Small Jam - Assorted Egos: What I learned last night.

[Mastermold]

UPDATE: Wow. This is wild. I went to another jam tonight, not to play, as it's really a pro jam, and I know I'm not ready. He was there. Apparently he plays most of the jams and some gigs, and is 'friends' with a lot of the other players. Okay... he saw me by the door of the club and said, in front of others, "you should NOT play another jam until you practice. You had no business being there." I about fell over. "What? You were so rude to me. It was a jam." And he said "it was not! and YOU were rude for interfering with the real players! NEVER get on stage with me again!"

I was livid and hurt. I had already told my musician friends what happened, but did not say who it was. But after that, I told one guy in particular who I've gotten closer to. He said "i know him, he's a friend. Come with me." And he walked me over and made the guy apologize to me in front other others. And when he tried to start up again, he was like "no, stop talking. You apologized. Let it go." Then the guy asked for a hug. But I noticed that he told some others about it. If he persists, I will ask the jam hosts to talk to him, and honestly may be time for them to remind everyone at the jam that being kind to each other and supportive, is necessary.

Amazing. That guy should be blacklisted from these things. At least until he figures out the world doesn't revolve around him. A hug?? Really??

 

[LBS-bass]

UPDATE: Wow. This is wild. I went to another jam tonight, not to play, as it's really a pro jam, and I know I'm not ready. He was there. Apparently he plays most of the jams and some gigs, and is 'friends' with a lot of the other players. Okay... he saw me by the door of the club and said, in front of others, "you should NOT play another jam until you practice. You had no business being there." I about fell over. "What? You were so rude to me. It was a jam." And he said "it was not! and YOU were rude for interfering with the real players! NEVER get on stage with me again!"

I was livid and hurt. I had already told my musician friends what happened, but did not say who it was. But after that, I told one guy in particular who I've gotten closer to. He said "i know him, he's a friend. Come with me." And he walked me over and made the guy apologize to me in front other others. And when he tried to start up again, he was like "no, stop talking. You apologized. Let it go." Then the guy asked for a hug. But I noticed that he told some others about it. If he persists, I will ask the jam hosts to talk to him, and honestly may be time for them to remind everyone at the jam that being kind to each other and supportive, is necessary.

That sounds way out of bounds for a jam. Interfering with the "real" players? What the heck? What about him interfering with those who are where he was when he was first learning? Did he forget that everyone starts somewhere?

I can't get how this is a jam and people are accepting this attitude from him. I just can't get it.

 

[Ewo]

My reax to the update:

1. @DianaBass it sounds like you have a realistic assessment of your current proficiency (neither over- nor under-estimating) and a positive attitude toward improving your playing. That's the winning ticket. Keep going, and good on ya!

2. Ouch. I ain't no rookie, but that dude would get under my skin, especially this second encounter.

3. That said, he's the one with the problem--a big ego problem.

4. Prolly best that you grant this a$$hat's wish: never get onstage with him again. Life's too short to spend any time with toxic people like that.

 

[Element Zero]

I’ve never understood the appeal of “jams”. Went to a few in the early 00’s and fairly quickly realized I enjoyed myself playing with people who actually knew the material including myself instead of just “winging it”. Plus and this is a big one, most of the music played was blues and quite honestly, I despise the blues.

 

[bigswifty1]

I left the stage at the end of that song, as he said " you REALLY need to PREPARE next time!"

The jams I’ve worked at, this would be a self correcting problem - word gets around and you don’t have much fun at a jam if nobody will get up with you.

 

[BassBrass]

Go to Percussion jams. (and play any bass line you want to) Or make up songs with friends (aka a band) Blues jams are so formulaic that someone who disobeys the rules can be put in their place!

 

[groovaholic]

[grabby guitar bully said] "NEVER get on stage with me again!"

That's the crux of it - he's going to an open jam and thinking it's HIS stage.

It's one thing to know that there are narcissistic imbeciles out there, another thing entirely when you collide with them.

 

[TawodiDalonige]

I went to a jam about 30 minutes from my house last night. It's primarily blues, but there is some mixed R&B and funk. As a really new player, there's a lot to learn musically, of course, BUT you really learn about other musicians when they're thrown together.

I've learned that the best quality of a good musician is generosity. Generous, not necessarily of "things," but of attitude. Seek the generous ones, who are quick with praise and support, who listen to others, and have an open musical mind. I've also learned that it's most often that the more accomplished (by skill or success,) are the most generous and open to connect. Often that's because the newer players are definitely consumed by trying to remember everything, and fear of being judged.

Beware the guys who are pretty good, but seem to think that their performance at a tiny jam is their magnum opus, or their ticket to fame after playing for decades. They will step over your body to get into the best light. lol.

Had an experience last night at a new jam for me, being thrown in with one of that type, a guitarist, barking out the changes (which I already knew) then get frustrated with me, and GRAB my bass neck and start fingering the pattern in the middle of the song!!! Unforgivable. I left the stage at the end of that song, as he said " you REALLY need to PREPARE next time!"

