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Am I wrong?
- Thread starter LAST_C
- Start date
in these matters: everyone gets to choose the hill(s) upon which they are willing to die.
choose wisely, good luck! 
There's a lot missing in your story. How long have y'all been together? Have y'all played any paying gigs?
I was in the band for a couple months. No gigs. We saw an open mic as an opportunity to play together in front of an audience and "maybe" get some gig opportunities. The owner of the open mic bar has other bars that have paid gigs.
Thank you all for the replies. It's been interesting to read your opinions and different perspectives.
To clarify something, some of you think I quit the band ONLY because of the open mic. There were other factors as I said in the original post.
Also, my issue is, just to be clear, that if its a "meaningless" open mic, then why would you go without your bassist? Maybe I'm old school, but that makes zero sense to me. My suggestion, which they didn't like, was: Lets put one or two more rehearsals and go with the full band. As I told the BL, would you like for me to take your husband (lead guitar/singer) and the drummer to the open mic without you? She sing the songs originally sang by women so technically, we didn't need her. I got no answer to that from her.
In the end, this is water under the bridge. I have no hard feelings. We just have different perspectives of how a band should be ran. That's all. This is just an open discussion of how musicians approach being in a band and I've learned a lot from you.
To clarify something, some of you think I quit the band ONLY because of the open mic. There were other factors as I said in the original post.
Also, my issue is, just to be clear, that if its a "meaningless" open mic, then why would you go without your bassist? Maybe I'm old school, but that makes zero sense to me. My suggestion, which they didn't like, was: Lets put one or two more rehearsals and go with the full band. As I told the BL, would you like for me to take your husband (lead guitar/singer) and the drummer to the open mic without you? She sing the songs originally sang by women so technically, we didn't need her. I got no answer to that from her.
In the end, this is water under the bridge. I have no hard feelings. We just have different perspectives of how a band should be ran. That's all. This is just an open discussion of how musicians approach being in a band and I've learned a lot from you.
I think there's one thing that most all of the people replying here seem to be missing, or at least they're glossing over it.
Band.
B-A-N-D.
BAND.
Unless there was a different, specific agreement from the start between you and your bandmates regarding situations like this one, or simply anything that might require substitutes, then it is my understanding that a band is a cohesive unit that cannot function if it's missing any of its elements. At least that's how it should be and how it's always done in any of my bands. Communication is the key, and if anyone can't make it at a given date then it's a no-go regardless of the scope, caliber, pay, record sales, merch sales or promises of other opportunities, everlasting fame and fortune, future inclusions into different Halls of Fame, etc.
So the question is... are they going to the free open mic event as the band that you're involved in and billing themselves as such?
If yes, then you have every single right to be angry. This kind of thing seems really ignorant on their part regarding you as a person and your function in the band.
I'd give them a stern talking to and berate them to hell and back in proper Karen-like fashion, and if they don't like it, I'd get outta there as fast as possible.
You posted as I was writing my comment, so I just wanted to say that I'm glad you're outta there. Good luck in your future endeavors.
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Yes, you are right to be offended. Your band mates are prioritizing an open mic night over your trip.
It also sounds like the real issue is a husband/wife thing and has nothing to do with you.
I'd quit now
It also sounds like the real issue is a husband/wife thing and has nothing to do with you.
I'd quit now
In general, this is the reason I hate being in bands - all it takes is a fighting couple or a person who invests their whole identity into their role in "the band" to turn the business of playing/creating music into a toxic slurry of personal drama and adolescent fantasy.
I vastly prefer collaborations because they come with a scope and a shelf life baked in.
I vastly prefer collaborations because they come with a scope and a shelf life baked in.
No, you are not wrong.
Always set your own rules and if you need to change, then you choose to change, but never allow someone to dominate you or control what you do and how you do it. Never.
Do what pleases you and brings you pleasure and enjoyment. Induced stress is verboten!
I play in multiple projects, and have had one occasion where a guitarist got snippy at me about it. But here's my line in the sand: no band has any claim on what I do with my time apart from what I do with that band. If I show up prepared to rehearsals and gigs, then it's none of their concern if I have enough time to play with others too, any more than if I run a chess club or go fishing or whatever else.
