Stoner/Doom Bassists Thread, Part 90: Maxed Out

[Kaa]

Something on topic from me for once. Forgive the poor quality audio and video from my phone (it particularly sucks on that G#0 at the end). Just screwing around...

Flanger-licious!

 

[Kaa]

Warning - long post. I'm trying to keep up with everything.

It is over six months since my wife told me she wants a divorce. We're still not officially separated and we're still living in one house. There's no fighting, no big disagreements or anything, but still I'm finding this difficult to cope. It is as if my life is on hold. I'm very busy and at the same time I'm waiting.

Then there are all the decisions. About work, about money, legal matters, a lot of decisions big and small. And I am a lousy decision maker, I just can't do it. So this tires me out.

So where are we? She found a house, rents it, and is now painting and carpeting and stuff. Slowly since she's kinda tired out as well, but in a month or so she'll probably be gone.

After a lot of back and forth over many details, the official divorce document is now with the lawyer who will take it to court. Normally the court will sign it off unless they sense something fishy. So there, too, the end is in sight.

I feel guilty for not practicing my bass and singing parts for my band. Right now, I haven't even read their texts for days. It feels like I'm failing them, they deserve better.

There is of course a very positive thing here as well: I built my first bass during this period. During building, it made for a peaceful place to go. And now that the bass is finished, it plays and sounds wonderful. Pure enjoyment.

If you made it this far, thanks for reading. I'm not falling apart, I just needed to formulate some thoughts. Have a great Tuesday, all.

Well, having been through a sort of similar situation, I can offer this: it will get better. It will take time, indeed, but it will get better. Just take each problem/decision, and make the smallest ones first. Then, as the smallest ones get dealt with, and off your plate, move on to the next size up. That's how I did it to move on from a 13-year marriage, and it worked for me. Hopefully it will work for you. Feel free to PM me any time, if you find the need.

 

[Flamingo21]

Thank you!

 

[lucas303]

Warning - long post. I'm trying to keep up with everything.

It is over six months since my wife told me she wants a divorce. We're still not officially separated and we're still living in one house. There's no fighting, no big disagreements or anything, but still I'm finding this difficult to cope. It is as if my life is on hold. I'm very busy and at the same time I'm waiting.

Then there are all the decisions. About work, about money, legal matters, a lot of decisions big and small. And I am a lousy decision maker, I just can't do it. And then I keep wondering if I made the right decision. So this tires me out.

So where are we? She found a house, rents it, and is now painting and carpeting and stuff. Slowly since she's kinda tired out as well, but in a month or so she'll probably be gone.

After a lot of back and forth over many details, the official divorce document is now with the lawyer who will take it to court. Normally the court will sign it off unless they sense something fishy. So there, too, the end is in sight.

I feel guilty for not practicing my vocal and bass parts for my band. Right now, I haven't even read their texts for days. It feels like I'm failing them, they deserve better.

There is of course a very positive thing here as well: I built my first bass during this period. During building, it made for a peaceful place to go. And now that the bass is finished, it plays and sounds wonderful. Pure enjoyment.

If you made it this far, thanks for reading. I'm not falling apart, I just needed to formulate some thoughts. Have a great Tuesday, all.

Echoing @Tendril I can assure you it will get better and before you know it you'll be on the other side. Make sure to keep seeking out those things that give you enjoyment because it can be easy to let that stuff slip by the wayside.

 

[El_Charro]

Warning - long post. I'm trying to keep up with everything.

It is over six months since my wife told me she wants a divorce. We're still not officially separated and we're still living in one house. There's no fighting, no big disagreements or anything, but still I'm finding this difficult to cope. It is as if my life is on hold. I'm very busy and at the same time I'm waiting.

Then there are all the decisions. About work, about money, legal matters, a lot of decisions big and small. And I am a lousy decision maker, I just can't do it. And then I keep wondering if I made the right decision. So this tires me out.

So where are we? She found a house, rents it, and is now painting and carpeting and stuff. Slowly since she's kinda tired out as well, but in a month or so she'll probably be gone.

After a lot of back and forth over many details, the official divorce document is now with the lawyer who will take it to court. Normally the court will sign it off unless they sense something fishy. So there, too, the end is in sight.

