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Dumb CL Ad's pt 5, Dumbester and Dumberest

#543
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I have a box of these (unused, obviously).. these make for great art project or whatever your need. If nobody claims them by tonight or tomorrow morning they will be trash. Thanks!

...art project? :eyebrow:
 
#544
The sad part is, these guys will probably have people contact them.

[Invalid or Expired Link Removed]

THIS is what we're all about..living the dream. Our staff, Advisory Board and partners all know what it takes to succeed in this business and how great it can feel when you do. Let's face it though, for many Artists and Musicians, the path to success in the music business can be confusing and lead to dead ends. Wouldn't it be great if you could have a professional team in your corner to personally guide and inspire your career? Now you can
Fame Wizard® provides mentorship, exclusive content, networking opportunities with industry professionals and a full host of additional services as needed. Typically, independent Artists are most interested in social media management, distribution, booking gigs, licensing opportunities and merch production and sales. These are all services that Fame Wizard® is capable of providing

Get Support, Feedback, Constantly updated information and strategies to help you succeed in the ever changing basic business.
Monetize your activity, grow your revenues and build a business that's attractive to major labels in the modern music era
Leverage Technology and experience to work smart and grow fast.
Only for serious, driven, and motivated artists please! Limited spots!

We are an Artist Development Company that is run by former executives of major Record Labels and management firms. We are seeking highly motivated musicians, managers, and producers struggling to gain success in the music industry.

If your music is accepted through our screening and submission process, you will be notified to schedule an interview with our head talent scout (former A&R). This process could include a demo review and a free music consultation. Please only apply if you are a serious and motivated artist. As mentioned before, there are limited spots in our company. . If you would like to apply please do so at Visit Link Removed can apply for our program on the site and myself or another one of our Talent Scouts will be in touch as soon as possible.

For possible acceptance into our program, please send us your music, and EPK/links. We will review them and get back to you within 24 hours.
 
#545
marmadaddy said:
The sad part is, these guys will probably have people contact them.

[Invalid or Expired Link Removed]

THIS is what we're all about..living the dream. Our staff, Advisory Board and partners all know what it takes to succeed in this business and how great it can feel when you do. Let's face it though, for many Artists and Musicians, the path to success in the music business can be confusing and lead to dead ends. Wouldn't it be great if you could have a professional team in your corner to personally guide and inspire your career? Now you can
Fame Wizard® provides mentorship, exclusive content, networking opportunities with industry professionals and a full host of additional services as needed. Typically, independent Artists are most interested in social media management, distribution, booking gigs, licensing opportunities and merch production and sales. These are all services that Fame Wizard® is capable of providing

Get Support, Feedback, Constantly updated information and strategies to help you succeed in the ever changing basic business.
Monetize your activity, grow your revenues and build a business that's attractive to major labels in the modern music era
Leverage Technology and experience to work smart and grow fast.
Only for serious, driven, and motivated artists please! Limited spots!

We are an Artist Development Company that is run by former executives of major Record Labels and management firms. We are seeking highly motivated musicians, managers, and producers struggling to gain success in the music industry.

If your music is accepted through our screening and submission process, you will be notified to schedule an interview with our head talent scout (former A&R). This process could include a demo review and a free music consultation. Please only apply if you are a serious and motivated artist. As mentioned before, there are limited spots in our company. . If you would like to apply please do so at Visit Link Removed can apply for our program on the site and myself or another one of our Talent Scouts will be in touch as soon as possible.

For possible acceptance into our program, please send us your music, and EPK/links. We will review them and get back to you within 24 hours.
Click to expand...

I love this. It is a perfect example of the difference between advertising content (which is always 100% pure bullshite), and what is actually provided in reality.

...because in reality, I picture a bunch of drunken, tattooed, unshaven, doped up, meth'd out, high-school dropout losers in a small seedy room in a slummy part of town ready to suck money out of your wallet.

But don't they sound wonderful in the ad? Gosh yes!!

That's one reason why I stopped watching television over five years ago. The lightbulb finally went on. I feel so much better as a result!

George Carlin sums up "advertising" rather nicely here:

 
#546
Bands: STOP POSTING WANTED ADS WITHOUT LINKS/SAMPLES!! (IT's ANNOYING)

Bands,

As a bassist looking to join a rock band, I find it incredibly annoying that most of you post pompous ads looking for musicians without giving samples of your work.

In the past I've gone to tryouts on blind faith only to find out everytime the band was so bad, it was embarrassing.

There's a reason I see your same ads over and over...it's either because you ****ing suck or you don't post samples.

Do us all a favor...post links to samples or STOP POSTING!!
 
#550
I wonder how many responses this one will get?


