Small Jam - Assorted Egos: What I learned last night.

[groovepump]

The more talented a person is, the nicer they are.

That's because true talent doesn't require advertisement. It's already obvious.

 

[red_rhino]

I once had a sax player at a blues jam give me grief because I wasn’t playing a P bass thru 15” speakers. He thought my Tobias bass was “too bright” and that I should bring something else. I told him he should focus more in playing in tune.

Similarly, at the future encounters with Mr God’s-Gift-To-Tinnitus, the reply should be “Unless you’re hosting the jam, I’ll play whenever I choose. If you don’t want to share a stage with me, you are welcome to sit your a$$ down and let someone else play.” Sometimes you need to bite back so people know where the boundaries are.

 

[aprod]

All though the message was harsh maybe you should take it to heart and practice, so you are up to the task.

 

[turf3]

I once had a sax player at a blues jam give me grief because I wasn’t playing a P bass thru 15” speakers. He thought my Tobias bass was “too bright” and that I should bring something else. I told him he should focus more in playing in tune.

Similarly, at the future encounters with Mr God’s-Gift-To-Tinnitus, the reply should be “Unless you’re hosting the jam, I’ll play whenever I choose. If you don’t want to share a stage with me, you are welcome to sit your a$$ down and let someone else play.” Sometimes you need to bite back so people know where the boundaries are.

Yes, I think sometimes you need to hit jerks with shock and awe. Being a woman it's almost certain NOT to escalate into a fist fight, so the next time the jerk says something negative to you, hit him with as many of the most cutting verbal comments you can think of. Believe me, being told "You are ugly and you bore me" by a woman will shut up almost any guy.

 

[Space Pickle]

hit him with as many of the most cutting verbal comments you can think of.

"how appropriate, you play like a cow"

 

[fishdude101101]

Guy sounds like a massive dickhead. Hope you don't have to deal with him again.

May he soon put his hands on the wrong person, and find his instrument indelicately-placed where the sun don't shine...

Agreed. He should be apologizing, correcting the behavior, or be banned.

 

[DianaBass]

Diana,

Would you mind sharing where this open jam took place. Your profile says you're in the "West Coast" but, if it's in the greater L.A. area, I'd like to go there. Thanks.

Hi,
It's in the Bay Area, at the most delightful little dive bar.

 

[DianaBass]

All though the message was harsh maybe you should take it to heart and practice, so you are up to the task.

He assumes I have not been practicing. By virtue of the second half of the jam, without him onstage, I was just fine. He and the others just railroaded me into playing something I wasn't familiar with, when jams in my area are not showcases and they weren't the featured players. It was supposed to be more cooperative so everyone was on the same page. The fact that he disagreed that "it was a jam," means that he believed in his mind that he was playing a show, perhaps.

 

[Johnny StingRay]

Glad the other musicians supported you! I’ve only had two rules: 1.) Keep your crap off my amp or I’ll chuck your crap behind stage. 2.) Touch my bass, especially WHEN I’m playing……I’ll chuck your guitar behind the stage with you still attached to it…

 

[zubrycky]

I really admire OP's restraint.

 

[DianaBass]

Agreed. He should be apologizing, correcting the behavior, or be banned.

That's what was so stunning about his behavior last night. When he saw me, he had a smirk on his face and I assumed he was going to apologize, as the other people on stage did later. Instead he just laid me out in front of everyone, told me I had no business up there. I admit, the look on his face when my friend (who is a respected musician,) marched up to him with me in hand, was priceless. He may have even said "oh no..." I just want some respect and grace as a new player.

 

[lbbc]

Jerks are in every aspect of life...as we all know. I know I wouldn't have had your composure if someone grabbed the neck of my bass.
After 47 years of playing, I still practice everyday to get better... that's the best way to deal with "ego man". When you are gigging and he is still doing open mics...that'll be sweet (revenge).

 

[BassJuju]

I went to a jam about 30 minutes from my house last night. It's primarily blues, but there is some mixed R&B and funk. As a really new player, there's a lot to learn musically, of course, BUT you really learn about other musicians when they're thrown together.

