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Dumb CL Ad's pt 5, Dumbester and Dumberest
- Thread starter Thor
- Start date
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- Tags
- band craigslist metal
A growing church looking for a musician and a drummer! (Grand Prairie, Arlington, Dallas)
This. I love this. [Invalid or Expired Link Removed]
This. I love this. [Invalid or Expired Link Removed]
Gaolee
Official leathers tester and crash dummy
Nobody has "higher" him yet, because he's still posting occasionally. Either he's clueless and has a lot of time or he's a pretty strange crank and has a lot of time.
I don't doubt this guy is on here....did he really have to add that last sentence?
The best bass player. (orange county)
[Invalid or Expired Link Removed]
26, been playing for 12 years, interested in joining or starting a band. You will not find a better bass player in Orange County. You need a replacement who can learn the set list instantly, no problem. If you have a weak rhythm section, not anymore. I've even had to jump in & play lead (a la Entwistle) for bands who had no melodic sense at all, I'm a support guy, though. My point is I can do anything on bass & I want to make your music sound great & EXACTLY HOW YOU WANT IT TO SOUND. Hit me up. Unless you're old.
The best bass player. (orange county)
[Invalid or Expired Link Removed]
26, been playing for 12 years, interested in joining or starting a band. You will not find a better bass player in Orange County. You need a replacement who can learn the set list instantly, no problem. If you have a weak rhythm section, not anymore. I've even had to jump in & play lead (a la Entwistle) for bands who had no melodic sense at all, I'm a support guy, though. My point is I can do anything on bass & I want to make your music sound great & EXACTLY HOW YOU WANT IT TO SOUND. Hit me up. Unless you're old.
I sort of like that ad. The photo and look on his face suggests he's not taking it as seriously as his words suggest.
Speaking of CL rants re: "old guys":
[Invalid or Expired Link Removed]
[Invalid or Expired Link Removed]
This is very good, so good I copied and pasted it from mc900s find
In response to the original post about not being able to find a decent bass player. In your post you said that you want someone who isn't 55+ ok, but I attest that the younger generation is a generation where mediocrity was rewarded and no one ever told the younger generation that they suck. For example a person born in the 60's went to little league, and if they sucked, the coaches told them they sucked, the rest of their team mates told them they sucked. Their parents may have made them practice at home in between practices to improve what area they sucked at. A person born in the mid eighties went to little league, the coaches weren't allowed to tell them they suck, they got to play in every game including championships where their incompetence probably cost the game and the whole team was probably pissed at them. Their single parent situation probably made it so they weren't made to practice in their spare time to improve. Everyone was given a trophy for "showing up " every season, not being productive and winning a championship. Losing teams go out for pizza, get the gist? Its all shaged up. You cant find a good bass player because #1 you are looking in the wrong place # 2 there isn't that many people who are 25-35 who were ever disciplined enough to actually be good musicians.#3 a person that is good enough is already in a working band. So, there ya go, I blame the liberals, bad parenting, bad school teachers and just a society of mediocrity. There is a reason that todays music sucks and the industry is pushing modern country off as good music. By the way, yesterday March 19, 2015 was the 33 anniversary of Randy Rhoads death. If you don't know who he was, start there that is part of the problem.
In response to the original post about not being able to find a decent bass player. In your post you said that you want someone who isn't 55+ ok, but I attest that the younger generation is a generation where mediocrity was rewarded and no one ever told the younger generation that they suck. For example a person born in the 60's went to little league, and if they sucked, the coaches told them they sucked, the rest of their team mates told them they sucked. Their parents may have made them practice at home in between practices to improve what area they sucked at. A person born in the mid eighties went to little league, the coaches weren't allowed to tell them they suck, they got to play in every game including championships where their incompetence probably cost the game and the whole team was probably pissed at them. Their single parent situation probably made it so they weren't made to practice in their spare time to improve. Everyone was given a trophy for "showing up " every season, not being productive and winning a championship. Losing teams go out for pizza, get the gist? Its all shaged up. You cant find a good bass player because #1 you are looking in the wrong place # 2 there isn't that many people who are 25-35 who were ever disciplined enough to actually be good musicians.#3 a person that is good enough is already in a working band. So, there ya go, I blame the liberals, bad parenting, bad school teachers and just a society of mediocrity. There is a reason that todays music sucks and the industry is pushing modern country off as good music. By the way, yesterday March 19, 2015 was the 33 anniversary of Randy Rhoads death. If you don't know who he was, start there that is part of the problem.
