Honest opinions please... A rant.. Kinda...

[DrayMiles]

^This^

I can suffer foolishness... but I have a hard time with selfishness.
That’s repeated over and over...

 

[DrayMiles]

It's not often someone asks for criticism, gets it in spades, and takes the advice so gracefully.

Feeling that way is cool. Venting is cool. But people always remember how you treat them and how you made them feel. Sending a clear, firm message without rancor is a valuable skill, as @LBS-bass eloquently demonstrated.

Kindness has nothing to do with talent/skills/chops on any instrument. Being the best player around is no license to be a tool.

My final takeaway is that you're not in the same league with them, and you figured that out. You're used to working with people who take this a little more seriously and put in the time. Nothing wrong with that. There are lots of people out there who don't practice. The only way I ever pulled that off was when I was playing three sets five nights a week, because that WAS my practice. But not everyone is able to devote the time needed to take it to that higher level.

From 1990 to 1993 roughly, so I can relate. I was playing 7 days a week, 4 sets a night... The only reason I went to England is because Paul McCartney’s brother Mike said encouraging things... and that was 95... I was serious about it...
I’ve done a lot of gigs... Sciatica and two herniated discs remind me all the time. I’m glad I didn’t play Hammond organ...
But, I need to be more like Spock and see the logic of the expected outcome vs. the hopeful one... Therefore mitigating my emotions...

 

[DrayMiles]

Yeah, I needed this to check myself... My humility bone was connected to my neck one ... Hence, I was talking out the side of my neck. More editing and diplomacy could’ve been used...

 

[neddyrow]

i like it when my fellow band members are serious and keep me on my toes. makes me better.

our fiddle player is very honest and has perfect pitch, our guitar player is always playing something - guitar, mandolin, pedal steel and more. knowing these guys hear every mistake and it scratches their soul, i try so hard not to make even the slightest mistake.

play with people at your level or push you to the level you want to be at.

 

[DeepHz]

Sorry for the loss of your wife.

 

[DrayMiles]

Sorry for the loss of your wife.

Thank you sir... They're all gone since 2014.. Just lost the chihuahua in February. So... Yeah, maybe I'm not as patient as I should be. I'm okay up to a certain point... I think that I'll be really selective before taking gigs. I'm sure I'm not ready, unless I can be sure of the situation being positive from start to finish... Bad gig situations are a psychological strain. i.e. one step forward... two steps back... When it's a bad gig...

 

[trickyric]

My take on this is pretty basic.
If you want out, just quit.
If you don't, have a polite conversation face to face with the guy who recruited you about your concerns.
Going scorched earth has no place in both professional or polite society.
The cursing and self aggrandizing makes you look like an obnoxious jerk. I am guessing you are probably not, since this guy reached out to you to join him.
JMHO

 

[Willie5String]

That’s a total dick move on your part dude.

 

[lfmn16]

There's no excuse for being unprepared, but there's no excuse for that email either.

If I make a mistake I'm man enough to take what I've got coming, but not a childish, churlish, disrespectful rant. Especially galling since it was his gig.

 

[Nebadon2000]

Some people are under the impression that rehearsals are the same as practice, but that's not really how it works. Practice and learning should happen at home, and we should be coming into rehearsal with parts ready so that we can tighten it up

In all the Bands I have played in there was always 'at least' one member who could not comprehend this simple fact. Except one Band in which all players were top seasoned Musicians in the Area. Was the most Musically and Financially productive Band I have played with in my 45 years of gigging.

PS: Civility seems to be a lost art, in this case it put 'Problem Child' on defensive as opposed to considering his own actions

 

[Nev375]

The best people in the world have a way of making others feel as if they are just as important as they are.

The worst people in the world try really hard to tear down others and prove to them how they are inferior.


Your message reflects one of these attitudes.

 

[Biggbass]

One of you needs to go but only your band can decide which.

 

[Ekulati]

I can see your diploma from the Buddy Rich School of Communication. Imagine in some worlds that works, in others maybe not.

 

[buldog5151bass]

One other thought for @DrayMiles . This letter seemed to have been written as being therapeutic for YOU. Nothing wrong with writing them. Then you toss the note in the trash, and write the REAL one, with a mind on its consequences and effect on the reader. If you had been the recipient of that note, how would You have reacted?

 

[Benjamin Earl]

In my opinion, I think it was harsh. It is rare that this would need to be verbalized/emailed to another musician. If you were in charge, then you could have found a replacement. If you are not in charge, then you could have quit. I agree you should make your expectations known, but this email probably did not motivate the musician.

 

[Deleted member 368008]

It depends. With people I've grown up with since ages 7-8 and still hang out together we can get the colloquial banter to get third party people totally apalled at the chatter, and banter between us. Ironic, and especially acerbic over the top. And we still do play together, with comments like "stop playing you fat ar***" between us, and so on. NOTE: Always with a tounge in cheeck, and smiley behind it, but not that visbile to other parties, which has scolded us for using such a vocabulary between us. This only works between people that knows each other a long time and very well, and the "acerbics" is definitely mutual. If you're not that close with him, then I think you could back off quite a bit. You can get it across in other wordings. I am exactly like you, won't suffer fools gladly, but you don't have to go that acerbic "Whiplash" with him, although he is a gtrd.





You're like him, Fletcher, but in mail/text only. Yes, quite a bit too harsh, if you're not that close like above, with him. But who am I to speak, I may not have the same pedigree, track record that you got? But, by and large, be wary, and cautious, because all this can come firing back at you at some time later on, when you meet "Fletcher" above in the videos who thinks exactly the same about you. Keep that in mind. Either you can taste your own medicine or not.

 

[Paulabass]

That letter would be an excellent start at making enemies.

 

[DWBass]

I don't know you, the situation or the other player involved.....But if I got that email, worded like that I'd probably tell you to go f@%k yourself
Who cares how many records you've been on? With that attitude it's no wonder you aren't playing out as much as you used to.

I totally get that. I just wonder if musicians who don't put in the work, actually realize they are hurting the situation and annoying those of us who do put in the time and work? Why are they trying to be in bands?!?! Horrible attitude. And it can piss people off hence Dray's email! As severe as the email was, maybe it'll be an eye opener to those who received it.

 

[Deleted member 368008]

I think that not as a first notice. If you give him 3 times, and he hasn't grew a zot or making any progress, then you should be entitled for that acerbic rant. But not as a first one. But in the end, when all is said and done, I don't think anything would help that guy, no matter how harsh or kind (diplomatic) you are, so in the end, it will only turn at your loss. But now, since you've retracted somewhat, it's all worthwhile.

 

[Stevorebob]

Let me come at this another way: There is no place for abusive behavior in the workplace. Somehow, certain industries, organizations and people haven’t been enlightened to this. No, it’s not toughness; it’s abuse. If one has issues with self control or managing life challenges, help is available. Creating a hostile work environment is not an acceptable solution.