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Dumb CL Ad's pt 5, Dumbester and Dumberest
- Thread starter Thor
- Start date
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- Tags
- band craigslist metal
From the local equivalent of CG:
Invalid Link Removed
(Translation):
Specifications:
Instrument: Bassguitar
Condition: used
Veelplaatser: Nee
Description
Bassist was Van de Velde Willy. Played in the Group John Wooley and Just Born. Band from Aalst, known in the years 1970_72, with case etc.
You can snag it up for the mere price of 10 000 €...
Invalid Link Removed
(Translation):
Specifications:
Instrument: Bassguitar
Condition: used
Veelplaatser: Nee
Description
Bassist was Van de Velde Willy. Played in the Group John Wooley and Just Born. Band from Aalst, known in the years 1970_72, with case etc.
You can snag it up for the mere price of 10 000 €...
How about drumb and drumber?
drumb set for sale - $375 (riverside ca)
[Invalid or Expired Link Removed]
this area is frequently referred to as "the inbred empire"
just sayin'
drumb set for sale - $375 (riverside ca)
[Invalid or Expired Link Removed]
this area is frequently referred to as "the inbred empire"
just sayin'
More nuggets from the IE: these folks are dead serious.
The Panty Wetters band:
we need bass who can sing, preferably black or just an r and b voice, and sax/flautist/trumpeteer, and a drummer
We are starting up a new idea that will take over the county ! why do people go out to clubs, wedding receptions, swinger clubs and bars? to get laid! so why is no one playing erotic sex music that gets the ladies in the mood?Its all lame booty dance music that gets the girls dancing but not horny and lovey dovey like we want them, theyre relying too much on alcohol to do the job for them. You need to get them in the mood with music because nothing is more powerful than music! even alcohol! so thats our idea. We want to play weddings, bars, nudist resorts, and clubs but most importantly get to be a regular at the swing clubs : FREEDOM ACRES in fontana, and club JOI in LA ,etc.... not to mention other fetish clubs and stuff. we currently have a badass sexy playing lead guitarist(33 M), who can sing leads and mimic styles, , an indonesian female vocalist (cute and sexy with a smooth soft angelic voice 25F) and a keyboardist who can play any style and play violin and viola as well(28M).Just cuz we swing Doesnt mean were easy tho
, will also be writing our own music for the band as well thats sensual. We will also be doing requests since were all AAA musicians and know extensive theory and improv(just need the internet for the chords and lyrics). Imagine a hot girl who can sing from the audience come up and get the crowd going who requests her own songs. Imagine a band that plays slow dance songs at a reasonable volume so you can actually talk and meet people without yelling and all the awkwardness of approaching them ) And will also incorporate audience jamming for people who are preapproved to keep it crowd friendly and interesting. our female lead vocalist has the charisma and looks to make the band a success and shes a swinger and nudist just like me! if you are interested we are mainly seeking A Bassist / male r and b vocalist, and a Sax/ flute player: one man who can do both, and hopefully double on acoustic guitar or vox or keys as well. We all play eachothers' instruments so we may be switching around often as well.If this makes you sexcited hit us up! there wont be any band around like this guaranteed! and the success is definetely gona be there. you dont have to be ken or barbie but should look the part as all of us do. also if the above isnt doing it for you then just imagine how much sex you will get from this(not from us but the ladies in the audience) ! PROS ONLY . must be able to read charts and improv at the last minute as well as have pro gear and transportation aka gas money! younger the better but not descriminating , if youre attractive then much better. but if youre ugly and ur amazing w a good attitude like us then no problem . were all about avg looking except for the female singer who gets a lot of attention.hehe
Attire will likely be something classy and flashy or just play nude or chili peppers sock on the cock style. gotta stay legal afterall
The Panty Wetters playlist
We need 4 45 min sets to get min 100$ per man
Nobody Keith sweat R and b sex jams
Sweat( a la la la la long) Bad to the bone --inner circle reggae
