Am I wrong?

[micguy]

If the other members of the band are going to an open mic night to jam, you have nothing to beef about. If they go and represent themselves as your band to the audience - use the name, etc., then it's a different story.

 

[themickster]

Hi all.

Long story short, I was in a classic rock cover band. I had to travel out of town for 5 days and I let them know way ahead of time. While I'm out of town, they scheduled to play at an open mic bar the same day I was returning. I asked if they expected me to go straight from the airport to the bar because it would be nearly impossible.

BL answer was that they would use any bassist that might show up or simply play without bass. I took offense because my expectation was that, we could do two rehearsals when I came back and then go at full strength the following Monday. Booking is not an issue because it's an open bar and you just show up, basically.

There were a few things bothering me (Lead guitar and singer are married and would argue constantly and they would insist on me rehearsing 2 times a week when I made clear from the beginning I could do one)

Am I wrong?

Always arguing and giving little thought to their bandmates? I wouldn't stick with it for long. They can be even more destructive at any time.

 

[Al Rivera]

I handle my business like this;I tell my bands when I'm available.If they want to do a show when I'm not available,well then its their problem. This is how I'm able to play with 4 bands,don't let anyone take you for granted and know your worth.

 

[sean_on_bass]

I wouldnt be too concerned if they want to do an open mic without me. Playing as a full band at an open mic is a pain in the ass anyways. Now the rest of it i wouldn't care for. I find it incredibly awkward rehearsing with bickering couples. I'd bail on that alone.

 

[LAST_C]

I wouldnt be too concerned if they want to do an open mic without me. Playing as a full band at an open mic is a pain in the ass anyways. Now the rest of it i wouldn't care for. I find it incredibly awkward rehearsing with bickering couples. I'd bail on that alone.

That's a lesson learned. I will never join another band with couples in it.

 

[GBassNorth]

From the bands perspective it’s a great way to audition new bass players (assuming some show up to the open mic). From your perspective, quitting is a good option. Who needs the added band drama of a married (or significant other) couple in the band. Find a band that’s serious about performing for pay, practices at realistic intervals and doesn’t have bickering couples to deal with.

 

[gln1955]

I don't see what they do at an open mic as a big deal.

But, with twice a week rehearsals where the couple is arguing about everything, I wouldn't need another excuse to bail.

 

[JeezyMcNuggles]

The material is not difficult, but I had to learn some 25 to 30 songs, some I've never heard before, because I never played classic rock until I joined them.

They're not a duo. The band has a lead guitar/singer, rhythm guitar, keyboards and a female singer (the wife)

I guess they crave the attention of something, that I don't know.

I might be approaching it the wrong way. That's the purpose of the thread, to discuss and see things from another perspective.

I was available the following Monday. I'm very flexible and always found ways to fulfill my obligations. I just don't see the benefit of playing without your bassist. What is there to gain?

It's an open mic. They don't seem to care that there's no bass. I wouldn't be concerned that they decided to play it without you. Doesn't seem important enough to get upset about. You don't want to play it that day anyway.

Line up a show the following week, like you planned, and forget about it.

 

[Marko 1]

Is it possible they'll find out how awful their band sounds without proper bass?

That might be a good thing.

 

[Neil Folkard]

That's a lesson learned. I will never join another band with couples in it.

Given what happened to you, I get it. But I'm in two bands with my girlfriend/singer, that have been together over five years, and there is no bickering and they both function just fine. As with anything, it depends on the personalities involved.

 

[Marko 1]

Given what happened to you, I get it. But I'm in two bands with my girlfriend/singer, that have been together over five years, and there is no bickering and they both function just fine. As with anything, it depends on the personalities involved.

The view from your side doesn't negate the point.

 

[Neil Folkard]

The view from your side doesn't negate the point.

It's not intended to 'negate his point', it's intended to illustrate that not all bands with couples in them are bad news. The OP can, or anyone else, can do with that information as they will. If other people have had bad experiences and don't want to risk another, they are free to avoid such line-ups.

