Texting before every Band Rehearsal...why?

[ChrisB2]

In my real world career, part of my job was to coordinate research project meetings and conference calls with teams of MDs and PhDs, sometimes quite large (40+) groups ... I know that if I failed to issue appropriate reminders, attendance was always low.

Well, is that really analogous? Not to defend the OP's unnecessary aggravation over this non-slight, but... these meetings you arranged and reminded these "mature adults" of, were they previously scheduled standing weekly events? Or were they one-offs or randomly-occurring events that required custom scheduling?

One-off or random events, yeah, a reminder is a good idea. But something I do the same time, same day, every week? That everyone agreed to? That was already confirmed less than a week ago? Reminder shouldn't be necessary AT ALL.

In the OP it was clearly stated that the recurring rehearsal day has been previously discussed and agreed upon as a standing weekly event, and confirmed again after each rehearsal. I don't defend him being perturbed by a simple confirmation text, but at the same time if it were me I'd def do an eye roll when I saw it.

If someone has a problem crop up where they can't make the agreed-upon standing weekly rehearsal, THAT'S when a message is needed, and the earlier the better.

Band I'm in now, we don't even touch base regarding gigs... we show up when we're supposed to. It should be on your calendar, you should not need a reminder. And we don't. We're big boys, we know how to act responsibly. But, previous band, the de facto "leader" would send a reminder the day before or morning of. No big deal, I would send back a thumbs up or just mental-note and move on.

 

[Savage_Dreams]

someone confirming rehearsal is still on shouldnt be an issue. how exactly is a text so destructive to your day? sometimes when you cant figure out what someones problems is, they arent the problem.

 

[ChrisB2]

Every band I've been in has had an open door policy for rehearsal nights. You can get there early, set up and chit chat until start time.

Every band I've been in has had a pretty loose schedule when it comes to rehearsals. 15 early, 15 late is no biggie.

This is music. It's supposed to be fun, with people we like. It's supposed to be low stress. Make someone sit in the car because they're early?? WOW, that would kill the "people we like" angle for me.

 

[Hot Rats]

Maybe you should look at it as being lucky we are not living in the age where your phone would be ringing....and ringing....and ringing because answering machines haven't been invented yet.

 

[DrThumpenstein]

is this an annual topic? This very same question was posted in Sept. 2022 by the same OP.
Why Text every freakin' time to ask "Is practice still on for tonight?"

14 pages of, essentially, the same thread.

If someone texting once per week genuinely annoys you, then you may want to have a chat with a therapist that can help you with some life skills to make things easier for yourself. Getting a positive thumbs up from a group is not an unusual thing to ask. I'd be more worried with a group that didn't communicate.

Please don’t take this the wrong way but you seem to have a lot of complaints about every band that you play with. Maybe I’m not seeing a lot of your posts but it seems like every thread of yours that ends up on the front page is about something that annoys you about a band that you play with or a musician that you’ve interacted with.

At some point, it might be worth considering if the problem is you…? Just my $0.05.

To the OP: Insight can be one of life's most useful skills. A good therapist might help to uncover why such a simple task as reading a text to which you are not obligated to respond has you in such distress once again. They might also teach some coping skills that will be more effective than another rant about the same situation.

The last time you posted about the same situation, you were overwhelmingly exhorted to relax a little. Obviously, in the intervening year, neither your annoyance threshhold nor your tolerance for life's little peeves has changed. Getting bent out of shape over trivial, normal behavior is overreactive. Yet, it is an observable pattern, despite the repeated encouragement from members of this forum to chill.

This gives the impression that you are either incapable of insight or just posting to get a reaction. Whether you are deaf to the overwhelming majority of your fellow bassists, or just defensive and stubborn, it would appear that this is a problem you are stuck with unless you want to learn not to let innocuous situations continue to get under your skin. My suspicion is that you like the attention these threads bring to you, despite the generally negative feedback you get regarding these petty intolerances. That your avatar, despite being a lovely bass, is greeted with an eyeroll, seems to be lost on you.

 

[Jefenator]

As with most things, a little balance, moderation & good old fashioned horse sense can go a long way.
Chatty group text threads are not my favorite thing in life. But, neither is the "radio silence" approach.

 

[lermgalieu]

I understand, but I personally think the etiquette goes both ways.

If I am hosting the musicians, I don't mind people respecting the process enough to be early, it shows much more respect than being late. 'Show up, load in, set up' etc even if minimal, is a relevant need to be accommodated by a host to support rehearsing on time.

This is predicated with the understanding that all rehearsal situations are different, some have backline, drums, PA pre-setup etc.

I solve these problems by never hosting a rehearsal. No thanks. I'd rather rent a room. The most annoying to me is when rehearsal is done and people don't leave. I short circuit that issue by never hosting, and I can then leave right after I pack up if I want. Now, I understand that YMMV. My best friend (a drummer) sometimes hangs out with his guitarist for hours after rehearsal. On, like, a Monday.

 

[Gluvhand]

If you have an iphone, in Settings->Focus you can set a do not disturb time and either block all calls and texts except for a list of people or block from a list of people. I'm sure Android has something similar.

Yeah. I just completely blocked him. If they need me the guitarist/singer/BL can reach me.

 

[primusfan1989]

Why does it bug me so much and how can I get him to stop doing it?

Why is members of the band seeking confirmation bother you? Why is someone going out of their way to make sure they're on the same page as you bothersome?
Im in two groups that try to maintain a weekly rehearsal, often someone will send a message the day of to confirm were getting together or not. The reality is we are all adults with lifes that will often have circumstances that trump band practice.