What you wont do for love Bobby Caldwell smooth jazz groove music
Take my breath away Berlin 80s new wave
Black Star Yngwie Malmsteen neo classical sex 80s metal instrumental
This is my normal State ambient chill/space rock number 3, or imprint, or both female voice
Desert Rose Sting smooth jazz
Freak Me (let me lick you up and down) Silk r and b sex jams
Skin Sade Sade smooth jazz
Cherry Pie SADE smooth jazz
Your love is king Sade smooth jazz
Bad Touch Bloodhound gang techno (you and me baby aint nothin but mammals)
Never gona give you up barry fukin white 70s porno music
Im gona love just a little more barry fukin white aka "CHEF " sexy 70s porno music
Low Down Boz Scaggs groovy sex jams 70s
Lady in red Chris Deburgh perfect romantic slow dancesong
Touch my body Mariah carey groovy sex jam r and b
Fooled around and fell in love elvin bishop sexy love rock 60s
Contagious Isley brothers slow jam sexy poopie
Hello Lionel Ritchie sensual stalker music slow jam slow dance
Dick in a box the lonely island smooth jazz sex r and b humorous
Motherlover lonely island technoish r and b love jams humorous
3 way(the golden rule) the lonely island r and b sex jams pop humorous
My all Mariah carey slow dance sensual emotional love song
Lets get it on marvin gaye r and b old skool
Mercy mercy me sexy r and b old skool
Mmx(the social song) franz zimmer type enigma New Age shag me now music
Duran Duran Come undone shag me now sensual new wave music
Gladiator hanz zimmer new age same as the mmx song style
You give me something james Morrison romantic groovy love song retro
Get Lucky ross' remix version or play the real thing and later in the night put his on the pa
Get Down tonight kc and the sunshine band
Return to Innocence enigma new age erotic beat and groove similar to come undone duran duran
Atlantic Keanne erotic groove , space new wave rock brittish sound
I wana shag you like an animal (closer) NIN industrial blatant sex music danceable
Keep on dancing gwen Stefani sexy dance song retro funk
Crazy Bitch Buckcherry funny sexy song hard rock for those pyscho aggressive sex bitches
Jupiter love trey r and b sex jams
Gotta Go trey r and b sex jams
Neigbors know my name trey r and b sex jams
Cant help but wait trey r and be sex jams
Body is wonderland john mayer sex lyrics acoustic pop lounge girl pleaser (if you don't believe me watch the youtube vid ! they will all sing along! ) country ish
Slow dancing in a burning room john mayer slow dance girl pleaser romantic sexy guitar
Crash Dave matthews song about losing virginity acoustic rock country crowd, girly poopie
Red light special tlc 90s pop slow dancy r and b
The Panty Wetters band:
we need bass who can sing, preferably black or just an r and b voice, and sax/flautist/trumpeteer, and a drummer
We are starting up a new idea that will take over the county ! why do people go out to clubs, wedding receptions, swinger clubs and bars? to get laid! so why is no one playing erotic sex music that gets the ladies in the mood?Its all lame booty dance music that gets the girls dancing but not horny and lovey dovey like we want them, theyre relying too much on alcohol to do the job for them. You need to get them in the mood with music because nothing is more powerful than music! even alcohol! so thats our idea. We want to play weddings, bars, nudist resorts, and clubs but most importantly get to be a regular at the swing clubs : FREEDOM ACRES in fontana, and club JOI in LA ,etc.... not to mention other fetish clubs and stuff. we currently have a badass sexy playing lead guitarist(33 M), who can sing leads and mimic styles, , an indonesian female vocalist (cute and sexy with a smooth soft angelic voice 25F) and a keyboardist who can play any style and play violin and viola as well(28M).Just cuz we swing Doesnt mean were easy tho
, will also be writing our own music for the band as well thats sensual. We will also be doing requests since were all AAA musicians and know extensive theory and improv(just need the internet for the chords and lyrics). Imagine a hot girl who can sing from the audience come up and get the crowd going who requests her own songs. Imagine a band that plays slow dance songs at a reasonable volume so you can actually talk and meet people without yelling and all the awkwardness of approaching them ) And will also incorporate audience jamming for people who are preapproved to keep it crowd friendly and interesting. our female lead vocalist has the charisma and looks to make the band a success and shes a swinger