• TalkBass has been independent since 1998. Add your voice.
    Create a free account to reply to discussions, view embedded media, and browse with fewer display ads.
    Join free Log in
    Want zero display ads or expanded classifieds tools? Compare plans.

the wife

#81
sonic boogaloo said:
or partner, whatever term suits you best. referred to as 'they' 'their; and 'them' here, but no offence meant if you prefer alternative/more relevant pronouns.

some questions, HONEST answers would be appreciated:

1. how supportive are they of you as a bass player?
2. do you have to go through them before buying new gear?
3. have you ever had to resort to a 'black money op'?
4. do you seek their consul regarding your playing?
5. do they attend your gigs if you are a gigging bass player or would you want them to if you aren't?
6. are they a musician too? if so, what instrument (or tool, if you prefer that terminology) do they play?
7. do they share the same music tastes as you?
8. how important is it to you that they share an interest in music?

thank you.

please feel free to add and answer any additional questions....
Click to expand...
!:: She was more supportive when I was younger Now at age 73, she doesn’t like me being out late at night.

2: We have a rule that if discretionary spendings exceeds $200 we run it by each other….first!

3: No, not a good idea on a number of levels. If there is a good reason to replace, repair or upgrade I have no problem getting what I want/need. Mainly because I give her my gig money. When you hand over several thousands of dollars a year, it’s kind of hard for them to object. Just saying.

4: No. I would say that unless one is attached to an advanced musician with a good sense of music theory, odds are you’re not going to get much in the way of useful feedback.

5: Most of my gig are over an hour away and due to a hip problem traveling long distances is a nonstarter for here

6: No, she is not, although she can sing in key.

7: Not really as she has a very limited range of musical genres she finds enjoyable. Mostly show tunes and dance music.

8: Not really.

Hope this helps.

.
 
  • Like
Reactions: sonic boogaloo
#84
sonic boogaloo said:
or partner, whatever term suits you best. referred to as 'they' 'their; and 'them' here, but no offence meant if you prefer alternative/more relevant pronouns.

some questions, HONEST answers would be appreciated:

1. how supportive are they of you as a bass player?
2. do you have to go through them before buying new gear?
3. have you ever had to resort to a 'black money op'?
4. do you seek their consul regarding your playing?
5. do they attend your gigs if you are a gigging bass player or would you want them to if you aren't?
6. are they a musician too? if so, what instrument (or tool, if you prefer that terminology) do they play?
7. do they share the same music tastes as you?
8. how important is it to you that they share an interest in music?

thank you.

please feel free to add and answer any additional questions....
Click to expand...
1. Very
2. Sometimes
3. There have been “slush funds”, mostly while I was working. I never tried my bass friend’s theory… only buy Oly White basses. “That thing, nah you’ve seen it before”.
4. Yes
5. When I was gigging, yes most gigs.
6. If you consider as a young girl, she wanted to play drums (like her Dad) he bought her a Marimbas.
7. Absolutely, thank goodness. Also shares my sarcastic wit.
8. Very important. We’ve gone from Bach (on original period instruments) to Rush and everything in between.
Married 40 years, together on and off 15 years before that. The love of my life.
 
  • Like
Reactions: sonic boogaloo
#85
sonic boogaloo said:
or partner, whatever term suits you best. referred to as 'they' 'their; and 'them' here, but no offence meant if you prefer alternative/more relevant pronouns.

some questions, HONEST answers would be appreciated:

1. how supportive are they of you as a bass player?
2. do you have to go through them before buying new gear?
3. have you ever had to resort to a 'black money op'?
4. do you seek their consul regarding your playing?
5. do they attend your gigs if you are a gigging bass player or would you want them to if you aren't?
6. are they a musician too? if so, what instrument (or tool, if you prefer that terminology) do they play?
7. do they share the same music tastes as you?
8. how important is it to you that they share an interest in music?

thank you.

please feel free to add and answer any additional questions....
Click to expand...
Ok, I figure you are not my wife, so here's serious answers for you.

1. Knows I like it, doesn't really understand why I play, thinks I "should play for others."
2. I don't need approval but an unannounced purchase would not be appreciated.
3. I manage the bank accounts, brought most of the $$$ in, so I guess it's all "black money?"
4. Yes. I demonstrate new things as I learn them, to see if she agrees they sound good.
5. I don't gig other than in my bedroom. She attends but doesn't tip much.
6. She has a beautiful voice, once sang back-up for Patsy Cline, many, many years ago.
7. Likes country music, appreciates music as long as it's not too loud (no rock), so "not really."
8. Not that important.
 