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bassist (I.e. 909 for the sh#t sticks)
Okay f*cktards. Kork chains nin primius pupmkins.. NOOOOOOO RETREADS... ENDLESSS COVERS NOOOOOOOO...... YOU WANNNA MAKE COVERS????? MAKE THREE ORGINALS TO ONE COVER.... thaught so..... hit me up if you wanna MAKE MUSIC... not play sh*t ALREADY PLAYED......need new music ..... not rehashed music..... come correct or go home... no b.s. no.. ego.. just love of creation.. over 20 years of of exp...... p.s.. not goona re- play the last bassist sh*t...
 
#551
I thought this was hilarious (I assume that you guys can tell it's a spoof, unlike some of the people who commented on CL):

"Hello. I am Kurt from Russia. Move to this area now. I have been playing jizz for long time. In my country of Russia I have big name for jizz. Now I start group here. We needs one guitar, one bass, and drums to start to my group "The Jizz Captains". This is once in a life opportunity and I am the best at jizz. I needs more people who can also jizz for me and to practice and play the best jizz spots in this place. You will see when everyone love our jizz and we can play whenever we want. I needs musicians now. thanks you

Kurt "
 

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#552
Holdsg said:
I wonder how many responses this one will get?


[Invalid or Expired Link Removed]


bassist (I.e. 909 for the sh#t sticks)
Okay f*cktards. Kork chains nin primius pupmkins.. NOOOOOOO RETREADS... ENDLESSS COVERS NOOOOOOOO...... YOU WANNNA MAKE COVERS????? MAKE THREE ORGINALS TO ONE COVER.... thaught so..... hit me up if you wanna MAKE MUSIC... not play sh*t ALREADY PLAYED......need new music ..... not rehashed music..... come correct or go home... no b.s. no.. ego.. just love of creation.. over 20 years of of exp...... p.s.. not goona re- play the last bassist sh*t...
Click to expand...

I handful, I would think. Unfortunately for him, none in regards to actually wanting to play with him.
 
#553
don't need no notes, just a foundation, that's all you need:


wannabe a keyboardplayer (corona)
wannabe keyboard player,learn piano by ear, no notes, no nothing one on one, your house or my house, learn basic foundation thats all you need.
 
#555
Jim Nazium said:
I thought this was hilarious (I assume that you guys can tell it's a spoof, unlike some of the people who commented on CL):

"Hello. I am Kurt from Russia. Move to this area now. I have been playing jizz for long time. In my country of Russia I have big name for jizz. Now I start group here. We needs one guitar, one bass, and drums to start to my group "The Jizz Captains". This is once in a life opportunity and I am the best at jizz. I needs more people who can also jizz for me and to practice and play the best jizz spots in this place. You will see when everyone love our jizz and we can play whenever we want. I needs musicians now. thanks you

Kurt "
Click to expand...

Bahaha, that's funny. Did you know the name for the genera of jazz music "mos eisley cantina and others" In Star Wars was actually called jizz?
 
#556
This ad seems normal...

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We're looking for another band to play a Halloween show on Campus with us.

We play punk and straight ahead rock stuff...looking for rock, punk, metal industrial, misfits covers, etc.

Give us a yell if you wanna do something fun.

Thanks!

Aaaaaaand then you see the pic:

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:atoz:
 
#558
They'll let you look at their houses. Instead of, you know, paying you money. At least they're not offering "exposure".

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MUSICIANS/BANDS, SINGING GROUPS - Volunteer opportunity ((City NW) )

LOOKING for MUSICIANS/BANDS, SINGING GROUPS for the Maplewood Home Tour - Saturday, Sept 14, 2013 - to perform Noon - 1:00 pm.

We can't pay you, but you can visit the beautiful homes on the Maplewood Home Tour as our thank you.
 
#559
marmadaddy said:
They'll let you look at their houses. Instead of, you know, paying you money. At least they're not offering "exposure".

[Invalid or Expired Link Removed]

MUSICIANS/BANDS, SINGING GROUPS - Volunteer opportunity ((City NW) )

LOOKING for MUSICIANS/BANDS, SINGING GROUPS for the Maplewood Home Tour - Saturday, Sept 14, 2013 - to perform Noon - 1:00 pm.

We can't pay you, but you can visit the beautiful homes on the Maplewood Home Tour as our thank you.
Click to expand...

In their defense, those things are almost always charity fundraisers. Its not like its some fat cat just asking you to play his private garden party in exchange for a tour of his manse.
 
#560
rockchalkbass said:
In their defense, those things are almost always charity fundraisers. Its not like its some fat cat just asking you to play his private garden party in exchange for a tour of his manse.
Click to expand...

Actually, that's exactly what it's like. This is a fundraiser, but not for a charity. It's for their own neighborhood association. They charge $10 a pop for people to take the tour.
 

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