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Drunkest Guy at the bar

#81
The funniest one was the drummer of a band we shared a bill with. Definitely the 'A-ni-maaaaalll!' type. He really liked our set, and seemed to really enjoy my playing (I was older than everyone else there, by an order of magnitude).

During the headliner's set, we were all dancing, drinking beer, and being silly. I showed my glorious moobs to the bassist onstage, which caused the aforementioned drummer to spit beer all over me, then bite my right tit!

I regret not getting the bite mark tattooed.

The dumbest was the keys-playing front man of a band I was in, who drunkenly flipped his **** and started tossing his own gear around the dance floor, over a money issue with the bar. Last gig with them.

The stressiest (if that's even a word) was after a country gig in Adams county, OH. The guitar/frontman, who we were riding with, got pulled over for allegedly crossing the center line. While waiting for the deputy to come up to the window, the tuckfard puts a bottle of Vics in my hand and tells me to put it in my pocket!

After about twenty minutes waiting while glory-boy is being held in the back seat of the deputy's vehicle, the dep comes up to my side, asks if I'd been drinking. I told him I had. He asks if I'm okay to drive, because Dillweed wasn't. I say that I'm not qualified to determine that. He then has me blow--twice. He says I'm good, I ask what I blew, he says .07 and if I wouldn't mind driving.
(I don't remember if he took the pills from me or not. He knew about them, but knew they weren't mine.)
Nouchedozzle gets back in the truck, and we have a deucedly interesting talk.
Last gig with him.

He's done the rehab thing since. I don't keep in touch.
 
#82
My drunk guy at the bar story, boiled to its essence, was a guy who kept banging into me, knocking mic stands over, yelling into the mics - this was at a very nice, high-end, people all dressed up kind of bar gig - I told him several times to cool it, and when he crashed into me for the 7th? 8th? time that night and I went backward into my rig, I pulled off my bass mid-song and threw the one and only punch of my adult life. He went over a table, people started scattering and we ended up separated by the singer of my band and some of the club owners. Drunk guy goes outside and calls 911 to report he's been assaulted, police show up, he is ASS OVER HEAD incoherent trying to explain to the cops what happened and after talking to me and the bar staff they said to him "You're taking a taxi home now, or we're arresting you" and left. Bar management said "Uh, next time, let us handle it, OK?" - we kept playing gigs at that place for years afterward ....
 
#83
There's been a couple of instances with bands I have been in.

The first is a good while ago, I can't remember when exactly but I think it was 2011, as I was in my old band. We were playing in a pub, and we got to a point in our set where the singer/frontman thought it would be a good idea to ask up someone from the crowd to sing an Iron Maiden song (which it was decided would be Number Of The Beast). One guy decided he would do it, got up and immediately tanked over a table. Needless to say, he didn't get up and sing with us after that. Though about a year later, the guitarist from that band (now guitarist and singer in my current band) was on a night out and met this guy in the toilets of the same pub. It turned out that he fractured his kneecap and was off work for about 6 months after that. They then proceeded to sing Number Of The Beast at the top of their lungs whilst urinating.

The next one was at the most recent gig I played, in February. We were supporting a local band's EP release gig with another local band. There was one guy that was completely off his face before the show even started. He was going around shouting about Black Sabbath and screaming that people play Fairies Wear Boots. Now, come to the point where my band is on stage after the first band has finished their set, we're about half way through our hour, and we start playing Paranoid. I was told by the girl on the door that this guy had just rolled a fag and was headed outside for a smoke when he heard the intro riff. He burst through the door, and stayed and watched the entire song. When we finished our set, he was around me and my bandmates, telling us how good we were and how amazing our cover of Paranoid was.
 
#84
Best one I have ever seen was at a St. Paddy's Day gig 3-4 years ago.

I wasn't playing but went to see a buddy's band.

A completely hammered 50-ish lady was determined to bring the band a 60oz pitcher of beer. She got to the stage with the full pitcher, tripped and poured THE ENTIRE pitcher into one of the stage monitors. Seriously, she didn't spill a drop.... All 60oz right into the monitor.

