Many years ago we had a keyboard player we used to introduce with, " This next song is going to be sung by our keys player Greg who has a beautiful voice when he sings tenor............tenor twenty miles down the road."
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Best Lines you've heard onstage?
- Thread starter redwingxix
- Start date
I went to see Robyn Hitchcock play an acoustic show. There's a drunk woman talking on the phone, it's kind of irritating, and she's not making an effort to get out of the way while she talks, either. She's front and center. Then she hangs up, and ostensibly starts listening to the music. Then the phone rings again and he says, "I'll get that!"
At a different show. Artist is introducing the band:
Bass player: "Say something nice."
Artist: "She has a very high IQ. Untested, of course, but very high."
At a different show. Artist is introducing the band:
Bass player: "Say something nice."
Artist: "She has a very high IQ. Untested, of course, but very high."
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The Banjo player of Hot Buttered Rum is a friend of mine: Eric Yates - and for the record, and as far as I can tell, he still has all 5 digits on each of his two hands....
During the last presidential campaign, you may recall there was a kerfuffle about Melania Trump allegedly plagiarizing a speech by Michele Obama. Couple of days after that, my cover band was playing a gig and after one song I said: "Full disclosure, we plagiarized that song." That got a pretty good laugh from the audience.
About 20 years ago I played a gig with a bluegrass band at the Freight & Salvage Coffee House in Berkeley, CA.
We opened for a great Bay Area group called the Mighty Crows.
During our set we made use of the Crow's large diaphragm condenser microphone which was in an old time, Grand Ole Opry style, capsule shaped enclosure that had a curved plate at the top with the Radio call letters KROW embedded on it in highly visible chrome.
At a tuning break in the set, as I was about to sing when I commented that from my side of the microphone, that the emblem on the mic said WORK.
Not funny here - but it sure got a chuckle.
We opened for a great Bay Area group called the Mighty Crows.
During our set we made use of the Crow's large diaphragm condenser microphone which was in an old time, Grand Ole Opry style, capsule shaped enclosure that had a curved plate at the top with the Radio call letters KROW embedded on it in highly visible chrome.
At a tuning break in the set, as I was about to sing when I commented that from my side of the microphone, that the emblem on the mic said WORK.
Not funny here - but it sure got a chuckle.
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I've looked into trying to figure out who this guy was and I've come up empty. There are a couple bluegrass outfits with hot buttered in their name but I'm pretty sure this was the show I was at:
Hot Buttered Rum String Band Live at Sherpa and Yeti's on 2006-02-14 : Free Download, Borrow, and Streaming : Internet Archive
Perhaps there was an opening band and that's what I'm remembering?
Or they had a previous banjo player? If you get the chance to ask I would definitely like to find out what he knows about the guy I'm thinking of.
Hot Buttered Rum String Band Live at Sherpa and Yeti's on 2006-02-14 : Free Download, Borrow, and Streaming : Internet Archive
Perhaps there was an opening band and that's what I'm remembering?
Or they had a previous banjo player? If you get the chance to ask I would definitely like to find out what he knows about the guy I'm thinking of.
Keep it coming. I always have some favourite lines I like to use, it's great to have some new ones too.
Solo guitarist, starts song, stops song, announces.."Tonight's special, songs in the right key at no extra charge!" Changes capo position on his acoustic.
My band was opening and borrowed the headliner's Belushi-esque percussionist. He went berserk on our last song, camping it up, getting sweaty, eventually shattering two wooden tambourines so that the jingles went everywhere, and steals the show. After changeover, headliner gets up and first thing the singer says is, "Have you ever been shaged in the ass by your own secret weapon?"
Played to a small crowd. "You've been a great audient!"
A former guitarist, "Now we're going to play one of your favorite songs. I hope we like it."
A former guitarist, "Now we're going to play one of your favorite songs. I hope we like it."
Singer in one of my old bar bands to a guy in the crowd that he knew: "Man, I always knew you were crazy, but in that outfit I can see you're nuts!"
Also, my drunk sister loved to shout "Play something you know!" during my gigs. I still think that's funny.
Also, my drunk sister loved to shout "Play something you know!" during my gigs. I still think that's funny.
I use this one when playing a slow song. "We are going to slow it down and play something you can dance cheek-to-cheek to or you can turn around and face each other if you would like."
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I never thought my last gig with you guys would be in this joint...
Bandleader opening the show the other night: "If you have any requests you can just...keep them to yourselves and we'll play what we want". (Backstory: 2nd night at a place where the 1st night crowd was insistenty requesting the same few songs multiple times all night, even after we played them)
These are great!!! I may be borrowing a few. 
Watching a friend's cover band, rhythm guitarist steps up to sing one song mid set. Singer takes mic back and asks "So, what did you do with the money?" Guitarist "What money?" Singer "The money your momma gave you for singing lessons!"
Once joined a band with a guitarist that was very talented, and very young. He had never set foot on stage. Singer opens very first show with "Good evening everyone! I would like to take this opportunity to draw your attention to this very nervous looking young man to my right. He has never played on stage before so I would like you all to help me break him in properly. Everyone look at him and say "HI RAY!" Ok, this first song is the one he has the most problems with, so make sure to watch him carefully for any mistakes."
I thought Ray was gonna pass out or actually die on the spot. Hands down the funniest "on stage line" I have personally watched go down, but I'm betting Ray would disagree. The first song was actually really easy, and he did great if you were wondering.
Watching a friend's cover band, rhythm guitarist steps up to sing one song mid set. Singer takes mic back and asks "So, what did you do with the money?" Guitarist "What money?" Singer "The money your momma gave you for singing lessons!"
Once joined a band with a guitarist that was very talented, and very young. He had never set foot on stage. Singer opens very first show with "Good evening everyone! I would like to take this opportunity to draw your attention to this very nervous looking young man to my right. He has never played on stage before so I would like you all to help me break him in properly. Everyone look at him and say "HI RAY!" Ok, this first song is the one he has the most problems with, so make sure to watch him carefully for any mistakes."
I thought Ray was gonna pass out or actually die on the spot. Hands down the funniest "on stage line" I have personally watched go down, but I'm betting Ray would disagree. The first song was actually really easy, and he did great if you were wondering.
It's funny mine was going to be from Extreme Heat as well! I think it is the way that guy delivers it.
The one that got me was
"Alright folks after this song we are all going to lay in a pile"
and another one same show.
"Stick around everyone we are starting a cult later"
Okay, that's funny. Definitely stealing...
Our banjo player is fond of saying "we have a limited number of CDs here tonight... and if those sell out, we have another limited number in the trunk..."
We played a gig at Rockwood Music Hall (and a couple other Brooklyn venues that weekend) one tour, but were staying in Jersey. We'd paid $15 to come across the bridge, which irritated him. More than once that weekend he pointed out to the crowd that our CDs were cheaper than the toll, which always got a great response.
(It's so much less amusing in print than it was IRL)
BL having a bit of difficulty getting his guitar in tune, looked up at the crowd and said, "Well,it was was in tune when I bought it."
This next song is so sad it'll bring a tear to a glass eye.
