All he accomplished was solidifying what kind of person he is. People noticed him and his actions. The spotlight was on him.
Do not let this affect your confidence.
Do not let this affect your confidence.
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Small Jam - Assorted Egos: What I learned last night.
- Thread starter DianaBass
- Start date
Well done for dealing with it the way you did and not letting that a-hole wreck your confidence and send you home.
Unfortunately, there are more than an adequate supply of insecure and aggressive men and spiteful bitchy women in the world and everyone runs into their share going through life.
A handy way to deal with them in a public space like a jam night is to use what you've got. He was doing something, he probably wouldn't dare pulling on a guy, because he figured he could bully a female. Just yell "NO" really loudly and watch every pair of eyes fix on the guy. Being challenged is the last thing they expect, they rely on the element of surprise leaving their victim to stunned to respond. Shock them back, that usually shrinks their machismo in no time flat. Then they realize all eyes are on them.
I hope you enjoy your next jam night. Just head towards the good people and ignore the bad, they aren't worth your time, or a second thought.
Unfortunately, there are more than an adequate supply of insecure and aggressive men and spiteful bitchy women in the world and everyone runs into their share going through life.
A handy way to deal with them in a public space like a jam night is to use what you've got. He was doing something, he probably wouldn't dare pulling on a guy, because he figured he could bully a female. Just yell "NO" really loudly and watch every pair of eyes fix on the guy. Being challenged is the last thing they expect, they rely on the element of surprise leaving their victim to stunned to respond. Shock them back, that usually shrinks their machismo in no time flat. Then they realize all eyes are on them.
I hope you enjoy your next jam night. Just head towards the good people and ignore the bad, they aren't worth your time, or a second thought.
I'm really happy to hear that there were some people around to support you. That kind of ignorant and disrespectful treatment could be crushing for a new player otherwise.
I agree with your conclusions. In my gigging days, the best people I met were secure enough in their ability and comfortable enough in their own skin that they were generous and supportive without even thinking about it. Sadly, I have to say that they were in the minority (I hope I was perceived as being one of them
I agree with your conclusions. In my gigging days, the best people I met were secure enough in their ability and comfortable enough in their own skin that they were generous and supportive without even thinking about it. Sadly, I have to say that they were in the minority (I hope I was perceived as being one of them
I am sorry, there are some %$#@$ at jams. you did better than I would have. its a jam !! not a paying gig !! . Notice when he is there and dont open your case until he quits. Jams are good learning experiences. What I did was listen to other solo guys, ask them if you can play bass for them for a few songs. If you can jive, ask to play more songs. I did this and have played bass for the same guy for over 6 years, by the way, its OK to miss a note.
Boy that is WAY out of line! I used to go to a particular blues jam that was twice a week.
There was a mix of the top players in the valley and week end warriors. Of those there were a few who were not so nice. One in particular would stop singing or stop his lead then proceed play the bass lines on his guitar that he felt you should be playing. Once you got what he wanted he would proceed. No body wanted to be called up with him. But we all had to take a turn in the hot seat. He was even banned for a while.
I'm sorry you had to go thru that. I considered it a positive learned to deal with people event. But grabbing my bass would have ended very badly, just saying. Hang in there and don't stop going to those sessions.
There was a mix of the top players in the valley and week end warriors. Of those there were a few who were not so nice. One in particular would stop singing or stop his lead then proceed play the bass lines on his guitar that he felt you should be playing. Once you got what he wanted he would proceed. No body wanted to be called up with him. But we all had to take a turn in the hot seat. He was even banned for a while.
I'm sorry you had to go thru that. I considered it a positive learned to deal with people event. But grabbing my bass would have ended very badly, just saying. Hang in there and don't stop going to those sessions.
Huh… That seems to be right about the same time you go over and re-adjust the eq settings on his amp. Starting with the volume.
What I don't get (unacceptable behavior aside) is why anyone would expect a performance at a Jam session- even a 12-bar blues- to be error-free. If the random assortment of players all happened to be session veterans, then, yeah, you probably would come up with a pretty tight performance. But the main purpose of a jam is to let players stretch out and push themselves and others to create something, including mistakes. Some guy named Miles Davis stated: “Do not fear mistakes. There are none.”
