Phone call?

[stringthrough]

I'm 22. I realize it shouldn't be a problem. It's probably some kind of anxiety.

Many of us have anxieties. It's part of being human. But if certain anxieties directly affect our ability to live our lives productively and happily they must be addressed. Speaking effectively with others (even strangers) on the phone is an essential life skill. To get over your fear of speaking with others on the phone, start having extended phone conversations with family members and friends. Over time you will get comfortable with that activity and discover that it's not that much different than having a face to face conversation.

 

[bassliner50]

Phone conversation is perfectly reasonable. Get over it. Good musicians are in demand and there is a screening process when networking.

 

[BaileyMan]

I know i'm acting like a little punk about this but phone calls make me nervous and a lot of times I have no idea what people are saying. It confuses me sometimes, like i get disoriented on it. Weird, i know.

I'm a person who stutters and a speech language pathologist. I'm also not a big fan of the phone. I have let people know that I stutter and that phones are hard for me and to either be patient with me on the phone or meet in person (for job interviews). Sounds like the phone is not the best method of communication for you and that's fine. There are lots of people who have a hard time listening in different environments, even if their hearing is fine. My suggestion would be to advocate for yourself, let him know that you have a hard time following conversations on the phone and that you do better meeting person. Suggest buying him a beer at a favorite local pub.

 

[Lobster11]

Personally, I would text or email the guy and suggest that instead of the phone call, you meet up somewhere nearby for a beer. Unless of course you don't drink, or you know that the other guy is underage.

 

[Lobster11]

Suggest buying him a beer at a favorite local pub.

Ha! I can't believe that after 7 pages in which nobody suggested this, you posted this 2 seconds before I hit "post reply."

 

[Antisyzygy]

So I emailed this cat about a band. After exchanging several emails he wants to do a phone call. I suggested that we jam. But he insisted on doing a phone call. He's been in some real projects so I guess he's a good player. But I mean...phone call? This guy lives like 10 minutes away from me. What could he learn through a phone call? I hate phone calls.

I've already given him a lot of the logistics. Like how old I am, how long i've been playing, influences, rig. So...

Any thoughts?

It's really a "phone screen" or "phone interview".

Employers out in the job market do it all the time. They don't want to waste more time than is necessary to figure out if you're a fit for them. They also want it to be lower pressure. HR departments of the world are always trying to make things go as smooth as possible no matter how cowardly or dishonorable it is.

 

[skwee]

If you are only ten minutes apart, see if you can meet face to face at a coffee shop.

 

[GretschWretch]

My thoughts also. At 22 I get it though. No one that age talks on the phone.

Unless they are riding in an elevator, in which case they are on their smartphones all the time.

 

[RustyAxe]

I wouldn't ever audition for someone I hadn't at least spoken to on the phone. Period. You can tell a lot about someone by asking a few simple questions. The written word doesn't work as well (as anyone who has participated in a contentious online discussion can tell you). Anyone who refused a phone call would be considered evasive, and I'd surely wonder about what ...

 

[RustyAxe]

Back in my day my girlfriend had a party line for a phone. ... It was a single phone number shared by multiple households.

Actually, they were different phone numbers, but a single phone LINE. You could tell who the call was for by the ring pattern. One long, one short ... one long, two short ... etc. But anyone on the party line could pick up and hear the conversation. Oh man, I'm gettin' old.

 

[RustyAxe]

I know i'm acting like a little punk about this but phone calls make me nervous and a lot of times I have no idea what people are saying. It confuses me sometimes, like i get disoriented on it. Weird, i know.

Not in light of many of your other posts ...

 

[alembicguy]

Actually, they were different phone numbers, but a single phone LINE. You could tell who the call was for by the ring pattern. One long, one short ... one long, two short ... etc. But anyone on the party line could pick up and hear the conversation. Oh man, I'm gettin' old.

The one long and two short ring was my childhood ring growing up. Thanks for the memory.

 

[d-dave]

For me, it's just the opposite. Don't misunderstand me, I'm not saying I NEED to talk to someone on the phone. I'm just saying that it's insanity that no one wants actual "contact" anymore. They want to email or text for every freakin' thing. To me, playing music with people is more than a business arrangement. I know there are a lot of folks who see this as their job and they don't have to like someone to work with them. It's not my job. It's my passion. I like to connect with the guys/gals I'm makin' music with.

