I am enjoying how much fail this thread contains.
Let me try to simplify. Modes are different types of "scales" that you can play when you start on different notes of a specific key. So, when you play in the key of Eb, start on the tonic (Eb) and play up 7 notes, you have the Ionian mode which is commonly known as the Major scale. Starting on the second note (F) and then going up 7 notes (using the same key signature) gets you Dorian mode. It sounds pretty cool but can be weird to most musicians. The third note, going up a 7-note "scale" gets you Phrygian mode which sounds pretty *-ing weird. There are 7 modes in all: Starting from the first note in a scale you have Ionian (major), Dorian, Phrygian, Lydian, Mixolydian, Aeolian (natural minor) and Locrian which was considered the most evil mode and sounds really *-ing weird.
I realize that without some theory knowledge this was not simplifying but hopefully it can help someone here.