Expectations be damned. I drink when I want to drink, not because someone buys me a drink. A simple, "I appreciate it, but no thanks" has never failed me. No need to explain anything more.
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Rude to not take drinks?
- Thread starter GK Growl
- Start date
Agreed... the 'tentacles' of this, or any other seemingly innocuous situation in which decisions are made, can be far reaching...
... and no, the Magic 8-Ball does not work, except for weather forecasts.
THAT is hilarious... stay sirsty, my friend...
... and no I'm not buying you a drink, just stay sirsty...
I always thought it was presumptuous to just hand somebody a drink and expect them to imbibe.
I’m all for saying: “Can I get you a drink?” or “I’d like to buy you a drink. What can I get you?” if that’s your thing. Because that makes it their call and gives them the opportunity to politely decline for whatever reason. And nobody should be offended if the other person doesn’t take them up on the offer.
I can understand the natural desire to bond with somebody who’s the center of attention by virtue of the fact they're in the band. And to do it by the traditional gesture of extending hospitality and a small gift - like a drink. But there’s also a certain group of drink buying morons you’ll find at many venues who think it would be hysterically funny to get the band drunk. These are the same guys who love to pull crass practical jokes on the bride and groom at weddings. And it’s these same people who always tend to be the most offended when you don’t want to take them up on the offer to help wreck the entire evening for everyone else.
There’s a technical term for such people. They’re called jerks.
Bottom line: offending a jerk is no crime. Avoid them if you can. And if you can’t, and they persist, be the grownup in the room and shut them off.
Just my 2¢.
I’m all for saying: “Can I get you a drink?” or “I’d like to buy you a drink. What can I get you?” if that’s your thing. Because that makes it their call and gives them the opportunity to politely decline for whatever reason. And nobody should be offended if the other person doesn’t take them up on the offer.
I can understand the natural desire to bond with somebody who’s the center of attention by virtue of the fact they're in the band. And to do it by the traditional gesture of extending hospitality and a small gift - like a drink. But there’s also a certain group of drink buying morons you’ll find at many venues who think it would be hysterically funny to get the band drunk. These are the same guys who love to pull crass practical jokes on the bride and groom at weddings. And it’s these same people who always tend to be the most offended when you don’t want to take them up on the offer to help wreck the entire evening for everyone else.
There’s a technical term for such people. They’re called jerks.
Bottom line: offending a jerk is no crime. Avoid them if you can. And if you can’t, and they persist, be the grownup in the room and shut them off.
Just my 2¢.
I have a less technical term for them, which I can't post...
Hi GK Growl
Me: Hi, do you want a drink?
You: Yes!
Me: What do you want? A beer?
You: No, I prefer a coke.
Me: Fine! (to the barman) One coke, one beer please.
Who is rude?
Wise(b)ass
Hi GK Growl
Me: Hi, do you want a drink?
You: Yes!
Me: What do you want? A beer?
You: No, I prefer a coke.
Me: Fine! (to the barman) One coke, one beer please.
Who is rude?
Wise(b)ass
Still a sale... sometimes I wonder if the markup isn't less/same/greater on your coffee, tea, pop, as opposed to the alcoholic drinks...
... someone here knows...
Hi GK Growl
Me: Hi, do you want a drink?
You: Yes!
Me: What do you want? A beer?
You: No, I prefer a coke.
Me: Fine! (to the barman) One vodka & coke, one beer please.
Who is rude?
Wise(b)ass
Fixed
buldog5151bass
Kibble, milkbones, and P Basses. And redheads.
The most I ever have at a gig is one drink, and only when someone buys it for me, or if I buy a round for the band. If someone buys me a second, I thank them, and give it to someone else when they walk away - usually not tough to find a taker.
For me, the 'bonding' experience between me and my audience peaked when a patron, preferably another musician, complimented me on my playing...
... not sure what it does for the patron, but I'll 'drink that up', any time...
... unless they're telling me I sound just like Jimi Hendrix (i.e. pull up a chair... this may take awhile).
... not sure what it does for the patron, but I'll 'drink that up', any time...
... unless they're telling me I sound just like Jimi Hendrix (i.e. pull up a chair... this may take awhile).
I can tell!
The bar makes more money with your coffee or soda, than it will make with a beer.
But of course the bar makes most money with "hard" alcohol.
Shooters, cocktails and longdrinks are the "money makers"!!!
greetings
Wise
You should always accept a drink from an audience member. There are two reasons:
Now, your vocalist presents a problem here. I would suggest that if you get offered a drink, accept it. Then be sure you get the waitress to dispose of it without the person who bought it or the vocalist knowing it.
I do understand and sympathize with your position and good on you for your sobriety, but this is a business decision.
- Your job is to put money in the cash register.
- Some people do get offended if you refuse a drink. In the 70s I played a club run by the Mafia. The owner took us to his friend's after hours club one night and warned us not to refuse drinks offered by Hun, the owner of the after hours club. It is my usual practice to avoid upsetting a Mafioso.
Now, your vocalist presents a problem here. I would suggest that if you get offered a drink, accept it. Then be sure you get the waitress to dispose of it without the person who bought it or the vocalist knowing it.
I do understand and sympathize with your position and good on you for your sobriety, but this is a business decision.
The ol’ USA is a big place so it’s hard to generalize. But a lot of places I’ve been in charge the same for soda (or “pop” depending on where you’re from), juice, and coffee as they do for the cheapest brew they have on tap. Around where I am that averages $4.50 once the music starts.
Guess that’s better than this one place. Me and a buddy were once told to give up the two seat table we were sitting at because we were only ordering non-alcoholic beverages while watching the band. (Ginger ale was $3. Draft started at $5. And house drinks started around $7) Our server apologized but said the bartender told her to tell us that seats were reserved for drinking patrons. So if we wanted to keep the table we needed to start ordering “real” drinks. Otherwise we were welcome to stay, but we’d have to stand.
We had a laugh about that, settled the bill, tipped the poor server generously (after we found out the servers didn’t have to pool tips there) and left.
Modern times.
This is a very good way to handle it, IMO. Might be tempting for a recovering alcoholic, though. Depending on the stage/state of recovery, perhaps working in a bar is not a great idea - not being judgemental here and not suggesting this is the case for the OP, just thinking about the odds - especially for an alcoholic in early stages of recovery. I wouldn't find it hypocritical for a anyone, let alone a recovering alcoholic, to NOT drink in a bar while working.
It is not inherently rude to decline an offered drink, whatever the reason, although it is entirely possible to decline a drink in a rude way. However, that does not mean that the person offering the drink will not take offense to their offer being turned down. Someone offering you a drink believes they are doing something good for you and may take offense at having their good graces turned down, regardless of the reason. But the denial of their expectations does not make it rude.
It is more rude for someone to continually offer you drinks after you have declined than it is to decline a drink, as many women can likely attest.
It is more rude for someone to continually offer you drinks after you have declined than it is to decline a drink, as many women can likely attest.
