Small Jam - Assorted Egos: What I learned last night.

[Mastermold]

I do wonder if that plays a part, as well. He sure would not have touched any of the other guy's stuff.

I'm sure he wouldn't have done what he did to you if you looked like Lemmy! I'm just glad you didn't loose your cool or your spirit! And that other people recognized what happened and showed you kindness and human decency! Next time you'll know who not to play with -- and so will everyone else who saw what he did.

 

[Anne Millington]

I do wonder if that plays a part, as well. He sure would not have touched any of the other guy's stuff.

Then he can keep his nasty grabby hands to himself.

 

[Bunk McNulty]

On behalf of my fellow owners of XY chromosomes, my apologies. Some guys just hate on women, especially attractive ones. There's even a name for them now, "incels" as in "involuntarily celibate". They are very strange people who blame women for their loneliness. More than that, they believe they are somehow owed women who will be submissive to them. Their existence is one of the unforeseen problems of the internet, which gives them a world platform for airing their grievances. My only advice, and I admit in advance it is pretty lame, is to bring a friend when you go out to these jams; someone you know who will at least shout on your behalf.

 

[Ostie]

That guy would have thrown a fit if you touched his guitar. But you ignored him. That tells us who the bigger person is.

 

[Ewo]

I've learned that the best quality of a good musician is generosity. Generous, not necessarily of "things," but of attitude. Seek the generous ones, who are quick with praise and support, who listen to others, and have an open musical mind. I've also learned that it's most often that the more accomplished (by skill or success,) are the most generous and open to connect.

That's gold, right there.

 

[Michedelic]

Thanks for all of the support! These jams here tend to have a big number of players who are there on their night off, to network, and play with people they don't get to play with often. I FORGOT to add the best part! After I walked off stage so someone else could play, I heard him say "she doesn't like me." I just kept walking. The guy had a wireless for his guitar, at a blues jam. And as I sat with the local pro players, it was bugging him from the stage. So he started walking off stage to stand next to the most popular of the musicians I was with.. and he was trying to get their attention, even sitting in a chair near us, while playing, trying to get their attention. It was the best. lol

An emotional cripple.

 

[Confunk]

Tell you what...Based on the number of supportive replies, I think with enough advance notice, you could round up a number of TB members to offer you both security and crowd control so that such an event would not occur again.

 

[J Wilson]

As I try to veer around violence in my old age, I sure would have parked across the street to see the look on his face when he saw all four flat tires.

Embarrassing me
on stage AND putting his hands on me and my bass?
That is not gonna stand with me, not then, today, or tomorrow.

 

[Ekulati]

*sigh*
There was a time when a guy like that would've been taken outside and had some manners slapped into him.

Exactly what I was thinking. Outside, for a little "chat." You do NOT touch another player's instrument. Or mic.

 

[DianaBass]

I'm sure he wouldn't have done what he did to you if you looked like Lemmy! I'm just glad you didn't loose your cool or your spirit! And that other people recognized what happened and showed you kindness and human decency! Next time you'll know who not to play with -- and so will everyone else who saw what he did.

You know what he reminded me of? The guys on the Jumbotron at a baseball game who run over and grab the errant baseball out of the hands of a little kid. Those dudes are always celebrating "getting" the ball, while everyone else sees them for what they are.

 

[GretschWretch]

next time you see him just say "HI SUPER DICK " lol , good for you to be chill about it , crap happens at jams ,sometimes great , sometimes crap , usually its crap in crap out so !

I would use Magnus Sed Totus, which is pig Latin for "Big Butt Hole."

 

[fourstringdrums]

Wow, what nerve. Even if it was a gig, you don't grab someone's instrument while they're playing and try to correct them. Glad the others saw that and supported you though.

 

[two fingers]

I went to a jam about 30 minutes from my house last night. It's primarily blues, but there is some mixed R&B and funk. As a really new player, there's a lot to learn musically, of course, BUT you really learn about other musicians when they're thrown together.

I've learned that the best quality of a good musician is generosity. Generous, not necessarily of "things," but of attitude. Seek the generous ones, who are quick with praise and support, who listen to others, and have an open musical mind. I've also learned that it's most often that the more accomplished (by skill or success,) are the most generous and open to connect. Often that's because the newer players are definitely consumed by trying to remember everything, and fear of being judged.

Beware the guys who are pretty good, but seem to think that their performance at a tiny jam is their magnum opus, or their ticket to fame after playing for decades. They will step over your body to get into the best light. lol.

Had an experience last night at a new jam for me, being thrown in with one of that type, a guitarist, barking out the changes (which I already knew) then get frustrated with me, and GRAB my bass neck and start fingering the pattern in the middle of the song!!! Unforgivable. I left the stage at the end of that song, as he said " you REALLY need to PREPARE next time!"

I was then welcomed to sit with the "cool kids" aka, the generous musicians who saw what happened and wanted to be sure I felt supported. They got me back up to play with them, a few songs I was totally familiar with, and was able to shine. The other people who shared the stage with me during that guy's tantrum all came up to me later to make sure everything was okay. It was a reminder that if you're so caught up in your own story and not supporting others, people notice. Doesn't matter how good you are, the other musicians and fans see you and it takes away from any talent you might have.