  • Like
Reactions: sonic boogaloo
#86
sonic boogaloo said:
or partner, whatever term suits you best. referred to as 'they' 'their; and 'them' here, but no offence meant if you prefer alternative/more relevant pronouns.

some questions, HONEST answers would be appreciated:

1. how supportive are they of you as a bass player?
2. do you have to go through them before buying new gear?
3. have you ever had to resort to a 'black money op'?
4. do you seek their consul regarding your playing?
5. do they attend your gigs if you are a gigging bass player or would you want them to if you aren't?
6. are they a musician too? if so, what instrument (or tool, if you prefer that terminology) do they play?
7. do they share the same music tastes as you?
8. how important is it to you that they share an interest in music?

thank you.

please feel free to add and answer any additional questions....
Click to expand...
1) Very. Music is what brought us together.
2) Don't have to, but I value honesty and transparency, especially if it's something super expensive, and I will let her know what I'm thinking about purchasing out of courtesy and respect, because she works hard to bring in money for our household too.
3) 'Black money op' - Meaning sneaking around to buy gear? No. To me, if you're sneaking around to do it, it means you're likely being dishonest about other things financially and otherwise and sneaking around to accomplish those 'goals'. Not cool.
4) She's a flute player and musician, so yes... I value my wife's opinion on compositions, recordings, etc.
5) She does, but it's not a requirement. But she's always at the very important ones.... CD release shows, high profile gigs.
6) Yes. As mentioned above.
7) Yes. It's what brought us together... Jazz (and classical).
8) It would be hard to be in a relationship with someone who didn't value what I did on some level. Same for me. She's a teacher and a very good one, and I admire everything about how she does her job.

We've been together 23 years, married for 17.
 
Last edited:
  • Like
Reactions: sonic boogaloo
#87
sonic boogaloo said:
or partner, whatever term suits you best. referred to as 'they' 'their; and 'them' here, but no offence meant if you prefer alternative/more relevant pronouns.

some questions, HONEST answers would be appreciated:

1. how supportive are they of you as a bass player?
2. do you have to go through them before buying new gear?
3. have you ever had to resort to a 'black money op'?
4. do you seek their consul regarding your playing?
5. do they attend your gigs if you are a gigging bass player or would you want them to if you aren't?
6. are they a musician too? if so, what instrument (or tool, if you prefer that terminology) do they play?
7. do they share the same music tastes as you?
8. how important is it to you that they share an interest in music?

thank you.

please feel free to add and answer any additional questions....
Click to expand...
1. Very - it's part of who I am, and she seems fond of who I am.
2. Not "have to" but usually do, just because we are focused on some bigger things and need to predict flows. But when that special deal pops up I move on it.
3. No, because I'm a grown up in a relationship with someone I respect.
4. Certainly not, and she doesn't ask me how to do her thing for which I'm unqualified.
5. If local then yes, nearly always, unless it's a rough place.
6. Not at all.
7. Not much overlap.
8. I appreciate that she does, even if different than mine, but it would not have been a deal-breaker all those years ago if she didn't.
 
  • Like
Reactions: sonic boogaloo
#88
For the sake of privacy, I'll keep it minimal. My spouse is supportive of my playing, but is not an advanced musician. She attends my gigs when they're at a decent time and pleasant venue, but as older adults, we've both got a lot of things going on. We don't discuss purchases except when reasonable, such as something big (size or cost). I keep no secrets. We have some overlapping musical tastes, but jazz is my thing and she tends to choose classical.

These days we're more likely to discuss schedules than money.

I think a lot of these things depend on how "mature" your relationship is. If a couple is just starting out, and money is tight, it makes a lot of sense to learn how to make financial decisions jointly. After a few years if things are going well, or if you know that you're "set," then it makes sense to have more leeway.
 
  • Like
Reactions: sonic boogaloo and jerry
#89
sonic boogaloo said:
or partner, whatever term suits you best. referred to as 'they' 'their; and 'them' here, but no offence meant if you prefer alternative/more relevant pronouns.

some questions, HONEST answers would be appreciated:

1. how supportive are they of you as a bass player?
2. do you have to go through them before buying new gear?
3. have you ever had to resort to a 'black money op'?
4. do you seek their consul regarding your playing?
5. do they attend your gigs if you are a gigging bass player or would you want them to if you aren't?
6. are they a musician too? if so, what instrument (or tool, if you prefer that terminology) do they play?
7. do they share the same music tastes as you?
8. how important is it to you that they share an interest in music?

thank you.