So in this open mic situation, I don't see that the OP has any claim on what the other band members do when he's not available. If they want to play, they can go play, with whoever they want. If they want to hit up an open mic, they can go hit up an open mic. It's their time, not his. So on that, yeah, I think he's wrong.
As far as other things in the OP (and yes I saw, he already quit) - I've never been in a band with a couple, so I can't comment. I'd probably do that case-by-case. I hear lots of stories of dysfunction and drama, but then lots of bands have dysfunction and drama. As far as twice-a-week rehearsal, for a classic rock cover band that's overkill. If you're trying to write originals, put out an album, go on a tour and conquer the world, OK. In a startup cover band, though, I'd say you work up a handful of songs a week, rehearse once a week over a couple of months, and after two or three months start booking some gigs.
An open mic can be a good opportunity to try the band out live, maybe get some video of yourselves playing to show to potential venues, that kind of thing. Some venues use their open mics as auditions, but I think more often managers you're trying to book with TELL you they do that so they can sell a few more beers on open mic night. Even if a band is using an open mic night that way, it's no reason to tell your bandmates NOT to go. Nobody cares about your "brand."
So in this open mic situation, I don't see that the OP has any claim on what the other band members do when he's not available. If they want to play, they can go play, with whoever they want. If they want to hit up an open mic, they can go hit up an open mic. It's their time, not his. So on that, yeah, I think he's wrong.
As far as other things in the OP (and yes I saw, he already quit) - I've never been in a band with a couple, so I can't comment. I'd probably do that case-by-case. I hear lots of stories of dysfunction and drama, but then lots of bands have dysfunction and drama. As far as twice-a-week rehearsal, for a classic rock cover band that's overkill. If you're trying to write originals, put out an album, go on a tour and conquer the world, OK. In a startup cover band, though, I'd say you work up a handful of songs a week, rehearse once a week over a couple of months, and after two or three months start booking some gigs.
An open mic can be a good opportunity to try the band out live, maybe get some video of yourselves playing to show to potential venues, that kind of thing. Some venues use their open mics as auditions, but I think more often managers you're trying to book with TELL you they do that so they can sell a few more beers on open mic night. Even if a band is using an open mic night that way, it's no reason to tell your bandmates NOT to go. Nobody cares about your "brand."
Sometimes people get protective of their turf. The drummer in the band I play in is a GREAT drummer. BUT. He's sensitive to anyone playing in his spot, and we have cancelled gigs because he didn't want anyone playing in his place. Insecurity issues? If he can't play, he will only allow us to play without him.
As for the OP's issue, I say forget it. Open mics suck anyway. And who prepares 3 SETS of songs for and "OPEN" mic, where anyone will switch-out among the players, and songs are agreed-to on an impromptu basis?
Nothing says you can't re-assemble for the next open mic night... you've got 3 sets to choose from right?
Open mics are like karaoke for instrumentalists. Waste of time and gas money, IMO .
Yeah, I’m with you, I’d be miffed. But ultimately, it’s small potatoes, while still a concern to watch for with the lacking perspective on their part. Maybe this is just a one off bad judgment on their part. But this is good information for you to know in case it becomes a trend.
And I would not be racing from the airport to make the “gig”. <<insert horror story here>>
One hopes the band finds they are worse off without you, and say so after this experiment.
This year, I joined an existing but not gigging trio. My bass playing and experience I think enhanced the band sound, but clearly would not solve the basic problems they had, so I left. Not my circus, not my monkeys.
And I would not be racing from the airport to make the “gig”. <<insert horror story here>>
One hopes the band finds they are worse off without you, and say so after this experiment.
This year, I joined an existing but not gigging trio. My bass playing and experience I think enhanced the band sound, but clearly would not solve the basic problems they had, so I left. Not my circus, not my monkeys.
I was going to say exactly this. Never play with anyone who lets their SO interfere whatsoever in band business. Even my day job is curse with couples at this point. It was made people leave good-paying longterm jobs to get away from it.
I think some people here are not really understanding what an open mic is or how they're typically handled, because it's hard for me to fathom why anyone would be upset over this.