and nudist just like me! if you are interested we are mainly seeking A Bassist / male r and b vocalist, and a Sax/ flute player: one man who can do both, and hopefully double on acoustic guitar or vox or keys as well. We all play eachothers' instruments so we may be switching around often as well.If this makes you sexcited hit us up! there wont be any band around like this guaranteed! and the success is definetely gona be there. you dont have to be ken or barbie but should look the part as all of us do. also if the above isnt doing it for you then just imagine how much sex you will get from this(not from us but the ladies in the audience) ! PROS ONLY . must be able to read charts and improv at the last minute as well as have pro gear and transportation aka gas money! younger the better but not descriminating , if youre attractive then much better. but if youre ugly and ur amazing w a good attitude like us then no problem . were all about avg looking except for the female singer who gets a lot of attention.heheAttire will likely be something classy and flashy or just play nude or chili peppers sock on the cock style. gotta stay legal afterall
The Panty Wetters playlist
We need 4 45 min sets to get min 100$ per man
Nobody Keith sweat R and b sex jams
Sweat( a la la la la long) Bad to the bone --inner circle reggae
What you wont do for love Bobby Caldwell smooth jazz groove music
Take my breath away Berlin 80s new wave
Black Star Yngwie Malmsteen neo classical sex 80s metal instrumental
This is my normal State ambient chill/space rock number 3, or imprint, or both female voice
Desert Rose Sting smooth jazz
Freak Me (let me lick you up and down) Silk r and b sex jams
Skin Sade Sade smooth jazz
Cherry Pie SADE smooth jazz
Your love is king Sade smooth jazz
Bad Touch Bloodhound gang techno (you and me baby aint nothin but mammals)
Never gona give you up barry fukin white 70s porno music
Im gona love just a little more barry fukin white aka "CHEF " sexy 70s porno music
Low Down Boz Scaggs groovy sex jams 70s
Lady in red Chris Deburgh perfect romantic slow dancesong
Touch my body Mariah carey groovy sex jam r and b
Fooled around and fell in love elvin bishop sexy love rock 60s
Contagious Isley brothers slow jam sexy poopie
Hello Lionel Ritchie sensual stalker music slow jam slow dance
Dick in a box the lonely island smooth jazz sex r and b humorous
Motherlover lonely island technoish r and b love jams humorous
3 way(the golden rule) the lonely island r and b sex jams pop humorous
My all Mariah carey slow dance sensual emotional love song
Lets get it on marvin gaye r and b old skool
Mercy mercy me sexy r and b old skool
Mmx(the social song) franz zimmer type enigma New Age shag me now music
Duran Duran Come undone shag me now sensual new wave music
Gladiator hanz zimmer new age same as the mmx song style
You give me something james Morrison romantic groovy love song retro
Get Lucky ross' remix version or play the real thing and later in the night put his on the pa
Get Down tonight kc and the sunshine band
Return to Innocence enigma new age erotic beat and groove similar to come undone duran duran
Atlantic Keanne erotic groove , space new wave rock brittish sound
I wana shag you like an animal (closer) NIN industrial blatant sex music danceable
Keep on dancing gwen Stefani sexy dance song retro funk
Crazy Bitch Buckcherry funny sexy song hard rock for those pyscho aggressive sex bitches
Jupiter love trey r and b sex jams
Gotta Go trey r and b sex jams
Neigbors know my name trey r and b sex jams
Cant help but wait trey r and be sex jams
Body is wonderland john mayer sex lyrics acoustic pop lounge girl pleaser (if you don't believe me watch the youtube vid ! they will all sing along! ) country ish
Slow dancing in a burning room john mayer slow dance girl pleaser romantic sexy guitar
Crash Dave matthews song about losing virginity acoustic rock country crowd, girly poopie
Red light special tlc 90s pop slow dancy r and b
It astounds me how difficult it is for people to articulate some simple ideas through the written word. I'm still trying to figure out in what context the author was using the word "notacious."
http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Notacious
The sad (or lulz-y?) thing about this ad is that someone probably spent an hour and a half typing it out. I thought it was going to be one of those ironic, we-don't-take-ourselves-too-seriously type of ads; but as I read more of it, it sounds like they're serious.