It doesn't matter what age, what generation, what culture you are, doing that is very wrong and EXTREMELY RUDE. That guy sounds like a jerk. If anyone touched my gear like that weather it's my bass, upright bass, mandolin, Irish Bouzouki, hell even a Irish tin whistle, I would be very piss! If he respectfully ask before or after the show and showed what he wanted or simply demonstrated on his guitar or something like, I would be somewhat ok but of course if permission was ask for criticism and or what they wanted but to do in a middle of a song is super cringe and awful. The fact that this is a jam. I get so piss when people get upset at events like this with ego. Like it's a jam I get some bands or even music makers may be in the crowd but really I think if I was scouting members I would never at all go with a jerk like that who showed their ego. Unfortunately these type of ego-fill jerks fill every fun musical thing that are meant for one thing fun, Irish Trad Sessions, Jams, Folk bands, Community Orchestras/Bands heck even meet these jerks when just swimming laps or practicing a martial art! Sorry you had to go through that again, if you like the good members of that club and they seem good maybe it's worth, but sometimes finding a new joint that is welcoming can help sadly it's a thing of today at times. Good luck sorry that happen and appreciate you sharing this story.
Grabbed you bass neck and started fingering something? That is about as messed up as I've ever heard of someone doing at an open jam.
I was just thinking same; if she lived near me I'd definitely go with her next time!
Some people think that a jam is their personal moment to show off, and that everyone else is there for their convenience, I guess. It's telling that this person couldn't handle someone playing anything other than what (I guess) he thought should be played there. At a JAM! His inability to be flexible in the situation showed the rest of the room who he was.
What would be really cool is if the posse had matching T-shirts that said "DIANABASS" on the front,
and "SECURITY" on the back
Can I just say how much I LOVE you all, here??What would be really cool is if the posse had matching T-shirts that said "DIANABASS" on the front,
and "SECURITY" on the back
We'll take a Bullet for you if need be... (Just don't do what a famous ex-pres did to HIS security detail)
UPDATE: Wow. This is wild. I went to another jam tonight, not to play, as it's really a pro jam, and I know I'm not ready. He was there. Apparently he plays most of the jams and some gigs, and is 'friends' with a lot of the other players. Okay... he saw me by the door of the club and said, in front of others, "you should NOT play another jam until you practice. You had no business being there." I about fell over. "What? You were so rude to me. It was a jam." And he said "it was not! and YOU were rude for interfering with the real players! NEVER get on stage with me again!"
I was livid and hurt. I had already told my musician friends what happened, but did not say who it was. But after that, I told one guy in particular who I've gotten closer to. He said "i know him, he's a friend. Come with me." And he walked me over and made the guy apologize to me in front other others. And when he tried to start up again, he was like "no, stop talking. You apologized. Let it go." Then the guy asked for a hug. But I noticed that he told some others about it. If he persists, I will ask the jam hosts to talk to him, and honestly may be time for them to remind everyone at the jam that being kind to each other and supportive, is necessary.
I was livid and hurt. I had already told my musician friends what happened, but did not say who it was. But after that, I told one guy in particular who I've gotten closer to. He said "i know him, he's a friend. Come with me." And he walked me over and made the guy apologize to me in front other others. And when he tried to start up again, he was like "no, stop talking. You apologized. Let it go." Then the guy asked for a hug. But I noticed that he told some others about it. If he persists, I will ask the jam hosts to talk to him, and honestly may be time for them to remind everyone at the jam that being kind to each other and supportive, is necessary.
Side rant: that’s been my biggest complaint about many of the blues jams I’ve been to. Guitar players in particular, often feel that bass players in particular, are there merely to provide a platform for their wankery. As if that’s what I live for. Many of them don’t know how to listen, and some can’t function if you remove the guardrails.
I've never been to an organised jam of this type, but having to "prepare" and use only certain "patterns" sounds like the opposite of "jamming".
