Q: What's green and brown, has four legs and will kill you if it falls on you from a tree?
A: A Pool Table.
A: A Pool Table.
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What's the funniest joke you know?
- Thread starter soulgeezer
- Start date
- Status
A man was walking across the desert heading for a small town a few hours away. As he traveled, he lost track of time and began to wonder exactly how long he had been walking and how much further he has to go.
He came upon a Bedouin and his camel sitting by the side of the trail resting. He approached the man and asked if he knew what time it was.
The man turned, reached up under his camel, grabbed both testes in his right hand and lifted.
"It is exactly 3:15 in the afternoon, my friend."
The man was amazed! He asked if he could try. He was very curious how lifting the testicles of a camel could possibly tell the time of day so accurately.
The Bedouin agreed to let the man try for himself but the man, after lifting, squeezing slightly, shaking them a bit, aside from mildly annoying the camel, got no results. He could not tell the time of day by lifting the camel's nuts.
"OK, ok... I give up. How do you tell the time of day the way you just did?"
The Bedouin beckoned the man to come down near him and to watch. He reached up under the camel, palmed the camels nuts, lifted them out of the way and pointed at the clock tower in the distance...
"See that clock over there...?"
He came upon a Bedouin and his camel sitting by the side of the trail resting. He approached the man and asked if he knew what time it was.
The man turned, reached up under his camel, grabbed both testes in his right hand and lifted.
"It is exactly 3:15 in the afternoon, my friend."
The man was amazed! He asked if he could try. He was very curious how lifting the testicles of a camel could possibly tell the time of day so accurately.
The Bedouin agreed to let the man try for himself but the man, after lifting, squeezing slightly, shaking them a bit, aside from mildly annoying the camel, got no results. He could not tell the time of day by lifting the camel's nuts.
"OK, ok... I give up. How do you tell the time of day the way you just did?"
The Bedouin beckoned the man to come down near him and to watch. He reached up under the camel, palmed the camels nuts, lifted them out of the way and pointed at the clock tower in the distance...
"See that clock over there...?"
bigfatbass
Inactive
- Jun 30, 2003
- 2,420
- 404
- Disclosures
- Endorsing Artist: Karl Hoyt Basses
excane, delete that bit of racist crap please.
I have to say I'm less than impressed by the large number of nasty/questionable jokes allowed to continue here. I'm all for a good raw joke, but is that all you got?
I posted this in the last week's joke thread, which is already gone.
Still a personal fav.
Teenage boy walks into a bar and says to the barmaid "Gimme a double bourbon, dollface!"
The barmaid says "Are you trying to get me in trouble?"
Kid says '"Maybe later, but right now I'll just take the bourbon".
I have to say I'm less than impressed by the large number of nasty/questionable jokes allowed to continue here. I'm all for a good raw joke, but is that all you got?
I posted this in the last week's joke thread, which is already gone.
Still a personal fav.
Teenage boy walks into a bar and says to the barmaid "Gimme a double bourbon, dollface!"
The barmaid says "Are you trying to get me in trouble?"
Kid says '"Maybe later, but right now I'll just take the bourbon".
You're right.....perhaps I went a little too far with that last joke.
So....
Three priests are in a boat with three young boys and the boat starts to sink....
The first priest says "We've got to save the boys!!"
The second priest says "F*** the boys!"
The third priest says "Do you think we have time?"
So....
Three priests are in a boat with three young boys and the boat starts to sink....
The first priest says "We've got to save the boys!!"
The second priest says "F*** the boys!"
The third priest says "Do you think we have time?"
What do you call a dog with no legs?
Doesn't matter, he's not gonna come when you call him
What's the difference between a Bull and an orchestra?
The Orchestra has the horns in front and the a** in the back
Why couldn't Helen Keller drive?
Because she was a woman.
Doesn't matter, he's not gonna come when you call him
What's the difference between a Bull and an orchestra?
The Orchestra has the horns in front and the a** in the back
Why couldn't Helen Keller drive?
Because she was a woman.
I told that joke in front of my Psych. of Women class. A pin drop I say, a pin drop on carpet floor!
What happened when Helen Keller fell off the cliff?
She screamed her arms off.
A guy walks into a pyschiatrist's office wearing nothing but saran wrap. Pyschiatrist says, "well I can clearly see youre nuts"
I guess you're right...I never thought of that.
As long as you don't do what i do whenever i hear some sort of an issue i first try to remember if there was a star trek done on that subject. (Like in the robot thread we had not long ago).
That was the moment i realized that i am a sad sad nerd and there is nothing anyone can do to help me...
As far as a joke,
A cruise ship sinks, only people to survives are a Russian, American and a French man. They are seating on an small island, talking, when a bottle washes up on the beach. They open it and out of the bottle comes out a Genie and tells them that they have 1 wish each. American goes "That's easy! I want 10 million dollars and send me to a wall street! I'll make a bank!" Done, and the American disappears. French-man goes " Oh ho ho ho, easy indeed, I want to go back to France with lots of money and lots of girls and have fun for rest of my days" Done, and French man disappears... Russian goes "eeeeeeh, was so nice and chill just seating here among a good company, I want a box of vodka and bring those two back".
- Oct 7, 2000
- 18,619
- 38,939
- Disclosures
- Endorsing artist: Musicman basses
Just wanna plug in for future fun - didn't read this yet so my apologies if my contribution has already been said. 
A guy hears 3 knocks on his door, opens it and sees a snail on his porch. He picks up the snail and throws it as far as he can. 2 years later the guy hears 3 knocks on his door again. He opens the door and sees the snail on his porch again. The snail looks up at the guy and says, "What the hell was that all about?".
I love that joke.
A guy hears 3 knocks on his door, opens it and sees a snail on his porch. He picks up the snail and throws it as far as he can. 2 years later the guy hears 3 knocks on his door again. He opens the door and sees the snail on his porch again. The snail looks up at the guy and says, "What the hell was that all about?".
I love that joke.
Hopefully this isn't too over the edge....
An elderly couple visits a doctor Wednesday at 1:00 PM and asks him to observe them making love, as the male was fearful of male disfunction. They do so, and the doctor says "everything seems to be just fine."
They come back at the same time the following week for the same reason, and again, no issues.
The third week, they come back again, and this time they put on a show, after which the doc asks the man "why do you keep coming back when you're more virile than the average undergrad?"
The old man replies "I'm married, we can't go to my house. She's married, we can't go to her house. The Ramada is $79.99 for a room, the Hilton is $99.99. You charge $60, and my HMO reimburses me $57 of it."
An elderly couple visits a doctor Wednesday at 1:00 PM and asks him to observe them making love, as the male was fearful of male disfunction. They do so, and the doctor says "everything seems to be just fine."
They come back at the same time the following week for the same reason, and again, no issues.
The third week, they come back again, and this time they put on a show, after which the doc asks the man "why do you keep coming back when you're more virile than the average undergrad?"
The old man replies "I'm married, we can't go to my house. She's married, we can't go to her house. The Ramada is $79.99 for a room, the Hilton is $99.99. You charge $60, and my HMO reimburses me $57 of it."
Q: What's Kermit The Frog's middle name?
A: The
Q: What did the truck driver say to the one-legged hitchhiker?
A: Hop in!
A: The
Q: What did the truck driver say to the one-legged hitchhiker?
A: Hop in!
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