The monitor didn't work very well after that.;)
 
#85
With time & travel, I think we all have some odd/bizarre/interesting stories. Mid-'80's, playing with a cover band in southern Ontario, first gig at a tavern style place, keyboard player tries to jack me up by saying it's a rough place, don't wear your glasses. He didn't know I didn't wear them onstage at the time, he backpedals & says just kidding. Turns out 2 X DGATB(falling down by this point) get into it on the dance floor, to a point where the local cops get called in. Keytard apologizes for weeks afterward, I just chuckled.
Different band in Alberta(I'm military, so move around a bunch) playing a small town bar, doors open during the second set, 20 gorgeous girls come in(the supermodel bus, we called it). Place is so packed, they're dancing in between the monitors(mics & monitors placed on the floor because of tiny stage). DGirlATB trips, stumbles & smacks another hottie dancing between monitors.......1 X Rye & coke pours into my Korg keyboard, stopping the song short. Lead player looks at me expecting a tirade. I shrugged, keep the show going. $350.00 later...........
 
#87
I have got a couple. This is the all time wildest.

Loading in at noon in to a really rough bar in Jacksoinville, FL. The shirts for the bar said something to the effect of, "I got drunk at (bar name) and I didn't get stabbed or shot in the parking lot." :hiding: One of those places where your spouse is asked to stay home because you can't keep an eye on her AND play.

Rolling my cabinet in. Some guy with no shirt sitting at the bar barely able to stay on his stool. A huge guy wearing club colors a couple of stools down. Now, there are wannabes, MC guys that live it, and then there are the one percenter certified bad asses. This guy's prison tatts were a clear indication that you should probably be respectful around him.

Mr. Weeble on bar stool demanded a beer from the female bartender. Female bartender politely told him that he was overserved and he needed to go lie down in the back. Mr. Weeble didnt like this and called her a f'ing b!tch. Mr. One Percenter quietly got up from the bar and walked over to Mr. Weeble. Without saying a word, picked Mr. Weeble up off of the bar stool, literally by the neck and back of Levi's and promptly power slammed him in to the concrete floor. Mr. Weeble actually bounced. Mr. One Percenter then informed Mr. Weeble in the calmest voice that I have ever heard, that he had no manners. He then walked back to his stool, sat down and went back to his beer.

I had to pass Mr. Weeble twice while grabbing gear. He just lay there, moaning a little and bleeding. People stepped over the guy repeatedly. Everyone was completely unconcerned.

After what seemed like an eternity, Mr Weeble dragged him self back over to his tool and clawed his way back up to his spot at the bar. He was bleeding from a gash from his head and dripping blood on the bar. He then looked at the female bartender and said, "May I have another beer please?" She set a beer in front of him.

I was so freaked out. Not by violence, but by the nonchalance of it all, like it happens all the time.

:help:
 
#89
We played a street dance in Heeney, Colorado for the Tick Festival in the mid 80's. We were set up on a semi trailer(flatbed) in front of the Green Mountain Inn and people were dancing in the street. Probably 600-700 people. At the end of the night, the local cowboys drove a cattle truck down the street through the crowd and dumped the poop chute, leaving a trail of cow dung 2 feet wide and 200 feet long...the drunks were running and diving headfirst to slide down the street through the cow pies! It was a great night!!!:bassist:
 
#91
At my last gig the DGATB left just before we did. We found him staggering down the parking lot in front of us. He must have seen our headlights, but instead of getting out of the way he dropped his pants around his knees. It was about 20 degrees F outside with a brisk wind but I doubt he felt it. You expect this stuff at a dive bar, but this was a country club. :P
 
#92
gareth dunster said:
I was doing a dj gig many years ago , before Hong Kong was handed back to china. The gig was the final hurrah of the Hong Kong police officers rugby club , so some drunkeness was too be expected. Every song request was accompanied by a crowd set piece. For instance Surfing USA caused all the men to get on their hands and knees and the wives and girlfriends competed to see who could "surf" on their partners the longest. The night culminated in some Status Quo song where the fattest man there dropped his trousers and pants and had a full pint poured down his crack ,into the open mouth of his prone colleague. During this performance the crowd repeatedly shouted＂anal chug anal chug"
Click to expand...