 

[gln1955]

Well, is that really analogous? Not to defend the OP's unnecessary aggravation over this non-slight, but... these meetings you arranged and reminded these "mature adults" of, were they previously scheduled standing weekly events? Or were they one-offs or randomly-occurring events that required custom scheduling?

One-off or random events, yeah, a reminder is a good idea. But something I do the same time, same day, every week? That everyone agreed to? That was already confirmed less than a week ago? Reminder shouldn't be necessary AT ALL.

In the OP it was clearly stated that the recurring rehearsal day has been previously discussed and agreed upon as a standing weekly event, and confirmed again after each rehearsal. I don't defend him being perturbed by a simple confirmation text, but at the same time if it were me I'd def do an eye roll when I saw it.

If someone has a problem crop up where they can't make the agreed-upon standing weekly rehearsal, THAT'S when a message is needed, and the earlier the better.

Band I'm in now, we don't even touch base regarding gigs... we show up when we're supposed to. It should be on your calendar, you should not need a reminder. And we don't. We're big boys, we know how to act responsibly. But, previous band, the de facto "leader" would send a reminder the day before or morning of. No big deal, I would send back a thumbs up or just mental-note and move on.

I work with the same kinds of people LBS does. We have groups that meet every other week for months on end. Yes, there are still reminders because everyone's schedule is not set in stone. The MD's have patient care that may be irregular. The PhD's have things going on in their research labs that are not on a set schedule. Everyone has teaching responsibilities that can vary from week to week. For many of these meetings, if there won't be a quorum or if a key person won't be there and adequately prepared, the meeting is a waste of time. Kind of like a band rehearsal.

 

[Bonafide]

I solve these problems by never hosting a rehearsal. No thanks. I'd rather rent a room. The most annoying to me is when rehearsal is done and people don't leave. I short circuit that issue by never hosting, and I can then leave right after I pack up if I want. Now, I understand that YMMV. My best friend (a drummer) sometimes hangs out with his guitarist for hours after rehearsal. On, like, a Monday.

I don't consider it a problem to solve or an issue to short circuit, just a basic process.

I produce alot and do alot of sessions. Sometimes musicians come to me, sometimes I go to them. It's all good.

 

[lermgalieu]

I don't consider it a problem to solve or an issue to short circuit, just a basic process.

I produce alot and do alot of sessions. Sometimes musicians come to me, sometimes I go to them. It's all good.

You are doubling down on the idea that you don't mind hosting musicians, and that you don't mind them coming early or leaving late. Good for you. That's your point and perspective, not mine. Mine is that it IS a problem, and I avoid it by not hosting rehearsals. Recording a session is an entirely different situation and outside the scope of this thread, IMO.

 

[Jason Bonilla]

Every time a read a thread and think to myself "is this really something serious enough to complain about?", I know chances are if I look to the left corner I'll see that Butterscotch P. Not trying to be mean, just an observation.

 

[Bonafide]

You are doubling down on the idea that you don't mind hosting musicians, and that you don't mind them coming early or leaving late. Good for you. That's your point and perspective, not mine. Mine is that it IS a problem, and I avoid it by not hosting rehearsals. Recording a session is an entirely different situation and outside the scope of this thread, IMO.

Nah, you are reading alot more into it than what is there. I never mentioned anything about 'leaving late'. I am a full time working musician. I understand rehearsal and working with other professionals as a basic / common process whether I host or not. No way around it, so I'm good. I have a preference of arriving early / on time over late. Nothing more.

It is a problem for you. I get it. As they say, you do you man. It's all good.

 

[Bunk McNulty]

This is your biggest problem ???

Enough awready! I was just being snarky.

 

[SteveHeissner]

I completely understand. Texts annoy me too. Almost as much as kids walking on my lawn...

 

[Michael Stanley 2112]

Enhanced by Michael Stanley for demonstration/clarity:

Nah, you are reading alot more into it than what is there. I never mentioned anything about 'leaving late'. I am a full time working musician. I understand rehearsal and working with other professionals as a basic / common process whether I host or not. No way around it, so I'm good. I have a preference of arriving early / on time over late. Nothing more.

It is a problem for you. I get it. As they say, you do you man. It's all good.

It probably comes from my psychology schooling, but I believe people who are late (especially if they're chronically so) is the result of narcissism ("They'll wait for me. I'm worth it.") or an attempt at a "power play" ("I'll make them wait for me so they know who the boss is.").

I despise either one. For me, time is a valuable commodity which cannot be replaced. I choose how to spend my time. Others don't have the right to do that for me.

In the reverse, I treat other peoples' time the same way.

 

[lermgalieu]

I never mentioned anything about 'leaving late'.

Not to quibble, but I mentioned the leaving late issue and you replied to it. So we were talking about it. But whatever, I do recognize that is quibbling. Rock on.

 

[-Asdfgh-]

I get the strangest feeling of Deja Vu

Weird. I'm getting a normal feeling of deja vu.

 

[gln1955]

Enhanced by Michael Stanley for demonstration/clarity:



It probably comes from my psychology schooling, but I believe people who are late (especially if they're chronically so) is the result of narcissism ("They'll wait for me. I'm worth it.") or an attempt at a "power play" ("I'll make them wait for me so they know who the boss is.").

I despise either one. For me, time is a valuable commodity which cannot be replaced. I choose how to spend my time. Others don't have the right to do that for me.

In the reverse, I treat other peoples' time the same way.

Those traits will be manifest in other ways as well. My experience is that most chronically late people have too much on their plate, are easily distracted or are generally disorganized.

But, yeah, it bothers me since I never want to waste other people's time and expect them to treat me the same way.