I've learned that the best quality of a good musician is generosity. Generous, not necessarily of "things," but of attitude. Seek the generous ones, who are quick with praise and support, who listen to others, and have an open musical mind. I've also learned that it's most often that the more accomplished (by skill or success,) are the most generous and open to connect. Often that's because the newer players are definitely consumed by trying to remember everything, and fear of being judged.

Beware the guys who are pretty good, but seem to think that their performance at a tiny jam is their magnum opus, or their ticket to fame after playing for decades. They will step over your body to get into the best light. lol.

Had an experience last night at a new jam for me, being thrown in with one of that type, a guitarist, barking out the changes (which I already knew) then get frustrated with me, and GRAB my bass neck and start fingering the pattern in the middle of the song!!! Unforgivable. I left the stage at the end of that song, as he said " you REALLY need to PREPARE next time!"

I was then welcomed to sit with the "cool kids" aka, the generous musicians who saw what happened and wanted to be sure I felt supported. They got me back up to play with them, a few songs I was totally familiar with, and was able to shine. The other people who shared the stage with me during that guy's tantrum all came up to me later to make sure everything was okay. It was a reminder that if you're so caught up in your own story and not supporting others, people notice. Doesn't matter how good you are, the other musicians and fans see you and it takes away from any talent you might have.

Probably been said, but that’s a great philosophy to apply to all things in life. I’d say you’re ahead of the curve.

 

[Slinger]

I can't help feeling that I'd have ended up with his tooth-prints on the head of my bass... because that's how far I'd have rammed it up the other end of him.

 

[themickster]

I went to a jam about 30 minutes from my house last night. It's primarily blues, but there is some mixed R&B and funk. As a really new player, there's a lot to learn musically, of course, BUT you really learn about other musicians when they're thrown together.

I've learned that the best quality of a good musician is generosity. Generous, not necessarily of "things," but of attitude. Seek the generous ones, who are quick with praise and support, who listen to others, and have an open musical mind. I've also learned that it's most often that the more accomplished (by skill or success,) are the most generous and open to connect. Often that's because the newer players are definitely consumed by trying to remember everything, and fear of being judged.

Beware the guys who are pretty good, but seem to think that their performance at a tiny jam is their magnum opus, or their ticket to fame after playing for decades. They will step over your body to get into the best light. lol.

Had an experience last night at a new jam for me, being thrown in with one of that type, a guitarist, barking out the changes (which I already knew) then get frustrated with me, and GRAB my bass neck and start fingering the pattern in the middle of the song!!! Unforgivable. I left the stage at the end of that song, as he said " you REALLY need to PREPARE next time!"

I was then welcomed to sit with the "cool kids" aka, the generous musicians who saw what happened and wanted to be sure I felt supported. They got me back up to play with them, a few songs I was totally familiar with, and was able to shine. The other people who shared the stage with me during that guy's tantrum all came up to me later to make sure everything was okay. It was a reminder that if you're so caught up in your own story and not supporting others, people notice. Doesn't matter how good you are, the other musicians and fans see you and it takes away from any talent you might have.

Another reason that the most accomplished or successful players are the kindest could be that the gits like that one don't last long in any band. Well done the others for looking after you.

 

[sleddogn]

I'd call him out by name over mic next time to watch his hands.... bass neck to jugular, pointer the neck the better, and i'm not joking...

 

[Lesfunk]

Whatever you do, don’t stop attending that jam.
In fact, go back and request to play with him specifically every time!
Drive him nuts
Seriously though, people like that get kicked out eventually

 

[higain617]

I played in a cover band with some walking-midlife-crisis singer who would do that to bass players. He apparently played himself although I never saw him play anything.

 

[thetaxmiser]

Man dianabass, you might be new to playing but you seems to have met more than your share of unpleasant people in the jam scene. Keep playing, keep positive, and realize they are all pretty miserable in their own little existence.

 

[DianaBass]

Man dianabass, you might be new to playing but you seems to have met more than your share of unpleasant people in the jam scene. Keep playing, keep positive, and realize they are all pretty miserable in their own little existence.

Thanks. I'm finding that being a small blonde woman has it's disadvantages, but they underestimate me. The best takeaway for me is seeing how many people I've just met at these things who support me, and many of the best players are sharing their own journeys with me now. And of course HERE, the support is just phenomenal. So grateful.