_oh said:
yeah, i really didnt like that post.
she cant have kids as it is, that kinda made it personal.
Click to expand...

Just a tad bit hypocritical there arent we?

You say she was joking about the slap in the face in public, and that somewhat made it easier to swallow. And because of that, we should post only positive comments.

I may be going out on a limb here, but I'm pretty sure Mekanic was being facetious.

If you're worried about it getting personal, this may not be the best place to look for advice.


Just sayin...
 
#109
The next time she pulls that crap...make a facepalm and ignore her, then continue the conversation the others with something like...where were we?

That´ll be worse than slapping her in front of her two best friends ;)
 
#110
here is an update and some potentially useful info:

i did end up showing her some videos of bass players, both good and bad, to show where i am at. i dont think her comment was veered to bass players in general, but to me.

degrating, yes. disrespectful, yes. playful intent, yes. unforeseen outcome, yes.

i think it was one of those, "oh, sh*t, did i just say that?" (she does those sometimes), and people do get hurt. her bother is a bass player too, and he was in a band. she grew up with it and knows how much time and dedication goes into learning an insturment. her comment, i believe, wasnt intended to sting as much as it did. it did, and she is truly sorry about it. she was a pom girl, and i probably have pulled the "pom girls are failed cheer leaders" bit. she knows how much i love playing bass, and understands that i want to be successful, that im going to buy a lot of gear, that im going to stay up late some nights to practice, etc, etc. she loves me for that. it shows, by her veiw, that im passionate about something and not just going through the motions.

for all the guys on here that are so bitter, find love.
for all the guys on here telling me to defend "bass brotherhood", i did.
im still going to play bass, and im still going to be happy with someone i love.

my love=girl
my love=bass

both are important in my life, and im lucky enough to have both.

ps- thats a lot of posts in a matter of a few hours....whew...
 
#118
Mr. Mig said:
No just someone who would not let someone who "loves them" disrespect me and what I do. And, do it in public no less.
Click to expand...

sh*t happens.
ive come to terms with that.
relationships are far from perfect, but the key is to forgive.
if you, not you specifically, cant learn to do that...
you are going to be unhappy for a long, long time.
she admitted to her mistake and apologized, and theres not much more i can ask her to do.
and i have forgiven her for said mistake.
 
#119
irishryno said:
Tell her about your feelings. If she loves you she will get it. Then have her sit in while you are running scales. Talk to her about the construction of the bass, how all the woods and electronics interact with each other to create amazing notes. Then introduce her to some of your influences. Take her to see some other bands and let her see how good you really are by comparison. The let her discover how big a turd most guitarists are to the band, the public, and to their girlfriends. In time, she will get it. The more she knows, understands, and feels included, the more proud she will be of your ablility. If that doesnt work, ...rude comment ...jk. If she loves you she will be curious about all that interests you, even if only fleeting
Click to expand...

Best advice here, IMO.

Also, get thicker skin dude...Bass players always get misunderstood, and in relationships we all do things without thinking first, at times. If she was trying to be playful and funny, what's the big deal? Learn to laugh at yourself, & choose your battles wisely, my friend. This isn't something to be all hurt and wussy over.
 
#120
THand said:
Best advice here, IMO.

Also, get thicker skin dude...Bass players always get misunderstood, and in relationships we all do things without thinking first, at times. If she was trying to be playful and funny, what's the big deal? Learn to laugh at yourself, & choose your battles wisely, my friend. This isn't something to be all hurt and wussy over.
Click to expand...

oh, i have thick skin. it was the heat of the moment kind of thing. as of now im over it, but at the time it bothered me. i had to learn to laugh at myself at an early age.

i even told her last night, i wasnt sure if i was the fact she made her comment, or the fact it was in public. my guess is the second one. if she would have made the same comment to me and only me, i probably would have shrugged it off a bit quicker.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.

Latest posts

Top Bottom
Back