I, for one, am sexcited.
At least they spelled 'flautist' correctly...can't compliment the rest of that mess either for spelling or grammar...or general readability for that matter.
I might try to read it all (and even make sense of it) it one sitting for $100, otherwise...noway!
I might try to read it all (and even make sense of it) it one sitting for $100, otherwise...noway!
This is so good, it needs to be posted on TB!!!
I'm a bass player looking for a band. Under no circumstances should this band have any actual ambitions of playing bars, festivals, parties or weddings. The perfect band will be content to sit around the rehearsal studio playing lame prog-rock originals (or even better: thrash metal originals) that nobody actually wants to hear. Bonus points if we smoke pot and get drunk every rehearsal and sometimes forget to actually play our instruments.
If we do happen to play a gig, we should never accept money for it. Money just corrupts the art.
This band must include at least one guitarist who is convinced that all bass players are frustrated guitarists and will regularly insult both my intelligence and my playing. A really great example of this will make regular attempts to teach me how to play boogaloo patterns, major scales and minor arpeggios while questioning my dedication to my instrument. Also, regular snide comments on the professional quality equipment that I use would be just super.
A whiny keyboard player would help a lot as well. I'd prefer someone who is convinced that he is the only real musician in the band in any case, so it doesn't actually matter if he plays over my part badly. I won't mind, I'm just here to be insulted and abused in any case.
If the "singer" could round things out be being completely off key and out of time so he or she can tell me all about how wrong what I'm playing is that would be swell. Under no circumstances should he or she be a better singer than I am. That would just suck.
For the songlist we must avoid any songs that an audience might actually like to hear. Certainly nothing with a dance groove or regular radio airplay should be considered. Obscure, twenty minute tunes by obscure prog or metal bands would work. Or poorly written originals might be okay. Certainly less popular songs by artists from the sixties and seventies could be made to fit. If we are doing covers, the majority of the forty or so songs we play should be by two artists at most, preferably someone only the guitar player has heard of before.
All bass parts must be either quarter note roots (or sixteenth note roots for metal) and change no more often than every eight measures. Ideally, the bass line should be indistinguishable from the bass drum. Syncopation should be expressly forbidden.
Rehearsals should be randomly scheduled, poorly run and as unproductive as possible (see above about pot and drinking). Going through the same four songs for an entire hour and a half would be just awesome, especially if we do those same four songs the next rehearsal and the one after that. The other songs don't actually matter, we'll work them out at the (non-existent) gigs.
Does this sound like you, please, contact me immediately. My life is nowhere near miserable enough.
I'm a bass player looking for a band. Under no circumstances should this band have any actual ambitions of playing bars, festivals, parties or weddings. The perfect band will be content to sit around the rehearsal studio playing lame prog-rock originals (or even better: thrash metal originals) that nobody actually wants to hear. Bonus points if we smoke pot and get drunk every rehearsal and sometimes forget to actually play our instruments.
If we do happen to play a gig, we should never accept money for it. Money just corrupts the art.
This band must include at least one guitarist who is convinced that all bass players are frustrated guitarists and will regularly insult both my intelligence and my playing. A really great example of this will make regular attempts to teach me how to play boogaloo patterns, major scales and minor arpeggios while questioning my dedication to my instrument. Also, regular snide comments on the professional quality equipment that I use would be just super.