Unless I really KNOW someone, I can't hear the inflection in their voice through a text or an email. I can come off as a complete douche if you only take the black and white of my words. If you actually listen to my voice and take everything said in the context of the situation, I'm really a nice jerk. Sarcasm doesn't carry over quite as well through a text or an email.

And I enjoy talking to someone to verify a few things. I mean like, are you REALLY laughing out loud? Do you do that often? When you laugh do you literally say, "Haha,"? Is there actually a possibility that you're going to roll in the floor laughing? Or do I need to be concerned that you might laugh your @ off?

In all honesty, with a very few exceptions, it IS a generational issue. Use your smart phone for what it is... a phone. Make the phone call. While you're at it, make a few more. Get used to talking to people. If there's an anxiety associated with communicating with people, instead of communicating with an electronic device that then communicates with people, it's something you need to work through. It's not healthy. I mean, when the zombie apocalypse comes and all the cell towers are no longer functioning... what the crap you gonna do?

 

[Sixgunn]

I'm 22. I realize it shouldn't be a problem. It's probably some kind of anxiety.

You need to ween yourself from texting. Actually speaking to people seems to be a horrible idea for young people, these days... Jus' sayin'.

 

[Sixgunn]

It is indeed a generational thing, and pretty amazing to see what a monumental event a phone call has become in today's culture.
Most younger people consider a cold call highly invasive. Even most of my older acquaintances now demand on a set time and date before agreeing to a chat on the blower.

Yep. Sad, sad, sad.....

 

[Sixgunn]

Why not skip meeting all together then? You could agree to each rent one of two hotel rooms with adjoining doors, set up in your respective rooms with the doors open and just jam. You could text the next song to each other even.

You sir, win the internet!!

 

[Sixgunn]

Sometimes it's sad, getting old...

No. That's not what is sad....

 

[Sixgunn]

Well, your son being almost the same age and not being keen really isn't conclusive so I wouldn't say "clearly" an age thing.

There are a lot of variables that factor in to whether people like speaking on the phone or not.

Personally, I hate it. Being 22 has nothing to do with it. I've always hated talking on the phone. I have friends my age who ALWAYS want to chat via phone and hate emailing.

I think it boils down to an introverted nature, I just don't like talking about personal things over the phone. I get uncomfortable getting too personal in phone calls.

I'm extremely good at public speaking/conversing with important people on the phone at work and have actually been commended many times for my phone manner & phone communication ability. I do it at work because it's work, it's business, it's not personal. Bands however are personal, so I'd prefer to just message then meet in person.

You have some valid points but it IS an age thing. You wouldn't have a problem with a phone call if there wasn't a such thing as e-mail and texting.

 

[Fingerpickingood]

I'm 32, and I LOATHE phone conversations. I have absolutely no issue with professional interpersonal talks, but I very much prefer electronic communication when it comes to personal chats. I would estimate that a good 75% of my interaction with other people occurs via text message or social media. The rest is either with my bandmates, or the rare occasion a friend is able to beg/plead/cajole/guilt/bully me into going somewhere.

Having said that, I've gotta say that I wouldn't be averse to a SHORT phone conversation in this particular instance. I think I'm about 5-7 years past the age group in which this is an issue.

 

[GretschWretch]

Interesting. Most of the people in this thread who have issues with the phone, it isn't the phone that's the problem. It's the people who use it, many of whom have admitted they have maladjustment issues of one sort or another regarding phones. If they don't want to use the phone, fine; but it is not the phone that is the problem.

In a few months I will turn sixty-seven. I do not text, tweet, chirp, or moo. IMO, anything that can be said in only 146 characters isn't worth the trouble it takes to type.
I use e-mail all the time -- more as a substitute for writing letters than for a phone conversation -- until it reaches the point I find I'm typing an essay. At that point, I go to the tele, either landline or cell. My Nokia cellphone is the generation before the flip-phone, and it does all I need it to.

It's a progress, people, involving successive levels of intimacy: snippet tweets as ice-breakers, followed by more detailed e-mails; then phone, which brings voice inflection into play; then face-to-face, which introduces nonverbal communication into the conversation. Each stage invites more intimacy and is more revealing of the parties involved.

Now, y'all get off my lawn before I have to tase you with my cattle prod.