This might be the grossest thing I have ever heard.

:spit:
 
#95
Wasn't my show, but I went to a friend's gig many years ago, the band's guitarist. Right around close, some girl found her way on stage, pulls her pants down exposing her thonged up butt and starts dancing like a stripper on a mic stand and fell on her ass. She wasn't that ugly, but I wouldn't necessarily say she was hot. The vocalist just stopped singing and said "I have no words!"

I helped them load-out and outside, we all saw her getting forcibly removed from a limo.
 
#97
Luvie said:
Large rather unattractive extremely drunk lady (LUEDL) starts dancing rather provocatively in front of the lead singer making direct eye contact with him the entire time. She looks like a Rottweiler staring at a steak. I look over at the lead singer's wife, who's in the audience. She's rolling on the floor laughing. He ignores LUEDL and she stays there a while but finally moves over and starts doing the same to the drummer. He ignores her and looks at me rather desperately and looks real uncomfortable. Now I'm feeling uncomfortable because I'm the next one over if the drummer sheds her. So I start doing my best John Entwistle "stand there still and just stare out into space somewhere above the audience" look. Never look at her at all. She eventually stumbles back to her seat.
Click to expand...
It's the bassplayers curse - even LUEDLs can't be bothered.
 
#98
In high school, in the mid-late 60's our band played mostly bars, (accompanied by one of our sets of parents). One New Year's Eve, we were playing a 6 hour gig at a bar in northern WI. We had the requisite light boxes that we built, with four 100 watt colored bulbs in each, sitting on the floor in front of us.

One drunk kept laying in front of one light box, just staring at the red bulb. We tried getting rid of him, but he kept coming back. Then, as he laid there, with his face inches from the red floodlight, he puked, and his vomit immediately cooked and steamed on the hot bulb.

I still remember the stench. The bar owner finally got rid of the guy.

Gotta love the drunks. Shortly after I quit drinking 30 years ago, our band played a local club. I went to set up in the afternoon, desiring to eat and take a shower before the actual gig. There were a couple guys there in the afternoon, who had just sat down to have a couple. They were having a loud conversation, which deteriorated as I got the equipment set up.

I went home about 4pm, and came back around 8, and the two guys were still there, arguing. As I listened I realized they were both making the same exact point, but were too drunk to realize they were agreeing with each other.

Then, as drunk Wisconsonites too often do, they staggered to their cars, and drove home. Good thing they had cars as they were in no condition to walk home.
 
#99
Played a dive in Va about 10 years ago. Maybe 8 people in the room. After the first set, this guy comes up and proceeds to tell me how great the band is. Tells me that back in the day, he played keyboards in a band I might have heard of. I ask the name, and he says "Yes".

The guy looks like no British musician I've ever seen, so I ask if he's Rick Wakeman. he says no. I asked if he was Tony Kaye. He says no. He proceeds to question why we are playing this dump, and that he could manage our band and get us huge gigs.

He says there's only 1 catch... we have to make him a member and allow him to play keyboards... which we did not have anyway. I asked if he had any experience to which he replied "No".
 
#100
Had one with a DGirlATB, packed house(over capacity) & they actually sold out of beer until the emergency stock was brought in from across town! I was singing, shapely lady joined me onstage & starts to disrobe, losing her top & bra while looking me in the eye. Grabs my bandanna/headband off my head, flips it open & uses it as a very minimal top, departs the stage after appropriate bumping & grinding in very close proximity to me. The other guys in the band were howling with laughter, I was chuckling, & 2 tables of friends were either laughing or staring in disbelief. After the set ended, walking through the crowd, saw said "dancer" collapsed in the lap of a 1% club prospect known to the band. She asked me to stop & offered to return the bandanna, which was no where in sight. Guess where it is? I declined the generous offer & moved on.........
 

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