Quote: “(he does go on to insult me multiple times, which IS what's sad to me because we are such good friends”
“Familiarity breeds contempt” the saying goes.
Its wonderful to be in a group where everyone is united and are good friends.
But wherever there are people, there are problems; and the history of most such relationships, even close ones, is that they disintegrate over time.
That is, unless everyone works hard at maintaining good relationships as required in a marriage. Where there are principles and rules understood and accepted by all involved from the start, especially arrangements about money. Or where there is an additional factor that acts as a uniting agent of motivation actuating everyone.
But being so close that someone believes they are entitled to criticise and insult you, in an ongoing manner, is clearly a case where familiarity has become contempt.
Perhaps you are a thoroughly reasonable person, who attempts to do all you can to maintain relationships, which speaks well of you. However, its entirely possible that such reasonableness, can become an enabling factor, emboldening the abuser.
Whereas, a timely strong rebuff, might cause such an individual to realise that they had overstepped their bounds.
That an apology might be necessary from them, to restore the status quo.
As much as I had the inestimable pleasure of belonging to groups of closely united individuals.
Over time I have learnt, especially as I moved into leadership roles, that it is a mistake to allow people to become too close and familiar.
That a definite, but almost imperceivably, mutual respectful distance, will over time prove to be the most effective manner, with which to maintain good, lasting relationships.
The word “familiarity” is derived from the word “family”.
But members of musical groups are not the same as one’s family members.
And they shouldn’t be allowed to presume the same entitlements and rights that a blood tied family member would.
I think your friend needs to be reminded that the matter in question is one that you both have legitimate, but completely different views on.
That its important to keep that in mind, that its okay for you both to disagree upon such matters, as long as you can agree to disagree, without being disagreeable.
That if he is going to insult you, because you have a different opinion to him. That will inevitably lead to the type of disintegration that is common to many involved in group relationships.
He has a choice.
To respect and value, you, your musical contribution and your personal point of view.
Or continue to consider himself the oracle of all wisdom imbued with the right and entitlement to dictate other people’s opinions and tell them what to think.
For as they age, many people tend to become solidly cemented in their outlook on life, and openly intolerant of others, who do not share their narrow, personal conceit.
At the end of the day.
Different individuals vary in the factors that motivate them.
But over time, the reasons that first motivated them, often become morphed by personal experience.
Finally, there are a number of different elements that ultimately form the various strands, which eventually actuate them.
There have to be enough genuinely anticipated, positively beneficial elements, to effectively balance out the cost involved with such activities.
But one singular, constantly harping, wholly negative factor such as your "friends", can make the entire musical adventure proposal, seem to no longer be worth the biscuit.
He needs to understand that with crystal clarity.
