Yep, if the stage bleed has to be overcome it's going to be too loud in FOH generally. This is exactly the reason we switched to silent stage and it made all the difference for our gigs. All of a sudden we were getting complemented on our sound rather than complaints of it's too loud or doesn't sound right.THIS - I've had too many instances where bleed from the stage means I have NO control. I've had people ask "can you turn down the (guitar, trumpet, drums) and I show them the slider is already at zero. They walk away thinking I'm an idiot and the band sucks. Nobody wins.
There is little you can do with a bad room, we are lucky that the venues we play regularly have the right amount of sound absorption I think by design so it makes it a lot easier but they're not all going to be like that and often times the sound engineer is not at fault, he's playing the cards he's dealt.
It's our job to make his job as easy as possible, team work always trumps playing the diva card and alienating people that are trying so hard to do their best for you. I don't know why but in 45 years of playing it's almost always been the guitarist that has the volume problem on stage, not saying they're all bad but the statistics are not favouring them as team players.