Oof. You're a better person than I am. Just walking off of the stage would have been a struggle for me. I would like to think I'm mature enough to avoid physical violence. But we would have at least exchanged words. And he would have been absolutely clear on the point that touching my bass again while I'm playing it would be a terrible idea.

I'm very glad there were cool heads and open hearts around to pick up the pieces from that fiasco.

 

[DianaBass]

Oof. You're a better person than I am. Just walking off of the stage would have been a struggle for me. I would like to think I'm mature enough to avoid physical violence. But we would have at least exchanged words. And he would have been absolutely clear on the point that touching my bass again while I'm playing it would be a terrible idea.

I'm very glad there were cool heads and open hearts around to pick up the pieces from that fiasco.

Thanks. I'm assuming he felt free to do that to me in particular, because he figured I didn't have the size to call him on it. I was so happy that it was dealt with by the "village" so to speak.

 

[JeezyMcNuggles]

I went to a jam about 30 minutes from my house last night. It's primarily blues, but there is some mixed R&B and funk. As a really new player, there's a lot to learn musically, of course, BUT you really learn about other musicians when they're thrown together.

I've learned that the best quality of a good musician is generosity. Generous, not necessarily of "things," but of attitude. Seek the generous ones, who are quick with praise and support, who listen to others, and have an open musical mind. I've also learned that it's most often that the more accomplished (by skill or success,) are the most generous and open to connect. Often that's because the newer players are definitely consumed by trying to remember everything, and fear of being judged.

Beware the guys who are pretty good, but seem to think that their performance at a tiny jam is their magnum opus, or their ticket to fame after playing for decades. They will step over your body to get into the best light. lol.

Had an experience last night at a new jam for me, being thrown in with one of that type, a guitarist, barking out the changes (which I already knew) then get frustrated with me, and GRAB my bass neck and start fingering the pattern in the middle of the song!!! Unforgivable. I left the stage at the end of that song, as he said " you REALLY need to PREPARE next time!"

I was then welcomed to sit with the "cool kids" aka, the generous musicians who saw what happened and wanted to be sure I felt supported. They got me back up to play with them, a few songs I was totally familiar with, and was able to shine. The other people who shared the stage with me during that guy's tantrum all came up to me later to make sure everything was okay. It was a reminder that if you're so caught up in your own story and not supporting others, people notice. Doesn't matter how good you are, the other musicians and fans see you and it takes away from any talent you might have.

Yup, I know those people. They still aren't accomplished. Usually in much more than just their music career.

 

[lermgalieu]

What a tool. However, I will add in my own twist/view: I don't expect or want people to be "nice" to me. People are who are they are, and a lot of great musicians are curmudgeons. But the ones worth playing with show everyone respect. I've had a trumpet player (NOT the BL) berate me in front of an entire big band for stopping a rehearsal when my chart was completely wrong (oops - I probably shouldn't have done that, but I was inexperienced at the time). Same rehearsal, a kind drummer kept shouting me cues as to what bar we were on.

I was also in a band where the keyboardist was a matter-of-fact Bostonian who, when he noticed that guitar was playing AMaj and bass was playing Amin yelled "A MINAHHHH! A MINAHHHH" repeatedly at the guitarist. Not the kindest thing, but he had an ear and heart of gold and it was all in the spirit of improving the team.

So it's contextual. I don't need to be coddled. If everyone has the same goal, I can take even slightly harsh criticism. But if someone is just trying to tear you down with meanness or take over your instrument, they aren't interested in the betterment of the team.....eff them.

 

[Pdaddy1978]

The minute that pr%ck grabbed the neck of my bass I wouda fixed his little red wagon.
Prepare??....I'm fixin to prepare your teeth!

 

[Ekulati]

Thanks. I'm assuming he felt free to do that to me in particular, because he figured I didn't have the size to call him on it. I was so happy that it was dealt with by the "village" so to speak.

Yeah, if only all of us could meet outside that venue, wait for dude to get out of his car.

 

[FirewalZ]

What the OP encountered is someone who’s whole identity and self worth is to be the star in his own mind at a small local jam session….imo most folks like that aren’t as good as they think they are, the real pros are usually respectful and welcoming. I happen to also have a pretty strong singing voice, but am known and hired as a bass player and keep my voice in the back pocket. If/when I encounter ego or lead singer syndrome, I put up with it for only so long, than shut them down by singing and playing better than them. I use situations like that to get better and improve…no jack wagon at a local bar is gonna shut me down

 

[red_rhino]

A truly savvy performer will roll with variations rather than telegraph apparent ‘mistakes’ to the audience.

This, this, this, & this. Oh and thisx1000. Some people don’t understand the concept of “jam”.

FWIW, you handled it perfectly. You will be invited to more and more jams. That, guy? Not so much. More importantly, you just learned who you will never be in a band with. Networking doesn’t always mean finding other people you want to play with.