I feel guilty for not practicing my vocal and bass parts for my band. Right now, I haven't even read their texts for days. It feels like I'm failing them, they deserve better.

There is of course a very positive thing here as well: I built my first bass during this period. During building, it made for a peaceful place to go. And now that the bass is finished, it plays and sounds wonderful. Pure enjoyment.

If you made it this far, thanks for reading. I'm not falling apart, I just needed to formulate some thoughts. Have a great Tuesday, all.

—————————————-
Dude, that’s A LOT of stuff to cope with (especially on top of the additional insanity that’s going on in the world at the moment)…

My advice: PLEASE practice self care…It that’s playing bass, play bass…If it’s building instruments, keep doing that…If it’s walking the dog or sitting on a bench in the park…Do that… (hopefully you get the idea)…

That being said-You don’t owe anyone (including yourself) an explanation for your behavior during something that difficult…

As someone who isn’t directly in your situation-Your post screams that you are doing the best you can with what you have where you are so please try to cut yourself some slack (we really always are our own worst critics)…Had a friend recently tell me “Only speak to yourself like you would to someone you love and care about”…I REALLY struggle with that, so please do what you can to be as kind as possible to yourself…

This might not sound comforting to you, but it’s worth calling out that you are doing the best you can as a human being at the moment, so I would argue that you don’t owe your band mates, friends, Talkbass, or literally ANYONE else an explanation for your behavior or your choices…

Please hang in there…

It sounds like you are having to deal with having a foot in multiple worlds which hopefully won’t last much longer for you…(I get how it might be hard to process/have closure when things aren’t completed yet)…

In the meantime, please take care of yourself (sometimes proper self care is a good meal and sleep or zoning out and watching a movie)…

Whatever you can do to find peace or some form of activity to lower your stress-Do that…

I hope things improve for you soon…

Thanks! \m/

 

[Flamingo21]

Thanks a lot @El_Charro all of your points are well taken.

As for building instruments, I'm full of ideas. But I won't rush into the next one, as I know that won't work. It will happen.

One very nice thing is this: when my wife moves, and our son with her, space is freed up and I can have a workshop. Or a music room. I can have both!
(Hold it, instrumentalist, you need a place to sleep too.)

Things to look forward to.

 

[Kaa]

Thanks a lot @El_Charro all of your points are well taken.

As for building instruments, I'm full of ideas. But I won't rush into the next one, as I know that won't work. It will happen.

One very nice thing is this: when my wife moves, and our son with her, space is freed up and I can have a workshop. Or a music room. I can have both!
(Hold it, instrumentalist, you need a place to sleep too.)

Things to look forward to.

You sleep under the work bench, silly!

 

[Flamingo21]

 

[xJasonSmithx]

I haven’t posted in a while, I’m just getting over Covid. It hasn’t been too bad, mainly like a bad cold or strep. Nothing serious but such a pain in the ass.

Has anyone had a crappy experience with a seller in the classifieds here? I have been waiting on a set of pickups since the beginning of the month. The seller didn’t provide a tracking number when he said he shipped it on the 2nd because he said he just put normal postage on the package. It never showed up and then this past Friday he said it was returned to him because he didn’t add enough postage to the package. He didn’t apologize or anything but said that he shipped it out priority so I would have it this past Monday or Tuesday. I asked him for a tracking number and got no response. I sent a few follow up messages, sent a message through PayPal, found his fb profile and sent a message. Finally yesterday he just sent the tracking number with no explanation or anything. When I pull up the tracking it just says a label has been created but it hasn’t reached a USPS facility as of this morning. I asked him about it and he just said it was mailed yesterday and he wasn’t able to make it to the PO on Friday or Monday. Again, no apology or explanation at all. I’m normally not the kind of person to escalate or leave negative feedback but this has been a major pain in the ass. I wanted to have this bass completed weeks ago. The guy has 100% positive feedback and is super active on here every day. I’m a really understanding guy, even basic communication and common courtesy go a really long way with me. So frustrating. How would you handle this situation?

 

[lucas303]

I haven’t posted in a while, I’m just getting over Covid. It hasn’t been too bad, mainly like a bad cold or strep. Nothing serious but such a pain in the ass.

