Yes, well, I’ve always been the bandleader, so they answer to me. I don’t take other professional gigs. But I sometimes do fun or charity gigs. I don’t treat amateurs and children like professionals.
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Honest opinions please... A rant.. Kinda...
- Thread starter DrayMiles
- Start date
Oh... Another reason I wanted to do it...
Roberta Flack was supposed to be there and get an award. I wanted to see her, since I learned that she had been in poor health after having a major stroke. Her ex husband is a well known bassist in this area, and he was going to participate somehow... Unfortunately, her health was so bad, she couldn’t be there at the last minute...
So, I wanted to sound presentable...
Roberta Flack was supposed to be there and get an award. I wanted to see her, since I learned that she had been in poor health after having a major stroke. Her ex husband is a well known bassist in this area, and he was going to participate somehow... Unfortunately, her health was so bad, she couldn’t be there at the last minute...
So, I wanted to sound presentable...
Totally understandable. One thing I’ve learned when responding emotionally via email (or TB post for that matter) is to write, walk away and then come back later and re-read. Pretty much every time I do this I end up re-writing with a calmer tone or simply not pressing send/post at all. I can guarantee that I’ve saved myself a lot of grief by employing this method.
It may have already been stated since I did not read every reply, but for a serious issue such as what you wrote about would have been handled better either in person or on the phone.
An email or a text gives the impression of an approach/avoidance situation which only negatively impacts the situation, instead of resolve it.
An email or a text gives the impression of an approach/avoidance situation which only negatively impacts the situation, instead of resolve it.
You may have one thing going for you in this situation. This year has been difficult for most people and many are losing their tempers quicker than ever before. By not being a totally evil diva you may have allowed room to be forgiven under the circumstances. Sort of like grading on the bell curve. Frustration borne out of dealing amateurs can drive you nuts. If all else fails play the bus tape of Buddy Rich reaming out his band and say "I'm not that mean". 
throwing guilt and insults never makes anyone want to do anything. my email or text would have been this:
"R.
Can you please let me know if you'll have time to learn most or all of the songs before next rehearsal? I realize you are probably pretty busy, but it's impossible for us to sound good unless everyone knows the songs.
Thanks,
P"
the problem is that slackers are gonna slack. it doesn't matter what you say to them or what they promise. it probably makes more sense to ask them once, early on, then when they come in still not knowing the songs to replace them as soon as possible unless it will break up the band or project. btw, if a band or project wants to keep someone who is not putting in the time and effort to learn the songs after one warning, they must want a very different bass player or singer because i'm outa there.
You know how people will write scathing replies to a post on Facebook that take 10 minutes to compose, then after they've read their words back, they erase it and do it a 2nd time, trying to be more tactful, and after reading THAT back, they delete the whole thing and move on? This email seems to be stuck in Step One.
I don't know you, the situation or the other player involved.....But if I got that email, worded like that I'd probably tell you to go f@%k yourself 
Who cares how many records you've been on? With that attitude it's no wonder you aren't playing out as much as you used to.
Who cares how many records you've been on? With that attitude it's no wonder you aren't playing out as much as you used to.
I spent twelve years playing clubs in DC and the scene there was pretty friendly when I was there. Isn't that what you were saying or did I respond to the wrong person?
Hi @LBS-bass . A couple TB'ers posted that the OP sounded arrogant and the OP said that's the climate around the D.C. area. A sort of one-ups-man-ship among the musicians. Really I made a smart alec comment and now I wish I hadn't. My apologies.
No worries. I guess I didn't see all the posts that led to yours. But whatever it's like there now, it wasn't like that for me back then, at least among the people I knew. But it was quite a while back.
THIS! Right there. Who gives a fat rat's ass who anyone has worked with if they're not toeing the line or if their head is so far up their own behind they're struggling to breathe?
I think the email could have been a whole lot more tactful and the "class warfare" of "look, I'm a professional and I've done ..." is just a way to automatically put people on the defensive.
Just my 2¢
I’m not playing out by choice. I really don’t like carrying gear. And gigging is similar to church... A very social event... Or it used to be... I’m currently going through material to go in the studio and record. I figured it’s time to start a project and hire who I believe will inspire things onstage...I don't know you, the situation or the other player involved.....But if I got that email, worded like that I'd probably tell you to go f@%k yourself
Who cares how many records you've been on? With that attitude it's no wonder you aren't playing out as much as you used to.
I like to bounce ideas off people, but some folks honestly don’t have anything in reserve regarding ideas ... Or they can’t bring out stuff that fits the moment.
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Well, I think I hit a pause button in between sections and then let ‘er rip!
You’ve gotten some great answers already. Outside of the music biz I’ve dealt with similar issues regarding people being prepared for things. People (in general) tend to be lazy. It can be really difficult to motivate people who see things differently than yourself.
One thing that has served me well is using what I’ve seen called the compliment sandwich. Start off with a compliment or neutral statement if possible. Try to be sincere and not just tossing empty platitudes at the person. Maybe he or she did one thing that was nice. Use that.
Then you get to the sandwich filling, the meat and cheese. Lay it on dispassionately and direct here. Phrase it professionally and directly. “I was disappointed you were not well prepared.” “It is disappointing to me that you aren’t, seemingly, taking this as a serious gig.” Those kinds of statements. Don’t question his motivation, just frame in terms of how you feel and how you see it. That way you don’t get into the weeds with assumptions or personal attacks.
Now slap on the other piece of bread in this sandwich. End it with what you expect and with something positivee to say about him/her if possible. At least be optimistically neutral. With the end compliment, try to show a little enthusiasm and optimism for change. A belief that s/he can do what your asking and a note about how great the final outcome will be.
The key is keeping it professional by keeping it dispassionate in tone if you’re actually writing it down or typing it out. Text can be difficult to parse when it comes to emotion. You can get the point across with firm but compassionate treatment of the person. (And I get your disappointment with his past promise, for me I’d bring that up with a beer sometime and explain how you let it get tangled in your emotions relating to the gig.)
Kudos to you for stepping back and finding some humility. It is better late than never and you seem willing to work on it in the future.
One thing that has served me well is using what I’ve seen called the compliment sandwich. Start off with a compliment or neutral statement if possible. Try to be sincere and not just tossing empty platitudes at the person. Maybe he or she did one thing that was nice. Use that.
Then you get to the sandwich filling, the meat and cheese. Lay it on dispassionately and direct here. Phrase it professionally and directly. “I was disappointed you were not well prepared.” “It is disappointing to me that you aren’t, seemingly, taking this as a serious gig.” Those kinds of statements. Don’t question his motivation, just frame in terms of how you feel and how you see it. That way you don’t get into the weeds with assumptions or personal attacks.
Now slap on the other piece of bread in this sandwich. End it with what you expect and with something positivee to say about him/her if possible. At least be optimistically neutral. With the end compliment, try to show a little enthusiasm and optimism for change. A belief that s/he can do what your asking and a note about how great the final outcome will be.
The key is keeping it professional by keeping it dispassionate in tone if you’re actually writing it down or typing it out. Text can be difficult to parse when it comes to emotion. You can get the point across with firm but compassionate treatment of the person. (And I get your disappointment with his past promise, for me I’d bring that up with a beer sometime and explain how you let it get tangled in your emotions relating to the gig.)
Kudos to you for stepping back and finding some humility. It is better late than never and you seem willing to work on it in the future.
It’s quite clique driven now ...
There’s race, youth, ageism, distinctions... God only knows what’s coming after the lockdown.