I was then welcomed to sit with the "cool kids" aka, the generous musicians who saw what happened and wanted to be sure I felt supported. They got me back up to play with them, a few songs I was totally familiar with, and was able to shine. The other people who shared the stage with me during that guy's tantrum all came up to me later to make sure everything was okay. It was a reminder that if you're so caught up in your own story and not supporting others, people notice. Doesn't matter how good you are, the other musicians and fans see you and it takes away from any talent you might have.

It is people like that that make it discouraging for new musicians to have the courage to step outside of their comfort zone. Under no circumstances should a musician feel the need to physically correct another musician in that type of setting or almost any other. The fact that he felt the need to finger the pattern on your bass shows his limited understanding of what the bass does in a band, especially in a jam setting. Many times the bass will play a counterpoint to the melody. There have been many times where the guitarist that I am playing with may take a melody line up and I’m bringing it down or vice versa.

I’m glad that the more generous and skilled musicians took it upon themselves to take you under their wing and allowed you to play in a more comfortable environment.

 

[MynameisMe]

Dude probably can't cooperate with other musicians. Has to go to open jams because no one can stand him.
Take heart that everyone sees it.
Taking the high road is always the best option. You were the winner in every encounter and do not forget that.
Cheers!
Bruce

 

[baileyboy]

I know I'm in the minority on this, but the only thing I derive from blues jams are tired fingers. I'd much rather learn actual songs people know that I can gig, just sayin'...

 

[bassicmike]

I’m a broken record.

Time to say goodby to blues jams and get out there in a real band, playing real gigs.

 

[Ben Esparza]

Diana,

Would you mind sharing where this open jam took place. Your profile says you're in the "West Coast" but, if it's in the greater L.A. area, I'd like to go there. Thanks.

 

[fretno]

Man if I listened to all those c@#t's years ago I would have gave up long ago . Some players have lost or never understood the power of creating music with others . OP and everyone else , play on my friends and enjoy the day !

 

[TonyP-]

*sigh*
There was a time when a guy like that would've been taken outside and had some manners slapped into him.
I miss those days.

Glad the nice folks turned the night around for you.

I try to keep the aloha going, BUT I admit I miss those days as well.

 

[foolforthecity]

I went to a jam about 30 minutes from my house last night. It's primarily blues, but there is some mixed R&B and funk. As a really new player, there's a lot to learn musically, of course, BUT you really learn about other musicians when they're thrown together.

I've learned that the best quality of a good musician is generosity. Generous, not necessarily of "things," but of attitude. Seek the generous ones, who are quick with praise and support, who listen to others, and have an open musical mind. I've also learned that it's most often that the more accomplished (by skill or success,) are the most generous and open to connect. Often that's because the newer players are definitely consumed by trying to remember everything, and fear of being judged.

Beware the guys who are pretty good, but seem to think that their performance at a tiny jam is their magnum opus, or their ticket to fame after playing for decades. They will step over your body to get into the best light. lol.

Had an experience last night at a new jam for me, being thrown in with one of that type, a guitarist, barking out the changes (which I already knew) then get frustrated with me, and GRAB my bass neck and start fingering the pattern in the middle of the song!!! Unforgivable. I left the stage at the end of that song, as he said " you REALLY need to PREPARE next time!"

I was then welcomed to sit with the "cool kids" aka, the generous musicians who saw what happened and wanted to be sure I felt supported. They got me back up to play with them, a few songs I was totally familiar with, and was able to shine. The other people who shared the stage with me during that guy's tantrum all came up to me later to make sure everything was okay. It was a reminder that if you're so caught up in your own story and not supporting others, people notice. Doesn't matter how good you are, the other musicians and fans see you and it takes away from any talent you might have.

I would have crowned this dude King of the Dicks with my ‘71 P about five seconds into his reign over my neck

 

[lordradish]

ol.

Had an experience last night at a new jam for me, being thrown in with one of that type, a guitarist, barking out the changes (which I already knew) then get frustrated with me, and GRAB my bass neck and start fingering the pattern in the middle of the song!!! Unforgivable. I left the stage at the end of that song, as he said " you REALLY need to PREPARE next time!"

You are more gracious than I would ever be, as that would likely result in some broken fingers or him having to visit the ER for some posterior-end guitar removal.

 

[Baloo Pasquariello]

Somebody touches my bass like that, they're gonna get a headstock in the face.

I'm glad the good people were there!

 

[jon4lisasays]

I’m sorry that you had to deal with a jackass like that. He is no better than you and had no right to touch your bass. You have just as much right jamming up there as he does. He’s nothing more than an egotistical asshat. Keep on rockin’. We’d much rather see you playing up there, than that idiot.

 

[groovepump]

A lot of people ( especially those who seem to be good players) that frequent open jam nights usually don’t have gigs and there’s usually a good reason why.
You just discovered this first hand.

Truer words were never spoken. !

 

[Cave Puppy]

From the mean girls to folks grabbing your bass it sounds like you need to find another jam. The latter is just unacceptable no matter how you slice it. The former is almost unacceptable as well.