The BIGGEST douche move onstage is...

[IronLung1986]

No I don't (in my actual voice). I enjoy most of the shows you listed but don't feel the need to emulate the dialect.

ok great? i realize there are people who have never in their life attempted a british accent. but i've heard a lot of people do it here and there to be funny, that's why i said that.

 

[Scott in Dallas]

Dick van Dyke in Mary Poppins. Worst fake Brit accent fail ever but still classic.

Ironically, it's also one of the best Australian accents in movie history.

 

[BassGuyFL]

When the guitar player literally pushes you out of the way so he can run to center stage because oh man someone might miss my solo.

 

[seang15]

Using german words like "kaputt" and "schlepp" is a bit douchy, too. But yeah, I was laughing about a pic online that had "This is a Schlachtschiff, it schlachts Schiff" written on it... makes you wonder where that words originally came from

Edit: I live in a city called "Siegburg", oh dear...

I thought "schlepp" was Yidish?

 

[seang15]

because Americans are anglophiles! i know i am. English culture is huge with a LOT of people here. doctor who, downton abbey, harry potter, top gear, gordon ramsey...literally everyone loves those things. the various British accents sound cool to us so we imitate them sometimes

They're secretly, and quietly, taking us over again...one "cheerio" at a time.

 

[Ragoo]

Fake accents in general really bother me. If you're from Queens and you're trying to sound like Johnny Cash, it won't work. Likewise, if you're american, you probably won't be able to pull off a cockney accent very well. Embrace what you sound like!

 

[SirMjac28]

Have you heard Madonna lately?

:scowl:

Man I hate when she does that and Johnny Depp slips into one every once in awhile drives me crazy

 

[SirMjac28]

ello luv!!!

 

[bkbirge]

So, what kind of record deal did you get?

LOL, the imaginary non-existent kind of course. He had hooked up with a name dropping "producer" who really wasn't and was telling us all sorts of ridiculous things to do in order to make it 'big' and who became an enabler to the lead singer's dysfunction. That was a quantum leap from d'baggery straight into music industry wannabe slimeball action. Even at age 18 or 19 I could smell that stink a mile away and left.

 

[Bill G.]

Then there's this...

 

[pklima]

Embrace what you sound like!

But not too much. Two of my singers once asked me if I can do Sean Paul lyrics in a Texas accent. They regretted it quickly and asked me to stop before I managed to finish one verse.

 

[Munjibunga]

talking to the crowd with a fake English accent.

That's right, folks. The results are in from an in-depth study/survey of doucheness levels of onstage antics.

The usual contenders, music stands, shades, various hats, long coats, no shirts, flip-flops, shorts, Hawaiian shirts, bare feet, unused guitars in stands, wearing your band's logo, empty speaker cabs, and many more ALL come up short in doucheitivity when put up against the fake English accent.

It doesn't matter what else is going on or being worn onstage; when the singer talks to the crowd in a fake English accent the needle on the douche level meter gets pegged so fast it breaks.

Hawaiian shirts?

 

[Munjibunga]

My lisr:

1. Insanely long dead time between songs

• Spewing out constant profanity in a vain attempt to sound "cool" or "edgy" (people that do this are neither, and complete idiots to boot)

• Long, wanky shred solos

• Bad, shrill tone

• Sandals

• Hawaiian shirts

• Shirtless

• Instrument down to kneecaps

• Excessive yapping between songs

• Wearing Nazi regailia, corpse paint, satanic pentagrams etc

• Smashing up instruments onstage

• Instruments plastered with stickers

HEY! What is it with you people and this "Hawaiian shirts" thing?

 

[pklima]

You do have a point. Those shirts (along with floral prints) were a terrible idea last year but they're very trendy now. If you have some, wear the hell out of them before the trend dies. It might be decades before you get another chance like this.

 

[sjeverett]

What about a Brit ditching his accent to sound "American"? Joe Elliot once said he didnt sing with an accent because rock n roll was American so he wanted to sound like one.

 

[mellowinman]

Screaming through the PA, as loud as you can, "FIRE! EVERYBODY HEAD FOR THE EXITS!!!! FIRE!!!! RUN!!!!!" and then as they smash each other into tables, doorways, and trample on each other, go, "JUST KIDDING! THERE'S NO FIRE!"

That would be the BIGGEST douche move onstage I can think of.

 

[Saxn]

Okay, I'm going to throw something out here as food for thought. I used to do quite a lot of travel for work, and often I would stop and stay in different areas of the country/world for fairly long stretches of time. After a few weeks there I inevitably acquired a taste of the local accent. After a couple of months there I sounded like a native. I remember one time after working in Louisiana visiting a bar and someone asking me if I hailed from Shreveport. He asked because of the accent I'd picked up.

This happens whether I want it to or not. I actually have to actively fight the process, and even then it doesn't stop it... It just delays it for a bit. I have a totally unproven theory that it might be related to my musical ear, but I'd want to talk to a bunch of other traveling musos about it before I said that with any confidence.

The reason I mention it is because a few people have mentioned Madonna inn relation to the 'fake accent' thing. I'm no fan, but given my personal history with accents I'm inclined to give her the benefit of the doubt considering all the time she's spent across the pond.

At any rate, I'm hoping that an "honestly acquired fake accent" at least rates a little lower on the doucheyness scale

 

[GlennW]

Hawaiian shirts?

Are you being acerbiic?

 

[carlthegroover]

talking to the crowd with a fake English accent.

That's right, folks. The results are in from an in-depth study/survey of doucheness levels of onstage antics.

The usual contenders, music stands, shades, various hats, long coats, no shirts, flip-flops, shorts, Hawaiian shirts, bare feet, unused guitars in stands, wearing your band's logo, empty speaker cabs, and many more ALL come up short in doucheitivity when put up against the fake English accent.

It doesn't matter what else is going on or being worn onstage; when the singer talks to the crowd in a fake English accent the needle on the douche level meter gets pegged so fast it breaks.

My vote is for "no shirts". What's the purpose of doing that, anyways? For the chicks (in case of a semi-naked dude onstage) to get all "warmed up" or something? Does it even work? And it reeks of a "look at me, I'm hot" attitude. Ugh. Same applies for "bare feet": what's the deal? Who wants to see ugly, stinky bare feet, anyways?

But the thing that can't be douchier is to behave in a way that does not correspond with what you're playing (an extreme example: being all "punk-ish" in a jazz gig). The subtle varieties are even douchier, because some people might not realize consciously what's wrong with the band, but they still notice.

 

[Corevalay]

talking to the crowd with a fake English accent.

That's right, folks. The results are in from an in-depth study/survey of doucheness levels of onstage antics.

The usual contenders, music stands, shades, various hats, long coats, no shirts, flip-flops, shorts, Hawaiian shirts, bare feet, unused guitars in stands, wearing your band's logo, empty speaker cabs, and many more ALL come up short in doucheitivity when put up against the fake English accent.

It doesn't matter what else is going on or being worn onstage; when the singer talks to the crowd in a fake English accent the needle on the douche level meter gets pegged so fast it breaks.

Unused guitars in stands? What exactly is douchey about me having a back up ready to go if I need it??