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So what had happened was...Rickenbacker content
- Thread starter JZQuantum
- Start date
I wouldn't have asked for money instead, but Rickies are a LOT of money and are absolutely NOT for everyone (not even most people, I think they were actually designed by some sort of somewhat humanoid alien species with dramatically different hands, tools, and bodies than our own). It'd be a shame to drop that kind of coin on something that won't get used. That's a tough situation, though, because you don't want to hurt anyone's feelings.
I think I personally would've explained that it's an absolutely amazing gift (and it is), but that musical instruments vary wildly and that Rickies in particular are really uncomfortable to play, maddening to work on, finicky, and don't really match my playing style (those are MY issues with Rics, of course, yours may well be different), and would it be okay if I gave her a list of basses I DO really like and she could pick one in whatever color, etc. she wanted? As an added bonus, they'd mostly be cheaper than Rickenbackers and she could use the rest for something she really wanted that I'd have no way of knowing about.
That might still kinda bum her out, but probably not as much as 'hey, just give me the money and I'll buy something for myself that you had no part in picking out personally to try to make me happy'. Just my thoughts. My girl's easy-going, I know she'd be fine with it. I also know not all would be, so it's kinda a case-by-case basis type deal. If it wasn't such a big investment, or if I could use it at all, I'd obviously thank her lavishly and find a way to use the thoughtful gift she'd chosen for me.
My girlfriend and I usually ask each other's friends what they know of that we want or need come birthday/Christmas time in hopes of avoiding a situation like this one, usually works out relatively well.
I think I personally would've explained that it's an absolutely amazing gift (and it is), but that musical instruments vary wildly and that Rickies in particular are really uncomfortable to play, maddening to work on, finicky, and don't really match my playing style (those are MY issues with Rics, of course, yours may well be different), and would it be okay if I gave her a list of basses I DO really like and she could pick one in whatever color, etc. she wanted? As an added bonus, they'd mostly be cheaper than Rickenbackers and she could use the rest for something she really wanted that I'd have no way of knowing about.
That might still kinda bum her out, but probably not as much as 'hey, just give me the money and I'll buy something for myself that you had no part in picking out personally to try to make me happy'. Just my thoughts. My girl's easy-going, I know she'd be fine with it. I also know not all would be, so it's kinda a case-by-case basis type deal. If it wasn't such a big investment, or if I could use it at all, I'd obviously thank her lavishly and find a way to use the thoughtful gift she'd chosen for me.
My girlfriend and I usually ask each other's friends what they know of that we want or need come birthday/Christmas time in hopes of avoiding a situation like this one, usually works out relatively well.
Tough choice.
You will without doubt upset her by saying that you don't like her choice in gifts. But my ex wife once bought me a stand for my bass that didn't fit the bass very well so didn't use it. And as much as I still have the stand and really appreciate the thought that went into it, she got just as upset by the fact that I didn't use it. So either decline the gift and sleep on the couch or accept it and sleep on the couch.
You will without doubt upset her by saying that you don't like her choice in gifts. But my ex wife once bought me a stand for my bass that didn't fit the bass very well so didn't use it. And as much as I still have the stand and really appreciate the thought that went into it, she got just as upset by the fact that I didn't use it. So either decline the gift and sleep on the couch or accept it and sleep on the couch.
Similar situation. It was our 10th wedding anniversary and I wanted my first ever new bass. We went to a shop and I went one direction, she another. About 20 minutes later, she finds me lost in Leo's and she is excited. She's been talking with the shops bass expert and he has shown her a 4000b in Fireglo. It's radical looking, stereo and he has told her about it's tonal palate. She WANTS to buy me this bass. Not knowing if it's truly 'the bass', I took it and gave it a 3 minute audition. It seemed okay enough and she was beaming so it came home with us.
I never really warmed up to it. It's okay, but a little too quirky. Regardless, I have always shown her that it is highly regarded among the herd. I even set it up stereo with two of my studio amps so I can show her how cool it is. That's been 15 years now and I still show her what a great thing she did. She works hard to make me happy and I work hard to show her how successful she is!
I never really warmed up to it. It's okay, but a little too quirky. Regardless, I have always shown her that it is highly regarded among the herd. I even set it up stereo with two of my studio amps so I can show her how cool it is. That's been 15 years now and I still show her what a great thing she did. She works hard to make me happy and I work hard to show her how successful she is!
For our fifth anniversary my lovely wife sneakily pre ordered me a Dingwall D-bird, back when they were first announced. We couldn’t afford it. When she told me I pretended to be happy, but the thought rolled around all day and I grew sick. It was a ton of money for a shiny 4 string I’ll likely not play much. I had to confess my worries to her, and we were fortunate enough to get our deposit back. She was crushed, as was I. It was a bittersweet moment.
And now I don’t receive gifts anymore.
And now I don’t receive gifts anymore.
Dude. Where do you get off transposing your mores onto someone else? How are you the designated kommissar?
No, it doesn't. This place is full of judgmental hall monitors (duh). Only you can know what the right move is with your wife re her expensive gift to you.
That said, I have to question your sanity for ever coming to this forum for marital "advice".
=> Judgemental
=> Judgemental
=> Judgemental
=> Judgemental
Go on like this and you will be elected to chief hall monitor
=> Judgemental
=> Judgemental
=> Judgemental
=> Judgemental
Go on like this and you will be elected to chief hall monitor
Thank you for your response. I appreciate your right to express your opinion. Discussion/debate is a healthy thing.
But, I think you've missed the mark by presenting a Chicken/Egg analogy. You seem to be conflating the original accusatory posts, with posts that question the basis for the original posts. My thoughts on the OP's situ are that only he is in a position to evaluate how to best handle his dilemma (if there even is one).
Those castigating the OP are simply expressing how they would act, with their spouse, if put in the same position. The overwhelming responses have been negative, and that the OP "did a bad thing". I'm questioning how anyone can pass judgment on the OP without being in his shoes.
Can you not see the absence of reason in mob-mentality-driven attitudes? That's where I'm coming from...how 'bout you?
OP asked for opinion, he even started a poll...
Opinions are based on peoples experiences...
If you can't deal with the answers => you don't ask the question.
I totally agree. The OP also asked if people thought he was "nuts" for doing what he did.
When I replied to the OP..... "I have to question your sanity for ever coming to this forum for marital "advice"'.....you'll notice that I ended my comment with a wink emoticon, indicating whimsical irony. That emoticon is missing when you quoted that part of my post. By omitting that emoticon, you've altered the intent behind my comment.
I'm sorry... here's your forgotten emoticon.
It was not my intention to alter your post, nor your intention.
I'm sorry... here's your forgotten emoticon.
It was not my intention to alter your post, nor your intention.
Thank you!
My wife did me a favour a few years ago and left.
I've averaged buying a Ric each year since.
This is this year's lockdown present to myself.
I've averaged buying a Ric each year since.
This is this year's lockdown present to myself.
About 3years into our marriage I decided I was going to by myself a nice bass for my birthday. The wife said she'd chip in and help me get that bass I wanted. That bass was a beautiful Smith and the price tag about floored her but being the good soldier she is she put up half the cash.(I love that girl!). 3 days later we were out buying new bedroom furniture(after all I just spent all that money on a bass).Well 23 years later the bass is long gone but that expensive bedroom furniture is holding up nicely thank you. The moral of this story, better get her something nice Rics ain't cheap
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