please feel free to add and answer any additional questions....
Click to expand...
1. Pretty supportive
2. No, but I tell her beforehand anyway
3. No
4. No.
5. Sometimes
6. Yes, piano and flute
7. No
8. Somewhat, but our musical differences haven’t ever been a problem (happily married for 26+ years)
 
  • Like
Reactions: sonic boogaloo
#91
sonic boogaloo said:
or partner, whatever term suits you best. referred to as 'they' 'their; and 'them' here, but no offence meant if you prefer alternative/more relevant pronouns.

some questions, HONEST answers would be appreciated:

1. how supportive are they of you as a MUSICIAN?
2. do you have to go through them before buying new gear?
3. have you ever had to resort to a 'black money op'?
4. do you seek their consul regarding your playing?
5. do they attend your gigs if you are a gigging bass player or would you want them to if you aren't?
6. are they a musician too? if so, what instrument (or tool, if you prefer that terminology) do they play?
7. do they share the same music tastes as you?
8. how important is it to you that they share an interest in music?

thank you.

please feel free to add and answer any additional questions....
Click to expand...
1) Fixed it for you. Important
2) No. We keep our money separate. More couples should.
3) No, I'm not afraid of my wife
4) No, she isn't a musician
5) Once in a while
6) No
7) Hard to say. I listen to everything from Hank Williams, Sr. to Muddy Waters to Poison to real book jazz to classical to Al Di Meola to Yes and everything in between. Her tastes are no where near as broad.
8) Not at all. I don't know why that would matter if you answer number 1 yes. My wife is an off the charts artist whose work is featured in a lot of art galleries. I support her 100% and even encouraged her to retire early so she could pursue her art full time but I couldn't care less about art. Ten minutes in an art gallery and I'm bored to tears.
 
  • Like
Reactions: sonic boogaloo
#92
sonic boogaloo said:
or partner, whatever term suits you best. referred to as 'they' 'their; and 'them' here, but no offence meant if you prefer alternative/more relevant pronouns.

some questions, HONEST answers would be appreciated:

1. how supportive are they of you as a bass player?
2. do you have to go through them before buying new gear?
3. have you ever had to resort to a 'black money op'?
4. do you seek their consul regarding your playing?
5. do they attend your gigs if you are a gigging bass player or would you want them to if you aren't?
6. are they a musician too? if so, what instrument (or tool, if you prefer that terminology) do they play?
7. do they share the same music tastes as you?
8. how important is it to you that they share an interest in music?

thank you.

please feel free to add and answer any additional questions....
Click to expand...
1. Extremely, and she loves he fact I'm a musician and wouldn't have it any other way (maybe in ten years she'll feel differently 😆).

2. I don't have to, but I often discuss it with her before buying. She's cool though, and has encouraged me to buy basses on multiple occasions.

3. No, although I kind of glazed over the fact that I kept both amps that I bought a few years ago (after originally saying that I planned to send one back after A/B-ing the two).

4. I do sometimes after a show. She has great ears and is always with me about my playing, so I trust her judgment.

5. She used to come to a lot of my gigs but she's more selective now (coming when it's a particular artist I'm backing or when it's a more "important" show).

6. She studied trumpet in college as well as some piano, but hasn't played in a long time.

7. A lot of the same tastes now, but our tastes also diverge quite a bit where certain styles are concerned. She's very open minded though, and she's always up for seeing any concert that interests me (and vice-versa).

8. Pretty important. Music isn't just my career, it's my main passion in life. It would be weird if my significant other wasn't interested in it, as we'd miss out on a lot of opportunities to connect.
 
  • Like
Reactions: sonic boogaloo
#93
1. how supportive are they of you as a bass player?
As a musician? Muchly. As a bass player? About the same, I'd guess.

2. do you have to go through them before buying new gear?
No, but I do try to be somewhat respectful of our mutual financial situation.

3. have you ever had to resort to a 'black money op'?
No.

4. do you seek their consul regarding your playing?
No.

5. do they attend your gigs if you are a gigging bass player or would you want them to if you aren't?
When she can. She's a travel nurse so we're not in the same state for about half of the year.

6. are they a musician too? if so, what instrument (or tool, if you prefer that terminology) do they play?
No, but she is a brilliant photographer.

7. do they share the same music tastes as you?
Mostly. We met/hung out because we both love Quicksand, and they were playing a fest back in 2016. That said, we don't fully align in our tastes.

8. how important is it to you that they share an interest in music?
Music is a huge part of my life, so pretty important. Fortunately, she also loves music and going to shows.
 
  • Like
Reactions: sonic boogaloo

Latest posts

Top Bottom
Back