Has anyone had a crappy experience with a seller in the classifieds here? I have been waiting on a set of pickups since the beginning of the month. The seller didn’t provide a tracking number when he said he shipped it on the 2nd because he said he just put normal postage on the package. It never showed up and then this past Friday he said it was returned to him because he didn’t add enough postage to the package. He didn’t apologize or anything but said that he shipped it out priority so I would have it this past Monday or Tuesday. I asked him for a tracking number and got no response. I sent a few follow up messages, sent a message through PayPal, found his fb profile and sent a message. Finally yesterday he just sent the tracking number with no explanation or anything. When I pull up the tracking it just says a label has been created but it hasn’t reached a USPS facility as of this morning. I asked him about it and he just said it was mailed yesterday and he wasn’t able to make it to the PO on Friday or Monday. Again, no apology or explanation at all. I’m normally not the kind of person to escalate or leave negative feedback but this has been a major pain in the ass. I wanted to have this bass completed weeks ago. The guy has 100% positive feedback and is super active on here every day. I’m a really understanding guy, even basic communication and common courtesy go a really long way with me. So frustrating. How would you handle this situation?

I think that warrants less-than-positive feedback. He's responsible for shipping and he's clearly botched it so far. It's not rocket science...you go to UPS/FedEx/USPS, hand them the package, pay some money, and then give the buyer the tracking number. Anyone who can't even get that part right is someone people should be warned about. (If he had a good reason for the delay, I'd be understanding, but he hasn't given you a good reason. Him failing to apply the correct postage is most certainly not even close to a good reason.) This seems like a situation where he's either too stupid to figure out how to mail something, or is so lazy/careless that he can't even be bothered to do a simple task correctly. Either way, conveying that information to others is precisely the point of the feedback system. I'd be shocked if he can feed himself without poking himself in the eye with his fork.

Also, this:

If you cannot ship an item yourself within two business days of it selling, DO NOT list it here. Sellers should make a good faith effort to keep buyers informed of the status of the shipment throughout the process, letting the buyer know any relevant information, including but not limited to:
- the payment was successfully received
- when they plan on shipping
- when the item is shipped
- any applicable tracking info

Sellers will make every reasonable effort to ship within 2 business days of payment and let the buyer know if that doesn’t happen.

 

[NNNN]

Ugh, I hate when sellers do this kind of thing. Even if they're being honest with you, it's like they can't see that their behavior and communication is exactly what a scammer would do/say.
Based on this:

When I pull up the tracking it just says a label has been created but it hasn’t reached a USPS facility as of this morning. I asked him about it and he just said it was mailed yesterday...

I'd give it a day or two for the shipping info to update. Clearly he generated the label, though he may not have actually dropped the package off yesterday. I'd still be optimistic that the pickups will be in the mail soon. If/when the tracking updates you'll be able to see when he really dropped it off. Obviously don't leave positive feedback.

 

[lucas303]

I'd give it a day or two for the shipping info to update. Clearly he generated the label, though he may not have actually dropped the package off yesterday. I'd still be optimistic that the pickups will be in the mail soon. If/when the tracking updates you'll be able to see when he really dropped it off. Obviously don't leave positive feedback.

To this point, I have seen the USPS tracking be less than reliable on several occasions. That said, even giving him the benefit of the doubt on the tracking number he's still screwed this up already.

 

[xJasonSmithx]

Yeah, I have been buying and selling used gear since I was a teenager in the late 90’s. It’s not rocket science at all and very easy to just be professional / honest.

 

[arbitrary]

Took these while recording a couple songs recently. It was great getting back into the studio. Ran a clean and dirty bass setup and it’s duuuuuuurty af. Once they’re mixed and mastered I’ll post em up. We’re hoping to get back in and do 5 songs in the fall. And excited to play some upcoming shows.

 

[lucas303]

Took these while recording a couple songs recently. It was great getting back into the studio. Ran a clean and dirty bass setup and it’s duuuuuuurty af. Once they’re mixed and mastered I’ll post em up. We’re hoping to get back in and do 5 songs in the fall. And excited to play some upcoming shows.

What is that preamp in the rack case with the Mesa?

 

[arbitrary]

What is that preamp in the rack case with the Mesa?

that’s the zdora 1978 based off an old traynor/rusty box. Gets nasty.

