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Girlfriends or wives getting hit-on at gigs?

#161
I don't know the exact reason why, they would vary from person to person. One was supplied earlier in the thread. I've had female friends in the past come up to me and give me drinks saying it was bought for them and they didn't want to be rude and refuse but they didn't actually want the drink.
 
#162
txbasschik said:
When I see chick hitting on my husband, the first thing I do is go be friendly with them. I'll catch 'em at the bar, or in the restroom, or whatever, and introduce myself as the band's bassist, and strike up a conversation.

Then I "introduce" her to my husband. "Susan, I'd like to introduce you to my husband!"

I can't even remember the number of women I've done this way, but they always end up fans of both bands, and they leave my hubby alone.

One night while my husband was playing, I was walking around in the crowd. ("Honey, go to the back and see whether the guitarist is too loud. We get so many volume complaints.") So, I hear these two women talking about how hot that drummer is, and one says she's going to meet him and take him home. The other girl says, "But he's married!" First girl doesn't care, and comments that his wife prolly isn't around.

So, I tap her on the shoulder and say, "Hey, I know the drummer really well! Would you like to meet him on the break?"

Of course she would! :smug:

So, I take her up to the stage when they take a break, and say, "Kat, I'd like you to meet my husband."

She shook his hand, and then looked at me like I was gonna kill her. The girl turned white as a sheet!

I told her, "Don't worry, sug. I'm not going to do anything to you. I don't have to now, do I? Next time someone tells you a musician is married, do take into account that his wife may be present, and may not be as creative as I am."

Problem solved.

Cherie :bassist:
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I bow before you! That was awesome!
 
#164
pedro said:
Why would she give it away? Honestly, if she's told me she's married or otherwise spoken for and I offer to buy her a drink anyway, why accept it if she's just going to give it away. To me that's rude. If she doesn't want me to buy her a drink she should decline the offer. My $.02.

FWIW, I've bought a lot of drinks over the years for women that were spoken for and from whom I expected nothing and I've never had one do such a thing.
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The accepting of a drink from a man she does not know is a tricky thing for a woman, unless she is very confident of herself. If she accepts the drink, the man may feel he now has a right to continue to hang around, and she may not want him to. If she declines, he may be the type to get offended and make a scene. She doesn't want to be thought rude. So...she accepts the drink, gives it to her friends, and thereby, in her mind, avoids all potholes. Twisted, but too often true.

If I am not performing and a man wants to buy me a drink, even after he learns I am married to the drummer, I politely decline. Unless he also offers to buy a round for the band.

I once made the mistake of accepting the drink, and that guy was like a danged tick on a dog! I could NOT get rid of him! He was still trying to hit on me, he was butting into conversation with my friends, and was generally unwelcome by the entire group. He didn't care about the band, he didn't care I was with my girlfriends...he just wanted to keep on talking to me. About his Corvette. My hand to God! It was sad. And extremely annoying.

So...Lesson Learned!!! Unless you are looking to spend some time talking with the guy, do *not* accept the drink! Decline with grace.

Cherie
 
#166
The accepting of a drink from a man she does not know is a tricky thing for a woman, unless she is very confident of herself. If she accepts the drink, the man may feel he now has a right to continue to hang around, and she may not want him to. If she declines, he may be the type to get offended and make a scene. She doesn't want to be thought rude. So...she accepts the drink, gives it to her friends, and thereby, in her mind, avoids all potholes. Twisted, but too often true.
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That makes no sense at all. If she's accepted the drink than the guy may hang around anyway. I don't see how giving the drink away is going to change his perspective on it. Also, let me note that my original comment was made in response to a situation described above where the guy was told she was taken and still wanted to buy her drink. As described she accepts and then makes a big production of handing the drink to her her boyfriend.

If I am not performing and a man wants to buy me a drink, even after he learns I am married to the drummer, I politely decline. Unless he also offers to buy a round for the band.
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That seems perfectly fair to me.

So...Lesson Learned!!! Unless you are looking to spend some time talking with the guy, do *not* accept the drink! Decline with grace.

Cherie
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I got no beef with that.
 
#169
pedro said:
That makes no sense at all. If she's accepted the drink than the guy may hang around anyway. I don't see how giving the drink away is going to change his perspective on it. Also, let me note that my original comment was made in response to a situation described above where the guy was told she was taken and still wanted to buy her drink. As described she accepts and then makes a big production of handing the drink to her her boyfriend.
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Sometimes actions speak louder than words. I'll go out on al limb and say the afore described scenario was a way of saying "I told you I was married yet you still offered to buy me a drink, which is a method of body language more guys than not use to try to pickup women. I don't want to be picked up by you, yet I don't want to be rude and refuse. Clearly you haven't got the message or perhaps think I'm making it up, so here we go, I'm giving it to my husband in the band to avoid any confusion. I get hit on a lot and this way is making it clear on more than one level."
 