A whiny keyboard player would help a lot as well. I'd prefer someone who is convinced that he is the only real musician in the band in any case, so it doesn't actually matter if he plays over my part badly. I won't mind, I'm just here to be insulted and abused in any case.
If the "singer" could round things out be being completely off key and out of time so he or she can tell me all about how wrong what I'm playing is that would be swell. Under no circumstances should he or she be a better singer than I am. That would just suck.
For the songlist we must avoid any songs that an audience might actually like to hear. Certainly nothing with a dance groove or regular radio airplay should be considered. Obscure, twenty minute tunes by obscure prog or metal bands would work. Or poorly written originals might be okay. Certainly less popular songs by artists from the sixties and seventies could be made to fit. If we are doing covers, the majority of the forty or so songs we play should be by two artists at most, preferably someone only the guitar player has heard of before.
All bass parts must be either quarter note roots (or sixteenth note roots for metal) and change no more often than every eight measures. Ideally, the bass line should be indistinguishable from the bass drum. Syncopation should be expressly forbidden.
Rehearsals should be randomly scheduled, poorly run and as unproductive as possible (see above about pot and drinking). Going through the same four songs for an entire hour and a half would be just awesome, especially if we do those same four songs the next rehearsal and the one after that. The other songs don't actually matter, we'll work them out at the (non-existent) gigs.
Does this sound like you, please, contact me immediately. My life is nowhere near miserable enough.
Along similar lines...
Bassist looking for band (Richmond)
[Invalid or Expired Link Removed]
Greetings. I'm a highly experienced, self-loathing bassist looking to punish myself by joining a band. The genre would be irrelevant so long as it's something that brings me shame like Coldplay anthems or Top 40 from the 80s. My commitment to attending rehearsals regularly and timely is unwavering and I expect the rest of you to either show up late or not at all. In the event more than half attend, I insist our discussions are of lavatory conquests, utopian societies and gay marriage. If we do happen to play, I look forward to the guitarist being oblivious to intonation, the drummer a hopeless ADD case and the singer absent with another car breakdown. Oh, and if somebody could show me how to play my parts that would be spiffy.
I have pro gear that I'm happy to loan you for gigs in other bands so long as you pinky promise and borrow toll money. If you need me to fill-in on any of those dates, I'm happy to drop everything and oblige so long as I have at least one hour notice and the lead singer is a radical, philogynist female. I'm not picky about space so if you need me to stand side-stage or in the hallway and run direct through your underpowered PA, I'm sure this will have no negative impact to the bass tone. It would also put me in a convenient position to sell your band's merch.
Misery loves company -- give a call.
Bassist looking for band (Richmond)
[Invalid or Expired Link Removed]
Greetings. I'm a highly experienced, self-loathing bassist looking to punish myself by joining a band. The genre would be irrelevant so long as it's something that brings me shame like Coldplay anthems or Top 40 from the 80s. My commitment to attending rehearsals regularly and timely is unwavering and I expect the rest of you to either show up late or not at all. In the event more than half attend, I insist our discussions are of lavatory conquests, utopian societies and gay marriage. If we do happen to play, I look forward to the guitarist being oblivious to intonation, the drummer a hopeless ADD case and the singer absent with another car breakdown. Oh, and if somebody could show me how to play my parts that would be spiffy.
I have pro gear that I'm happy to loan you for gigs in other bands so long as you pinky promise and borrow toll money. If you need me to fill-in on any of those dates, I'm happy to drop everything and oblige so long as I have at least one hour notice and the lead singer is a radical, philogynist female. I'm not picky about space so if you need me to stand side-stage or in the hallway and run direct through your underpowered PA, I'm sure this will have no negative impact to the bass tone. It would also put me in a convenient position to sell your band's merch.
Misery loves company -- give a call.
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my heart bleeds (no pun intended) for those guys, because we've all been in dumb band situations, and some that very much resemble those rants.
Wow. I don't know that bassist, but he lives very close to me. I feel like I should find him, and buy him a beer. lol! Poor dude...
