Phone call?

[Off-Beat]

Wow I'm old. The thought of wanting to meet someone in person but not wanting to talk to them on the phone baffles me. I don't mind text and e-mail, but you can share so much more information with a real-time conversation.

It is very interesting though to see how many people on this thread, regardless of age, either "hate" or prefer to avoid telephone calls.

I wonder why that is.

I'm 32, brought up without cell phones, had an inhouse line, but I hate phoning people I don't know for things that are very personal for me.
Friends are no problem, I know them, how they sound saying certain things, how they react in real life etc, but strangers are a big deal if something meaningful is involved. Most of communication is done with gesture and facial expression and not voice - that gets totally cut off on the phone. So that stranger could talk me into anything if I ask and without seeing him I wouldn't know if it's genuine or not. Meeting is a way easier way to get to know someone.

 

[bolophonic]

I'm in my mid-40's and I have hang-ups about phone calls. I just.... don't like being on the phone. That said, I regularly place and receive phone calls that are necessary to achieve my goals.

 

[Bassist4Eris]

I'm an introverted fortysomething, and I too have always hated the phone. THAT SAID, no one gets an audition for my band without a phone call first. No exceptions.

 

[Jay Corwin]

Some people prefer phone calls. Others texts. Others email. You have to be somewhat flexible when communicating with other human beings if you want a band situation to work, or any situation.

I too hate talking on the phone, but if one of my band mates calls - I pick it up. No reason to ignore the people that I have fun with just because I'll be uncomfortable for 5 minutes talking on the phone. That's just dumb.

 

[BlueShox]

I've done pre-jam phone calls every time I've talked to somebody I didn't already know about joining a project. A player's skill level is much lower on my list than their personality and disposition; if I get on the phone and can see you have a bad attitude and you seem like you'll be hard to work with, I'll save us both from wasting more time with each other.

 

[buldog5151bass]

It is very interesting though to see how many people on this thread, regardless of age, either "hate" or prefer to avoid telephone calls.

I wonder why that is.

Texting/emailing is "easier". It's not in real time, and you have the ability to edit or delete before hitting "send". One more reason many people want a real time exchange, to see how you are, not how you want to be.

 

[WaldoNova]

I can't help to think that if someone doesn't want to grant a simple request of chatting on the phone for 5 minutes that they would be a good band mate. The aversion to communicate is a major factor. I wouldn't show up for a first time rehearsal without a phone call.

 

[brianrost]

After a few really bad experiences, I always phone screen players before I invite them to get together.

You can tell a lot more about someone from talking to them that will never come through in an email. Mainly looking to see if the person is a total b*llsh*tter.

 

[Big Heavy Bass]

In this day and age of craiglist characters it sometimes good to talk with someone as you can get a better sense of if they are for real. The flip side of that though is that I don't always feel comfortable giving my phone number to strangers.

 

[Honch]

Outside of music, what career do you hope to be successful in if you are afraid of the telephone?

I am not that old, but this is the one thing about the 16-26 crowd that I still do not understand.

Your parents failed you in some way....please get over it. I work in mining science and safety....a text will not suffice if I am concerned about a structural collapse. If you are a mile below the surface and send me a text message....you will die.

This. Word. Plus.
I find this very peculiar. All I see today is actually the invicible 16-25 crowd heads bent down watching, texting, chatting, deep into their cell phones. And people are scared of a phone call? All they want in phone call centers, support centers, are the young people. If you're that paranoid I doubt you will ever get some kind of job at all. Talking to people over the phone are a prerequisite today. I can very well think that talking to 500 people at a seminar will give you some anxiety, even 50 people, but that's another matter. On phone, it's one two one people.

 

[MrLenny1]

Do it. It may seem old fashion but people like to talk to each other.

 

[Old Garage-Bander]

I'm not either of those things haha.

But you do have to use the phone for work, right? And you do have to do so at a certain level of expectation by management to keep your job, right? So is it that you are more comfortable doing that because you have no vested interest in the telephone relationship once the call is ended? Or is it that you are trained what to say and don't have to really think much as you talk? I was answering the phone at my dad's restaurant when I was 9 years old. Not hard to do, mostly just what are your hours or what's today's special. But doing so gave me people skills that I use almost every day of my life now. This is why the pre-meet phone call is good for both parties. You get to make some judgements that will help you decide if you want to invest more in that particular music relationship. Same for the guy on the other end.

 

[3Liter]

I'm not a fan of the phone either and only like to chat with music people after a couple of back and forth emails. I have a job with a phone on my desk and I like to talk in a quiet place. I hate my cell phone and talking to people on their cell phones. Its not necessarily the conversation but the noise.

I'd like to know more about how you all end a conversation with someone who seems like they have the skills/etc but you know it's not going to work out. How are you essentiwlly saying "thanks but no thanks"?

 

[beaglesandbass]

I don't mind the phone call. I think you get a better feel for the person by talking to them rather than by any text based communication. Can also cover a lot more topics in less time.

 

[FourBanger]

22 isn't as old as it feels when you are 22, and not to add pressure but a phone call would be a good way to judge maturity.

 

[Michael B]

I'm not a fan of the phone either and only like to chat with music people after a couple of back and forth emails. I have a job with a phone on my desk and I like to talk in a quiet place. I hate my cell phone and talking to people on their cell phones. Its not necessarily the conversation but the noise.

I'd like to know more about how you all end a conversation with someone who seems like they have the skills/etc but you know it's not going to work out. How are you essentiwlly saying "thanks but no thanks"?

Yeah. You really don't do anyone any favors otherwise. "Thanks for talking. I'm going to keep looking. Good luck."

 

[buldog5151bass]

I'm not a fan of the phone either and only like to chat with music people after a couple of back and forth emails. I have a job with a phone on my desk and I like to talk in a quiet place. I hate my cell phone and talking to people on their cell phones. Its not necessarily the conversation but the noise.

I'd like to know more about how you all end a conversation with someone who seems like they have the skills/etc but you know it's not going to work out. How are you essentiwlly saying "thanks but no thanks"?

Depending on why, you either just tell them you don't think it is a match, or tell them you want to think about it and check your schedule. Same thing you would with a text.

 

[basspraiser]

I'm 22. I realize it shouldn't be a problem. It's probably some kind of anxiety.

Man... When I was your age... We HAD to communicate via phone or in person...

There was no email or texting....

People today seen to be adverse to actually " taking " to people.

 

[Ewo]

IME, a phone convo is routine when looking for a gig, looking for an opportunity to jam, or looking for a replacement member of a band. Both sides of the transaction, IOW.

OP, please let me offer you some encouragement. Oftentimes growth opportunities come in the form of challenges. Take a breath, steady yourself, and just go do it. Give it your best shot, and whatever the outcome you can be at peace with yourself.

 

[rtslinger]

Sounds like the last step to hiring you for the gig. Good luck be yourself