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Why a bass may be better than a girlfriend

A bass can help you get laid by that big chested chickie in the front. Girlfriends - not so much. Usually.

You can get all the "free milk" you want at the local music store without buying the cow.

No matter how much bottom you like, a 34" G-string is always a perfect fit.

For Christmas presents, your bass actually likes to get pedals, new pickguards, a new amp, or new bass strings. Plus you get to play with them anytime you want for as long as you want, and your bass actually likes it when you do that.

Your bass will never have a better looking best friend who left alone with you in your house is only sure to cause you trouble.

Your bass will never be left alone on the dance floor to be hit on by other bass players while you're onstage with the band.

Your bass prefers you to *not* use a condom. Picks are ok though.

You will never have to "stop at the store and pick up some Kotex" for your bass.

EDIT: One more - you control your bass's mood swings, not the other way around.

EDIT: One more - you can make your bass swing without ending up on CNN afterwards.
 
You can rent a bass for the night without going to Nevada or Amsterdam.
Basses sound good when they get loud.
If you need to take your bass somewhere where space is premium, you can always take the neck off and pack it in a suitcase.
 
the good ones have two f-holes
you slap them because you want them to make MORE noise
when it vibrates, you're the one who feels good
if you get sick of it, you can always set it on fire
if you can use more than two fingers on a bass, it's a good thing
it's not gross if it uses the same g string for a few months

goodnight everyone