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What's the funniest joke you know?

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A man walks into his house with a sheep.
His wife looks up, startled.
The man says, "Here's that pig I was telling you about."
The woman says, "You idiot, that's a sheep."
The man says, "I wasn't talking to you."
 
A guy walks into his bedroom with a sheep under his arm and says "Darling, this is the pig I have sex with when you have a headache."

His girlfriend is lying in bed and replies "I think you'll find that's a sheep, you idiot."


The man says "I think you'll find I wasn't talking to you."

a farmer walks into his bedroom where his wife is sleeping with a goat under his arm. Suddenly he shouts drunkenly "this is the pig I have sex with when youre not around!"

The wife, now awake says, "honey, youre drunk and thats a goat."

The farmer replies "I wasnt talking to you":eek:

I haven't read them all, so if this was posted already..apologies in advance


A man walks into his home with a duck under his arm and says -
"This is the pig I've been screwing"
His wife says - " That's not a pig, that's a duck"
The man says - " I wasn't talking to you"


rimshot!

A man walks into his house with a sheep.
His wife looks up, startled.
The man says, "Here's that pig I was telling you about."
The woman says, "You idiot, that's a sheep."
The man says, "I wasn't talking to you."

:hiding:
 
I didnt read all 22 pages of this thread so I hope these have not been posted:

A salesman is travelling thru Georgia and keeps passing peach stands.After awhile he starts to get hungry.He comes across a stand advertising "special peaches". He pulls off the side of the road,parks and asks the owner,"Whats so special about your peaches?"The owner says,"Well,my peaches taste like a peach on one side and a pear on the other."

He hands the salesman a peach,the salesman takes a bite of one side which tastes like a peach,then turns the peach around and takes a bite from the other side.Sure enough,its tastes like a pear.The salesman is so impressed that he buys a half dozen.

A few years later the salesman is back in Georgia on another sales trip driving down the same road."I wonder if the special peach stand is still there",he wonders.Sure enough he comes across the stand.

He parks and goes up to the owner,saying,"Hey man,let me get some of those peaches that taste like a peach on one side and when you turn it around it tastes like pear on the other."The stands owner says,"Sorry,I dont have any peaches like that anymore.What I have now is peaches that taste like vagina." "Wow",the salesman says,"that I gotta try!"

The stand owner throws him one and he takes a big bite."Oh man,this thing tastes like crap!",says the salesman.

The stand owner smiles and says,"Turn it around.".........



Shorter and cleaner:
Q.How do you make a handkerchief dance?
A.Blow a little boogie in it.......
 
I was watching this comedian on TV and he's talking about how you can usually judge how much money a guy has buy how fine his woman is. He's like "you know, find a really rich dude and thier allways going to have a super fine lady hanging off of his arm". About this time he looks out into the audience and says "I gotta be honest here. I can see the recesions hit a lot of you guys real hard". Should have seen the looks on the ladies faces.
 
Here's a Friday joke for all of us observing Lent. Hope it makes you smile! :)


Irish Lent


An Irishman moves into a tiny hamlet in County Kerry, walks into the pub and promptly orders three beers. The bartender raises his eyebrows, but serves the man three beers, which he drinks quietly at a table, alone.

An hour later, the man has finished the three beers and orders three more. This happens yet again. The next evening the man again orders and drinks three beers at a time, several times. Soon the entire town is whispering about the Man Who Orders Three Beers.

Finally, a week later, the bartender broaches the subject on behalf of the town. "I don't mean to pry, but folks around here are wondering why you always order three beers?"

"Tis odd, isn't it?" the man replies. "You see, I have two brothers, and one went to America, and the other to Australia.

We promised each other that we would always order an extra two beers whenever we drank as a way of keeping up the family bond."

The bartender and the whole town were pleased with this answer, and soon the Man Who Orders Three Beers became a local celebrity and source of pride to the hamlet, even to the extent that out-of-towners would come to watch him drink.

Then, one day, the man comes in and orders only two beers. The bartender pours them with a heavy heart. This continues for the rest of the evening. He orders only two beers. The word flies around town. Prayers are offered for the soul of one of the brothers.

The next day, the bartender says to the man, "Folks around here, me first of all, want to offer condolences to you for the death of your brother. You know-the two beers and all.

The man ponders this for a moment, then replies," You'll be happy to hear that my two brothers are alive and well. It’s just that I, meself, have decided to give up drinking for Lent."
 
I decided to take my 92 year old grandfather to the mall. as we're in the food court getting lunch, i notice him staring at this kid with a mohawk that is colored every color under the rainbow.

the kid noticed my grandfathers stare, turned to him and said "whats the matter old man? haven't you ever done anything crazy before?"


my grandfather promptly replied "no, actually i got drunk once and f***** a peacock and i was trying to figure out if you were my son."

Groan....that one is awful!

I'll give up one:


A well-dressed business man checks into a hotel and asks the clerk "I assume the porn channel in my room is disabled?"

The hotel clerk looks at him a minute and says:


"No sir, we only have regular porn here you sick bastard"

:D My favourite one...

A cop pulls a man over.

The man rolls down the window and the cop says "Sir, do you know your wife fell out a mile back?"

The man says "Well thank God, I thought I went deaf"

Hey! Being deaf isn't funny!

How can you tell if your wife is dead?

The sex is the same but the dishes pile up.

You're asking for an infraction...

In recent memory this comes from a Philosophy Professor

What do you call 7 feminist in a basement ?


A Wine Cellar ! I myself a not sexist, I am just relaying the last joke I heard.

:D
 
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