 

[jerry]

It's not intended to 'negate his point', it's intended to illustrate that not all bands with couples in them are bad news. The OP can, or anyone else, can do with that information as they will. If other people have had bad experiences and don't want to risk another, they are free to avoid such line-ups.

I've been gigging a long time so I've been involved in more than a few bands with spouses, the ratio is no different that of the usual band infighting. It can work or it can't work, no more or no less than usual band issues.

 

[Egg250]

I get were you're coming from but, what's the rush? why can't they wait one more week? Why would you go play without a bassist, or maybe one that doesn't know the songs and make a fool out of yourself?

If it was a paid gig, then its fine by me if you get another bassist to cover for me. I wouldn't want them to loose money because of me of an opportunity to get a steady gig. But, for an open mic? why can't you just wait a week?

Reading your responses, I'm confused. You're ok with playing an open mic for free and take offense that your bandmates would do one without you, a bass or just pluck someone from the crowd. You're also ok with them booking a paid show without you and using a sub. Mixed message.

Unless you guys had an understanding the band was an exclusive thing (no engagements/bookings outside of the band), I'd say you are being a bit unreasonable. It's just an open mic. If the band booked a paid gig, knowing you wouldn't be able to make it, it'd be time for a conversation. That's just me, though.

 

[ashtray]

I played bass in a band that was with a husband and wife as BL and guitarists/singers. They worked together too. And had young kids. Which meant the band had young kids. Individually, I got along with each person really well. And in the best of times, practices were a lot of fun. But man, on the off days where they had a disagreement about something in their personal life, you could cut the tension with a knife in the practice space. And if they started going at each other during practice, you just wanted to be anywhere besides there. They really didn’t argue often - but even one time is one time too much.

 

[Bullitt5135]

When I first started playing in cover bands 10+ years ago the drummer was all about playing open mics because, in his words, "that's how we get gigs." I spent a lot of weeknights driving all over creation, sitting around for hours, and playing a couple of songs for a handful of lame wanna-be's like us. Not once did it lead to a proper gig. I'd say if there was a venue close by that would let you play 5-6 songs...it could be good practice for an inexperienced band looking to get some stage time, or for a fledgling band to see if all of the members can walk the walk. If that's the case with your band, then why would they want to show up with only some of the band?

Too many red flags here. I think you did the right thing by bailing out. Remember, every time you say NO to a bad situation, you are opening the door to a better opportunity.

 

[MrLenny1]

I second what two fingers said about married couples or SO in a band.
IME it was nothing but trouble. Went thru it 3 times. Beware.
Good luck with the band.

 

[Chickenwheels]

If there's one thing I've learned in 35+ years of doing live music it's this. Never, EVER, work with a band that has a COUPLE as band leaders. Never again. No, thank you.

I'm not even going to work with a band if the BL's SO has ANYTHING to do with the band. Nope.

All that said, I'm confused. Have you never played much classic rock? Something doesn't add up. You took weeks to get up to speed on the material. But they're just going to grab a guy from the audience to do the same stuff?

I best gig, musically and financially, is working for a couple for the past 10 years. Incredibly rare situation.

 

[LBS-bass]

1) an open mic is not a gig. It's an open opportunity for anyone to play in front of others if they want to.
2) a band that has no actual gigs on the books does not need to rehearse weekly. Never mind twice a week.
3) there's no reason your bandmates can't find someone in the audience who will know three to five songs that are on your setlist already; that's about how many songs you'll get at an open mic.
4) there's no reason you can't come out and do the fun thing with them the following week.
5) you're taking an open mic way too seriously

 

[LBS-bass]

I second what two fingers said about married couples or SO in a band.
IME it was nothing but trouble. Went thru it 3 times. Beware.
Good luck with the band.

Been there, done it, and also been 1/2 of the couple. Not every couple is the Bickersons, nor are they always joined at the hip as a voting bloc. Maturity counts for a lot and each situation should be judged on its own merit. I abhor these stereotypes.