 

[arbitrary]

I haven’t posted in a while, I’m just getting over Covid. It hasn’t been too bad, mainly like a bad cold or strep. Nothing serious but such a pain in the ass.

Has anyone had a crappy experience with a seller in the classifieds here? I have been waiting on a set of pickups since the beginning of the month. The seller didn’t provide a tracking number when he said he shipped it on the 2nd because he said he just put normal postage on the package. It never showed up and then this past Friday he said it was returned to him because he didn’t add enough postage to the package. He didn’t apologize or anything but said that he shipped it out priority so I would have it this past Monday or Tuesday. I asked him for a tracking number and got no response. I sent a few follow up messages, sent a message through PayPal, found his fb profile and sent a message. Finally yesterday he just sent the tracking number with no explanation or anything. When I pull up the tracking it just says a label has been created but it hasn’t reached a USPS facility as of this morning. I asked him about it and he just said it was mailed yesterday and he wasn’t able to make it to the PO on Friday or Monday. Again, no apology or explanation at all. I’m normally not the kind of person to escalate or leave negative feedback but this has been a major pain in the ass. I wanted to have this bass completed weeks ago. The guy has 100% positive feedback and is super active on here every day. I’m a really understanding guy, even basic communication and common courtesy go a really long way with me. So frustrating. How would you handle this situation?

You can always give them negative feedback which makes sense here. And what kinda pickups/bass are you putting together?

 

[xJasonSmithx]

Well the tracking finally updated and says delivery will be this coming Monday. It is coming from CA to CO, I am guessing that isn't Priority like he said, sounds more like ground...

Anyway, at least it should be over with soon. It is a 90's MIM P-Bass that I am doing some upgrades to. I need to drop it off with a tech to fix a few frets with some bad buzz and do an overall setup. It is just driving me nuts because I thought it would all come together quickly. Could be worse though. I'll post some pics when it is all done.

 

[El_Charro]

Thanks a lot @El_Charro all of your points are well taken.

As for building instruments, I'm full of ideas. But I won't rush into the next one, as I know that won't work. It will happen.

One very nice thing is this: when my wife moves, and our son with her, space is freed up and I can have a workshop. Or a music room. I can have both!
(Hold it, instrumentalist, you need a place to sleep too.)

Things to look forward to.

——————————-
That does sound like a good use for the space…

Just hang in there man…

Nothing you wrote in that post sounds like a good time, but I really do hope things turn around for you in your personal life soon…

It has been a difficult couple of years for sure and that situation can’t be helping your stress level…

Please take care of yourself-The beauty of this thread is that we can talk about all sorts of random stuff, so appreciate you sharing…

Good luck on building your next instrument…

That (woodworking)/building has never interested me personally, so I have a TON of respect for people who are into the building/wiring aspects of instruments…

If it’s something you enjoy…The world definitely needs more basses in it IMO…

Thanks! \m/

 

[YawningJorin]

Warning - long post. I'm trying to keep up with everything.

It is over six months since my wife told me she wants a divorce. We're still not officially separated and we're still living in one house. There's no fighting, no big disagreements or anything, but still I'm finding this difficult to cope. It is as if my life is on hold. I'm very busy and at the same time I'm waiting.

Then there are all the decisions. About work, about money, legal matters, a lot of decisions big and small. And I am a lousy decision maker, I just can't do it. And then I keep wondering if I made the right decision. So this tires me out.

So where are we? She found a house, rents it, and is now painting and carpeting and stuff. Slowly since she's kinda tired out as well, but in a month or so she'll probably be gone.

After a lot of back and forth over many details, the official divorce document is now with the lawyer who will take it to court. Normally the court will sign it off unless they sense something fishy. So there, too, the end is in sight.

I feel guilty for not practicing my vocal and bass parts for my band. Right now, I haven't even read their texts for days. It feels like I'm failing them, they deserve better.

There is of course a very positive thing here as well: I built my first bass during this period. During building, it made for a peaceful place to go. And now that the bass is finished, it plays and sounds wonderful. Pure enjoyment.

If you made it this far, thanks for reading. I'm not falling apart, I just needed to formulate some thoughts. Have a great Tuesday, all.

Big hugs to you dearie! <3