Gaolee
Official leathers tester and crash dummy
I don't agree with him at all. I have met a whole lot of skilled, disciplined young people.
Gaolee
Official leathers tester and crash dummy
Here's an amusing one: [Invalid or Expired Link Removed]
Here's a guitar player looking for a gig. doesn't he sound like a fun guy to work with?
"
I play guitar. I am looking for work. And I am going to cut straight to the chase to weed some of you out.
*If you have an ad currently running, then I am not interested. I know how to read and I already read them.
*I can play for free without leaving my home - and I don't even need to wear pants. If you are not getting paid, I am not interested. Also, $200 every six weeks doesn't cut it. That might as well be free. A full time greeter at Wal-Mart makes $360 each week. Why would I settle for less.
*I use a modeler and plug straight into the PA. No amp. When I had an amp, I never went on stage without a PA, why would I start now.
*I have never limited my own playing to a genre. But a group needs to have a marketable genre. Iron Maiden is not something that chicks dance to. Mustang Sally followed by a Metallica song is not something that can be marketed. All good stuff, but song lists like that may explain why you are playing for pizza and beer but are still reading this ad even though you can't meet my income requirements.
Those seem to be the biggest hurdles that people have. But it is not in anyway an all-inclusive list.
So, now, about me:
1. Guitar player. Six-string Electric. I make no distinction between lead, rhythm, or genre. I play guitar. I either know how to play or I don't.
2. I do not own a 7-string. Nor will I. That style of music is fun to listen to, but its yesterday's niche. Next year all 7, 8, and 9 string players will be out of work like Disco in 1980 or Hair Metal in 1995. Besides, I assume you aren't looking for someone that 'needs to learn' a new instrument. I play six.
3. I do not own an acoustic. Nor will I. They sound great, but they aren't really meant for live performances.
4. I play in front of people, not in front of a computer. No links will be provided. There are 'bootlegs' of me out there, but I don't follow those. Unless you have a gig tonight and need immediate assistance, take the 20 minutes to do a 'same room' audition.
5. I have experience, but I don't care how good I used to be or what bands I used to be in. If I can't still do it today, yesterday shouldn't get me hired.
6. Not looking to get famous, just looking to get paid. I am not looking for fun. Its music, if you aren't having fun then you are doing it wrong. People that look to have fun are usually broke and not really having any fun anyhow. Besides, its always more fun to have money.
7. I can play piano. I don't own one. I won't own one. But if there is one, I do not mind sitting in for a few tunes. The title of the ad does not say 'keyboard player available'.
8. Singing is probably best left to others. I have sung in the past. I do not have a place to properly practice it. I never needed to master it. And I have been having some serious throat issues the last few years, I really don't even like talking too much. But, the truth is, I won't have any idea what I can and can't do until I am put in the situation that requires me to do it. The title of the ad does not say "singer available."
9. I put guitar music into two categories. Blues and Classical (some call it March and Swing). My style is more blues based than it is classical based. I prefer to bend an off-beat and out of key note into pitch on the beat, than to hang my head in shame for hitting one bad note in a 400 note 60-second arpeggio that gets harmonized with 3 other people."
"
I play guitar. I am looking for work. And I am going to cut straight to the chase to weed some of you out.
*If you have an ad currently running, then I am not interested. I know how to read and I already read them.
*I can play for free without leaving my home - and I don't even need to wear pants. If you are not getting paid, I am not interested. Also, $200 every six weeks doesn't cut it. That might as well be free. A full time greeter at Wal-Mart makes $360 each week. Why would I settle for less.
