• TalkBass has been independent since 1998. Add your voice.
    Create a free account to reply to discussions, view embedded media, and browse with fewer display ads.
    Join free Log in
    Want zero display ads or expanded classifieds tools? Compare plans.

Dumb CL Ad's pt 5, Dumbester and Dumberest

#801
In the Philly-area:
[Invalid or Expired Link Removed]

are you SICK of sellers who try to insult your intelligence by selling you an easily understood, ready-to-use product right out of the BOX???!! Well today's your lucky day! With this dynamic duo of tonal terror you get not one, but TWO non-working guitars. These components can be combined in any number of crazy ways! Here's the rundown:

The stratocaster body was painted by a maniac and its internals were soldered by an even crazier maniac, but the pickups, etc are all totally cherry for like a 2005-era era strat or something

The telecaster body is from some insane 80s series but some old hippie crammed a big weird white pickup in there and put a standard telecaster pickguard on it (poorly, it looks like he cut the thing with a bread knife) but more importantly the telecaster HAS THE STRATOCASTER'S neck which if you check ebay which i totally did before i typed this is worth probably somewhere around $130 dollars for some reason. Also the telecaster has like, a billion switches for coil tapping or whatever, i don't know, but the back plate for the wiring is missing and i'm pretty sure it currently doesn't work.

The tonal possibilities are literally endless!!!! You can sound like kurt cobain on BLEACH. you can sound like kurt kobain on NEVERMIND. you can sound like dave grohl covering a nirvana song!

so if you're not intimidated by self-empowered guitar with a career and no time for games, this is your woman / women.
 
#804
this is the entire ad.
I wonder why Paul's phone is not ringing.
==========================
Burningbed (Mira Loma)
Burningbed band is looking for a bass player and keyboard player.Rehearse in mira loma.
committed musicicans only.We are an alternative band mixed with a lot of other music.
CALL pAUL.NO EMAILS PLEASE.
 
#807
Recent one here locally for a used Squier Affinity, with a couple of cheap tuners, straps, and other throwaway junk included. Can be yours for ONLY $300!

Not bad for what costs $179 brand new. Haven't checked lately but I'm guessing it's still available.
 
#808
From a Raleigh ad for a bass and acoustic guitar:

"BUY THESE! If you're a dude, chicks will think that you're brooding and deep. If you're a chick, dudes will think that you're hot. I'd keep them, but the bass was mine and the guitar was my wife's. We found each other and have no need to attract members of the opposite sex anymore."

[Invalid or Expired Link Removed]
 
#810
Too much profanity, can't link to it here. Here's the #*@&% version.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------



x flag Posted: 21 hours ago musicians ——

reply

LOOKING FOR THE NEXT VINCE NEIL (Austin)

We need a wild, energetic vocalist that can come to the table with a bottle of whiskey and a "#$%& YOU!" attitude. Someone who loves sex, drugs, and rock n' roll. Also, if you don't dig Motley Crue, then go #$%& yourself. no old #$%&s allowed, we don't want you dying in the middle of our peak, under 25 preferably. We have every intention of conquering the world, so if you're not ready, please read this ---> #$%& YOU.
 
#812
[Invalid or Expired Link Removed]

musicians

x flag Posted: a day ago

reply

BASS-iclly...need a real gig... (Austin-ish)

I saw a bunch of generic ads for Bass playa's...

I have an imagination, at least a small spark of creativity, good meter, and some tone...

I do what I say I will do when I said I would do it!

But enough of the hard sell...

I am always the last person you have to worry about in any situation involving musicians..!

OK...so what does this kat play?? Well...to start, it's my own equipment!!! :-D

I have kinda customized a crappy 5 string J Bass made in Chicago by some hacks called HAMER and a FENDER '51 P Bass...

Then there is the snobby British made Ashdown amp used by some other professionals with equipment.

My cabinet is only rated down to 32Hz and up to 18KHz, with an isolation riser, however is bigger than a bowling ball bag, yet smaller than a liquor cabinet, but weighs 128 lbs...sorry, it's bullet proof!

Odds and ends...Sadowsky DI/Preamp, Trace Elliot SMX Compressor, TC Electronics Chorus+, MC wires...

All junk but someone has to play it...

I have the cell phone with texting, a lap top with email, and a car with a small trunk...

Now herein lies the rub...

Am I too pretty, way too inexperienced, or just not the right age, race, sex, religion, national origin, marital status, correct magazine subscriber, political affiliate, Pepsi over Coke drinker, shorts too tight, wrong sunglasses, or his GF is a B-I-T-C-H, or throws up on the bus, in the bus, and around the bus??

I'll let you decide....

Preferences: Grown ups, talent, pocket, punctuality, non-smoker, kids if their yours, no T.V., Sunday rehearsals, Harley-Davidson, Brunettes, emotion, good vocals, and a Dos XX endorsement, originality, tuning, $, Putting the O back in C untry, TONE, and a lil In & Out (Burger)...

I WOULD REALLY LIKE TO CROSS PATHS WITH A SERIOUS COVER BAND AND/OR AN ORIGINAL "AMERICANA/COUNTRY/ROCK/IN YO FACE/GET IT ON/ECT..." BAND!

Ya have some good music?? a band going somewhere sooner than later?? Need some help??

Let me know...

(if you are actually looking for "the final piece of the puzzle", DO NOT RESPOND!)

Bassist.

