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Insecure girlfriend at shows...

#162
My only advice is....don't take sand to beach. Maybe if she doesn't go she can't get mad? this may of course open a whole NEW can of worms...keep in mind I'm a divorced musician so maybe I shouldn't be offering any advice. My current girlfriend has similar issues with NOT being the center of attention ( which is what this sounds like ) and SHE sugguested not going to as many shows because of how it makes her feel. Just a thought.....
 
#163
It is the job of the "girl friend" to ruin it for musicians. They sit stone faced glaring at the stage, complain to the sound guy that she can't hear you, complain to you about the sound guy, complain about anything and everything. She will be jealous of you simply saying hello to friends, people that want to talk to you about your music/the band, and folks that may want to hire you. She won't understand that "politicin'" is a part of the gig. They don't want to sit alone and they don't like to sit with other band members girl friends. Things really suck when they want to come to practice!

One of the few ways to get through a gig and actually enjoy it is to have her to invite some of her close friends at the gig. Keep her occupied with people who can tolerate her.
 
#168
Stinsok said:
It is the job of the "girl friend" to ruin it for musicians. They sit stone faced glaring at the stage, complain to the sound guy that she can't hear you, complain to you about the sound guy, complain about anything and everything. She will be jealous of you simply saying hello to friends, people that want to talk to you about your music/the band, and folks that may want to hire you. She won't understand that "politicin'" is a part of the gig. They don't want to sit alone and they don't like to sit with other band members girl friends. Things really suck when they want to come to practice!

One of the few ways to get through a gig and actually enjoy it is to have her to invite some of her close friends at the gig. Keep her occupied with people who can tolerate her.
Click to expand...

Our band must be quite a rarity. The two guitarists and the drummer are married, and their wives completely support and encourage them when it comes to the band. Same thing with the singer's girlfriend. My girlfriend and I broke up a few months ago, but it had nothing to do with my being in the band. She was there for a lot of our shows and never whined or complained about anything. After reading through this thread, I realize more than ever just how fortunate we are.
 
#171
"I completely disagree with all those that suggested including her more with the band in any way. She's being a pain in the butt at your gigs, so the last thing you want to do is make sure that she has a reason to be at all of your gigs. I certainly can not get behind the idea of rewarding bad behavior - which is exactly what that would be."

Hey ya'll wanted a womans point of view-it's very possible that she's feeling left out and doesn't realize it. I didn't say make her an important part of the gig......just part of it. I've seen this situation before, and it goes one of three ways.... girl gets involved and is now happy; girl gets involved, doesn't like it, decides (on her OWN) to pursue other interests while guy is at gigs; or girl gets involved, doesn't like it, doesn't want to do something else, time for girl to go.

If you want to stay with said girl, give it a chance. Talk to her, tell her you want to find a way for her to be happy too, ask her for suggestions. Maybe there's something she would like you to do that would satisfy her insecurity?

And if it comes down to the "music or me" choice..... choose music. :hiding: If she met you as a musician, then decides she doesn't like you as a musician, that's dumb of her. As long as you're not doing stupid stuff like purposely trying to make her jealous that is :).

*sigh* the trials and tribulations of relationships
 
#173
it's threads like this that just reinforce my decision girls arent worth dealing with. They either hide the fact they hate your band to begin with, or then go and actually see what "THE BUSINESS" is like where you have to deal with everyone, and get pissed because she's no longer your "baby girl" everywhere she trots. and so, a perfectly good band gets killed in the process.

for all you saying "BUT I'D LOVE TO HAVE A GIRLFRIEND AND JUST HAVE EVERYTHING LAYED OUT", well, YEA, i used to be like you. but EVEN BETTER, I can go and be a scumbag and do many girls and perform and make as much as I like because I have nothing to hold me at bay. and really, that's probably making the whole deal between girls and guys even.
 
#174
Spinal Tapper said:
....She's never had a problem in the past coming to shows and functioning with the other girlfriends/my friends/her friends with a lot of people around....The last few months when we've played shows, she gets pissed at me after EVERY show...for NO reason!
Click to expand...
Had to laugh the first time I saw this post. I laughed every time I saw it was still being replied to.

Here's what happened. She screwed someone else behind your back and now you're paying for it. Dump her and move on, and don't give me any of that love crap.
 