*I use a modeler and plug straight into the PA. No amp. When I had an amp, I never went on stage without a PA, why would I start now.
*I have never limited my own playing to a genre. But a group needs to have a marketable genre. Iron Maiden is not something that chicks dance to. Mustang Sally followed by a Metallica song is not something that can be marketed. All good stuff, but song lists like that may explain why you are playing for pizza and beer but are still reading this ad even though you can't meet my income requirements.
Those seem to be the biggest hurdles that people have. But it is not in anyway an all-inclusive list.
So, now, about me:
1. Guitar player. Six-string Electric. I make no distinction between lead, rhythm, or genre. I play guitar. I either know how to play or I don't.
2. I do not own a 7-string. Nor will I. That style of music is fun to listen to, but its yesterday's niche. Next year all 7, 8, and 9 string players will be out of work like Disco in 1980 or Hair Metal in 1995. Besides, I assume you aren't looking for someone that 'needs to learn' a new instrument. I play six.
3. I do not own an acoustic. Nor will I. They sound great, but they aren't really meant for live performances.
4. I play in front of people, not in front of a computer. No links will be provided. There are 'bootlegs' of me out there, but I don't follow those. Unless you have a gig tonight and need immediate assistance, take the 20 minutes to do a 'same room' audition.
5. I have experience, but I don't care how good I used to be or what bands I used to be in. If I can't still do it today, yesterday shouldn't get me hired.
6. Not looking to get famous, just looking to get paid. I am not looking for fun. Its music, if you aren't having fun then you are doing it wrong. People that look to have fun are usually broke and not really having any fun anyhow. Besides, its always more fun to have money.
7. I can play piano. I don't own one. I won't own one. But if there is one, I do not mind sitting in for a few tunes. The title of the ad does not say 'keyboard player available'.
8. Singing is probably best left to others. I have sung in the past. I do not have a place to properly practice it. I never needed to master it. And I have been having some serious throat issues the last few years, I really don't even like talking too much. But, the truth is, I won't have any idea what I can and can't do until I am put in the situation that requires me to do it. The title of the ad does not say "singer available."
9. I put guitar music into two categories. Blues and Classical (some call it March and Swing). My style is more blues based than it is classical based. I prefer to bend an off-beat and out of key note into pitch on the beat, than to hang my head in shame for hitting one bad note in a 400 note 60-second arpeggio that gets harmonized with 3 other people."
my peeps are at it again:
guit and bass both do voc..drmer ndid hav demo... (riverside)
Hav demo of wat sounds like with drummer.
Wer open to so these or new material...were on jango radioairplay and have fans worldwide with new ones weekly or montly daily sometimes.were both humble. And just want to jam..for all the right reasons....
guit and bass both do voc..drmer ndid hav demo... (riverside)
Hav demo of wat sounds like with drummer.
Wer open to so these or new material...were on jango radioairplay and have fans worldwide with new ones weekly or montly daily sometimes.were both humble. And just want to jam..for all the right reasons....
Ajapses
Gold Supporting Member
What the ...? Can somebody tell me what I just read? Some people think there will be a future where we communicate telepathically. We better hurry or civilization is going down the tubes.
[Invalid or Expired Link Removed]
At least the aren't worried about old dudes in wheelchairs. I guess that's a start.
BASSIST/RHYTHM GUITARIST WANTED
WE'VE GOT THE SONGS AND A HUGE INTERNET FAN BASE. WE ARE THE WORLDS MOST POPULAR GARAGE BAND AND WE NEED ANOTHER GUITARIST AND BASSIST. IF U CAN SING THATS A PLUS BUT YOU NEED TO BE ABLE TO MATCH OR EXCEED MY INTENSITY. POLITICALLY DRIVEN METAL HIP HOP/PUNK/THRASH/JAM BAND WITH OVER 10,000 INTERNET FANS IN FIRST 5 WEEKS AFTER POSTING VIDEO WE MADE OURSELVES. YOU NEED TO BE "AWAKE" AND YOU NEED TO KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS AND IT IS NOT DRUG RELATED AND DO NOT CARE IF U DO DRUGS OR NOT, WE JUST NEED YOU TO BE AWAKE AND HAVE BALLS. THESE TWO THINGS ALONE ARE MORE IMPORTANT THAN YOUR LEVEL OF TALENT.