They're usually small events where there is a single person hosting. That person will set up a PA system and two or three mics, (if needed) but there usually aren't great accommodations for a bassist.
Most of the open mics I've done with a bass I was plugged straight into the board, or into a DI. They don't generally work very well when a full band is trying to perform.
They are primarily a means for musicians to hone their stage chops and get comfortable playing in front of an audience. They are not "gigs" but rather weekly open sessions that anyone is welcome to attend. I have frequently declined invitations to join them around here because I'd feel like I'm hogging stage time from someone who needs it more, and I get plenty of playing time.
It is absolutely common for guitarists who play together to show up and play three or four songs without a full band. Unless there is a hosting band with drums and bass, that's usually what you see.
If the OPs friends needed the experience, there's no reason to not do this, whether the OP was available or not. It has nothing to do with the OP and everything to do with the other people wanting to have some fun and gain some experience. More than once, when I was young, I went to open mics with two guitarists. No bass, but I sang. You keep it easy for the host.
An open mic is generally a weekly event, so he would always have the opportunity to go back a week later. It's no big deal. The whole thing is a very casual arrangement. You all sign up on a sign-in sheet and wait your turn.
They usually won't assign people to play together at random. That's a jam. For open mic usually people know who they're going to play with and everyone goes up as a group. But if a bassist is needed, it's likely they can be recruited to help, as long as there's one there and the bass itself can be accommodated, gear-wise.
Because the OP is taking this as seriously as a gig, I'm guessing this might be a new experience for him. The others who went likely knew what they're going to encounter, and they know it's no big deal.
They're usually small events where there is a single person hosting. That person will set up a PA system and two or three mics, (if needed) but there usually aren't great accommodations for a bassist.
Most of the open mics I've done with a bass I was plugged straight into the board, or into a DI. They don't generally work very well when a full band is trying to perform.
They are primarily a means for musicians to hone their stage chops and get comfortable playing in front of an audience. They are not "gigs" but rather weekly open sessions that anyone is welcome to attend. I have frequently declined invitations to join them around here because I'd feel like I'm hogging stage time from someone who needs it more, and I get plenty of playing time.
It is absolutely common for guitarists who play together to show up and play three or four songs without a full band. Unless there is a hosting band with drums and bass, that's usually what you see.
If the OPs friends needed the experience, there's no reason to not do this, whether the OP was available or not. It has nothing to do with the OP and everything to do with the other people wanting to have some fun and gain some experience. More than once, when I was young, I went to open mics with two guitarists. No bass, but I sang. You keep it easy for the host.
An open mic is generally a weekly event, so he would always have the opportunity to go back a week later. It's no big deal. The whole thing is a very casual arrangement. You all sign up on a sign-in sheet and wait your turn.
They usually won't assign people to play together at random. That's a jam. For open mic usually people know who they're going to play with and everyone goes up as a group. But if a bassist is needed, it's likely they can be recruited to help, as long as there's one there and the bass itself can be accommodated, gear-wise.
Because the OP is taking this as seriously as a gig, I'm guessing this might be a new experience for him. The others who went likely knew what they're going to encounter, and they know it's no big deal.
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What I have always enjoyed as a bassist is that EVERYBODY in a multitude of genre's needs a bassist.
Never hang on to one thing and expect anything different. Spread your skills around.
I played a bunch of different lineups, rock, jazz, big band, klemzer, pop,trad jazz, ccm, piano trios, quintet, multiple settings, accordions...
If you don't know how to read, or you're out of practice with reading bone up on that it really helps especially when you're working with off manuscripts.
If you can't find a variety of musical styles out there to help out with, you're either living in a one horse town or you have limited yourself, and when you limit yourself frustration follows closely behind.
Never hang on to one thing and expect anything different. Spread your skills around.
I played a bunch of different lineups, rock, jazz, big band, klemzer, pop,trad jazz, ccm, piano trios, quintet, multiple settings, accordions...
If you don't know how to read, or you're out of practice with reading bone up on that it really helps especially when you're working with off manuscripts.
If you can't find a variety of musical styles out there to help out with, you're either living in a one horse town or you have limited yourself, and when you limit yourself frustration follows closely behind.