#170
Jake of Bass said:
Sometimes actions speak louder than words. I'll go out on al limb and say the afore described scenario was a way of saying "I told you I was married yet you still offered to buy me a drink, which is a method of body language more guys than not use to try to pickup women. I don't want to be picked up by you, yet I don't want to be rude and refuse. Clearly you haven't got the message or perhaps think I'm making it up, so here we go, I'm giving it to my husband in the band to avoid any confusion. I get hit on a lot and this way is making it clear on more than one level."
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If she doesn't want the drink she shouldn't accept it.
 
#172
But its not more complicated. If the guy is being a jerk or if the lady decides she’s uncomfortable accepting the drink she should say a firm no thanks. But if the guy understands that she's spoken for and still wants to buy her a drink and she accepts making a spectacle of giving the drink away is rude, IMO.
 
#173
I agree it may be rude, but you've got to consider that your way of doing things doesn't work for everyone. What if the last guy the girl refused a drink to happened to be those one in a thousand aggressive types who stalked her all night cause he got offended she refused and now is afraid to refuse anyone a drink, or you're the tenth guy to offer her a drink that night and the tenth guy she's told she's married and still hasn't listened so she has to make a spectacle of it to not only make the point to you but nine other guys who haven't gotten the message either? There are other reasons too if you care to think of it a little.
 
#174
Jake of Bass said:
I agree it may be rude, but you've got to consider that your way of doing things doesn't work for everyone. What if the last guy the girl refused a drink to happened to be those one in a thousand aggressive types who stalked her all night cause he got offended she refused and now is afraid to refuse anyone a drink, or you're the tenth guy to offer her a drink that night and the tenth guy she's told she's married and still hasn't listened so she has to make a spectacle of it to not only make the point to you but nine other guys who haven't gotten the message either? There are other reasons too if you care to think of it a little.
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Understood Jake but my point is that a guy is just as likely (and IMO more so) to be insulted by accepting a drink and then giving it away than by politely saying, 'Thanks but no thanks.' In what way is it any different from asking her to dance? Is there a problem dancing with a married woman? Not IMO. As I've noted before, if my wife is coming to my gig I would much rather see her dancing her ### off than sitting. If a guy behaves himself and wants to chat with her or dance I'm perfectly ok with anything that my wife is ok with. If he's acting like a gentleman than what's the problem. If he's not than all bets are off.

Here's the scenario. Guy walks into crowded club. There's a great band playing a pretty girl sitting at the table next to him. He strikes up a conversation.

He: Hi.
She: Hi
He: Good band.
She: Yep.
He: Can I buy you a drink?
She: I'm married to the bass player.
He: Really? Cool. I'd still like to buy ya a drink.

Now the ball is in her court. If she accepts, I think she should drink the drink. If she's not comfortable, than a simple, 'I really wouldn't feel right.' should suffice. If there have been 9 other guys that particular night that have been jerks than I'd be truly surprise that she's still there.

In all honesty this thread has been extremely interesting to me. Much of the behavior described here is totally foreign to me.
 
#177
Jake of Bass said:
Oh of course, and the behaviour you described is more often than not what goes. I'm just discussing potential motivations for different behaviours, in an attempt to understand why people do what they do (this has been an ongoing thing in my life).
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Yup. We all see things from our own POV and I think its a good thing to try and see things from someone elses point of view.
 
#178
stewart8980 said:
Can someone explain to the 16 year old what the forbidden dance is
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AndrewSixx07032 said:
Isn't it the lambada? or am I just remembering that snowboard/party movie?:confused::hiding:
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The “forbidden dance” that you don’t want your significant other doing with someone else? I think Bob Seger called it "the Horizontal Bop".

Short of that, people should remember that dancing is just dancing and not a sin – Jeez, didn’t you guys see Footloose?
 
#179
bass player 48 said:
The “forbidden dance” that you don’t want your significant other doing with someone else? I think Bob Seger called it "the Horizontal Bop".

Short of that, people should remember that dancing is just dancing and not a sin – Jeez, didn’t you guys see Footloose?
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LOL!! Good one bass player 48. I'm often surprised by how 'uptight' a group of so-called musicians can be about this sort of thing.
 

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