WE HAVE BEEN SOLICITED BY MAJOR LABELS AND GETTING YOU GUYS IS THE LAST STEP BEFORE I SIGN A DEAL. SERIOUS ONLY. IF YOU DONT HAVE A CAR DONT CALL ME. OLDER DUDES PREFERRED WE'RE 40 AND KNOW WHAT METAL IS SEEK SAME BUT IF YOU HAVE THE COURAGE TO TRY WE DONT REALLY CARE HOW OLD YOU ARE.
At least the aren't worried about old dudes in wheelchairs. I guess that's a start.
BASSIST/RHYTHM GUITARIST WANTED
WE'VE GOT THE SONGS AND A HUGE INTERNET FAN BASE. WE ARE THE WORLDS MOST POPULAR GARAGE BAND AND WE NEED ANOTHER GUITARIST AND BASSIST. IF U CAN SING THATS A PLUS BUT YOU NEED TO BE ABLE TO MATCH OR EXCEED MY INTENSITY. POLITICALLY DRIVEN METAL HIP HOP/PUNK/THRASH/JAM BAND WITH OVER 10,000 INTERNET FANS IN FIRST 5 WEEKS AFTER POSTING VIDEO WE MADE OURSELVES. YOU NEED TO BE "AWAKE" AND YOU NEED TO KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS AND IT IS NOT DRUG RELATED AND DO NOT CARE IF U DO DRUGS OR NOT, WE JUST NEED YOU TO BE AWAKE AND HAVE BALLS. THESE TWO THINGS ALONE ARE MORE IMPORTANT THAN YOUR LEVEL OF TALENT.
WE HAVE BEEN SOLICITED BY MAJOR LABELS AND GETTING YOU GUYS IS THE LAST STEP BEFORE I SIGN A DEAL. SERIOUS ONLY. IF YOU DONT HAVE A CAR DONT CALL ME. OLDER DUDES PREFERRED WE'RE 40 AND KNOW WHAT METAL IS SEEK SAME BUT IF YOU HAVE THE COURAGE TO TRY WE DONT REALLY CARE HOW OLD YOU ARE.
In my purely anecdotal experience, I have not found age to be a determining factor in a musician's discipline. I know young musicians completely dedicated and older cats completely content to just get by. His rant is the typical armchair sociology you find in this world about how the older generation kicks ass and the new generation sucks. I'm sure the senior cohort in ancient Mesopotamia were thinking that the world was going to hell in a handbasket due to the young whippersnappers too.
But it's brain farts like his rant that make this thread fun.
And the irony is that he's putting an ad on Craigslist looking for a gig instead of already having a great gig due to his obvious skill and understanding of the business. Maybe all of the work out there are for people who play acoustic guitar, which obviously can't be played in a live situation. You have to wonder what these people are like in person.
Translation: RATM wannabe band seeking bassist and guitarist. Candidates will be selected based upon successful demonstration to engage in pretentious navel gazing. Label asked to be our friend on MySapce, indicating major label interest!
[Invalid or Expired Link Removed]
Club looking for bands (Ohio)
We are a club in search of live entertainment. For clarification, we're not actually a "club". We're actually just your average Ohio dive bar that barely makes enough money to keep the lights on. We only use the term "club" to fool patrons and prospective bands into thinking that we may possibly have a reputable establishment. Although we have a classy-sounding club name, our building is actually located in a bad part of town. In fact, the building is very run-down and in need of repair.
Being that our club is in bad shape in just about every way imaginable, we're hoping that introducing live music will somehow bring in new customers and bring up profits. Here's a little bit about the band situation:
- There is no stage in the club. Actually, there really isn't even an area big enough for a band to play. We are hoping that your full-size band can somehow fit into a 4'x6' high-traffic area at the end of the rear hallway, next to the bathroom. Please keep in mind that the floor in this area is generally covered with urine and wet toilet paper that has somehow traveled outside of the bathroom.
