• TalkBass has been independent since 1998. Add your voice.
    Create a free account to reply to discussions, view embedded media, and browse with fewer display ads.
    Join free Log in
    Want zero display ads or expanded classifieds tools? Compare plans.

Dating a girl with baggage

Wouldja?

  • Meh

    Votes: 37 42.5%

  • Sure

    Votes: 23 26.4%

  • Maybe

    Votes: 27 31.0%
  • Total voters
    87
Status
Not open for further replies.
#81
Well Gorn.... I’ll tell you about baggage. Met my wife 1984. She had a kid, a recently deceased husband and four fruitcake sisters. I had a former marriage, a teenage daughter, a rock star lifestyle and an issue with rock star candy...... We got it together even with all our combined garbage. Together we rose above all that mess and now I would be dead lost without her.... With the fast paced lives we lead these days finding someone that is a good connection for you and doesn’t have any baggage would be rare indeed. Good luck.
 
  • Like
Reactions: bolophonic and maxmaroon
#82
Yikes, That ain't 'baggage'...that's an entire busload of stuff!

When I married my wife 31 years ago, she was recently divorced with two kids and a POS ex-husband. Her large family (6 siblings) all seemed to depend on her to do anything they didn't feel like doing themselves. My wife, being the responsible and dependable one, always took on all these extra things without a second thought.

I was completely free and clear...no kids, no baggage, no nothing. On paper, it looked like I should have ran as fast as I could in the other direction. But SHE was worth it, putting up with all that other crap. Yeah, being a stepfather was NOT in my plans, and it was very difficult at times, and her family have caused issues with their selfishness (and still do after three decades), but I have no regrets pursuing her and staying with her. We have a pretty strong marriage, and she was/is the best thing that ever happened to me.

Only you yourself know what's going on inside your head and heart, and only you can decide if it's worth taking the chance. You may end up lifelong soulmates, of you may discover early on that you're not all that compatible. Take a chance, mate. Regrets suck.
 
  • Like
Reactions: Heavy Blue, J_Bass and Stewie26
#83
Gmountain said:
Not really. She's teaching him that marriage is meaningless and that marriage vows mean nothing.
Click to expand...

mellowinman said:
She's also teaching him that he has a mom who loves him, feeds him, and can be relied on. I'd rather she teach him that than how to judge others based on limited information.
Click to expand...

Overall it's teaching him that even though they don't love each in that sort of way anymore, they are united and will work together in his best interests. Better to have separated parents that are cooperative & get along, than grow up in a household that has bickering or resentments causing people to walk on eggshells. Kids pick up on that kind of thing, and will think it's standard behavior.

While I agree that the system makes it really easy to back out of your vows easier than working on them, I think a bigger problem is people rushing into a marriage before finding out of they're long term compatible.
 
  • Like
Reactions: Gaolee and Stewie26
#84
Gorn said:
She's my coworker's sister. She's pretty, smart, funny, has a job, a good sense of humor, stuff in common with me, and we get along. All good things.

The problem is her family. She's 32 and basically the breadwinner of a house with her parents and two younger sisters. The dad is in and out of the hospital with cancer. The mom is bipolar. One sister is my co worker, the other is a soon to be high school drop out and general disaster of a teenage human.

So, I don't see how I can make this happen without making her problems my problems. I'm 34 and she's 32. 32 year old girls aren't looking for something fun and casual. The biological clock is ticking. And I know from her sister that she's looking for something serious.

She's cool. We've hung out. It would be nice to be in a relationship with her...but all that baggage. It's not going away any time soon. If we become anything it's not like I can't be involved. Not if it's an all-in relationshippy relationship. I don't know. Thoughts?
Click to expand...

Your poll didn't have a selection for HELL NO!
 
  • Like
Reactions: LiquidMidnight and CapnSev
#88
First of all, this thread proves we all have baggage we carry around. Carrying it is just a matter of strength and weight. It's either an issue or it isn't. How does she hold up and how do you think you will hold up under whatever weight the baggage exerts?

As far as 32 year old women, I have friends in their 30s who are female who are either ignoring the biological clock or don't have one of those. As a person who is very happy to be a parent, that's a little alien to me personally, but it seems to be pretty common, especially among the kinds of much younger women who get along with me these days. I'm not interested in them in any way other than friendship, so who knows what that would mean if I were younger and single. I wouldn't worry too much about any ulterior motives she might have.

The only thing that would give me pause is the fact that she's a coworker's sister. It might not be much of an issue, or it might. That's all I can think of.
 
  • Like
Reactions: catcauphonic
#93
I think it's a little bit naive to look at baggage as one dimensional. People with a lot of baggage tend to lead lives that help them accumulate baggage. It's usually not just bad luck. I suggest to look for the behavior patterns that might have lead to the baggage. Baggage is only a red flag, the repeating behavior is the potential "dangerous water".
 
  • Like
Reactions: jmattbassplaya, LiquidMidnight and bolophonic
#94
Bassbeater said:
I think it's a little bit naive to look at baggage as one dimensional. People with a lot of baggage tend to lead lives that help them accumulate baggage. It's usually not just bad luck. I suggest to look for the behavior patterns that might have lead to the baggage. Baggage is only a red flag, the repeating behavior is the potential "dangerous water".
Click to expand...
The young woman in question in the original post doesn't sound like she's courting baggage, just shouldering a whole lot of baggage that was thrust upon her by circumstances. I don't know her, but I kinda admire her from a distance.
 
  • Like
Reactions: Heavy Blue, knumbskull, catcauphonic and 1 other person
#96
Apparently the 16 year old sister who's in the process of dropping out of high school and also refuses to get a job and insists on staying in her room all day posting things on Instagram (using the phone that the older sister pays for) decided she wants to have a baby.
 
  • Like
Reactions: Bassbeater
#97
Gorn said:
Apparently the 16 year old sister who's in the process of dropping out of high school and also refuses to get a job and insists on staying in her room all day posting things on Instagram (using the phone that the older sister pays for) decided she wants to have a baby.
Click to expand...
Ah, lard tunder and Jayzus! She sounds like a nightmare for somebody.
 
  • Like
Reactions: Stewie26
#99
Gaolee said:
Ah, lard tunder and Jayzus! She sounds like a nightmare for somebody.
Click to expand...
The girl doesn't want to go to school so she doesn't. The parents are on a first name basis with several people from child protective services. I've never met the girl and have only heard what my co worker has told me but the situation doesn't make sense. The kid doesn't want to go to school. She doesn't think she should get a job. She thinks somehow things will work out. And now she wants to have a child. It's insane.
 
  • Like
Reactions: Bassbeater
Status
Not open for further replies.

Latest posts

Top Bottom
Back