Location: Austin-ish do NOT contact me with unsolicited services or offers

♥ best of



post id: 4288617674 posted: a day ago email to friend
 
#813
Wants to play....doesn't have gear....

----------------------------------------------------------------


musicians

x flag Posted: 4 days ago

contact

Drummer Getting Itch to Kill or Play, Would Rather It Be the Latter (Hyde Park)

Hello. I moved into town a few months ago from Richmond, VA and I think it is just about time for me to start playing again.

I've been playing drums for close to 10 years. I have extensive live and recording experience.

As far as what I'm looking for, I'm not too picky, but I've played mostly with shoegazey bands in the past. I'd also really like to play with something that has a real old school R&B vibe to it.

I currently don't have any of my gear with me. When I moved from Richmond, I had to fit everything in a Honda Accord, and unfortunately the drum kit just didn't pass muster. I hate to be that drummer, but I am.

If you're interested, here are some projects I've worked on over the past few years.

The Snowy Owls - Summer EP (http://snowyowls.bandcamp.com/album/summer-ep) The Snowy Owls - Within Yr Reach EP (http://snowyowls.bandcamp.com/album/within-yr-reach-ep) Lubec - Wilderness Days (Invalid Link Removed) Lubec - Nothing Is Enough! (http://lubec.bandcamp.com/album/nothing-is-enough)

Location: Hyde Park do NOT contact me with unsolicited services or offers

♥ best of



post id: 4284442871 posted: 4 days ago updated: 4 days ago email to friend
 
#815
Wow...

Song needs a chorus (Renton)
© craigslist - Map data © OpenStreetMaphttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VLreyhf05Qc&feature=c4-overview&list=UUUDxi73R5mVN_Yqqj5oGSug


this song needs a chorus. if you feel you can do it justice hmu with a link to your singing. no weird old white guys please.....too many awkward experiences with that lol •Location: Renton
•do NOT contact me with unsolicited services or offers
 
#816
Gotta love NorCal.

[Invalid or Expired Link Removed]

"Yo my wife and I have a dog and a car. We r both responsible but we don't have a home... So, if you like the feeling here take us in we just got married and like I said we are responsible.."

"Essentially, I am a music engineer but I've dreamt of holding my talent out so I could produce a self album, but as I've grown older I've realized solo is only one texture... I have self taught theories, and some actual theory, I can understand notations, and I blend technical leads and rhythms."
 
#817
This was recently posted in the southern WV section. lol

[Invalid or Expired Link Removed]

ventige gitar - $899 (bekley)
finder sqar nice son. its old to. ventige look. its a finder so itll be worth lots n lots one day. make you investment today! comes with the blak string thing that plus in to the speaker box. that parts gotta be worth a bunch, its loud. this guy turned it up loud. i mean loud loud to. im ask half of what it will be worth in i rekon bout five or so years. jump on it.
 
#818
And, my personal favorite thus far!!! lol

[Invalid or Expired Link Removed]

Everybody gets laid!!!! (Roanoke)
Alright ladies and gentleman, a few ground rules for interested members in Roanoke's newest Frat Party in an Amplifier:

1. The sole purpose of this band is to get every member laid at every gig! No member gets left behind. No questions asked!
2. We will NOT be musicians. "Musician" suggests we have some egocentric intention of serving a higher art. No No No, we shant be doing any of that nonsense. Instead, we will be known as "Good Catches" or "Just a Flings" or "Saturday Night Specials" or "That guy/girl I once hooked up with after that show"
3. The lead singer, if especially douchey on a given evening, shall be required to "take the grenade" if present. Determination of the degree of douchiness which qualifies as "especially douchey" shall be left to the keeper of the practice space.
4. NO YOKO ONOs!!!
5. If this is your first band... you have to get laid.
6. If at any point you are confused about what your role is in this band, refer to rule 1 for it is sacred!

Sausage or Taco, you must abide by the aforementioned rules as members of this band. Bassists need not apply as I am funkier than you and cannot wait to meet your girlfriend. After extensive research, I have determined that the performance of popular songs from the past 5 decades that one can dance to will maximize a bands probability of getting laid. So, if you can swallow that moment of dry heave back down your throat with the rest of your pride, LETS DO THIS!!!!
 
#819
I hope his mixing/mastering skills are stronger than his grammer.

[Invalid or Expired Link Removed]

Hello,

You have a record session and you want this sound amazing, but you don't know how to make it in the mix, well I can help you, I record, mix and mastering, send me your files (pro tools) and i will handle the rest. I have affordable prices, it doesn't matter is a demo, EP or album I will make it sound BIG! and professional, I am specialist in Metal (Heavy, Thrash, Death, Black, etc...), Punk, Rock, Alternative, Hard Core.
Please don't hesitate to listen some of my work.
 
#820
HeavyJazz77 said:
I hope his mixing/mastering skills are stronger than his grammer.

[Invalid or Expired Link Removed]

Hello,

You have a record session and you want this sound amazing, but you don't know how to make it in the mix, well I can help you, I record, mix and mastering, send me your files (pro tools) and i will handle the rest. I have affordable prices, it doesn't matter is a demo, EP or album I will make it sound BIG! and professional, I am specialist in Metal (Heavy, Thrash, Death, Black, etc...), Punk, Rock, Alternative, Hard Core.
Please don't hesitate to listen some of my work.
Click to expand...

And yet, for some reason, I hesitate...
 

Latest posts

Top Bottom
Back