- It is a small bar. It's important to us that you play good and loud to get customers excited, but quiet enough for all customers to be able to carry on conversations easily. Of course, we don't want to limit your artistic integrity, so we want you to feel free to raise the volume when needed. However, you will need to lower your volume if we get complaints. Confused about what volume to play at yet? Good!
- We are proud to say that we pay bands quite well! We will pay your band a total of $60 and give you 5% off all your beer! In return, all that we ask is that you play for 5 straight hours without breaks, provide your own backline equipment, provide a full sound system with operators, provide a full stage lighting system with operators, pay for your own travel expenses, and make sure to spend a minimum of 25% of your set talking to the audience about the club's drink specials and the importance of tipping the bartenders. Aside from that, we also kindly ask that you be understanding about the club not paying you on slow nights or about the club providing inadequate/unsafe electrical service for your equipment.
- Promotion of events is important to our club. We will list your band's name and gig date on the marquis sign behind the club's parking lot. It's hard to see the sign from the road, but at least your band's name will be misspelled. We ask very little of your band when it comes to promotion: you will be required to buy a recurring 30-second radio spot to advertise the show, you will be required to sell 350 tickets at $20 each, and you will be required to spend as much time as possible on Facebook to promote the event. Of course, you must sell all 350 tickets or you don't get paid, and your band will make no money from the ticket sales. It's also worth mentioning that you can bring band merchandise to sell at the club, but there won't be enough room to set up a merchandise table.
Club looking for bands (Ohio)
We are a club in search of live entertainment. For clarification, we're not actually a "club". We're actually just your average Ohio dive bar that barely makes enough money to keep the lights on. We only use the term "club" to fool patrons and prospective bands into thinking that we may possibly have a reputable establishment. Although we have a classy-sounding club name, our building is actually located in a bad part of town. In fact, the building is very run-down and in need of repair.
Being that our club is in bad shape in just about every way imaginable, we're hoping that introducing live music will somehow bring in new customers and bring up profits. Here's a little bit about the band situation:
- There is no stage in the club. Actually, there really isn't even an area big enough for a band to play. We are hoping that your full-size band can somehow fit into a 4'x6' high-traffic area at the end of the rear hallway, next to the bathroom. Please keep in mind that the floor in this area is generally covered with urine and wet toilet paper that has somehow traveled outside of the bathroom.
- It is a small bar. It's important to us that you play good and loud to get customers excited, but quiet enough for all customers to be able to carry on conversations easily. Of course, we don't want to limit your artistic integrity, so we want you to feel free to raise the volume when needed. However, you will need to lower your volume if we get complaints. Confused about what volume to play at yet? Good!
- We are proud to say that we pay bands quite well! We will pay your band a total of $60 and give you 5% off all your beer! In return, all that we ask is that you play for 5 straight hours without breaks, provide your own backline equipment, provide a full sound system with operators, provide a full stage lighting system with operators, pay for your own travel expenses, and make sure to spend a minimum of 25% of your set talking to the audience about the club's drink specials and the importance of tipping the bartenders. Aside from that, we also kindly ask that you be understanding about the club not paying you on slow nights or about the club providing inadequate/unsafe electrical service for your equipment.
- Promotion of events is important to our club. We will list your band's name and gig date on the marquis sign behind the club's parking lot. It's hard to see the sign from the road, but at least your band's name will be misspelled. We ask very little of your band when it comes to promotion: you will be required to buy a recurring 30-second radio spot to advertise the show, you will be required to sell 350 tickets at $20 each, and you will be required to spend as much time as possible on Facebook to promote the event. Of course, you must sell all 350 tickets or you don't get paid, and your band will make no money from the ticket sales. It's also worth mentioning that you can bring band merchandise to sell at the club, but there won't be enough room to set up a merchandise table.