#175
Its funny, my girlfriend was very much like the girl Spinal tapper dates when I started playing in my band. I'd gone 2 years (nearly the entire time we'd been together) without playing in a band then was pulled back into playing. In the begining she was maybe even a little worse then ST's girl. She was Picking fights and/or being sh!tty to me when I'd leave for practice, huffing and puffing over anything that I said about the band, just being a royal bitch when it came to anything band related. That all changed when we started practicing at our house. We didn't so much include her (ie, have her sell merch at shows or lug equipment) as we made her feel like part of the band family. All it took was the guys giving her the same level of sh!t that we give each other: we just made her one of the guys and part of the band. Now she comes to nearly every show, never complains about practice, and has even offered to sell merch. I don't think she particularly wants to work the merch booth during shows, but she truly cares about us succeeding. I guess The true test will be a tour. :)

ST: it sounds like you two have talked it out and that's the best thing. It's hard dating a girl who has low self esteem and is ultra needy, but with work both those things can be fixed and in helping each other grow you truly can build a wonderful relationship.

But if none of that works I recommend buying a set of Lane Poor pick up's, shoving them as hard and deep into her eye sockets as you can and when the police question you tell them you think Lane Poor did it. That way the police will stay on the trail of Mr. Poor forever and probably have as much luck finding him as we have.
 
#177
This is funny stuff and I have no idea why I am contributing but what the heck.

Offering advice to a young gun when he is getting some. The older amongst us should no better, come on blokes, since when has a lad ever taken on our advice when he is getting a bit of action and must I say it, reckons he is in love, :rolleyes: :)

Spinaltapper, got the feeling this is all a bit tongue in cheek so here is my tongue in cheek advice.

Keep on playing, keep bringing the lass to the gigs, have fun and don't sook to much when the drama queen stuff starts effecting the band and they get rid of you. ;)

I am just jeolous of you getting some ;)
 
#179
Listening to the misogynist viewpoints, and all of the kvetching and whining about "coerced marriage" and young woman "dreamkillers", I feel like I am in a bar with a bunch of angry, lonely men in their 40s and 50s, all stuck in dead-end jobs they hate.

Let's face it -- no-one on here is a real "rock star" (unless I'm mistaken), so if you're playing music, you're playing for fun. If you're playing for fun, that's great, you have something to do with your life (i.e., a "hobby").

On the other hand, a "hobby" is not quite as spiritually fulfilling as a relationship (marriage or no), is it?

Well, news flash, all you lonely bachelors -- somewhere along the line, you chose between an avocation and a mate. And the consequences of that choice are not the fault of all those "psychos" and "dreamkillers" you met along the way.

Cuddle up with that five-string or that $6,000 boutique model with the bubinga, 'cause I hear it's going to be cold for a while. Maybe for the rest of your lives . . .
 
#180
oh I see! so if YOU don't agree with US, then all of us are nothing but woman-haters and losers?

That does not really support your point of view, does it?

Reality is that I'm neither a loser nor a bachelor. A part-time musician and full-time husband and Dad - married for 17 years, and I have a successful professional career as well. oh and by the way? No boutique bass here - just two, solid Musicmans and I play in an extremely successful band in the State I live in, own a $600,000 house and have already another $500,000 stashed in my 401K for retirement..... so much for your theory of "losers" giving advice here, huh?

Where does my point of view come from about this guy's situation?? Years of experience and observation. Knowing both men and women like this one -- needy, insecure people, who suck the life out of anyone around them that will allow it.

Years of being in bands and watching both GFs/wives AND BFs/husbands (fewer, but I knew a couple like this) destroy bands and bandmembers because of their absurd, selfish needs and petty insecurities.

Fortunately, I have a wife who supports me in this and has NO problems with the band, or attention needs, etc. I have bandmates who have similar situations. So I KNOW that such women do exist.

And there are enough of them out there that no guy who is serious about his life or his passion should have to put up with one of these nightmares just so he can "Get some". What is a good woman? Someone who loves you for WHO YOU ARE - doesn't look at you like some fixer-upper project, or tries to so dominate your life that there is not one shred left of anything in it but her smiling face and begging hands.

Perhaps the loser is you -- unable to mount a real argument so you attack those who disagree with you in a personal way.

The rest of us are only trying to help this guy see the reality and hopefully save him from MORE heartache and years of wasting his time on someone who clearly is not right for him. He asked the question here and we answered. So please...grow up yourself.
 

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